Tuesday 28 October 2008

ET goes to bed

Thor is my current deity of choice.

Why so you ask? You pretty much know where you stand with him, and he woke us this morning at 3am with the loudest belt of thunder I've ever heard.

I'm saying it was a 'thumbs up' anyway.

At 6:10am we were sitting into the car and driving the 3 minutes to the hospital car park.

At 6:13am we were walking the 15 minutes from the hospital car park to the hospital.

By 6:30 we were ringing approximately 14 different buzzers in the hope of actually being let in to the gynecology department.
As my chubby finger hovered over buzzer number 15, the doors swung open and we were greeted by someone who was so bright, and chirpy, and shiny, and new, I nearly went blind from the glare off her piano teeth.

My corneas, however, melted and withered into raisins at the sight of her footwear. Neon orange crocs.

Having never had any type of surgery before, ET was by this point in time, a bit on the nervous side. By 'bit' I mean 'deathly' and by 'on the nervous side' I mean 'had to be held tight or she'd have legged it down the fire escape'.

The nurse ran us through the basics once more, and ET chose a stunning blue button-up-the-back arseless smock with which to wow the judges.

Incidentally, you can not get them in the hospital gift shop and nurses don't find it particularly funny when you ask.

So I sit with ET for the last few minutes before she gets taken away, and with every bad joke I make, with every silly reassurance I offer, and with every line of 'the first cut is the deepest' I hum, she gets more and more nervous.

The nurse instructs her to take her sedative, it's time to go.

Remember those scenes in hospital dramas where the loved one walks briskly alongside the bed being wheeled into the operating room? Fake I tell you, fake.

I rapped my knuckles trying to fit through the door frame at the same time as the bed, and spent the next few seconds chasing the bugger down the narrow corridors of the gynecology wards.

I caught up with ET and her runaway bed at the preparation room doors. I couldn't go any further. She took one look at me and the tears that had been threatening, finally came.

My wife was a scared little girl, and there was nothing I could do to help.


In a feeble attempt at wiping a tear from her face, and squeezing her hand in reassurance, and kissing her forehead, I think I may have bitten her.

I try to tell her how proud I am of her, and that in just a few hours she'll be back home with me annoying her, I think what actually came out was something about the cost of parking.


I tried to remind myself that everyone there would be gentle and kind to her and I wonder, yet again, why does it take moments like these to remember how much someone means to you?

** ** ** ** **

Flash forward almost 4 hours and I'm sitting in an embarrassingly squeaky chair squeezing that hand again.

Almost incredibly, she is fine, sore in the tummy of course, but no nausea, no cramps, no drowsiness, and no shoulder or arm pains, but very much relieved.

Fast forward another 5 hours which included too much tea to be healthy, a close encounter of flashing a porter, and muchos urine that seemed to be showing it's support for Gay Pride (or skittles, who knows), and we are chatting to the specialist, before coming home.

There will be no more tests.

I am quoting the doctor when I say that ET's uterus is 'beautiful', her fallopian tubes are 'lovely, clear and long', and there isn't even the slightest hint of endometriosis.

The diagnosis, is official and clear; Unexplained Infertility.

This is not the anti-climax we may have thought in the past, our new doctor is very personable and realistic. Pregnancy rates tend to increase after laparoscopies, so she is giving us three months to work our magic in ET's new freshly serviced tubes, after which she suggests we try an IUI.

To have a doctor say that to us after all these months, a real plan, is simply huge, and I am very, very pleased.

To have ET steal the limelight of this, my 200th real post, like she stole the limelight of my 100th, is something I'm less pleased with, but I'm willing to forgive because to have a wife as brave as that daft cow, I am very lucky, and very, very proud.


Anonymous said...

A plan is good.

A plan is good.

Rock on to the beautiful Ut!

So you can try again next O time??

Anonymous said...

Shit that's the 2nd time I've been a first poster.

Stalker, party of one.

Jo said...

Well, I'll say it again, You could have had the enema, and posted about that...

