Thursday, 30 July 2009

The new familiar

The kidlet has just passed 11 weeks.

That's half way between the previously infamous 12 week mark, and the 'new 12 weeks' of 10 weeks. Appropriately, some things people have said to me lately have gotten me thinking.

An email came from a friend mentioning how nervous I must be in these early pregnancy stages, and a comment was left here from someone who said that I would have a lot of fun with this kid because I already am having fun with them.

I'm not nervous. There is always a moment of anxiousness just before a scan or check up, but on the whole I'm not worried at all about the pregnancy.

Maybe I should be, this could be naivety, perhaps this is some sort of denial state I'm in, but I really don't think so.

I'm certain everything will be okay now. I've no proof or evidence, and my psychic abilities are somewhat underdeveloped, but I just know. That's why I'm not nervous.

It's not a matter of 'ifs' or 'someday' anymore, it's a matter of when.

I know that this kid is going to arrive safe and well, and we'll know it. We'll recognise it. (The obviousness of it dangling from my wife's cavern of carnal delights aside of course.)

We don't know what colour hair it will have, if any. We don't know if it will have all its toes or an extra ear growing from its belly, but we will know it.

We'll know it as the kid that has kept us going for two years. The kid who shook me out of sulks and reminded me to look after ET during month after month of failures. It's the same kid who inspired silly writing and jokes when all I wanted to do was switch off and just walk away.

This kid pulled both our hands together, reminding us why we were doing what we were.

So no, I'm not nervous, I'm excited at the thought of finally getting to meet in the flesh, someone who has already done so much for us. Someone we're already familiar with after years of ups and downs.

Someone we've already known for a long, long time.

A brand new old friend.



62 comments:

Fe said...

I remember feeling that way about my first successful pregnancy.

With the others, I was terrified (except for the first miscarriage). But with Toto, I just knew.

Same with my second one ;)

Tanya said...

That is just beautiful and so true. Somehow you KNOW.

Single Parent Dad said...

I think that is the right attitude, and glad you find that state of mind. Look at me being all sincere.

Bum crack.

Ahhh. Much better.

Making Babies said...

Aaaahhhhh, that is so stunning!!!!

River said...

A brand new old friend. I love that!

Veronica said...

Just the waiting now. And it's true, sometimes you just know.

Mo and Will said...

Lovely.

AnnB said...

That's one lucky kidlet! It's really lovely to read about joy.

Sarah said...

This is a great post X, you are going to be an amazing Daddy.

Jenni said...

yes, that's just how it feels when they are born - you won't be able to remember life without them. i often place the boys in old memories of mine, long before they were born, because they have such a permanence and presence in my life now. and then i'll remember that they weren't even born yet.

AnnD said...

I think that is the best sign in the world, the fact that you just "know" on some level that everything will be okay.
So, no...I don't think it's naive at all! I think if you feel it, you feel it.

I can't wait until I see Lil Fitz's photo! Well, assuming that you'll post Lil Fitz's photo of course...

But, it would be so difficult on your readers to not lay eyes on Lil Fitz as she/he grows up!

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.

I had my son in March. I had had surgeries so that I could have him. Huge fibroids had to be removed. I was terrified the entire pregnancy and never enjoyed it.

I'm so glad you and ET are enjoying this beautiful time in your life. You both deserve it so, so much!!

Russ said...

Being a Dad is the best thing that has happened to me(maybe next to my wife, I guess it is 1 and 1a). Speaking of which, I think I need to go play with the kids.

WiseGuy said...

Yes, the Little Fitz you have been wanting these past two years...he is your little old chap!

What would you say is the biggest difference in ET's expression, from those time of the failed cycles to that of an expectant mother, finally?


Good Luck to you!

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

"reminded me to look after ET during month after month of failures"

That statement almost makes you human.

Kori said...

Cavern of carnal delights aside, this is a lovely, lovely post.

suzannanana said...

brilliant!

michelle said...

