Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Give us a wave

She has a wee belly you know.

Not much, and no one other than us would ever notice. We know that all it really is is a little swelling or bloating, but that doesn't seem to matter. It's so much more than that.

It really is one of the nicest sites you could ever see.

Speaking of which, in a couple of days we hope to see an even better one. On Friday we have our first scan, 7 weeks and 5 days into the pregnancy.

The as of yet unnamed bugger has now turned from an embryo into a foetus, (or a fetus, if you like to spare vowels,) its nervous system is developing rapidly, including its brain, and wee eyes are starting to show under its skin.

Last week's bud-limbs are growing still and looking more like real arms and legs. It might wave.

All this is happening, we are certain of it, ET is tired on and off, she has turned from some foods, and there's breast activity going on that can only be described as a very fitting tribute to the late Farrah Fawcett.

We have nothing but positive signs, no reason to think anything is other than perfectly fine, and we are very content with the idea of the wee thing being tucked up nice and safe in its bedwomb.

Still, in the corner of my mind somewhere there is a pinhole sized fear, so atomic, so magnetic, so concentrated, and potentially full of horrors that I can't bring myself to think of.

I don't know why it's there, there is no reason for it. None whatsoever.

Then why is it there?

Roll on Friday.


82 comments:

Kate said...

I always think everything is going to go wrong. That way, I won't be disappointed. Typical Irish. ;-)

When my boy was a foetus, we called him Gomez. Everyone got a huge kick out of this. "How's Gomez?" they'd inquire.

Continued good mojo to you & yours, my friend.

Momo Fali said...

It's natural for it to be there. Hell, it's there for me and this isn't even my kid. Glad to be on this ride with you though. Let's roll on, shall we?

Christa said...

Wave at little boob for me will ya?

darcie said...

That's the fear of a parent - it never goes away - ever...
It starts BEFORE birth and continues for the rest of our lives...I hope you are documenting the baby bump in pictures ~ Even if ET doesn't feel like it - she'll be glad she did later!!

zakary said...

Don't think that.

HAPPY BABY THOUGHTS.

womb for improvement said...

You know too much, that's why you have the fear. Ignore it, it'll go away.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to be pessimistic but your fear is there because it's very early days yet, not every pregnancy goes to full term, statistically your fears are not totally unfounded however I do hope they prove to be...

Petite G. said...

It'll always be there. It just starts early. I'm constantly thinking about my kids. That's the up and downside of being a parent. Glad you're on the rollercoaster now. You'll get a bit sick after the 30,000th go around. :)

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Totally natural to have some fear. It simply stems from wanting everything to work out so much. I STILL feel the fear that I did during pregnancy even now (remember what a wreck I was?), but it just manifests itself differently these days (what if she falls down the stairs, what if she catches a horrible disease, what if she's kidnapped...).

Welcome to parenthood. There's lots of fear here and it's a good thing, it serves a purpose (helps you to protect your wee one) but most of it is just silly. Sounds like you're doing a great job of not letting it take over.

Waiting not so patiently for Friday and wishing the three of you nothing but a WONDERFULFANTASTICBEAUTIFULAMAZING ultrasound.

xx

iamstacey said...

You'll feel better after the scan Friday! Love your blog!

Karen MEG said...

(Stop thinking about that fear... as others have said, it is always there, it's part of parenthood. And it's human nature. Pinch yourself, it is really happening and it's all good.)

I'm clapping over her wee belly, so cute!!! And rawk those pregnancy boobs, ET (sorry, I miss mine so, but I ain't going there to get them back).

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

If it's yours (we'll wait to see the test results on that one) then her (b/c she is a her) tenacity alone will force her to come to full term.

Lorna said...

Because you always feel a little nervous before every scan, every visit to the GP or midwife - well, at least I did - even when I could feel them kicking.

Mwa said...

Embrace the fear, then let it go. I had it so bad, I wouldn't buy anything for either of my babies until the six month mark. Just being superstitious.

I had that early bump! It was gas. I had it so bad, someone asked me if I was pregnant. My answer came with some free advice: "Yes, but in the future you may want to be more careful with that question."

Enjoy the echo. That's when it starts sinking in.

Kori said...

Can I just mention here that anonymous is an asshole?

Ms. Moon said...

You have fear because that's what being a parent is all about. Just wait- it only gets worse. It means nothing about how your baby is doing in its bedwomb, which I think is a genius phrase and I'm stealing it someday, so there.

bsouth said...

Everyone has the fear when it comes to pregnancy. It's perfectly natural and means nothing. You have NOT suddenly developed super-natural powers. Remember the mantra.

