This may give you cause to gasp and clutch at your pearls, but here goes, I'm no John Wayne.
I have many manly moments, mostly involving beer, or football, or breasts, or a glorious combination of all of the above, but I don't really ooze testosterone.
This never really bothered me, there is always someone bigger, or stronger, or faster than you, no matter who you are.
In the beginning of our attempts to conceive, I was quite accepting of the possibility that there could be a problem, and relaxed about what I thought that might mean.
It seems I hadn't thought long and hard enough. I can't get ET pregnant. Twenty one cycles negate any need to dispute that.
Mojo, virility, potency, whatever you want to call it, it's missing, or at best, knackered.
How does a thirty-one year old man like me stand among his peers and not feel, at least a little, inadequate?
This isn't a sexual issue, thank Thor for small mercies, although I wonder does that make it even worse?
Everything works, yet doesn't. Plenty bow-chika-wow-wow, but no bite.
I look at younger guys with their kids, boys that are barely half my age, but they have 'proven' their manhood for all the world to see.
Jealous of what they have done, what that makes them as men, and by contrast what that must make me.
I listen to scandalous home town gossip of how some 12 or 13 year old has become a father after a fumble that went too far, and I cringe.
Where previously, I would have been cringing for the situation from my social viewpoint, now I cringe because it reminds me yet again of where I fall fundamentally short.
What I'm not able to do, despite my experience, intent, or tactic.
Yes, there are medical ways around these obstacles, be they on the male or the female side, and ultimately, success in that regard should dissolve any of this self doubt. I can technically impregnate, by all accounts, but I still feel like a dud.
It's almost come to the point where it doesn't matter where the biological issues lie, a real man would be able to knock up any woman, right?
I know this is pithy, has no small amount of self pity, maybe even pathetic, but nevertheless it's just how it is.
Waddle, waddle. Quack, quack.
Am I nuts?