I have one question though, after reading this: how, in the name of all things manly, do you plan to see and support your wife through childbirth, when the time comes??

I read that they were banning staff from wearing crocs in hospitals as the static was causing mini electrical storms and messing up the machines. Maybe that was only in Finland.

María said...

Well that's good news! I like your new doctor!

Sarah said...

Yay!! A plan...a REAL plan! I'm so happy everything went well.

Sending hugs to ET for being such a trooper.

Anonymous said...

You totally shoulda pinched a few of those gowns. They go great for Halloween parties you never want to be invited back to.

anymommy said...

I'm so glad that it went well and that she is okay. And the doctor and having a plan sound lovely as well. May those clear tubes bring you joy in the next couple of months!

Anonymous said...

Brave women are always rewarded!and don't tell me they are not...THEY ARE.
Brilliant news, delighted for both of you.
Oh and I am 21 weeks now with a son....brilliant eh????? I think I will count myself as one of those brave women.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that you are a sweet, sweet husband. I have only recently found your blog, but I am addicted to your story. All the best...ct

BABY STEPS said...

Yea to a real plan and about time.
After my lap I was told I looked fine too as they only look at the outside of the tubes. My internals scans showed the PCO. I hope that drs are right and there is nothing else the problem.
I dont know about ETs cm (and feel weird even asking bout it but)if it isn't as it should be I recommend using pre-seed, if you don't already use it.
Happing humping.
P.S may I just say how much I HATE crocs, they are the ugliest things and when people finally click to this it will 10yrs and they will be refered to as being a embarrassing fashion fad like the shoulder pads of the 80s.In fact maybe I should buy some to keep for a costume party in the year 2030.

Julie said...

You made me laugh and almost cry at the same time.

I hate those last moment moments. I generally end up making a stupid joke or offending all those innocent bystanders that speak English...

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

You've made this Mama very proud of you. *tear*

And I'm holding my breath for the next 3 months.

Anonymous said...

"the first cut is the deepest"--LMAO!

Your new doctor can stay. And ET is a brave brave woman with beautiful girly parts apparently. Congrats!

James (SeattleDad) said...

Nice to hear the ovs are beautiful and all is now cleaned and spit shined. Spence should set a record time now.

And, uh, X-box...did you just call ET a cow? That would certainly not fly here.

Maggie, Dammit said...





beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Tara R. said...

I love it when plan comes together... fingers still crossed.

morninglight mama said...

I freaking LOVE plans. Plans are great. Here's a toast to a PLAN!! (And big kudos to ET for getting through the oh-so-fun day!)

Anonymous said...

I've never been so happy to celebrate someone else's uterus. I know sometimes it's easier to have something - anything - wrong so that you know what to fix, but I really think this clean bill 'o health is great news. You've got a plan and a sparkling uterus. It's your time!

Happy Humping.

Malky B. said...

I'm so glad to hear everything went well. I'd be a nervous wreck too but you know that already.

Will the docs give ET Clomid as well with the IUI? It's been known to help with short luteal phases as well.

darcie said...

Useless huh? I think being there, telling your lame jokes...that's pretty priceless, she might not tell you but I bet ET secretly agrees...
Hip Hip Hurray to a clean bill of health - now...hump to it!

Sandra said...

Excellent news!

Now what did I say to you in the beginning????

Ms. Moon said...


Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

This is great news, so very happy for you both....

Anonymous said...

Quite the emotional roller coaster of a post, my friend. I about cried when you said she cried, and then I was immediately laughing. Then I about cried for you because I know how much men hate feeling useless, and then I was SO happy for you guys about the plan! I'm exhausted. I need a nap. :)

Glad to hear E is OK. Very.

Anonymous said...

I can just see you like one of those cartoon characters legs whirling trying to catch up to the bed being wheeled up the corridor. And it made me smile. In an evil nasty biatch kinda way.

And then it softened. Bastard. You always make me human.

Oh and yay for a plan and ET you totally rock!

C said...

Good news......... I guess all th trouble was worth it after all.... :)..so hoping to hear some good stuff n the next 3 months.. get back to work mate..