Jasper Mockingbard said...

Fear is one of the ways God gets you to pray to Him...

Speaking of God, you'll be praising His Holy name once you begin to notice how luscious boobies and bellies look on pregnant women.

Visiting a Babies-R-Us store during a big sale is just Heaven!

nutsinmay said...

I can't say anything reassuring. I'm too scarred. But I do promise you I am hoping and wishing and crossing digits (and I'd pray too, if I weren't such a bloody-minded atheist) for a lovely scan, and a lovely healthy growing foetus (I am British, I WILL SPELL IT THE LONG WAY), and a lovely swelling belly for ET, and , and damn it, a chorus of bluebirds and bunnyrabbits too, if necessary.

Jenni said...

with both boys, i was worried until the moment i held them in my arms. i still worry, to be honest. just keep reminding yourself, the odds are stacked in your favor.

Sinead said...

I think everyone has a fear of what can go wrong lurking unspoken about in the back of their mind. Even now 31 weeks pregnant, I am counting down to the 33 weeks stage when if the baby was born it has a 90% chance of surviving. Crazy thoughts to be going through my head, but I can't stop them.

Alison said...

lol... Welcome to parent hood, darling!
Try and get used to the worry. It's usually permanent!

Middle Aged Woman said...

It's there forever and ever, amen. It's natural, but don't let it take over. It always niggles at the back of any parent's brain, and soon you'll be too busy and/or sleep-deprived to think about it. Welcome to the Parent Club!

Tanya said...

I documented my bump in photos, every 4 weeks and it was the best thing I did because now I look back on them and smile. I am now due to take the next photo but as Emily is 1 month old, it would be a 'post pregnancy' photo. I dont really want to show the world that I havent yet lost the baby weight!

The worry is normal. I worried until I was 12 weeks along, which is meant to be the 'safe' stage. I worried at each ultrasound until I saw the heartbeat and I also worried about abnormalities. We didn't know the gender so that was a big mystery too. Apparently 90% of women know the gender from a gut feeling. Maybe you could both guess just before you go to find out and see if you were right?

As long as ET is taking the right vitamins and eating healthy and doing some gentle exercise, the bub should be fine. We are lucky these days that there are such good ultrasounds and tests that we can pick up on any worries straight away.

Yay for big boobs. Nothing makes you feel better than going to buy larger bra sizes!

Sue said...

I think it's because you love that little bugger already. Even though I was still puking my guts out at 7ish weeks (indeed, longer than that) which was very reassuring, that pin hole of fear persisted for both of us, esp C. There is always risk in loving, but it seems there is very little for you at this point. Once C saw ours bouncing aroung on ultrasound, he was completely and utterly taken. It's such a wonderful feeling, I encourage you to take it all in, roll about in it, whatever metaphor you choose. Don't let that pinhole take away from the immense joy of falling in love with the little bugger that will one day be your child.

Thinking of you, can't wait for you report.

morninglight mama said...

Ah, that worry and fear that you're feeling? From my experience that begins during the pregnancy, and probably stays with you for the next 18 years or so... mine is going strong 9 years in! :)

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

Welcome to parenthood.

That fear is yours forever now. Just different scenarios.

Nikki aka Widdle Shamrock said...

A widdle fear is totally normal, then once you see the scan, it's like woo hoo.

When I took Celtic Lad and Celtic Dingo to the Wee Green One's scans, they would look at the telly and if they thought she waved at them, they would wave back. It was just the cutest.

Anonymous said...

Yep, welcome to parenthood. The fear never leaves regardless if they are in you or out of you. Of course for those of us who have been through the mill to have a baby, the fear is even worse.
Deno

WhatAboutNovember said...

Why is it there? Because this matters SO MUCH. There is so much all wrapped up in it, that the very possibility of loss is enough to make you nauseous.

Can't wait to see a pic on Friday. You will scan one in for us, yes?

Dto3 said...

Already being a good dad - worrying over the little things. Cheerio!

James (SeattleDad) said...

It's just the beginning of an array of fears Xbox. Thankfully it is just a small one in the back of your mind.

Chhandita said...

That fear? its there coz we know too much...sometimes ignorance is bliss...Its still there for me and am in my third trimester...just enjoy the beautiful phase...leave the worrying to us...best of luck for the u/s...

WiseGuy said...

Yeah, that growing bump is beautiful indeed...rounded and smooth, with a delightful secret inside!

It is foetus for me, never fetus!

