Friday, 2 October 2009

Spread those legs, baby

I learned something today.

I discovered that if there’s ever a good time to yank out one of your wife’s rogue subterranean hairs, right before she sees her unborn baby is it. She just can’t stay mad.

With the gel squirted over her belly like something from cheap German porn, the tech fired up the ultrasound.

Boom. There it was, kidlet in full high definition with a heartbeat in stereo. It was big sized, baby shaped, and swinging its arms akin to an overweight drunken uncle fighting with the best man at a wedding.

It was stunning to see a real big baby in there, not just a shape.

The tech went about her business, zooming in on the brain, heart & other organs, legs and spine. It took two sessions for her to see all she wanted to check, with everything looking and measuring just perfectly.

There was one single negative point in the whole thing though, it appears that we, two shortarses, are having a shortarse baby.

Screw you Darwin.

It’s not easy to see what the ultrasounds show when zoomed in, we spent 2 minutes cooing at our baby’s cute face which we thought was staring right at the screen only to be told we were actually ‘ooohing’ and ‘aaahing’ over its kidneys.

Bloody cute kidneys though.

Then came the money shot, the declaration of pink or blue, the choosing of a flavour, boy or girl.

The tech peered between the baby’s legs long enough to make Gary Glitter uncomfortable before passing on the good news.

After years of people knowing far too much about this wee thing even before it existed, it can stay as secret good news, for now at least.



64 comments:

Tanya said...

Beautiful Baby! Just Amazing. You will remember those ultrasound images for the rest of your life.

B said...

I can see it in this one!

"Swinging its arms akin to an overweight drunken uncle fighting with the best man at a wedding."
Perfect.

darcie said...

oh - she's beautiful! He is just beautiful! So happy for you both - what fantastic pictures!! xoxo

Kori said...

Oh gawd, my ovaries are killing me. I can't read your lbog anymore, just so you know. :)

Ms. Moon said...

Yay! A baby! Just what you wanted!

battynurse said...

Oh sure. Leave us hanging.

Putz said...

so his penis is hidden, is it??????

Christa said...

You suck.

But your baby is damn cute!!

Gypsy said...

Very wow.

babyattheend said...

Congrats on the great ultrasound. Don't worry about the shortie in ET's belly, because wouldn't it be strange to have a kid who would tower over you in a few years? I know one of my biggest fears is having a giganto baby... my nephew was almost 30 pounds at a year..........

Anyway, I am very very happy for you guys!!!

P.S. You can tell me the gender... your secret's safe with me... ;)

Ginny said...

I can tell. It's subtle, but I know.

Mo and Will said...

Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! But you must tell, man! Don't make us wait too long!

Mo

MissyBoo said...

Wow - cute baby :)

Oooh a surprise for us at the end of this all! I can't wait :p

WhatAboutNovember said...

SO CUTE. :)

Missives From Suburbia said...

Noooo!!! Don't withhold the gender information! Post the money shot. I can figure it out for myself. I've seen both now -- hamburger buns and turtles -- and I can spot 'em on an ultrasound like a pro.

Angie said...

hahahahaha to Ms Moon!!! I knew I liked you...

nh said...

Mean - that's what you are... I logged in specially to see - and whilst they are beautiful pictures - I still say MEAN!

Sue said...

So precious! I am happy that everything looks so good, especially the kidneys! Glad that you got to find out the gender, even if you are taunting us.

Chelsea Lietz said...

NOT nice!

But I'm still happy for you.

AnnB said...

"Oh My Gosh!" Said my Rory age 6 when he saw that wonderful image! Grow baby grow!

Erin said...

You are a meaney poo. But! Your little sea monkey has definitely gained in the cute department.

Hockeymandad said...

I think it's a girl, I counted an extra rib.

But hahahaha to your clever hiding of the true answer. I know my misses is frustrated!

Immoral Matriarch said...

Tease! I'll bet it's a girl. :)

Amber said...

Aww...I love ultrasounds :D

People in the Sun said...

Oh no! S/he's got your belly...

Middle Aged Woman said...

Ach! You bastard! Cough it up now, or I'll go all sad! Or pissy. You won't like either.

Jill said...

So excited for you!! Looking forward to the reveal in 20 ish weeks!

Susanica said...

Well played. So being coy is your new strategery? ;-) -M

Kat said...

I wasn't going to comment because I don't want to say, "What a cute baby!" Even though it is a damned cute baby. What I want to say is... you're going to hold back information NOW?! I don't think I can be friends with you anymore!

Kat said...

I'm still pretty sure it's a boy, though.

Mwa said...

Oooh! Pictures! Cool!

Momma said...

*Through teary eyes* I still say it's a girl and I don't like you anymore!!!

I'm taking my ball and going home, you aren't playing by the rules!

Misssy M said...

Ah the pics we all hoped to see. Lovely. You can't find out the sex in Scotland now- they don't let you.

An ultrasound lady told me that even before it wasn't allowed she was never happy telling anyone. She said that very occasionally they'd have some angry father doing his nut a few months later when they'd got it wrong and coming down to berate them. Can you believe that anyone would be pissed off either way?

frogpondsrock said...

Hmmph.Just for that I am adding you to my christmas card list ;)

Sinead said...

Glad you are keeping it to yourself. I never wanted to find out the sex, but if I had I would have kept it to ourselves. I can't wait to find out what you are both having.

Bubba said...

Ohhh super cute !!
Looks like a boy to me :) xx

AnnD said...

Congrats on a fabulous ultrasound! So glad that everything went well!

I'm sure you have your reasons for keeping it a secret! I guess we'll all find out eventually!

Jenni said...

is that a little "rock on!" fist I see in the second photo? "power to the people" perhaps?

that's quite the cute profile, obviously already favoring ET.

tiff(threeringcircus) said...

