Friday, 30 November 2007

Careful Where You Sit

I'm going to take a leaf out of CraigD's book and tell a tale relating to a job interview.

I live in a part of the Netherlands referred to as the randstad, a heavily populated, heavily industrialised region encompassing Amsterdam, Den Haag (the Hague), Rotterdam, Leiden, and Utrecht.
Public transport between these cities is excellent by any standards, and so it is very common to live in one city and work in another.

In February 2006, I accepted an invitation to speak with my current employer on the outskirts of Utrecht.

So I hopped on my bike and off I went, to the central train station in my city and caught the half hour train ride to Utrecht, where I then caught a bus from the train station to the office.
All went reasonably well, and soon enough the time came for me to make the return journey home.

By now it was late in the afternoon, and the bus stop for the trip back to Utrecht station was crowded with students from the local school and workers from the dozens of businesses in the surrounding area.

I climbed aboard, and made my way to the one remaining free seat almost at the back of the bus.
Weary from an intensive interview in a foreign language, I flopped into the seat with the full force of all my weight.

I had not paid attention to the (airplane like, retractable) arm rests in the seat....

...RIIIIIIIIIIIP...


With a sinking heart I instantly realised, but yet could not believe, what I had just done.
I had caught the armrest of the seat in the pocket of my trousers as I dropped into the seat, tearing my trousers clean open along the seam of my right leg, from my waist right down to my knee.
It instantly occured to me how mocking laughter and sniggering knows no language boundaries....

I then had to endure the following: a 25 minute bus ride, 30 minute train ride (in first class with the hugo boss brigade, no less), followed by a 15 minute cycle home, with my underwear and (rapidly beginning to bruise) right leg on full display hanging out of my tattered pants.

To this day can not visualise what I must have looked like to the other commuters and passers by, a chubby little Irishman, up on a bike, fully suited and booted in his interview finery, except for the right trouser leg which was flapping in the breeze as he peddaled furiously home with a face blood red from a cocktail of anger and embarrassment.

ET's (my wife) face when I walked through the door, vomiting expletives in every direction, was a sight to behold.

So, careful where you sit, eh?

P.S. Writing this has just flooded my memory with more (,literally dozens of) incidents where I've made a total pillock of myself in front of others. I may just scribble more down sometime.

9 comments:

Mel : ) said...

oh deah! sounds like one of those bad nightmares you hope will never come true! (very funny though - sorry!) would love to hear more disaster stories :D (at least then i know im not the only one making a fool of myself!)

Veronica said...

I can just imagine! What a nightmare for you.

Pretty funny now though.

suchsimplepleasures said...

i'm sorry but...i'm laughing so hard that i blew snot out my nose...isn't that an attractive mental picture?!
sucks that that happened though. thank god it wasn't ripped down the back of your pants, though...reminds me of a story...but...i'm not telling it!
have a great day!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

All I can say is thank god it didn't happen on my way there, would you hire someone who turned up in shredded pants?

suchsimplepleasures - go on, tell us the story, I wont tell anyone, honest... oh and there's snot on your monitor....

Next disaster ? I can't choose between the time when I ended up covered in mud and thorns while watching women pass by or the one where I almost severed my two arms off coming home from work...

Momo Fali said...

You can't visualize it? I can!!

Joeprah said...

Pillock? Do explain what this is first before you write anything else. LOL! That had to suck. I enjoyed reading about that tale of whoa, I hope that is ok.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

momo fali - Im glad you can...hope it entertains!

joe -
pillock...hmmm... how do I explain this one. 'Idiot' is probably the closest.
The kind of person who would destroy his own trousers on a bus is a pillock...plonker...eegit..numpty... all family friendly ways of saying fool basically.

Glad you enjoyed it, I figure if you can't laugh at yourself you are done for....

Johnny said...

I am just very glad to read that you atleast had your underwear on... That would have been a nightmare all on its own !!!!

GoaldeeBug said...

*snort* reminds me of he time.....ahem... well, at least YOU were wearing underwear!