Friday, 6 March 2009

Snooping

He's gone again.

I saw them both leave with suitcases yesterday, but I stayed in the laundry basket until I was sure they weren't coming back. Seems safe now.

He switched the computer off, but I know the big button that starts it whizzing.

While it's taking half an hour to start up I'm having a look around the desk. What a mess.

Interesting, flight details, Amsterdam to London, out Thursday and back on Sunday. Cool, I seem to have a couple of days peace without the idiot.

Appointment card, Wednesday 11th March, fertility department at the hospital. Hmm, are they still rambling on about that? They really should just get a dog.

Wait, there's a booklet with it. Intrauterine Insemination. What the hell is that supposed to be? Lemme see, I'll have a read...

Damn, I'm making the pages all sticky. Ah well, he won't notice anyway, those magazines in the back of the wardrobe are practically welded together as it is.

What! Are they going to try this IUI thing? It says here I'd need to be tested again. That means being forced into one of those glorified pill bottles. It's bloody cramped in there, and smells of fish.

Not only that, they would 'wash' and 'spin' me! I know I'm 'whiter than white' but that's taking the laundry analogies a bit too far for my liking.

It's bad enough being shot out at about four thousand miles an hour, smacking face first into a plastic wall, but they want to spin me around in some laboratory?

Just great that is, potential spinal injury and disorientation, bloody lovely.

And these guys are surprised when we end up swimming in circles? Medical school my arse.

Oh for the love of Jesus, look what it says here! If I manage to survive their attempts at inflicting brain damage on me, I get shoved into a syringe and fired into a uterus.

I've managed to avoid getting anywhere near that place for two bloody years through greed, guile, and gravity, and now they want to inject me in there!

What a pair of sneaky bastards.

I need to think about this one. I'm going back to the laundry basket to sulk.



19 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Speaking of Zen, you certainly have the original mind which is refreshing, even if your subject matter is often sticky.

Chaos said...

Sulking doesn't look good on anyone!

Joe said...

You've had your two years of fun Spence.

Two whole years of freedom.

Two years more than just about every freedom seeking seedhead in my country. Out here, you'd officially be classed as one in a billion y'know?

Bloody ingrate.

Sarah said...

Always good to hear from Spencer

kittyconcerto.com said...

Oh Spencer,

Just think of it as your duty and honor. Like in battle. Do it not for yourself, but for your country! Or at least all of us internet junkies.

Jenni said...

no offense, spencer, but you need a good kick in the ass.

James said...

You just need to be upfront with Spencer. A pep talk will do him good.

iVegasFamily said...

Well, when you can't get the job done correctly on your own, others have to do it for you.

Tanya said...

You have no choice buddy!!! You will go there and you will like it!

River said...

Spencer, if you'd done the job propely the first time, you wouldn't have to go through this wash, spin, inject thing now.

M+B said...

Poor Spencer! But its about time you played the game properly!

Putz said...

spinal injury>>>//????

B said...

four thousand miles an hour?
if that's scientifically accurate i think you may be able to single handedly win wars

bsouth said...

Silly boy. Stop sulking and get on with the job in hand.

tiff said...

To the laundry basket,into a sock????

womb for improvement said...

Spencer needs to get off the internet and start doing his day job properly.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Seems I can't turn my back for a minute.

I need to spill less.

Karen MEG said...

Spencer, quit being such a baby and just go and have your wash. You'll feel much better, amazing what taking a little spin will do...

geeksinrome said...

Sounds like Spencer is subletting to a bunch of deadbeats!! On with the spin cycle to weed out the slackers. They're causing so much trouble!!