Anonymous said...

I hope she reads this!

And a plan, oh my word a plan. A plan!

Anonymous said...

So, we have a nice uterus and a good plan.

Anonymous said...

Yahooo...this is GREAT news...damn, a doctor with a brain and a real opinion and even a plan!!! Hot damn...a little Pittsburgh Steeler garb will come forthwith upon the I'm sure it will come soon announcment!

Really, you are so freaking human...what a nice guy to show us that side of you.....

Yes, a good day!

Anonymous said...

Yay you have a plan!!

And she'll pay you back for those lame jokes in the labour ward, don't you worry 'bout that :P lol

Martin said...

@Christa - a plan is great. other than bad timing for the surgery there would be no reason to not try again straight away.
This month is out though, as she's a bit busted up.
Stalkers are good, shows determination.

@jothemama - with cigars and whiskey, obviously...

@Immoral Matriarch - I'm fond of her myself!

@Sarah - She was great, thanks.

@Hockeyman - you REALLY don't want to be invited back? wear them back to front.

@Anymommy - thank you!

@Deno - that's brilliant news, well done. you must be breathing a bit easier now.

@hereinfranklin - Hello and welcome! don't believe everything you read though ;0)

@paint it black - they ran the dye too, which I wasn't aware of and we've had several scans too!
on a couple of those scans the docs have commented that her CM was good.
Preseed I have heard from LOTS of people. We havent tried it.
I'm with you onthe cros for sure.

@Julie - absolutely, I hate those 'it's time' moments.
I am useless.

@A whole lot of nothing - You're just hormonal, and turning blue...

@kittyconcerto - she can stay indeed! thanks.

@james austin - my thoughts exactly!
we come from a dairy farming region, cow is a term of endearment!

@Maggie, Dammit - ever try decaffinated?

@Tara R - A-Team!

@morninglightmam - she did great.

@RRP - exactly, we would probably feel more vindicated had they found something, but healthy is better, much much better.

@Malky B - Thanks, it was nerve wracking being teh first experience of anything like that.

The rule of thumb here is 3 rounds of IUI are tried totally unmedicated, unless there is an obvious need to stimulate ovulation.

3 unmedicated, 3 medicated, then they talk IVF.

@Darcie - maybe over dramatic, but honestly pretty much useless.
The nurses and docs did everything really well, she wanted for nothing.

@TW - er...was it 'Hello?'

@Mrs Moon - lovely indeed! thanks.

@Elaine - thank you, it's appreciated.

@Marie - Stiff, not so mobile but she's good.

@Kelley - human bar the heart I reckon...

@Chhandita - yes, it was well worth it. OR it will be, hopefuly! thanks.

@Veronica - she cant, I've hidden her laptop.

@Tiff - now we have a shiny uterus, I dunno what to get her for xmas.

@hotmamamia - dont believe everything you read! a good day indeed!

@Bettina - we can work out a deal i reckon!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad ET came through the procedure okay.

Yay! Something solid to hold onto! A plan! So for the next three months, go, Spencer, go!

River said...

I'm glad they found nothing wrong in there, but on the flip side I'm sad there was nothing they could fix. By the way, what is IUI?

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad she made it through. But it really is good news that her uterus et al. wowwed the judges. She won't need awful procedures to fix deformities, adhesions, remove polyps etc... *cheer*

If the doctor said people sometimes get preggo after the procedure then that means all the prodding enlarges the tubes or knocks off the cobwebs in the tubes which really had been somewhat obstructed.

This is exactly what happened to me when I had the saline infusion method that blasted thru my tubes to check for obstruction. It opened up the tubes so much I was finally pregnant the next month after 4 years of trying. And even cooler, the procedure had done such a good job I didn't need another one to get knocked up 2 years later :)

I say, I smell a baby on the horizon :)

Anonymous said...

"...In a feeble attempt at wiping a tear from her face, and squeezing her hand in reassurance, and kissing her forehead, I think I may have bitten her..."

