Comments on Xbox4NappyRash: Or maybe not enough

We are currently laughing that my cousin has a buy...

2008-08-27T15:40:00.000+01:00

We are currently laughing that my cousin has a buy one get one free deal with the Almighty.
She had her first baby through IVF in JAnuary, and to her amazement is due her second, conceived naturally, in December.
So for her kids are like busses, she waited 7 years for the first one and now will have Irish twins come December.

@Child Life - Sorry I'm late coming back on this.Y...

2008-07-18T21:59:00.000+01:00

@Child Life - Sorry I'm late coming back on this.

Your story is quite harsh, and hard to comprehend, you've done marvelously to be still around to tell the tale.

Thanks for the kind words. Very much appreciated.

(your profile is private so I can't get a mail to you or find any contact details)

XBox -I wandered over here from Tiff's and I had t...

2008-07-06T02:18:00.000+01:00

XBox -

I wandered over here from Tiff's and I had to comment... Not everyone forgets. I NEVER will the ache of that most dreadful time in my entire life is what drives me to be grateful for my two children every second of their day.

I know what it feels like to not want to wake up. I know what it feels like to survive multiple miscarriages -- to fear hope because of the pain that follows. I know what it feels like to be so empty and desperate that you just pray to be allowed to lie down and die. And I know more pain than even this. And I'll never, ever forget it, or pretend that it didn't happen, because if I did, I would lose something of the sense of preciousness, the priceless nature of life, of being a parent.

The heartache I knew then, I carry with me still and it makes today's joys so very sweet -- some of them bitter-sweet, but so very, very precious.

What you feel now is valid and real, and you have my most heartfelt prayers that you will not have to endure it long but that the time that you do will help prepare you to be the extraordinary parent that you already seem well on your way to becoming.

If my family's story can help or encourage you in any way at all, don't hesitate to email -- I will answer anything I can.

@Lceel - People's choice to share is their's alone...

2008-07-04T06:41:00.000+01:00

@Lceel - People's choice to share is their's alone.

I was interested in the reasons.

I'm all too fully aware of the pain, agony, and frustration experienced, but honestly, if we do come out the other side, I'll be happy to recount it, should it help someone else who feels they are alone with their struggle.

I don't understandwhy you would want people to rel...

2008-07-04T04:24:00.000+01:00

I don't understandwhy you would want people to relive the pain, agony and frustration they felt during periods of infertility. Because dredging up all those memories isn't pleasant. They ARE there. Where they belong. Buried under the more pleasant memories that have come since. Buried where yours will be when you finally get through all of this.

@Huckdoll - easy does it there...@James Austin - T...

2008-06-29T11:35:00.000+01:00

@Huckdoll - easy does it there...

@James Austin - Thank you both. Very much.

@Lara - Thanks for sharing that, it is a hard piece to read.

If anything, I think people would be very interested in your stores from that 'long' ago, especially in an area that changes so quickly in a short space of time.

Thank you.

The opening story: Some things you never forgetI ...

2008-06-29T05:21:00.000+01:00

The opening story: Some things you never forget

I haven't blogged most of the story. But about a year after the due date of the one we lost, the next one was conceived. And two more, each two years apart. When it rained, it poured.

I could tell more of the story but it's now 16-20 years old, because Blondie is 16 now. I never knew if people would want to read my stories or not.

(from Mrs. LIAYF)Xbox - I wrote that just for you ...

2008-06-21T06:21:00.000+01:00

(from Mrs. LIAYF)

Xbox - I wrote that just for you and your sweetie.

You will most definitely forget when Huck, Doll an...

2008-06-20T22:39:00.000+01:00

You will most definitely forget when Huck, Doll and Jennifer arrive.

@Geri Atric - I imagine those stories are on a par...

2008-06-20T10:25:00.000+01:00

@Geri Atric - I imagine those stories are on a par with the chinese adoption ones as far as a tencnique goes, the truth is, they are exceptions to the rule.
Leuk om wat nederlands te horen, maar ik heb net nog een ruzie gehad met nederlandse 'customer service' en dus ik ben dood ziek van!

Groetjes!

@Snowmanpoop - 6 years, ouch, that's a long long time.

@Karen MEG - Inspiration for getting 'real' eh? You didn't read where I spoke to ET's eggs did you ;0)
I've no doubt your accounts of events will have already helped people.
I've spent plenty of time nodding my own head at your story as is myself.

It's also good that you are getting a generally good reaction to it.

