Thursday, 28 February 2008

Sucker For Punishment

Now, I don't usually do any 'what I did today' posts, well, except for yesterday, and the day before.
Oh shut up, you know what I mean....

But, because I am an unadulterated muppet-man-fool type person, I decided I couldn't allow a day go by without prostrating myself at the mercy of some aspect the Dutch health care system, and that coupled with self deprecation is always good therapy.

Having lived through yesterday's ordeal, I awoke this morning to (re-)discover a long standing appointment with someone whom I had been warned NEVER to visit in this country.

In short, today, I visited the 'Mond Hygienist' - the 'Oral Hygienist' to you and me.

I actually can't recall the details of the visit because I'm pretty sure I blacked out for about twenty minutes of it, as Hitler's secret granddaughter dragged me around her office by my gums via a state-of-the-art 2008 model fishhook.

She scraped, she tore, she drilled, she chisilled, and I think for a finish she swapped my upper and lower gums kind of like how you rotate the types on a mazda.

She demonstrated to me(on me) how beneficial(agonising) it is to use(ram) toothpicks the size of fence posts between my teeth until there emerges a gap(where none previously existed) so big, I can now stack magazines between them.

7 hours on, and the taste of blood is starting to make me feel light headed, I may very well pass away during the night as a result of poisoning from the swallowing of, or drowning in, my own blood.

If I do, cut my grass for me?

18 comments:

Roth Family Adventures said...

It may be torture, but doesn't your mouth feel exceptionally clean after a visit to the "Mond Hygienist?"

tiff said...

Lordy, you are having a week of it.
Not fair, both ends at once. I think I would prefer the giving of material than the oral hygiene.

Dorky Dad said...

You too? Is there anybody out there who hasn't been to the dentist recently? Wow.

And torture is about right.

frog ponds rock... said...

EEeee EEeee EEeee :- *FAINTS*

Dastardly man!!! You have found my weakness.. I am so terrified of dentists....

EEEEEEEEEE *runs and hides*

Veronica said...

My tooth broke the other day. I am still procrastinating about going to the dentist.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@RFA - Yep, super clean, except for the taste of blood which I still have 24 hours later.

@Tiff - I don't do things by halves, what a week indeed...

@DD - Technically, it wasn't the dentist.... as my health insurance provider will clearly point out...

@FPR - and here's me thinking your weakness was a 6 pack of XXX.

@Veronica - Christ go, you'll be sorry long term if you don't.

struglas said...

for god's sake man, floss every once in a whlie!

Jared said...

Ahhh man! Your gettin' me a all freaked out....I got a dentist appointment next week.

As far as the "mowing the grass" thing. Leave me some gas money under the Welcome Mat and consider it done. :D

Sue said...

Egads, that's one aweful experience! It makes my own mouth ache in sympathy.

Stacey @Real World Mom said...

You've had a helluva week! And dentists wonder why they get such a bad rap! LOL!

BusyDad said...

I was stupid enough to go to a sales presentation right after major bone graft dental surgery. Halfway thru my presentation, blood started running and my mouth swelled up (picture homer simpson's mouth). I don't like going to the dentist.

Karen MEG said...

I was just at the dentist's yesterday...guess I'm lucky, had a lifelong affair with them courtesy of orthodontics and all. So they're as painful as a cup of coffee for me these days.
Sorry your visit wasn't so great.

Tanya said...

Poor you! I have an appointment in 2 weeks, actually in 10 days, but who's counting. I had one scheduled the beginning part of Feb and chickened out and cancelled. I really REALLY fear the dentist!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I have the orthodontist in a week & a half, and I'm back at the witch in 6 weeks.

Have mercy...

Melinda Zook said...

Yikes, you are getting the motherload of stuff right now, ey? I bet you'd like to avoid all people wearing white coats for awhile.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I would, but I'm expected in by 7 every evening for lock down...

Grimm said...

Dude, that pretty much puts my agonizing dentist visit last week to shame.

I feel like such as wuss now.

The Immoral Matriarch said...

Oh that sucks!
My kids went to the dentist yesterday too for x-rays and cleanings. They did beautifully. :p