Monday, 22 October 2007

Continental Colonic Irrigation

I'm past it.
Sad, but true, and frankly, I couldn't give a fiddlers fart.

I've just endured a weekend in the company of 8 other guys all of whom are older than me.

As I stood in the 4km long check in line I scanned my range of companions for the weekend...
The crew included a semi-crippled groom to be, 2 new dads who both saw the weekend as a chance to catch up on some sleep, a guy on the verge of marital breakdown, an 8 foot tall Dutchman, and 1/3 of the microbiology section of a very very very well known alcoholic beverage brewing company.
....I prayed for an easy way out, I considered lunging for the nearest security guard's semi-automatic, but instead I decided suffering in silence was the way to go, the fallout of an Irish Christian brother's education I expect.

In truth, the 48 hours that follwed were neither as dull and tedious as I expected, nor as wet and wild as others did. I did manage to consume 17 pints of (admittedly shockingly bad) beer on Saturday and live to tell the tale. A somewhat prostrate sleeping position and a sense of bewilderment for 2 days did follow though.
What came closer to being my downfall was the eyeball chewing boredom that was a 0-0 draw at the game which I paid £22 (Eur 33, $45) to watch.

On the upside I did get to see England lose the rugby world cup final and have the chance to be irritatingly smug about it.

In need of somewhere warm to sit and have some hot chocolate on Sunday we ventured into 'Hooters', which believe me is a poor relation to it's American cousin establishment. The outfits look like hand-me-downs, and don't do the saggy bottoms or weightliftern thighs on the staff any favours. On the plus side of 'Hooters' there was a wee kid sound asleep on a bench in there as his folks drank him into an early orphanage, cute all the same. Reminded me of BusyDad here, minus the intelligent girls and responsible parenting.

But the definite highlight of the entire weekend was Sunday morning at our hotel, where at reception stood a make-up worn woman wearing nothing but a man's shirt and stilettos.
She had little or no recollection of how she'd gotten there or why (er..take a guess sweetheart, the clue is in the outfit), and was pleading with recption to get her home, to whereever that may have been.

At least she must have had a good night.

I still maintain, much to the disgust of my English friends and colleagues, that in summation, if Europe were to get colonic irrigation, England is where they would shove the hose.

So all in all, I survived, I drank and swore far too much, but I was marvelously behaved right up until I landed in the arms of my loving, albeit somewhat suspicious, wife.

She was a bit miffed though, apparantly I'm missing a shirt......

10 comments:

BusyDad said...

Your reference to me as a responsible parent at Hooters cracked me up. Yes, there's definitely a right way and a wrong way to expose your child to provocatively dressed, desirable young women. Your weekend sounded like fun. What I wouldn't give to have one of those every once in a while!

Craig D said...

Huh. People usually have to go to Las Vegas to lose their shirts!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

BD:
to have one of what? those weekends or provocatively dressed desirable young women?

CD:
Misfortune can befall me at any juncture, time or place...

terancedubya said...

Nice. Reminds me of the time when...wait...no it doesn't. That story doesn't remind me of anything at all, now that I think about it. Hmmm...I'm calling my friend Noah and gettin the hell outta the house.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

In a way I think its a GOOD thing this doesn't remind you of anything, otherwise you would have some cause for worry.

Thanks for dropping in, I've been enjoying your blog for a while now.
Cheers.

Joeprah said...

If Europe were to get colonic irrigation....You rule! Glad to hear you are home safe (one shirt down, but safe) with your wife. Go forth and procreate!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

..."Go forth and procreate"...

Hmmm...I'm gonna get us some star trek outfits...

Secret Agent Mama said...

This cracked me up, but good!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Well hello secret agent mama !

you're on my list of blogs to go through from cre88buzz so that's my weekend sorted!

Its great to see a comment on an old entry, but it doesn't half make me realise I write some odd rubbish...

Cheers

Cary said...

Keep up the good work.