Thank you.

@ImmoralMatriarch - It's good to see that it's not a closed group. NOt an US v THEM situation.
It will be more and more common, and it's nice to people being interested, you never know when you will be called upon to be the shoulder to cry on.

@Alyssa - thanks for adding your story, it's always reassuring to hear success stories.
Thank you very much. (I'll check out your blog over the weekend)

@Widdle Shamrock - It's all serious, but I know what you mean by not feeling it's as 'serious' as others.
Thanks.

@Tiff - I await with baited breath, m'dear...

Hmmm, an interesting question.With multiple facets...

2008-06-20T07:06:00.000+01:00

Hmmm, an interesting question.
With multiple facets. Will think about it and get back to you.

I never forget the pain, the fear and uncertainty,...

2008-06-20T04:31:00.000+01:00

I never forget the pain, the fear and uncertainty, and when I visit here, I remember it all as though it is happening. I am very open IRL about our journey as I am very thankful to have the widdle poppets that I have. I had the luxury of not having to wait for years and the hope of fertility drugs working the first time which was encouraging for us, so I do sometimes feel as though my fertility issues aren't as serious as others.

I have been linked to your blog through AnnD's.My ...

2008-06-20T02:57:00.000+01:00

I have been linked to your blog through AnnD's.

My husband and I went through 9 months of trying and infertility. We, indeed, did succeed and are now the parents of both a 2 1/2 year old as well as a 1 year old.

You don't forget what you went through.....the sadness, the questions, the waiting, the starting over with cycle after cycle. However, now seeing my children's faces just makes it that much more meaningful everyday.

I am so moved by your blog and your decision to share your feelings and thoughts with others. My husband and I struggled through test and procedure after test and procedure in isolation for about the first seven months. We didn't tell anyone. Looking back, I think that was our biggest mistake. The love and support we received from family and friends once we clued them in was amazing.

Best of luck and I can't wait to hear about your success story.

-Alyssa

www.swart-family.blogspot.com

I've never gone through this, so I have no story, ...

2008-06-20T02:45:00.000+01:00

I've never gone through this, so I have no story, but I am glad that you are sharing yours. If gives me insight into something I never knew before.

Hey Xbox my friend, thanks for the shout out... yo...

2008-06-20T02:20:00.000+01:00

Hey Xbox my friend, thanks for the shout out... you know, you are the inspiration for me to get more "real" on my blog about this whole thing. It's quite amazing, people are really interested; I was wondering whether once I took my blog in that direction, whether people would look away. But I don't think they have. Interesting that some commenters who got pregnant so easily felt guilty for it ... and that is so NOT why I am writing about it. They are blessed, really. But people continue to comment, and they are reading.

For me, you're right; things do become rather euphoric after you have the baby; in my case babies. I can write about it now, more than 10 years after our journey started for the boy; and then going through it even further for my daughter who is now 3.5. I am amazed at how vivid my memories are; how much detail I can still recount. It won't ever go away. But it gets easier to revisit it as a "memory" that's for sure, once you have such a wonderful outcome.
And as I said once I started my story, if it helps even one person, and I hope it is, then it is totally worth it.

I am really quite a private person by nature. But I've never avoided talking about our struggles; and when I volunteer the information, it's always greeted with a "wow, that's amazing, you must have wanted your kids so very much". And that's precisely the response that I want to hear.

And yes, we've got friends with a similar adoption story - tried for 3 years, spend another 3 finally getting their adopted daughter from China ... and then having their own baby naturally 10 months later. Miracles.

I know that feeling. For 6 years we tried and trie...

2008-06-20T01:16:00.000+01:00

I know that feeling. For 6 years we tried and tried and by some fluke I was finally able to get pregnant. I remember uncontrollably crying every single month when it didn't happen.

I do very sincerely hope that it will happen for y...

2008-06-19T23:15:00.000+01:00

I do very sincerely hope that it will happen for you soon Xbox. One reoccurring theme I have noticed, both here and in general, is that when a couple stop trying (NOT the same as giving up)and just relax and genuinely start to enjoy other activities, they lose that 'opgejaagd' (hunted) feeling -and before they know it - bingo!
In any case, 'ik wens jullie heel veel geluk'! Good luck.

@Jenn - Bloody hell, that's another real hard road...

2008-06-19T22:41:00.000+01:00

@Jenn - Bloody hell, that's another real hard road you've been on.
Must have been hard to say enough was enough? Even having had success?
Thanks for giving your story.

