Monday, 18 January 2010

Life of luxury

Other than the emergence of a snubby nose or chubby fist from her nether regions, ET has experienced one of the last big signs that the time is nigh.

Maternity leave.

No more alarms, no more waddling across snowy car parks, and no more trying to work out how to reach a keyboard that is distanced from your wee fingertips by the length of the gut projecting out of you.

Until sometime in July at least.

She’s now a lady of leisure, and can focus on a little baking, some pottering, but mostly embroidery. Or watching repeats of Law & Order, whichever suits.

The greatest little recognised advantage of maternity leave is of course, post. No longer will I have to spend evenings trawling up and down the street trying with a postman’s illegible note trying to find the parcel that he dropped off with some random neighbour, our post shall be delivered.

The downside of this is a tad more practical. Up to now she has been drinking tea, using toilet paper, and consuming electricity all at the expense of her employer, but now her Cleopatrian lounging will thrust us into financial disaster with soaring toilet paper bills and tea-bag shortages.

Maternity leave, another one of life’s ill thought through concepts.


26 comments:

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Nice! Not long now!!

Veronica said...

Just think, you can come home to find her curled up on the couch with a book. Then, you can also bring her tea and toast and rub her back.

Soon!

Monty said...

For your troubles, how many days of paternity leave do you get?

And women say that it's a man's world!

Marita said...

With my eldest due on 30th May 2003 I finished work on 30April 2003 ready to start a months maternity leave.

2.30am on the morning of 1st May 2003 I went into labour.

I believe the lesson here is:

God laughs at those who make plans.

Geeks In Rome said...

Good for ET! Let her enjoy these last precious moments of calm and relaxation.

I totally regret not spending my three days off from work before labor with just sleeping and sleeping. Instead I fell into a frenzied fit of "nesting" and ran all over the city buying Kleenex and boxes...

But I did vegg for half a day watching the Simpsons and voila, contractions began.

hmm. I think Marita is right. the moment you sit and put your feet up the baby decides to crash the party! Watch out! Maybe she can leave the vacuum on while she lounges to fool him into thinking she's working?

livingrightnow said...

At least she gets Maternity Leave! I wasn't so priviledged.

It will be amusing if ET starts 'Nesting.' My partner was very impressed when I cleaned and sorted every single thing in the entire house, packed my bags, had the baby room ready, made lists, cooked and froze enough meals for a month etc.

Maternity leave before the baby is born is planning time as well as relaxing time!

-Tanya

Edith said...

hahaha :)
And toilet paper she will us!!!

:)

Kori said...

Oh, that is so much fun to think about! I hope she gets a lot of rest, and I hope you never, ever come home and ask her what she did all day!

Russ said...

You ain't kidding. Our TP consumption nearly doubled when the wife was on maternity leave.

Mostly she got into crafty things, so that wasn't too bad.

Has ET started 'nesting' yet? If she hasn't, that will be fun.

Ms. Moon said...

Very funny. I am just so happy for ET. I love imagining her drinking tea and doing embroidery and finishing up the final touches on that baby.

Misssy M said...

That month before the baby comes out, when you are on leave but not yet a mum is the BEST MONTH EVER. I look back on that month- even with the inability to tie shoelaces/poop without medicine/stay awake for more than 2 hours at a time/sleep without a whole mattres between my knees, as being my favourite month on the planet so far.

womb for improvement said...

Could she utilise the used tea bags for wiping her undercarriage thereby saving on toilet paper costs?

Sadia said...

Just thank whatever it that you thank that she's not on bed rest!

James (SeattleDad) said...

just think of all that she will be able to get done around the house....

Never mind.

Hockeymandad said...

Wow, with all on the horizon you're worried about toilet paper and tea? Hehe, thanks for the laugh.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

I cannot WAIT to see you online at 4am your time bouncing that baby on your knee b/c its up for the 3rd time that night.

Mwa said...

I love that she gets so much maternity leave. Over here you only get three months. Dads get ten days, though - I know you won't get that. Can you take some holidays as well?

River said...

You mean to tell me you HAVEN'T been stockpiling toilet paper and teabags for the last 8 months? That's the purpose of the baby's room. You line the walls with all the stuff you'll need in that last month. When it's all used up, move the baby in.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - Nope, ticking onwards...

@Veronica - odd thing... since getting knocked up, she's stopped reading...

@Monty - just a couple of days paid actually, but 26 weeks unpaid if I want.

@Marita - God can keep himself to himself from here on in, thank you very much ;-)

@Geeks In Rome - leave it on? would have to be turned on first...

@livingrightnow - why so?

@Edith - thats for sure!

@Kori - I fully intend to.

@Russ - I think I can safely say, no!

@Ms. Moon - yeah the embriodery was a bit of a stretch....

@Misssy M - for WHO...

@womb for improvement - now, thats classy

@Sadia - I will thank my aethiest nothing then ;-)

@James (SeattleDad) - funny, really.

@Hockeymandad - Toilet paper is under represented in todays harsh society...

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - what, you think there's gonna be some kind of peep show?

@Mwa - yeah it's 16 weeks total, but she's working in some unpaid leave & holidays etc.

@River - Clever Idea...

Jenni said...

wow, almost any day now, huh? very exciting1

Putz said...

i so appreciate your country, all the help to get you guys prego, and then all the support to keep her working until now, and now all the attentention on using her leave to get a perfect BOY baby...love your country

samcrea said...

Maternity leave is as much a help to the daddy as it is to the mammy (god I hope there are no feminists witnessing this) Just make sure you invest in a good sturdy stick for prodding her out of bed, reminding her that "somebody has to earn a crust in the morning"

Deb said...

I tell my husband to think about all the money he saves not buying me outrageously expensive shoes and paying for my drycleaning now that I'm no longer going to the office every day. Bright sides to everything!

Keith Wilcox said...

I loved my wifes maternity leave. I was a stay at home dad right from the beginning excluding that maternity leave time. So it was crucial for me too so I could get used to being a parent.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Jenni - yep, any day in the next 42!

@Putz - Wait until you hear about the AFTER birth care...!

@samcrea - You're safe enough, no women read this shit...

@Deb - If you were going to the office I'd say buy your own!

@Keith Wilcox - And you got dinner made every day, admit it...

tomi said...

Maternity leave is awesome, although I think I nearly went nuts the first week (cabin fever and summer heat - not good).

Hope ET enjoys hers more than I did (at the start) :)