Monday, 7 September 2009

Secrets - Part Two

The pedantic among you will say this is more of a tip than a secret, I know this because my own nature is causing a civil conflict between the pedants and the mockers living in my brain.

Regardless of the inner turmoil and my fear of promoting miss-categorisation, this tip shall be deemed a secret.

Simply put, don't laugh at her. Ever.

You may well find it amusing that she is sobbing into her pizza over Grey's Anatomy, which incidentally is being shown 5 days a week with back to back episodes. Thank you NET5 for that. Bastards.

But don't laugh.

You may even find it hilarious when the grump with a bump is sitting distraught on the side of the bed in her underwear, having tried on and discarded both her normal clothes which are too small now, and her maternity clothes which are still a bit too big.

Don't laugh.

You may almost run the car off the motorway from shaking with stifled laughter when she phones you on your way to work in floods of tears because she can't find her shoes.

Don't laugh.

She knows how to grow new arseholes, so will quite happily tear you a new one.


38 comments:

Mwa said...

That's because it's NOT FUNNY!

Jane said...

For women, it's not really funny. But I know men and women are different and I respect you for whatever feelings you have. Thanks for sharing this. By the way, these best gifts that you could give your better-half might interest you too. Thanks and have a nice and fulfilling day.

mammydiaries said...

Over 2 years of pregnancy and breastfeeding means I could fill the oceans with the tears I've cried, generally over completely ridiculous tv shows of course... and that baton twirling kid on the firs Britain's got Talent...

Momo Fali said...

You have no idea what those hormones are doing to her. And, just so you know...it's barely begun.

WeaselMomma said...

Don't make her angry man. Angry, hormonal and and hungry, a pregnant woman may just eat you.

bsouth said...

It's neither a secret or a tip. It's stating the obvious.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I hope your the sake of your testicles she does not read this post.

Sleep with one eye open buddy.

WeaselMomma said...

BTW, the lightbulb in my head just went off and I said (in my head, I try not to talk to myself out loud, but my lips did move) Why have I never put this guy into my blogroll? I had no good answer to argue with myself over, so I added you.

Ms. Moon said...

DO NOT LAUGH AT THE MOTHER. You're really tempting fate with this one, buddy. It's her party and she can cry if she wants to. And believe me- she NEEDS to.

thecheekofgod said...

These times take a tender touch, my friend. And we have to live with the fact that some days, there is no amount of consoling that does the trick . . .

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

You're a slow learner, aren't you?

Just wait til she has actual things to complain about like an actual baby.

Putz said...

i cna''t hellllp it, tee heee heee

Anonymous said...

I cannot wait to read how sleep deprivation causes DaddyXbox to experience similar effects.

:)

Russ said...

Yep, just try it when you are still in bed, trying to sleep. Grumps with bumps tend to be even grumpier.

rachelbk said...

You're learning, slowly, but at least quickly enough to keep her from kiling you and feeding your chopped up self to various wild animals.

Ginny said...

Yeah, don't laugh, UNLESS she is trying to be funny, having a light-hearted laugh at herself and the foibles of pregnancy.

How will you know whether she's serious or not?

You won't.

Good luck, sucker.

womb for improvement said...

I can't top your second commentor's comment.

Turn's out your wife isn't the only one with a humour bypass.

Penelope said...

Oh I remember it well.
Good luck sweetheart...
You're going to need it ;o)

Minze said...

Oh dear, I remember. You know what's really shitty about pregnancy hormones? You get over-emotional when you've GOT them, and you get even more over-emotional when you're getting RID of them after having given birth.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Mwa - I beg to differ ;-)

@Jane - Should I buy something from that site you keep promoting to make it all better?

@mammydiaries - classic!

@Momo Fali - Her? see what they are doing to ME!

@WeaselMomma - Promises, promises....

@bsouth - :-)

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - Like they were any use to begin with

@WeaselMomma - I dunno. You are probably insane.

@Ms. Moon - Oooooh!

@thecheekofgod - But the socks! the socks dont match!!!!

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - Oh so serious today...

@Putz - That's my Putz!

@Anonymous - How's Georgia?

@Russ - the voice of experience...

@rachelbk - just one step ahead is all that's needed really

@Ginny - heh, she laughs afterwards.

@womb for improvement - That second comment is classic for sure, you did say you loved marketing!
(and she finds it funny after the fact, I wouldn't write it otherwise)

@Penelope - that to me or her :-)

@Minze - fun BOTH side of the fence!

womb for improvement said...

I didn't really think ET had had a sense of humour bypass, i imagine she'd need a something to keep her sane living with you! 'Jane' on the other hand ...

J from Ireland said...

Good man, none of that laughing craic, no way!!

Veronica said...

Pregnancy : You can laugh in hindsight, but while it's happening, you just want to stab people.

WhatAboutNovember said...

Brilliant last line. Brilliant. :)

Tanya said...

ARGHHH!

That brings back memories!

M partner found me in a crying heap on the floor because I spilled some paint!

James (SeattleDad) said...

You can laugh. Just make it on the inside, or pay the price.

tiff(threeringcircus) said...

I agree with V.

Push her over the edge and she just might.

Stab you, that is.

Angel said...

Oh you are evil! Don't laugh at her! Other than the fact it's just rude, she will devour you... you've figured that out, right?!

Of course my husband knows better to laugh at me when I act this way, and I'm not even pregnant!

jothemama said...

It's all coming home to roost now. And you deserve every bit of it. That is all.

All I can say is that little gestures of cae and kindness would have made a huge difference to me and my bumpy grumpiness.

They would have also made me cry though,I'm not denying that.

Ed said...

Ahh. You are entering what is called the silent trimesters. The period of time during pregnancy when the only acceptable answers--TO ANYTHING--are "Yes, dear" and "As you wish." On everything else--just keep your mouth shut and no one will get hurt.

DiaperPin Up Girl said...

BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yes. I'm sorry. It will only get worse.

My husband wanted to create his own website called www.whatthefuckareyoucryingaboutnow.com while I was pregnant.

Susanica said...

Aw XBox. You might want to paradigm shift a bit. "Grump with a bump?" I'd be grumpy too. Mabye you should start calling her your your "sweet with a treat". Tell ET that Su sends some solidarity wishes with the tears. Just when you least expect them...

-Monica

Missives From Suburbia said...

Oh, my friend, you have not even SEEN grumpy yet.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@womb for improvement - No worries, Poor Jane.

@J from Ireland - Down with that sort of thing!

@Veronica - stabbing is overrated.


@WhatAboutNovember - all true, all true.

@Tanya - I'd cry too, that stuff's not cheap!

@James (SeattleDad) - but I'm supposed to express my emotions, no?

@tiff(threeringcircus) - I'd never push a pregnant woman!

@Angel - that's a whole other kettle of fish, no?

@jothemama - Not sure how to take that...

@Ed - hahahaha

@DiaperPin Up Girl - I'm absolutely going to register that name.

@Susanica - :-)

@Missives From Suburbia - heh!

LiteralDan said...

I've never heard it put so well-- it's worthy of Bartlett's! So, so true...

Dto3 said...

My loving wife bought a brand new pair of Keds and I stepped on them and scuffed them and she cried for 3 days. A pair of Keds for crying out loud? It is just a little funny, eh X?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@LiteralDan - Tis but the truth...

@Dto3 - more than a little!
very funny.

Blues said...

Oh man, that last line. GOLD.