@Karen - I really think I'm gonna get me a Chinese adoption application form, everyone who fills one out gets knocked up!
I think this story is a lot of things, but an inspiration I doubt is one of them, but thank you for the very generous words.
Ego stroking is always appreciated!

@Marie - If you are trying to learn then at least you are aware, you know?
Then eventually you'll find some peace.

Hopefully you'll add to your clan soon, the way you want.

Adoption, to be honest we haven't even really discussed since starting TTC.
I know right now, I would not be able to give the idea of adoption my all, which it would deserve.
There's a long road to go before giving up.

Gee thanks, baby dust in my keyboard...
;0)

@Putz - Don't make come over there and slap you old timer...

@Jenni - I think you answered your own question actually.
You have been lucky enough to conceive easily, and therefore haven't had any of the side effects of TTC.
Long may that last for you.
Thanks.

@Ryan Lawson - A year ago I was thinking about these mad baby snatching people and wondering how could anyone end up that far 'gone'.
12 months later, the looney line is a lot closer, and I can see how desperation can grasp someone.
I don't think we are likely to go raiding any maternity wards any time soon, but I can understand it a lot better than a year back.

I have been witness to a married-couple's struggle...

2008-06-19T20:37:00.000+01:00

I have been witness to a married-couple's struggle with conception, a struggle that continues even now, FOUR YEARS after the fact...

The worst is the blame game, and while these two have it OUT at times, they've just about allowed their failure to conceive ruin their lives. Friends of theirs, flush with a 7-month-old baby, are reluctant to leave the above-mentioned wife alone with their baby for too long, and they're only half/not-really-joking.

Even if desperation IS a factor, you can't let it get to you...really easy to say from over here, though, isn't it?

I'm not sure why folks don't talk about the diffic...

2008-06-19T20:03:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure why folks don't talk about the difficulty or saddness of TTC once they are successful, but I do know pregnancy and parenthood are all consuming, so maybe that's why?

For the record, I always feel wretched guilt at our ease with conception. WE have so many friends and family members that struggled and continue to struggle with infertility, and here we are - my husband brushes against me in a hallway and I'm knocked up. It makes me feel almost embarassed to share our news w/folks who are TTC and not as fortunate as we are.

where does an irishman go on vacation???answer...a...

2008-06-19T18:29:00.000+01:00

where does an irishman go on vacation???answer...a diffrent bar

Faint, yes, indeed. The possibility of 4 years is...

2008-06-19T16:45:00.000+01:00

Faint, yes, indeed. The possibility of 4 years is enough to make one faint. I look at you two and nearly faint at 15 cycles. I'm not sure I'd make it to 60 without some sort of implosion.

I am learning (or trying to learn), though, that gratitude breeds patience, not vice versa. I have 2 stepkids (read: my husband is not the problem here) that I can be grateful for (when I don't want to wring their little necks, haha), and when they're not around, extra time with my husband, which is also a plus. I can't wait for some point or event in the future to be grateful - otherwise I'll waste what I have.

There are days that gets me through. There are also days that only a big glass of wine and a seriously-this-had-better-be-a-damn-good-book will do.

*sprinkling baby dust on us all*

PS. Does the idea of just giving up and adopting scare the beans out of you? If so, me too.

Close friends of mine had tried for five years bef...

2008-06-19T16:02:00.000+01:00

Close friends of mine had tried for five years before the decided to adopt a baby from China. Two weeks after they received the baby's picture along with the approval, she found out she was pregnant. The girls are only six months apart in age and are best friends.

Regarding sharing your stories, you fortitude is more of an inspiration than you know, and not just to people having trouble conceiving.

Keep on...

My ex-husband and I tried for 3 years to conceive....

2008-06-19T15:44:00.000+01:00

My ex-husband and I tried for 3 years to conceive. We did everything that we were told to do. Sperm counts, surgeries, meds to clear any and all infections no matter how small or overlooked (a drug, it turns out I was allergic to). We went to countless doctors and were finally told ... forget it, adopt or try IVF. We opted to try IVF. Followed all the rules, waited for our phone call to go, all the "good" stuff. Well, my cycle was just not starting so that we could make that first phone call. I had a regular check up coming up with my Ob/Gyn and told him what was going on ... we thought everything was due to all the stress. It turns out that I was pregnant ... what a total shock! Even the doc was stunned because it just wasn't supposed to happen. I then went on to have a totally rotten pregnancy that included extreme morning sickness (that lasted all day, bleeding and lots of bedrest, and finding out week before due date that he was a footling breach. That sent me strait to the hospital for a c-section ... after the journey, my doctor wasn't taking any chances that this would not result in a live birth. My son is now (almost) 15 years old.

