Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Feline literature from Guantanamo

It's been roughly eleven years and four months since the IUI.

My calendar says it's been a week, but it's defective, it must be.

My brain has seized up, and ground to a halt. The neighbour's cat is capable of more productive output than I am at the moment. In fact, the cat is writing this on my behalf.

Under optimistically normal circumstances, which let's face it -if I'm imagining a cat using a spellchecker, these are not, right now somewhere deep inside a short woman in an office building in South Holland there's a whole lot of implanting going on.

As she is sitting there, pretending to work while reading about Susan Boyle's breakdown, there could be a fertilised egg burrowing it's way into some cosy looking corner of a uterine wall. Like those kittens you find in the cupboard under the stairs, rats under the kitchen sink, or asylum seekers in the attic.

The quandary is, who's to tell? how do we know? without waiting for another thirteen years before we get to actually find out. Do early stage pregnant women act as a beacon for small woodland creatures? Does an implanted egg make a noise if you poke it from the outside? What does hCG smell like?

What our neighbour's talented cat is nervous about typing is that today we have had a significant dip in temperature. From steady rises up into the 36.80s, right down to 36.23 C.

Exactly a week after the IUI.

Go on, say it. I dare you.

We'll be over here, in the two week wait cell, that part of Guantanamo bay they were afraid to tell you about.



53 comments:

jothemama said...

AAAAGHGHGHGHG!

Susan Boyle is having a breakdown?

jothemama said...

Those aghgh was of course related to the wait and not the breakdown, just in case anyone thinks I'm a freak.

mammydiaries said...

I had no idea about Susan Boyle... Must check that out. as far as preggo signs go though, mother nature sucks on that account. Would like to be able to do some sort of litmus test as fertilization occurs or maybe make it so that if you're pregnant, black light makes you glow and all small babies coo as you walk by...

Ed said...

hCG does smell. Sniff harder.

Sinead said...

I think a bunch of your readers are nearly as anxious as you are. I hope the next week passes quickly for you and ET!

Veronica said...

I'm all for blue toenails. The moment you get pregnant, your toenails should turn blue.

Tara R. said...

I'll be over here, not looking, in an effort not to jinx.

hotmamamia said...

STOP CHECKING the damn temperature...you are making yourself MORE nuts than you should...I know, easier said than done.

TRUE indicator is SUPER tender and swelling breasts...hers, not yours. Now if nature could just make a little pink or blue flag pop out of a nipple, you'd be set!

Ms. Moon said...

Every day I wonder how you and ET are handling this. I can't even imagine.
Do you wish you could go to sleep and wake up in a week?

WiseGuy said...

Susan Boyle? Really? No idea!

Sad that there really is no cooing when the implantation occurs...

Wait for the 13 years to pass! Let's see, if a courier makes its way to these caves faster!

S said...

was it Nietzsche who said, hell is repetition? I totally agree.

repeat 2wws, seriously the world's niftiest mindfuck. its the IVF equivalent of "chinee" torture. (other than clexane, but let's not go there).

and I'm with the poster that said "stop checking the fucking temperature". easier said than done, but christ almighty. just concentrate on susan boyle. or her knockers (ugh), her breakdown, her "amazing" voice, haggis, whatever. Or... sleep through the next week.

Good luck mate! =)

Jenni said...

i'm totally freaking out for you right now. i can't even imagine what you and ET are feeling.

Kori said...

Take some deep breaths; freaking out? Doesn't help. And I have no idea what to tell you because 1. I am not there and 2. I would imagine that pregnancy symptoms are different for everyone. We had an "oh shit" moment a few days ago and almost immediately I had heartburn and was sure I was knocked up. It is just-different for everyone. We are all waiting with you, but hey, if it were me, THAT would be absolutely no comfort whatsoever.

Russ said...

I understand that Gitmo is quite nice this time of year, if a bit warm.

Am I the lone person on Earth that has not viewed this Boyle person? Yes I know who she is, the rock I live under isn't that heavy, but I do my best to not leave it.

meabh said...