Oh My... Thanks for the Belly laugh and Yay for a plan...

xxx Kim

Anonymous said...

Well I think a damn good hug for you both is in order here!

I mentioned it once before but my friend had gone in for a good old rummage around to see what the problem was after being told many a time that she had little chance of getting pregnant and then voila! she was - although would have helped had the father stuck around a bit longer!

I will overlook the nasty comments on crocs, comfort not chic for me every time!

Anonymous said...

What happened between 6:28 and 6:30?? Ran off for a quickie with the doorman and left ET to stand guard eh?

(this is precisely why you shouldn't leave gaps in the narrations!)

AnnD said...

Don't be so hard on yourself...ET knows that you love her intensely. All she has to do is read this blog!! So, no worries on the awkwardness of the goodbye before the surgery! I don't think anything goes like it does in movies...especially baby-making! In fact, you should count yourselves lucky...in my experience, people usually fight before something big and emotional ike that! So, you guys are doing great in my therapist eyes! I hope "we" (aka you, ET and all of your readers) have an Xbox beanie in the oven soon! Hugs to you both!

MissyBoo said...

Woohoo!!! A Plan. I love a plan!

Chaos said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chaos said...

New doctor, good. Finally a plan, good. Calling wife a daft cow, bad. Fingers crossed.

ali said...

yea for a new doctor, healthy girlie parts, & a plan! keeping all my fingers & toes crossed for you!!

Chris said...

glad you got some answers and that et is doing great. iui worked like a charm for us and our diagnosis of unexplained infertility. bring on the baby!

Anonymous said...

::breathing a sigh of relief::
SO happy to hear about ET's beautiful uterus and lovely, long fallopian tubes!
Give her a Creepy hug for me, it's not easy being brave!
And ::hugs:: to you too, for being such a good partner to her. I don't think you give yourself enough credit!

Joy said...

I am glad to hear that everything went well, a beautiful ute and lovely tubes are a very good thing. Here is to your plan coming together!

Jane G said...

Great to hear that she got through the day ok, and that there is a plan on the horizon. Good result on the ship shape lady parts.

Jill said...


Just fantastically yay!

Please keep us posted - I know that good news is definitely on the horizon!

Yo-yo Mama said...

Fucking FINALLY!

Putz said...

i don't know how tism2 and me and i can be so slow on our responses...48 comments already...god cannot ignore all of that, but how do all those people know when you are going to post?i hate hospitals, doctors and dentists...wish et, the courageous hero all the credit, best wishes, and good feelings, tell her for me, please

Shonna said...

Great, great post. I would beg to differ that ET stole the thunder of your 200th post. Amazing.

Susanica said...

Hi XBox. Wow. This is fantastic news that there is nothing found that would require interventions like surgery etc...

So I'm wishing you both all the best and can I tell you, your baby is going to hear the best bedtime stories. "Once upon a time love..." No one can tell a story like you! -Monica

Stacy said...


Rikki said...

Yay for a friggin' plan! Whoot-whoot!

ET is a tough cookie. Glad to hear all systems are a go.

Now go get your hump on!

Here till the end.

Jenni said...

This post made my day, in more ways than one.

Okay, so the fist part of your post had me cracking the hell up - piano teeth, "the first cut is the deepest," it was genius.

And, the second part, well, my hormonal self was just over come. That's such great news - that ET is healthy, and that you have a plan, and that you like you doctor. Really, Really, fantastic. *sniff, sniff*

Lea said...

So glad it went well!!! And a plan is oh so good. What a relief!

Bluestreak said...

ok, i may be emotional and nearing autie flow time and pretty much a wreck in all aspects but i think i shed a little tear for you guys. That was a really touching post.

IrishNYC said...


I'm glad everything is looking grand in there, and I hope it makes for clear sailing for your swimmers. You had me in tears for a bit there.

Martin said...

@Angel - Thanks Angel.

@River - I know exactly what you mean, we had the same thoughts ourselves.
IUI is 'Intra Uterine Insemination', basically an artificial insemination.
Putting the sperm directly into the uterus, saving it the trobule of fighting its way there,

@Geeks in Rome - That nay be my favoutite comment ever!
I love the sound of that.