My second and third pregnancies were very easy to conceive. My second son before my oldest was a year and my daughter within 6 months of (not really) trying. My other son is 12 and my daughter is 10.

Six years ago, I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks followed by a tubal pregnancy. I decided then that enough was enough.

It is definitely a hard road to be on but there are definitely happy endings out there.

@Zoeyjane - After a story like your I can fully un...

2008-06-19T09:53:00.000+01:00

@Zoeyjane - After a story like your I can fully understand someone not wanting to revisit that time.
That's quite remarkable.

@Hilary - Very interesting.You know I've been following your story since the bad old days, and for me, the entire story from start to now is worth remembering.
I guess I would need to be in your shoes(or your husband's at least) to fully understand why you don't want to look back.
Thanks.

@iVegasFamily - Also a different time them, 20 years back. Good for her.

@Deb - Not depressing at all, and you've no need to be.
One thing about this infertility lark, there is ALWAYS someone worse off than you, someone who's been trying longer, or been through worse times, that always brings me back down to earth.

@Tysdaddy - As always, a gentelman, sir. No matter what you say, it always sounds reassuring!

@Angel - Well you can't stop me writing about it that's for sure. I think this medum is as focussed as I could get mind.
Thanks for the encouragement though, you can't beat a good ego stroking at this hour of the morning.

@Marie - Less lonely is exactly right. When I see people talking about 4 years or longer I almost faint, 15 cycles seems like a lifetime as it is, but 48? 60?
I hope you don't have to count for too long.

@Rikki - Interestingly, I think 2-3 years is average for the struggle, generally.
Thanks for being interested and reading. Honestly.

@Jen W - I'm always interested! I'll be marking that and having a look this weekend.
Thanks for the tip.

@B - You may have just stated the very obvious that I overlooked. Kids take up people's time!

@Deborah - I've actually forgotton how I found your blog now, (maybe womb4improvement), but it was a nice find.
Hope you find something here that you like.

@Tismee2 - I don't know what to say, really, what you see is what you get. This is how things are.
This isn't scripted, if it was I'd have murdered the fucker scriptwriter by now.
I'm not here to entertain, but if you hang around, it's a big weekend for Spencer, he may need a talking to.
We are ok, thanks

@Momo Fali - The numbers are scary, really. Obviously the numbers here are distorted due to the topic but I'm beginning to think the 1 in 6 figure is an underestimation.

@Irish Diaspora - Very kind, thank you. Another good example of a success story.

@Jill - I think forgetting it is impossible, but like all bad things you may want to lock it away and not revisit it.
I'll keep going, don't you worry! thanks.

@Kittyconcerto - I'm glad I inspire you to accept that failure and misery may be ahead of you! ;0)
Thanks for the link, I'll be checking it out (again?)

@Nola - Indeed, never forgetting, but changing.
Nicely put.

@Melissa - Er, dear... care to mention what that book is? ;0)

Congratulations on the sucesses.

@James Austin - Indeed, it's hard to turn your mind away from what you don't have, and all the unfairness of it all, and focus on the things you can do. I try to stick with that where I can. Not always easy.

@Mrs LIAYF - I feel like I should write hundreds of word in response to that, but it would spoil it.
Hearing the story from both partners is special, you told it gracefully, purposefully, and honestly.
As far as a synopsis of such a struggle goes, that is as good an account as I could imagine.
Thank you so much for taking the time, for writing that (I don't know if you did it specificially for this or not), and congratulations on getting what you deserve from it all.
I hope we can be as good a team as you've been.
Thanks so much.

@Malky B - I'll have more time at the weekend(ET face turns thunderous at that statement), and I intend to catch up with the podcasts I've not listened to then.

@Captain Steve - Success! Thats what you want to hear. Very hard not to spoil them after that.

@Quickroute - Someday indeed, I'm condfident of that. I hope you stick your Argentinian interview on youtube or something so we can all see... ;0)

@ALL - The responses here are pretty remarkable, the number and the effort you've put into telling your (and other's) stories. I think this is as good as any blogroll out there.
Thanks for the input, and keep it coming, it's greatly appreciated.