A few months ago I had a dip 7 days post ov & was convinced i was preggo....nope!
The month just gone I had a "bleed" (sorry boys!)on 7 days post ov & every frecking website said this is an implant bleed....nope!
The signs are all the same as imminent redness on the way. eg sore boobies can mean either as i get that each month anyway!Pregnancy symptoms dont start til about 5-6 wks.
sorry
I've temped for years. I'm addicted, its hard to stop. If it makes you happy then continue.
Fall asleep & set your clock for 1 week is really the best advice

Chhandita said...

The temp dip sounds promising....I like the cat better lol

Lorna said...

Gosh, you guys are torturing yourselves but been there too. Never took my temp though, is the slight dip in temp a good sign? I have to admit I have done things like poking my breasts and even squeezing nipples (my own)! while driving along, wondering whether or not they were getting slightly tender or not!

Bonnie B. said...

Here's what I would do (yeah, I know, you didn't ask). I'd used that fecking thermometer to stir the endless line of drinks I'd have lined up on the nearest bar, so as to stay completely shitfaced drunk for another week!!

Helpful advice, no?

AnnD said...

Though I've never had trouble getting pregnant (my problem is more on keeping them alive once their in there), I kind of know how you feel with the waiting....waiting for the U/S to see if there is a baby in there, waiting through each day to see if there is more bleeding, waiting for each hCG draw, waiting through to the next U/S to make sure the baby is still alive! It's maddening how each day is lived from hour to hour! I can't imagine what you guys are going through....I will remind you though that my friend had a drop her BBT when they were trying and emailed me with the bad news but she ended up being pregnant anyway!

Sadia said...

I'm sending you happy reproductive thoughts from Texas. (Hey you! Mind out of the gutter!)

J from Ireland said...

My nerves are gone, so I can only imagine how this is for you two. I so hope this is it for yis. Best wishes.

Susanica said...

Xbox, I wish there were some magical way to make the waiting easier but there isn't.

But if it helps, 22 seconds just went by as I typed this. Maybe you could just type up a few hundred draft e-mails and it will be pee on stick time before you know it! -Monica

M+B said...

Wait a couple of days and wee on a stick... Heck at 10 days I had a positive result in both pregnancies.

Or is ET still popping hormones?

Sue said...

God, wish I had something encouraging to say. 2 more sleeps until testing? Like pp, I had undeniable positives (yes, of *course,* I peed on more than one stick...) at 10dpiui with my twins. At 9 dp, I had something I could twist my eyes into believing was a line.

SO hoping this is it! All possible limbs and appendages crossed.

nh said...

I wish I could make the wait go faster... keep on, keeping on!

Making Babies said...

I was going to send out a blog search party to look for you!!!! :)

Oooooh, dare I? Naah, I did that to myself last week. I hope you and ET have better luck.

:)

Christa said...

You got get a little closer to smell the hcg.

Claire said...

Oh XBox as ever I am hoping with all my might that a little eggo is burrowing away diligently in ET's uterus right now! No tips for making the wait easier, I hate waiting too. And I had no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever until about 6 weeks gone so I can't help there either. Just hope hope hoping for you guys...

iVegasFamily said...

Does ET walk around with a thermometer in her mouth?

Sarah said...

I refuse to chart temps. I do not need even one more thing to dwell on and stress about. Thanks, but no thanks.

natasha said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

her temp dropped?

Tell her to put on some socks... derr...

B said...

She's a bit "simple" though, isn't she?
Susan Boyle that is, not the missus.

2 week wait? is there some sort of security feature on down there that autolocks after a fortnight?

Petite G. said...

It's been a long time but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and really hoping for the best. I really hope this is it. You and me both I'm sure.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Ok, not going to be the one to say it. Encouraging news to come home to though.

frogpondsrock said...

I am off to google SusanBoyle/breakdown right this minute.. I like Veronica and hotmamamia's ideas though. xox

womb for improvement said...

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that you have a random title generator and have to shoe-horn a post to fit it.

Either that or you are just teetering on the edge of sanity.

(Prolly the latter).

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@jothemama - She is, apparently.

@mammydiaries - No such luck

@Ed - bloody hayfever...

@Sinead - I read that as 'abnoxious' and thought 'that's a bit harsh!'

@Veronica - mine, or hers?

@Tara R. - don't make a mess.

@hotmamamia - Er, we won't of that's alright with you. You should contact the AMA with that one TRUE sign.