@frogpondsrock - You're welcome to the laugh!

@Tismee2 - it would help a lot of folk if more fathers did.

@Joe - I was going to say, but now, I wont!

@AnnD - Nice to hear!
Movies suck anyway.

Thank you.

@M+B - Woo Hoo indeed!

@Chaos - Moo ;0)

@Alicat413 - thanks!

@Chris - bring it on indeed, and a few extra for good measure.

@Katie J - Thank you, I appreciate it. Creeps rule.

@Deborah - Thanks Deborah!

@Jane G - Great results really, for the best.

@Jill - I'll keep ye in the loop ;)

@DD - You took the words out of my mouth!

@Putz - she reads this all the time, so she has already read your good wishes.
Thank you sir.

@Shonna - Awww. thank you (and welcome)

@Susanica - I think most of my stories might have to wait until they were 30 or so...!

@Snowmanpoop - me too ;0)

@Rikki - Thank you, as always.

@Jenni - you must be about to pop!
Thanks Jenni.

@Lea - thank you, and I agree with all that!

@Bluestreak - Bloody women, hormones everywhere...
But seriously, thanks.

@Irish NYC - you're hormonal too!


B said...

does she know you have the blog?

presume not?

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Happy to hear that there's at least a plan. Hope she recovers well!

Daisy said...

This was really moving. I'm not even sure if this is my first comment but I'm a regular reader!Very funny and I'm so glad you have a plan to look ahead to. Bon recovery to ET.

Jason Roth said...

Finally, a real plan!

And, I'm totally with you on the crocs.

Kori said...

I love you, you useless thing you. This makes me happy.

Momo Fali said...

I am thrilled you have a plan!! Wonderful!

I am also glad that everything went well, and I hope that E.T. isn't too sore to give you a swift kick for giving her a hard time about stealing your thunder. Let's hope that by the time you reach 300, there will be a little peanut stealing the thunder from both of you.

Liz said...

Nice one!

I hope it doesn't come to it, but if you do get to the IUI stage looks like we'll be going through it together.

(Did she manage to make you tea after the op? 'cause if not, well, back of the hand, two in a row - jeeze).

Anonymous said...

This is a lovely post, and I was all snivelly for you. What a lovely Hubby.
Can I confess, though, to a huge ROFL to the accidental biting? Soooo something I would have done. Clumsy hugs my speciality.

Anonymous said...

YAY! Well done, ET. Not sure what would've been more painful - surgery or your husband's clumsy pre-op attempt at affection/reassurance.
Still, very happy for you guys and I wish you all the best for this next leg of the journey!

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Glad to hear it went well - nice one

loveyh said...

I know it will happen for you, I really do. You've been through so much in your quest--and I have been sending you fertile thoughts all along!

Marissa said...

wonderful news all around, you useless biting cow.

i'm teasing, i'm pleased as punch at the freshly lapped tubes.

get busy. :)

Martin said...

@B - Of course she does! she reads every word, the nosey mare.

@Colleen - so far so good, thanks.

@Daisy - it IS your first I think, so thanks!

@iVegasFamily - AMEN croc brother!

@Kori - talk about mixed signals!

@momo fali - that sounds like a plan!

@womb for improvement - funny how things happen at the same time.
I'm not allowed discuss supper, its in the hands of our solictor.

@hairyfarmerfamily - hahaha, i bet you always open doors the wrong way too?

@Amy - thanks!

@Quickroute - Cheers pablo.

@Lovelyh - THATS whats going wrong, we moved house over a year ago, The Iranian woman in our old flat is getting all your fertile thoughts.

@Marissa - Er...ok ;0)

Deb said...

I was hoping so much for this outcome and a plan to come of it. I just want to hug you or fist bump you or something.

Oh, and there is nothing more terrifying than watching your loved one being wheeled into surgery. I promise childbirth isn't as scary, so don't let anyone worry you -- you'll do just fine. (But the hemorrhoids are a BITCH to look at from your angle, according to my husband.)

