Thursday 21 June 2007

Your missionary, should you choose to accept it...

D-Day minus 4.

This is where the serious stuff starts. Not an opportunity will be lost over the coming days to set the wheels in motion.

We have been doing what I expect most couples do when they are try to conceive, and reading up on any tips or tricks that could bump up our chances of success.

Selection of foods, drinks, clothes, smells, Barry White albums, and 'positions' are all potential make or break points.

In fact, I don't think we've been 'having sex', or 'making love', or even 'shagging' of late, but rather performing minor medical procedures. comes a dilema, of sorts. There is one widely accepted position which should be utilised for conception.

The problem arises after repeated attempts, this position does get somewhat dull.

Fear not, the bowels of the internet informed me that there is an alternative to this position, which should prove just as effective, but there's a catch....It's only just as effective if the woman's cervix is tilted'.

How in the name of all that is holy can she, let alone I, tell if her flaming cervix is tilted or not ! ? !

I'm contemplating showing my swimmers pictures illustrating the difference between a tilted and non-titled cervix and training them to send back someone with a sign, just so we know.

There are two plus points on the upside of all this, One - I believe I am now a qualified gynacologist in 6 Eastern European countries and 4 US states, and TWO - I've learned that you should NEVER mention a woman's cervix when you're trying to get them into bed.


Unknown said...

Yeah, something kind-of gets lost in the lovemaking when the whole purpose is to have a kid ... becomes more of a process.

Perhaps, as Homer Simpson recommended, you should dress up as a high-school football player and dress your wife as a cheerleader. That might work.

Martin said...

Well one thing is for sure, you need a sense of humour about it !

We've done pretty well, we have a 100% record (more than 100% in fact ;-) ) and we've not ended up TOO mechanical.

When we think its heading that way, we just have a laugh about it, and start again !

Johnny said...

We had to keep trying and keep trying to where it ended up like a job. When we finally stopped "trying" it happened..