I’ve gone a bit wobbly.
That is to say, since we started this madness of trying to start a family, I’ve been somewhat more emotional than normal. THAT is to say I’ve apparently developed some.
A lot in fact.
I’ve found myself googling my symptoms only to discover I’m suffering from things called ‘happiness’, ‘excitement’, ‘expectation’, ‘disappointment’ and other such forms of mental instability, but does it stop there? Oh No.
All this unsettling of my natural state away from a condition of purely sustaining my intake levels of alcohol & spicy food, sporting enjoyment, sexual gratification, and generally lazing about the place has seriously unbalanced me.
I find myself asking about the welfare of others, using the word ‘cute’ while not in the presence of a string bikini, or it’s owner, needing sharp intakes of breath when I see our neighbour’s children stub their toes on the footpath and stumble towards the hedge head first (ok, I still chuckle at that one) and roger me senseless, I’ve even leaked, right out of my eye sockets. Like a big old…er…yeah…woman. I originally put it down to some insane allergic reaction to oxygen or something but, no, apparently not.
What is this madness?
Now I’m not completely adverse to a bit of softening of my edges, but there have been points when I’ve had to stop & compose myself before I said or did something ever increasingly sappy that would, I presume, eventually lead to the unavoidable outcome where my genitals drop off.
Is it normal?
Is it age?
Is it a side effect of this quest to reproduce or, bloody hell, worse still, is it vice versa?
Am I spiraling increasingly rapidly into an abyss of nothing other than tissues and hormones and trembling lips and queasy stomachs and pink shit?
I've said before that I think all that goes on during this trying to conceive period, the ups and down, disappointments and mini highs, are perhaps nature's way of preparing us for the future with children, in other words a lesson in not always being in control of everything, going with the flow a little, giving up some pride, and generally being ready to handle anything life chucks at you.
If this is so, nature is one crafty prick.