Leslie Laine said...

A beautiful uterus!!! The three most amazing words in the world!

Glad to hear that things went so well.

Sounds very, very hopeful.

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Your lady is one brave cookie. And you are a really great husband. I'm so glad to hear that everything looks good.

Hang in there.

BABY STEPS said...

That is sooo good they did the dye test while in there! Yes I have heard it does help 'blow out the cobwebs' as someone else suggested.
I was booked in for one but got pg so was overjoyed not to have to do it,but then pg failed and am dreading the dr telling me I need to do it after all. Heard AWFUL things about the pain of them so lucky ET getting out of that!Bravo drs for not putting her through that and awsome news about her cm being good. Stellar stuff guys, best of luck next few cycles.

auntiegwen said...

Hi, just stumbled across you and wanted to say I also underwent a diagnostic laparoscopy with a hysterosalpingogram. Got the same diagnosis and I now have 3 children all conceived naturally within 4 years !

I'm knackered but not complaining because at least we don't wear crocs !

Anonymous said...

It must be very nice to have a plan and some hope for the coming months. I hope ET is recovering well and feels encouraged by your new and improved doctor.

Martin said...

@Deb - I can imagine they are not nice from ANY angle...

@Leslie Laine - It definitely does. Thanks!

@Hilary - She absolutely is. Right now, it's all good!

@paint it black - yes shes been really lucky with no nasty side effects.
Roll on next month.

@Auntiegwen - thats EXACTLY what I want to hear!. Sounds brilliant.
Thanks, and welcome.

@Sinead - nice? it's bloody brilliant. The doctor is more mature and genuinely friendly. So far!

♥.Trish.♥ Drumboys said...

Good news though not what you were planning on maybe ... like answers.Unexplained infertility is cr@ppy too.
Happy 200th Post.

ET is a wonder woman. I hope she has recovered well.
Hope things go to plan now ...but hey give ET a few days to recouperate before you Spencer out of his cage.

Leslee said...

So glad that everything is beautiful in there!

Anonymous said...

Here's to a happy recovery and lots of fun the next three months..

Martin said...

@Trish - great news, we are happy with it.
Spencer has a month to wait!

@Leslee - It's like the Louvre in there!

@Kimmylyn - Well, well, well, Lurker supreme.


Anonymous said...

Thank god for having a plan finally. Well done ET for being so brave. And well done to you for making me laugh while I was crying over your post. I hope you spat on the nurse with the crocs feet - it would have gone through the holes!

Siobhan said...

If this is as close as you get to being mushy and romantic, I'll take it. Beautiful.

Martin said...

@Bsouth - I can't believe you'd shed a tear!

@Siobhan - It was a bit mawkish wasn't it...

Anonymous said...

Sounding more and more like what we experienced. That truly was the best news you could get. You WILL get there! Woot!! Love a plan!

Dondi Tiples said...

I haven't been in your blog (or even in mine) in a long time and I feel I've been missing a whole lot of things. While I haven't read yet to the parts where I left off, I can't help but feel your apprehension for ET. I'm so glad she came out of it okay.

Am planning to catch up with you guys, and am crossing my fingers that the "unexplained infertility" becomes an overwhelming fertility pretty soon.

God bless!

Anonymous said...

I know that good proud loving feeling – its as good as it gets. And that vulnerable moment when you realize how much she means to you, and you tell it so well Xbox. I hope that the oscopy works for you. The unspellable endro word, that news is excellent.

Anonymous said...

I know that good proud loving feeling – its as good as it gets. And that vulnerable moment when you realize how much she means to you, and you tell it so well Xbox. I hope that the oscopy works for you. The unspellable endro word, that news is excellent.

Martin said...

@Nola - If we could get the same outcome as you, we'd be happy!

@Dondi Tiples - No worries, thank you Dondi.

@Sniffle&Cry - it was a tough old moment that for sure.
I dont fancy facing that too often.

It's good news though, thanks.