I understand that tiny fear. It will remain. But I think a good scan on Friday will greatly alleviate the anxiety. Wishing you all the very best!

adrienne said...

oh!

sonograms were my favorite part. the best best part.

i'm so excited for you.

Shanny said...

Ahh the beauty of bloating! And check you out living up to the dad name already... worrying like that! I can't wait for you and ET to have your ultrasound so that you can breath a sigh of relief. ::fingers crossed for the nappyrash family::

Jill said...

It's hard to not let the fears get the best of you - especially when you want something so darn bad.

I'm getting my tubes tied tomorrow. While I'm TOTALLY excited about it, a small part of me fears that by making such a permanent decision I'm jinxing myself for something bad to happen in the future.

Can't wait to see the little bean!

jodieodie said...

See you are already becoming parents. Fear/Guilt will hover around you for the rest of your life.
This is a good sign, and all part of the process.

momma said...

Fear...blah! It sucks and isn't worth the energy. I totally understand it though...I'm fearful of even trying again but I don't want to give up that hope of succeeding, it's amazing to be someone's parent. My little man is sleeping in a big boy bed tonight for the first time, no more crib, and I'm heartbroken and fearful at the same time. No more baby I think, so on to new fears...will he fall, will he be scared, will he hate it. Just part of being his momma I suppose although the fear from pregnancy was a little less then the fears I have for him now.

It's an awesome fear to have though, wish we were in your shoes! Can't wait to see the u/s pics....!

Making Babies said...

Can't add anything to ease the fear. So totally normal. Looking forward to Friday!! :)

Feebee said...

Good luck on Friday. A good scan will alleviate the fear - for at least an hour or two!

frogpondsrock said...

That fear is normal and you just have to ignore it. Some days as a parent frighten you more than others.It is just the way things are and it gets worse when you are a grandparent..

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Kate - Thanks Kate ;-)

@Momo Fali - Yep, Roll on!

@Christa - a big wave even!

@darcie - nice idea.

@zakary - 99.999999% of the time yes!

@womb for improvement - That's one of the problems, knowing too much.

@Anonymous - Well I don't think there's any need to be THAT pessimistic.

@Petite G. - Dammit.

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - Oh dear...

@iamstacey - We will, thank you!

@Karen MEG - well, she wasn't lacking to begin with! ;-)

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - that almost sounds like a compliment, you ill?

@Lorna - Yes, absolutely.

@Mwa - When you say 'it was gas' I read that as 'it was funny'...

@Kori - ;-)

@Ms. Moon - I like that word heh

@bsouth - No, Ive had them all along!

@Jasper Mockingbard - Oh he's being sneaky now is he?
That is an insight into your psyche Im not sure I was prepared for ;-)

@nutsinmay - Thank You :-)

@Jenni - very very true.

@Sinead - thats exactly it, you KNOW better, but cant help it still.
Not long now!

@Alison - gee thanks ;-)

@Middle Aged Woman - heh thanks

@Tanya - Nice idea alright.

@Sue - good advice, thank you.

@morninglight mama - hahah we're screwed.

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - Oh great...

@Nikki aka Widdle Shamrock - haha, sweet.

@Deno - yeah, it's knowing TOO much is the problem sometimes.

@WhatAboutNovember - Dunno. I'll have to see.

@Dto3 - hehehe.

@James (SeattleDad) - it is just that, tiny, miniscule. But there.

@Chhandita - wow, time is pushing on, good luck.

@WiseGuy - ever so small, but lovely to see!

@adrienne - Thanks!

@Shanny - hehe thanks.

@Jill - big step! good luck.

@jodieodie - hahaha good sign eh?

@momma - thank you.

@Making Babies - Me too!

@Feebee - aggh. I was hoping to get a few weeks out of it!

@frogpondsrock - Ah jesus give me a chance!

Elfinamsterdam said...

Xbox, dont worry Darcie is right, its the worry of a parent.

I'm only a subparent and I felt like that about Sean from the moment I knew of his "wombular existence"...

I'm still worrying about him...

Its called Love!

Jane G said...

I think your fear is there because you know people who have experienced loss. Put it to the back of your mind (easier said than done I know!). Best of luck for the scan on Friday. Seeing that little heartbeat is just amazing.

lynseyj said...

Yep, I'm with you on the worry thing.
I keep telling myself that every baby out there, every person we meet was at one time a 7 week old FOETUS,so the odds have got to be in our favour right??


Having had a few losses myself, i do sometimes feel the fear threatening to overwhelm, but I shoot the bugger straight back to the deepest darkest bits of my mind where it belongs!
Hopefully, this will be my last pregnancy and I want to look back and remember the early weeks with excitement,not fear. But hey, we're always gonna worry - we're human! (most of the time anyway, just not when the preg hormones take over!)