At least it's not a puppy.

Congrats on your secret baby.
Can't wait to meet him or her.

Sue said...

Awesome! Congratulations on a good ultrasound, and enjoy your secret! One of the first big pleasures. Can you see your future now?

Whee!

Tara R. said...

Good on for you! Keep some of the good news to yourselves! Little Fitz is a really cutie.

Veronica said...

Gorgeous!

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

a shortarse eh?

You could probably carry it around in an oversized handbag like a Chihuahua.

Lorza said...

aww! That is awesome! I think it is cool that you are keeping the sex a secret...gotta have some reason to keep people hanging on your every post. :)

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Gorgeous, perfect, WONDERFUL! Congratulations on another great ultrasound.

I can't believe you're not telling us the gender. Booooooo to that!

That is one beautiful baby :) So happy for you guys!!!

A Free Man said...

What are you? A TV writer? Building the suspense so people come back next week?

I'm amused that a lot of people think girl and a lot boy. Half of them are wrong.

Personally? I can't see shit. Never can in these things. Ironic considering I teach anatomy to nurses and midwives.

Putz said...

confidentally nappy, already told me it was a boy and is keeping it secret from the rest of you, if you look really hard on the ulatra sound through the body with your x ray vision you can see the penis and no i am not being crude......jeeeeeeshz

WeaselMomma said...

It's a pretty cool moment when you get your first look at your child.

womb for improvement said...

So am I reading this correctly? Did you attempt some DIY-Downstairs-Depilatory procedure prior to the ultra-sound? What a modern man. (I knew I was right abut the sex).

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Tanya - Well, yeah, I have the pics ;-)

@B - If you can't beat em...

@darcie - I think (s)he looks a bit pale

@Kori - or write it, apparently...

@Ms. Moon - funny

@battynurse - OK!

@Putz - No comment.

@Christa - I do, and it is.

@Gypsy - that what I said.

@babyattheend - of course it is....

@Ginny - behave.

@Mo and Will - 20 weeks or so...

@MissyBoo - thats the spirit!

@WhatAboutNovember - Thanks, but the baby?

@Missives From Suburbia - 'hamburger buns and turtles' - classic

@Angie - your life is on the line remember

@nh - :-)

@Sue - all in time :)

@Chelsea Lietz - thanks

@AnnB - Rory and me are on the same wavelength!

@Erin - and 20 weeks to enhance it too!

@Hockeymandad - that'll keep her quiet

@Immoral Matriarch - I'll take bets...

@Amber - fond of them myself!

@People in the Sun - Oi...You...

@Middle Aged Woman - I like pissy

@Jill - ish hahaha

@Susanica - always a first time :-)

@Kat - Noted ;-)

@MWA -heh, yes.

@Momma - a rebel,thats me...

@Misssy M - are you serious? what percentage?

@frogpondsrock - heh...

@Sinead - It just seems right to.

@Bubba - or an ugly girl?

@AnnD - someday!

@Jenni - I think its the 'Psycho shower scene' actually....

@tiff(threeringcircus) - secret, hahah.

@Sue - just a little, butyes.

@Tara R. - Thanks :-)

@Veronica - I have qualities....

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - Chihuahuas carry around handbags?

@Lorza - you saying the wit and charm wouldnt do it?

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - Thanks :-)

@A Free Man - with a bit of perspective I can see it usually pretty well. about 75-80% were saying girl beforehand. its now probably more boy guesses from the pictures.
Go figure.

@Putz - You tell em Putz..

@WeaselMomma - It was! 3 months ago...

@womb for improvement - Yes, I laughed a lot. She didn't. Tech wasn't so amused either.

Momo Fali said...

Don't tell! I love a good secret.

River said...

Beautiful pictures xboy, and how cheeky of you to keep the sex a secret, after I'd cooked a special celebration dinner to eat while I read this.....

jothemama said...

Baby Box! How nice to see you!

Seriously, you were expecting someone taller? Bless you.

hotmamamia said...

Great photos and YES, keep it a secret!!!!

nutsinmay said...

You tease.

Baby is gorgeous.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Way to go Fitz, leave us all squinting!

Seriously though, congrats. Fitz is photogenic.

Robin said...

I believe you gave fair warning about 18 weeks ago that you would not be sharing this info... Good for you! I think it's great that only mommy and daddy know what sex their little "love child" is until the big day.

Blues said...

Come on come on come on!!!!!!

I was so good about not scrolling to the bottom of the post, just letting you get to it and you didn't get to it!

That's it! I'm going over to facebook to stalk you and see if you tell anyone.

Jane G said...

I won't sully your blog with the comment John got me to put up on Facebook. But I still think you're a big meanie for not telling us ;o)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Momo Fali - I could tell you nothing, ever. You'd LOVE that!

@River - Can I suggest you take a hobby?

@jothemama - you should have seen the tech's face....'it's the child of it's parents'

@hotmamamia - finally, common sense!

@nutsinmay - Meh, not bad... ;-)

@James (SeattleDad) - takes after me...

@Robin - I believe you did!

@Blues - All in time!

@Jane G - Filth Mrs G. Filth.

Anonymous said...

Yes, keep the secret! We didn't even let the tech tell US. When our babies were born, we were so distracted both times that we didn't even ask if it was boy or girl. We were just delighted with our healthy babies (one boy, one girl BTW).

Amy said...

I like the middle pic. S/he is already groaning and grabbing his/her forehead in pain at your Dad-jokes ;)
Congrats on a great-looking bub!

Jared said...

Pretty frekkin' awesome man! $50 it's a boy. Do I pay now or later?

Dondi Tiples said...

i can't make out the genitals. "turtle" for boy, "hamburger" for girl.