Monday, 30 July 2007

Monster With Green Eyes

I've hit a sticky wicket !
No, I'm not referring to the clean up following one of our seed sowing sessions (eeeuw, gross I know, sorry) but rather I'm talking about a battle of conscience I find myself in.

I (Indeed, 'we', lest I be accused of gong off half-cocked (again, no sordid pun intended))... I find myself longing for a child. In itself not a great problem, I feel a bit silly occasionally, not being a typically manly man thing to want, but, I know on the whole it's a good thing.
I'm approaching it sensibly, good home, financially stable, reasonably healthy, strong marriage, and a truck load of love ready to give away at no extra cost, and so on the face of it, no Wrinkly Goo Covered Blob could wish for a better environment to come into.

BUT... if or when we do have our own WGCB, it will be coming home to a lie !
I will of course set out to teach right from wrong and lead by good example, while all the time the WGCB won't be aware of the fact that it's dad has been consumed by jealousy in the very preparation for his or her existence ! Yep, the green eyed monster has snook (sneaked? snaked? oh, whatever...) up on me and given me a wedgie.

A good friend of mine was blessed with a baby boy this weekend past and another friend's wife is due to give birth in September, and while these are genuine friends, and I am honestly delighted for them both, in the last 2 months or so I find myself being ridiculously jealous of them.

Obviously as we are trying to conceive, my mind is more focussed on WGCBs than ever, and I find my gaze is being held longer and longer by passing families as I wonder how our WGCB would compare to theirs, but I simply cannot get my oversized head around this pang of actual real jealousy I get every single time.

Now my dilema is, if it were a new HDTV I was coveting, I could cope with the aftermath and simply ignore that 'conscience' but ironically, it wouldn't be a TV looking back at me, it would be a morally unblemished human.

How could I face someone that I wished everything good for, and would give anything to, in the knowledge that their creation came about amidst the ugliest of emotions...

...And worse still, if it were to have it's mammy's eyes, then I'd really be f***ed.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Green Green Fingers & Other Stories

It's rare enough these days to feel a sense of achievement but right now I do !

I've mowed my first ever lawn at almost 30 years of age !
Yes pathetic as it is, up until about 3 hours ago I was a mowing virgin.
But no more ! hurrah.

In similar fashion to one of those sitcom episodes where they just seamlessly use clips from old episodes to fill the time I find I feel the need to appeal to DorkyDad and to DooDaddy ! Don't forsake me my good men for my outing of myself as a 'non-fan' of Harry Potter. Of course within hours of my declaration both announced here and here that they and every sane person on the planet , are.

I also want to say Hola ! to Dondi Tiples who has a great blog over at
Thanks for popping by, and leaving the good luck message, I too hope we conceive soon, otherwise this blog will descend into nothing but a collection of smutty doing-the-squishy stories that I'm sure I, my wife or anyone with the abilty to read and a human stomach will not be able to handle. Keep up the really good blogging.

And finally, A big congratulations to the now fraudulently named expectant father on the birth of his new baby son. All the best to Baby, Mum, and Dad.

We will now return to routine programming.

Friday, 20 July 2007

This Tagging Lark

8 Random things about me ?

Its news to me, but it seems I've been tagged by the one and only Doodaddy. Feeling like a shy kid who's been made to sing a song for his distant cousins, or who has to expose his backside to a neighbour so she can remove splinters, I have battled through the anxiety and managed to finally come up with 8 random things about my average self that I'm not afraid to tell the WWW of strangers. Not as easy as you might think for someone who has been writing about the frequency of which he bumps uglies with his wife, but anyway, I diverse...