Enjoy the scan.

AnnD said...

You have that fear because you read too many blogs (like mine)!

You and I would both know that I would be a huge hypocrite if I said: "Don't worry so much! Enjoy every minute!" That's all I do is worry...I can't help it. I own my anxiety and it's there with me every day, even now at almost 20 weeks...I never get an hour off from the worry that suddenly that little heart inside of me will just stop beating and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

I don't have any words of wisdom but, statistically speaking, everything with your Baby Bean is probably perfect.

Also, you can rent Doppler's (when you pregnancy reaches 10 weeks or so, you should be able to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler). Something to consider...

But, you better be scanning those U/S photos and posting them!!!! I'll be obsessively checking your blog Friday whenever I can to make sure all is well.

Jo said...

Nervous, afraid you say? Welcome to parenting! Even though everything is surely fine it is a fact of life that parenting is nerve wracking. I tell myself that the fear is a symptom of my love for my daughter. It doesn't make any more sense in my head either. But focus on the positive!

geeksinrome said...

the fear is there b/c you have felt jinxed for so long (with not being able to conceive). it takes forever to convince yourself you are not irremediably jinxed for the rest of your life. that you WILL have a child to hold seems such a pipe dream.

that particular fear only went away after my kid turned 8 months and he was too heavy to be snatched by gypsies or the Albanian mafia.

Now I teach my kids self-defense/self-respect so they can fend off all the predators and smooth-talking grease-bags I am sure are circling them like vultures.

oh wait, was I supposed to write something reassuring?? hah, sorry :)

Putz said...

ya ya ya, i remember...ours was prematurity but all was in the long run fine except with a little deafness{hard of hearing that we can live with} in your case i think and feel you will be lucky enough to come off PERFECT...you can start trying again in 6 months 1 week and 1 day for number two....it is habit forming you know

Putz said...

i need to say that the hearing problem is completely fixable as everything is fixable and i know that with god he won't make any more bumps in the road for you just bumps that turn out to be perfect babies...many prayers are for you love the putz

Boliath said...

That feeling? It will stay with you for the rest of your life, it's what makes you a parent. It's what gets you up from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to check that they're still breathing, what makes you nauseous when you hear of some dreadful horror happening to another family, it's what will cause your child to shrug your hand off their shoulder and run off to play leaving you behind. Congratulations :)

Barbara said...

Hi, I'm Barbara from Fairhaven Health. We manufacture natural, doctor-designed products to help couples conceive. We offer supplements, teas, diagnostic tools, etc. including products such as FertilAid for Women and Men.

I've been reading your blog and you've got some great content! If there's interest on your part, we'd be happy to send you product samples for you to review or to use as giveaways. Just fyi, we're by no means a large pharmaceutical company and are committed to helping women conceive safely and naturally.

I can be reached via Barbara@FairhavenHealth.com.

Anonymous said...

I wanted to apologise for what I wrote, yes you're right there is no need for all that pessimism and 'worst case scenario' at such a time of optimism and joy, I hope I did not offend. wishing you the very best.

Susanica said...

I like to think that all of the people who didn't worry enough were killed off by lions and tigers and bears. Because of this, they could not produce more people with underdeveloped fear mechanisms.

This helps me "embrace" my anxiety. I think. -Monica

kma said...

Well as the fifty something people commenting ahead of me said - it's part of being a parent and is totally normal to have fears.

Hey, how lucky are you guys having a scan so early in the pregnancy! In this neck of the woods you don't have your first scan until 10-11 wks gestation.

Hope your scan is one of the 4D jobbies because they are absolutely amazing to view.

Take care :)

Chelsea Lietz said...

Is it Friday yet?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Elfinamsterdam - Awwwwwwwww!

@Jane G - I hope so :-)

@lynseyj - Thanks.Best of luck!

@AnnD - hahaha, now who would be mad enough to rent a Doppler... ;-)

@Jo - That is a nice way to look at it I must say.

@geeksinrome - poor Albanians!

@Putz - Putz, you are simply brilliant. Quite nuts, but brilliant.
Thank you.

@Boliath - Thanks for those extra worry scenarios I hadn't thought of!

;-)

@Barbara - Thanks, 2 years too late though ;-)

@Anonymous - I guessed you didn't mean it quite like it sounded, but I wanted to be clear that we are so very very positive about all of this now.
Thanks for clearing that up, I appreciate that. ;-)

@Susanica - I love the self counselling ;-)

@kma - hahaha I think a 4D or 2D shot of a half inch smudge wouldn't make any difference!