So true. At the beginning of each pregnancy I could either see a baby at the end or I couldn't. And I was right every time. Even with our first son when they told me this was wrong and that was wrong and I had to do fetal monitoring twice a day I still knew everything was fine. And he was perfect.
Just WAIT till you hear that first cry...

Bonnie B. said...

It's kind of amazing that you're not worried at all, considering the angst you went through to get to this place. Makes me think you might not freak out about breaking Little Fitzy after (s)he is born, like most dads.

Relax and enjoy the pregnancy. Because this is the easy part....

Susanica said...

Well said dad. Well said. -Monica

SJ said...

What a great post! And that ending line - perfection.

DiaperPin Up Girl said...

I totally understand. When my daughter was born it was surreal to be so over the top in love with a stranger's face.

expatswede said...

Beautifully said.

I had such a difficult and horribly painful pregnancy with my first that it wasn't until a week or so before the birth that I started believing it would be alright. I wish I could have had your certainty and enjoyed the the experience.

bsouth said...

Beautiful. I never knew, I questioned and worried all the way through both pregnancys. Perhaps because they were easily come by.

Blues said...

Why ya gotta go and make me all teary eyed, hu, hu?

Claire said...

I was just going to say what bsouth said! Glad you are enjoying this time, you certainly deserve to be able to relax for a while!

Anonymous said...

After two successful pregnancies out of 7, I do believe my two little lads made their way to me, because they were meant to be here with me. I knew them too when I met them. But I was so nervous and anxious, maybe ET is feeling that way because I think all Mothers do. But I do love your attitude and it is the right attitude to have, wish I could have been as brave because the worry robbed me of the joys of pregnancy.
Deno

James (SeattleDad) said...

Not sure why but I am sure that Fitz is going to be a boy.

Which means, you probably should start buying girl things.

womb for improvement said...

I can't believe you've got to the 11 week mark already. Time is flying.

tiff said...

Such a lovely post.
A brand new old friend indeed.

Mwa said...

I think that's just great. I never managed to relax my mind too much until the six month stage, but your way is so much better.

Anonymous said...

If Fitz is a girl, her name should be Hope, since that was her very first gift to you.

Dan said...

Another stunning post.

Hyphen Mama said...

That kid won't be spoiled! Nope, not one bit.

hotmamamia said...

why is it I always get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes when you wax like this.......damn you are gunna be such a good daddy!

Matt Dell said...

You are so brave and this blog is awesome. I teared up reading this one/ makes me proud to be a dad too!

frogpondsrock said...

Yay!!!!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Fe - yes, I think thats exactly it!

@Tanya - I think so. I hope so.

@Single Parent Dad - Not enough arse cracks around here!

@Making Babies - Thanks.

@River - Its true.

@Veronica - I do hope so.

@Mo and Will - :-)

@AnnB - Still feel guilty writing it though.

@Sarah - Awwww.

@Jenni - That's lovely.

@AnnD - Heh, well don't get too caried away. Í'm sure we can come to some arrangement ;-)

@Anonymous - Congratulations! and thank you.

@Russ - and it shows.

@WiseGuy - Horror! when she sees birthing clips...

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - Don't be fooled.

@Kori - the cavern was my favourite bit.

@suzannanana - Thanks.

@michelle - Can't wait.

@Bonnie B. - It's not a conscious thing, that's just how it is.
As for freaking out, I dont see any reason to. :-)

@Susanica - Awww.

@SJ - Thank you.

@DiaperPin Up Girl - That's it!

@expatswede - I guess it's the end result that matters.

@bsouth - Interesting way to look at it.

@Blues - It's been a while ;-)

@Claire - Thank you.

@Deno - I THINK, for the most part, she thinks the same.

@James (SeattleDad) - Shhh, but I do too.

@womb for improvement - some weeks fly and some dont Im finding.

@tiff - :-)

@Mwa - Hope it stays that way!

@Anonymous - nice!

@Dan - aww. 'Dude'...

@Hyphen Mama - :-)

@hotmamamia - Hayfever?

@Matt Dell - Good on you! and welcome!

