Many life altering words of wisdom have been spilled from brain, to lips and fingertips and onwards, out into the internet.
1s and 0s, bits and bytes, combining in pixelated perfection to inspire, uplift, and encourage the readers of the world, accidental stumble upon-ers and deliberate seekers of solace alike.
A few well chosen words, combined and delivered with charm, timing, wit, or emotion can make the observer hold their breath in anticipation of the plunging sword of punctuation, and elevate the author to demi-God status.
Chosen from this very blog, concocted by my very own Dr. House defying neurological mass, and presented in literal form to you by the power of my personal chunky appendages, these are a few not good examples.
"So far so good. This should be a piece of piss. "
Yes, it should have been, shouldn't it. A sinch, a doddle, a walk in the park. Christ almighty boy, you showed yourself up to be a prize idiot pretty fast.
"I have a week to swot up on how I can become a prime hunk of impregnating manhood."
A week eh? I think you might need a little bit of an extension on that deadline there sonny. How about we make it, ooh say... 76 weeks? For starters anyway, come back then and we'll talk some more.
"My scrambled egg brain is already creating stressful situations, like what if we are not successful this month? How much would that dent our hope and confidence? "
Or the following month, or the following month, or the following month... see the pattern, emerging yet monkey man?
"People have even commented to me that it's taken them 18 months. Frankly, I could not last that long, my sanity certainly couldn't."
A-ha! Finally. Never a truer word has leaked from your septic brain, your sanity didn't quite make the 18 months, you chubby fingered, sub witted, sub fertile, human equivalent to chewing gum.
If you've quite finished sniggerng into your sleeves and would grant me a moment of your attention, I will admit that yes indeed, I did come up with those beauties. All within the first 5 weeks of this blog.
Naevity, stupidity, innocence, and foolishness, all beautifully wrapped up and presented to you with a big blue ignorance bow on top.
Never let it be said that I don't share the limelight with you out there, those who put up with my over use of the comma, run-on sentencing, and semi valid vocabulary which lies too close to Europe for Americans, and too close to America for self respecting Europeans, my 'Atlantis ramblings' if you wish.
No sir-ee, I've opened my arms, eyes, and ears and I give to you the most wonderous of all comments received here from one of YOU in that same fledgling five week period.
"try not to have a baby and it might happen that way."
So, to ensure I follow this advice to it's fabulous fullest, I'm just about to attend to ET's carnal cavern of contentment with a needle and thread, before myself fornicating with the lawnmower.
Never again shall we wreck our parental prospects with imprudent imbecilic intercourse.
On a side note, do you think this month of not humping is having an affect on me?