@Chelsea Lietz - GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAH. No.

Kathryn said...

I hope you blog till you're 100+ years old! I just love reading it!

Can't wait to hear about the 7 week scan....I'm excited too!

Robin said...

Of course there's a little fear way back in the very back of your brain. This is your gold medal event in the olympics of life! You get to participate with God in bringing one of his great creations into this world! And believe me we all feel like we've been pulled out of the crowd to swim against Michael Phelps at the beginning of this race. Each day you will grow more confident in yourself and the wee babe will become more of your reality.
I am excited for you both and a little passionate about babies... sorry.

hotmamamia said...

"tucked up nice and safe in its bedwomb." Man, you are the best wordsmith...you really are!

Just wait til you see the wee one sucking its thumb it will blow you out of the embryonic fluid! The scans today are freaking amazing...are you getting a 3D one? It is ike an honest to goodness portrait!

As for your trepidation, totally understandable buddy...given all that you and ET went through to be where you are...just stay the course...can't wait to see the pictures (we'll have fireworks over here for you as it is Independence Day weekend!)

Tara R. said...

A baby bump! Very cool. The initial scan is great, seeing your little bundle of joy for the first time. That tingle of doubt is normal, but it will all be great.

Anonymous said...

I forget to say..BEST OF LUCK at the scan. I am sure the little bean is perfect as can be.
Deno

IrishNYC said...

Good luck with the next scan! I'm sure baby will be in there, heart a-fluttering, limbs a-waving.

People in the Sun said...

Yea, what they said. As usual, 64 people have said what I wanted to say, only better.

When Honey was pregnant and I was constantly worried, it did help to know that if something happened it would be because her body knew what it was doing. I know it's never ...

I've just realized something: Look at all these cuties on the left!

tiff said...

Hurry up Friday.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Kathryn - It will be almost 8 weeks, 7w5d.
And thanks, too kind.

@Robin - I dunno about the god bit but you are right, this is the big one!

@hotmamamia - I do like that term ;-)

@Tara R. - Thanks Tara!

@Deno - Thanks! excited big time now.

@IrishNYC - buds a wavin you mean ;-)

@People in the Sun - perv.;-)

@tiff - 28 hours!

mammydiaries said...

You have a new award! See my blog for details:)

Rachel said...

I hope for all good news on Friday!

Claire said...

What they all said :)

It's funny, since I've been following your blog and the many ups and downs you've faced, I've been wanting to warn you; the worry never goes away! The TTC, the pregnancy, the birth, the early days...all tinged with anxiety that it's all about to go horribly wrong. And a by-product of the fiercest love you've ever felt, coupled with disbelief that you could ever be so lucky. Can't wait for news about tomorrow x

blissfully caffeinated said...

It's completely natural to have that fear that something will go wrong. I'm on my third pregnancy and I had that fear (as I always do) up until about my 20th week. But you have more reason than most to worry, since it's been such a long road to get to your 8th week of pregnancy. Just keep a good thought, and know that the insane breast pain and food aversions are really good signs. Once you hear that heartbeat it should be all good.

Best wishes!!!

jothemama said...

Heh, bedwomb. Cute.

The pinhole is there because it's always there, for everyone. Worst fears, you know? It just mutates into a slightly different one, even when they're hail and healthy and growing older.

Tismee2 said...

There always has to be an opposite.

Hope the little 'un waves frantically at you both tomorrow!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@mammydiaries - Thanks!

@Rachel - Us too! thanks.

@Claire - Now ye tell me!

@blissfully caffeinated - Very Kind, thank you!

@jothemama - I do like bedwomb.

@Tismee2 - Cheers!

Anonymous said...

I'm 37 weeks along with my first pregnancy. At every appointment I still hold my breath while they check her heartbeat. She was moving so much today before the appointment that I knew she was just fine and dandy, but that doppler scares the shit out of me.

I'm due to deliver within two weeks and I still don't really believe a live baby is at the end of this. And it's been a relatively problem free pregnancy.

Welcome to the club.

M+B said...

Hey, its Friday! I'll call back later :)

hotmamamia said...

PICTURES, please!!!!! It is Friday here in Pittsburgh!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Anonymous - Wow, so close, best of luck!

@M+B - you may come back...

@hotmamamia - sheeesh...

Blues said...

Quit worrying. This is the happy part. Believe it.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Blues - can only try ;-)

Deb said...

Welcome to parenthood. It's petrifying. Every. Single. Day.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Deb - Oi vey...