@Ms. Moon - Answer? badly.

@WiseGuy - stranger things have happened.
@S - Cheers.

@Jenni - try harder...

@Kori - I'm warning you...

@Russ - Don't do it.

@meabh - boys heh, all 3 of them

@Chhandita - heh...

@Lorna - Squeeze them often enough I'm sure they would get tender...

@Bonnie B. - And get her drunk?

@AnnD - yep, heard all the stories.

@Sadia - But it likes it there...

@J from Ireland - Thanks.

@Susanica - I'm reading the phone book.

@M+B - I'm not sure what effect the drugs would have on the traceable levels.

@Sue - Sleep? what's that?

@nh - Hmmmph, suppose.

@Making Babies - Thanks.

@Christa - I tried, she kneed me in the face.

@Claire - thanks Claire.

@iVegasFamily - Vaginal temping is considered more accurate...

@Sarah - Well, then, don't.

@natasha - send her around.

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - Go away.

@B - Just a tad. You are unfortunately accurate about the two weeks.

@Petite G. - She's alive! good to see you alive and kicking, thanks.

@James (SeattleDad) - Oh on holiday were we, fine for some...

@frogpondsrock - dont encourage them.

@womb for improvement - Busted. Is there a better way to come up with this shit?

Alison said...

Everything crossed for you. Especially my legs (mean that in a good way!!)

River said...

Never having been through any of this, I don't understand the significance of the temperature changes. Is a drop good or bad? Maybe it means nothing?

River said...

Oh, and I knew that two of my friends were pregnat almost before they did, their faces looked softer around the jawline. This doesn't work for women who are naturally plump or have obvious double chins though.

River said...

What is hCG?

jothemama said...

Nipples that go brown and distended labia, those are the signs you're watching for.

Sadly, most early pregnancy symptoms are very similar to impending period symptoms, just to fuck with us, I suppose.

Rikki said...

With both of my pregnancies I felt like my period was coming. Bloated and crampy. Isn't irony a bitch?

Here till the end...

maggie, dammit said...

*goose bumps*

Edith said...

You poor thing! :)

Waiting is such a bitch....

WhatAboutNovember said...

You know, the first two weeks of every cycle just fly by. Why can't the last 2 (or 3, for some of us) go as fast?

nutsinmay said...

The only time I got pregnant, I felt like I was getting my period right up until it was overdue by about a day, and then my breasts suddenly went up a cup size and hurt like mad. During the 2ww wait? Nada. The 2ww would break Rambo like spaghetti. It totally would.

Toes still crossed.

Mwa said...

Just wanting to add some more positive thinking: just heard of a good friend who got knocked up after three years!

As for symptoms, I've only twice done a family photo album, and both times I was recently up the duff. Peeing on a stick never works well for me - don't trust those things. They tend to only work around day 38 or something for me.

... just about turning blue here, holding my breath for you two!

AnnB said...

A sudden urge for banana sandwiches and a need to sleep ALL the time; these signs are all much more scientific than any old temperature thingie! I will now, of course,start eating banana sandwiches day and night on your behalf, just, you know, to help with the wait like....

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

I read this post yesterday but was too nervous and excited for you to type something coherent. Now it's today and I'm still too nervous and excited for you to type something coherent.

I have everything crossed for you, friend.

PS- I kinda had a hunch I was preggers before I tested because I had a weird tingling in my boobs that I noticed whenever I'd rise from sleeping... just my 2 Canadian cents...

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Alison - Heh, thanks.

@River - A temp dip and then rise ab out 7 days after ovulation can be a good sign, it can also be nothing.
hCG is the hormone in the blood that will denote pregnancy.

@jothemama - Just how distended? kicking along the ground in front of you type thing?

@Rikki - Very much so.

@maggie, dammit - Is that like a terrorist bump?

@Edith - Yep, yep, yep!

@WhatAboutNovember - they dont fly either!

@nutsinmay - I'll have to check their size later.

@Mwa - You want me to hire a photographer?

@AnnB - not a banana in the house!

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - heh, thanks.

Missives From Suburbia said...

I swear to you that I don't even remember feeling this nervous for myself after my first IUI treatment.