Thursday, 22 November 2007

Thanksgiving (aka "The 4.5kg Hairball" in Europe)

It has obviously come to my attention that today is Thanksgiving.

You may scoff, snort and/or snigger, but it would normally be a real possibility that it would escape my attention.

So as a way of making up for all the previous and future times that I have and will forget the occasion, here's my take on the 3 things that I'm really thankful for...

1 - That I'm a man.

No offence to all you chicketees in the house but in the last 7 months or more I've learned a hell of a lot about what happens to you lot in the name of procreation. We get to play porno king
games and in the worst case scenario all we have to do is knock one out into a piece of tupperware.

On the other hand, those 45 seconds of ecstacy are just the beginning for you ladies. 9 months of physical distortion and hormonal pinball leading to a climax of having your innards vacuumed out of you, all just in time for the depression, sleep depravation and big ears to kick in. I made up the big ears bit, scared some of you didn't I....

So yes, I'm thankful that I'm a man, armed with external reproductive organs and an outstanding ability to do nothing.

2 - That there are women.

On the flip side, I'm not just thankful that I'm a man, but I'm more thankful that there are people out there willing to be women.
Brave, strong, compassionate, and loving in ways, and to lengths I can never fathom. My own mother for example, having had 7 kids ripped out of her, and well into her forties she still managed to look at me in the same way she did with her first child, even when I was at my worst.
Incidentally, 5 of those 8 kids were born at home, and not in the 'ooh I fancy a birthing pool, a decaf late, and a video up on youtube within the hour' way, more in the 'oh shit, the child is coming and I haven't finished milking the cows or even started on that thatched roof way'. Respect.

Then there's my wife, who is braver than she realises, prettier than she realises, more compassionate than I ever imagined and last but by no means least, she lets me do it.

3- That I'm not this person.

Or, to be precise, the person whom this was removed from.

A 4.5kg HAIRBALL. An 18 year old had been eating their own hair for 5 years. It was removed, they were sent to a shrink, and 1 year on no longer eat their own hair but weighs 9kg more.

I think thats reason enough for us all to be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to all folk over there.

17 comments:

tiff said...

OMG, how can you be so funny and so honest/soulful in one post/
Big ears, LOL and hairball, ewww!
I hope your wife reads the part about her, sweet.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Schizophrenia i think its called tiff!

my wife doesnt read this. Maybe one day i will show it to her.

Busy said...

That pretty much boils it down quite nicely, and now I remember why I shave my head too.

BusyDad said...

whoops. My finger hit the Enter button by accident. The above post comment was brought to you by BusyDad, though plain old "Busy" wouldn't be a bad nickname either. Well, maybe that's a more appropriate nick for you right now.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

seriously, im not a fan of hair anyway, but 4.5 kgs? that 10lbs FFS....

Busy, Hmmm, we have now reached the 'breathe' period....

baby~amore' said...

OMG - this is hilarious and so gross was that hair ball hunk.
What a dear Mother you have.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Hi baby~amore'....

thanks for popping by and commenting.

Just to clarify (yes I'm THAT anal)..A dear mother indeed, but no longer around, spawning and rearing so many of nature's oddest humans took it's toll and she went to bed early nearly 20 years ago now.

wornoutwoman said...

Whoa...that hair picture is freaky! I loved your post...great insight and I'm sure your wife loves the kudos...she deserves it!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

thanks very much for the nice comment.

hahaha my wife deserves it eh ? sounds like you think she deserves it for putting up wih me...
...and you'ld be very right!

Melinda Zook said...

The hairball thing is soo totally gross, totally! Yikes, I say.

I agree with you though, men do have it a tad better when it comes to the child-bearing thing. My hubby "felt" my pain during labor, 4.5 hours of pushing and then losing my ability to pee on my own for days. Lucky for him, feeling this vicariously doesn't quite match up.

But being a woman and knowing that I loved being a mom, I told him, yes I will do it again and I did.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

And THATS where the crux lies I think melinda, I think a guy might be brave enough to try it once, but would very much leave it at one!

Women go back for more.

Knowing how us fellas like to crow about all our mini achievements I'm quite stunned that more women don't walk around with megaphones announcing to the world they've been through childbirth. (yes I know weve ALL been through childbirth, but you know what I mean).


Cheers !

Momo Fali said...

Shut UP! Is that for real? Gag. Glad I read this BEFORE breakfast.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Oh it's real, I've tried to find a less annoying source of the story than sky news but failed.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91059-1293894,00.html

It's also in the New England Medical Journal.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

apologies, the link above is cut short.
This takes you to the same story
HAIRBALL WOMAN

The Egel Nest said...

This was a great...and very funny post :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Thanks Bradley, its seriously cool that you take the time to say that.

...and another dad blog for me to read and get jealous from !

Sarah said...

I dont know which picture I am more disturbed by...the massive hairball, or the man....that has "just given birth".

*stabs out minds eye* Ahhhhhh, thats better