@frogpondsrock - Yay indeed :-)

Jane G said...

Can you bottle some of that attitude and send it to me? It's great that you can relax and enjoy this time and not worry. Even if I do conceive again I will never be thinking in terms of "when" over "if", until I hold a healthy baby in my arms.

And what's all this about 10 weeks being the new 12? Are there new stats about early pregnancy that I haven't come across yet?

nola said...

Though all that angst of the past two years will never go completely away, at least it gives you a much, much stronger appreciation than you may have had had y'all gotten pregnant when you planned it. So happy for your new old friend. :)

IrishNYC said...

That made me all teary. That's exactly how we feel about our little miracle that we waited more than 5 years for.

Jasper Mockingbard said...

You say you're not nervous, and then you forget-for a moment- her name and that you're supposed to announce it when you hold her for the first time.

Maybe that's just me.

Putz said...

it is just you jasper

Sue said...

So very glad you get to have this! Isn't it an amazing feeling? *Life* after IF.

So very glad for you...

SuperDad-Wanna-B said...

WOw that is so great ... I really needed to read this today! Love it!!!

M+B said...

There is much to be said for gut feelings, and I think your right, you just know. My first pregnancy I just knew something wasn't right, and my next pregnancy with Boo, I just knew all was good :)

Becky said...

Checking in after some time away. OMG! Awesomely awesome news!!!!!! Yay! Doing a happy dance! Whee! Congrats and all the best wishes!

memart said...

Ohhh, wait a bit, until 2a.m. Have a wonderful sleepless life.
Oh, I admit it, I think all babies are such incredible packages of potential that they can't BE anything BUT cute. I think it's the way babies heads smell, sweet, lovely endearing, enduring.

iamstacey said...

Such a sweet post. I love seeing your joy!

maggie, dammit said...

"a brand new old friend"

Yes.

Ms. Moon said...

When you first lay eyes on your baby and look into his or her eyes you do realize you have known this person forever.

Mr Lady said...

I think I love you, and I mean that in the most respectful way, dude.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

We could drown ourselves in the what ifs. Better to float along enjoying the scenery than wondering what lies beneath the murk. You've earned the ride and the perspective. Thank you for expressing how positive the anticipation can be.

Chelsea Lietz said...

Very beautiful. Have your fun, you deserve it!

samcrea said...

I remember as a youngster thinking it was bizzare that anybody could get excited about any human being until it was born, and then I became a parent. And you are a parent now, and I am sure it will all go great for you...

Sam

samcrea said...

...and hopefully the wii-lad gets the looks from the mother and the wit from the auld lad...

Dad Blog said...

Your excitement and optimism are gleaming in your post.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Jane G - Understandable.
I don't know where it came from but it's one of the more common tidbits bandied about.

@nola - Thanks.

@IrishNYC - :-)

@Jasper Mockingbard - Just you I think!

@Putz - You said it!

@Sue - Very amazing.

@SuperDad-Wanna-B - Good to hear, & welcome

@M+B - Yep, all gut.

@Becky - Thank you.

@memart - I'm a lousy sleeper anyway!

@iamstacey - :-)

@maggie, dammit - Yes indeed ;-)

@Ms. Moon - Already the case

@Mr Lady - Heh, sounds serious, 'respect'.

@Not Afraid to Use It - It's so positive sometimes I could burst.

@Chelsea Lietz - Thank you.

@samcrea - You got it, on both counts!

@Dad Blog - Cool, welcome.

Melinda Zook said...

I really loved this post, the transition from reading about Spencer to now the new old friend....love it!

Alyssa said...

Such a beautiful post. You are so right. After going through infertility, that child is exactly all of those things you stated.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Melinda Zook - Pretty happy with it myself ;-)

@Alyssa - Yes, 100%

Elfinamsterdam said...

You should write a screenplay based on your experiences... mate you are an amazing writer... and if you are as good a dad as you are a blogger/writer/cool bloke....

then LilFitz will be the luckiest lil'bugger that ever exited a cavern of carnal delights!