We turn our attention to the new plan of attack for this cycle.
I say new, but it's not really new is it?
It's quite straight forward actually, and has been for the last 18 times.
The plan is basically, for the love of Jesus, Mary, Joesph, and the wee fella who rented them the shed way back then, just knock her up!
Of course we are utilising all the various tools at our disposal.
It goes without saying that my majestic appendage (stop sniggering) will be called into action, as will the tunnel of love (a.k.a. the tunnel of 'are you finished yet?'). A mosh pit of muff and man bits, if you please.
'Obvious', I hear you say, but you never know, some folk might need a refresher on the basics.
Anyway, aside from that we have our trusty OPKs. Trusty in a 'don't believe a fucking word they say' kind of way.
Following on from the unusual ovulation pattern from last month, we have taken to charting temperature at the same time. This wont tell us when things are ABOUT to happen, but we should know exactly when it HAS happened, useful information for later.
We tried to buy a basal body temperature(BBT) thermometer here, but all the pharmacists (or at least the ones who knew what we were talking about) insisted that they 'don't use them anymore, we use the prediction kits' so therefore they don't sell them.
The liardy maggots. Trying to tell us that in a country of 16 million people, no one wants to take their bloody temperature! Kiss my arse.
So, we got one online from the UK.
On top of that ET is becoming a dab hand at judging the go-goo and is trying to find an acupuncturist.
In summation, our to-do lists for this month look something like this:
-Ram an electronic device into the bodily orifice of her choice every day before getting out of bed.
-Urinate on pieces of plastic a couple of times a day for about 10 days.
-Shove her fingers into herself to figure out how slimey slime should be.
-Find someone to stab her regularly in the name of relaxation.
She's one lucky, lucky woman eh?