  • I don't know how old I am. I have conflicting documentation that proves me to be born in '77 and '78. Which is irrelevant anyway, due to me looking like I was born shortly after WWII.
  • I hate Harry. Lord of the Rings, isnt that a dance show ? Harry who ? Star Wars or Star Trek - I couldn't tell the difference. I am an outcast of society due to my indifference to all things roaming in the fantasy and sci-fi realm, I had a brief flirtation with the x-files but I'm putting that down to the wonderful Gillian Anderson.
  • I have a toad living in my new garden. Well, in the garden of my new house to be exact, the garden was always there. Well, at least as long as the house was, actually, in fact the house was always there too, or at least it was there previous to me owning it, whatever... I have a toad living in the garden of the house I recently purchased and moved into. I may eat it (the toad, not the house nor the garden), or at the very least, lick it as part of an 'if-all-else-fails' native indian fertility ritual.
  • Ironically, in consideration of this blog at least, I come from a criminally fertile family. I am 1 of 8 children, my siblings are parents to 17 children & my father is also 1 of 8. And no, we're not a clan or tribe of mad rabbit worshipping gypsy fornicators, just Irish Catholic.
  • I avoided hurricane Katrina by days, totally oblivious as to what was going on around me as we married in New Orleans in August two years ago.
  • While not a very seasoned traveller I have managed to lay my head down to rest in Ireland, England, Portugal, Spain, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, the Czech Republic, Turkey, Egypt and the US of A. Later this year I hope to add Sweden or Denmark, next year Italy, while India and China are on my longer term wish list.
  • Brown bread makes me hiccup. Thai & Indian flavours rock my world.
  • I wanna be a Dad, & I wanna be a good one.

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Wrong Baby Recipe

No Alcohol
No Smoking
No Drugs
No Tight Pants
No Post Gym Session Saunas
No Stress
Missionary Only
Vitamin C for Antioxidents
Zinc for increased motility
No Caffeine
Dong Quai
Buckets of Fresh Fruit and Vegetables
etc etc etc....

Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, have I seen it mentioned she should neck 3 pineapple bicardi breezers and he should slug 6 pints of cider before having a knee trembler against the graveyard wall.

Why not ? it works for the majority of 16 year olds round here....

Thursday, 12 July 2007

Crash & Burn

Well there goes....

I know I'm going to sound like a spoiled child but this feeling can only be summed up as horrible.

Deflation, dejection and injustice (for some inexplicable reason) are the feelings we have at the moment.

I have the utmost respect and sympathy for those who have the guts to pick themselves up month after month to continue to try to conceive.

I guess there's nothing for it but to try and get our bout of self pity out of the way, dust ourselves off and get ready for next month.

It could be the one, so no point starting it with a sour face on eh ?

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

Not This Time (?)

Exactly what it says on the tin. We haven't managed to conceive this month either. For now, not a whole lot to add to that.

EDIT; 11-07-2007 11:02am

Yesterdays test was negative, but Little Mama's monthly visitor (don't you just cringe at these terms ?) has still made no appearance. Its now a full day late, and that's never happened in the 9 years I've known her.

A glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel or just prolonging the agony, I'm buggered if I know any more.

Monday, 9 July 2007


No, not the hit TV show that my sister oozes about but I've never gotten around to watching, but rather the number of hours within which everything could change, forever.

I don't mean ford focus V toyota avensis change, but real life, grown up, everything going arse over tit change.

Little Mama is 'due' tomorrow, religiously for the 9 years I've known her, she has symptoms for 1 to 2 days before hand. So far, nothing.

Is this a good or a bad thing ?

The eager beaver within me wants to take it as a positive sign, while the steady eddie in me wants to put it down to stress of trying to conceive and moving to a new home. (Incidentally, a really odd symptom of stress in Little Mama is that her lips get fuller, redder and tender, before falling away to a flakey dry, facinating, I know).

The past few days with the move and all the usual drama of what comes with that, washing machines that refuse to go up three flights of stairs, severing through my own telephone connection etc etc, have kept me pretty preoccupied but now, faced with the (sur)real prospect of what could unfold in the coming hours, days, weeks, months, (f*&% !) years ! I'm beginning to get wee butterflies in my stomach...

Time will tell....

Tuesday, 3 July 2007

Public Service Announcement

Tomorrow, July 4th (Oh, Happy Independence Day to all USAers !), I will disappear !

Due to the subtleties of moving house here in the Netherlands, I will have no phone or broadband from tomorrow. Until when, I've haven't got the foggiest notion, but theres a rumour it could be just for 24 hours.....

Having just written that I'm now wondering who will actually give a toss if I don't semi publicly expose myself to the world wide web for a few days. It's amazing the sense of inflated self importance a blog can give you !

The good news is that next time I do get to ramble here it'll be a lot closer to when we'll know if we've managed to pull off the big one...conception...!

Now, go on, shoo, get outta my yard...