Wednesday, 6 January 2010

January 5, 2010, 7:17pm

It was around a quarter past seven yesterday evening when we hurried to the hospital.

Within an hour of arriving, we were in a delivery room. More than six weeks before we expected to be.

I could only stand beside the still empty Perspex baby cot and watch, as the assistant peeled the wrapping from various rubber tubing, plastic bits and pieces, and rolled a set of scissor-like instruments out onto the bed.

ET grimaced as it was explained what they would be used for, all the while hoping it wouldn’t come to that.

We were nervous, more nervous than we had been since the IUI itself. Nervous, and excited.

Just like the 10 other couples beside us.

The expectation was almost tangible among the parents-to-be at the hospital’s open night last night.

Met with tea & coffee, we listened to a handful of speakers talk us through how the hospital runs their obstetrics department. Relaxed and efficient is the only way I can describe it.

Now, I’m not the one about to have my crotch mutate in such a way as to facilitate the emergence of another human from my gut, but if I was, I’d be very happy about doing it there.

They were clear and concise about when to call, where to park, the fact you can have free lemonade but not cola, and having an epidural can delay your going home by an hour or two.

There are 5 fully equipped private delivery rooms with all the trimmings, TV and music, baths and showers to help with the pain management, and drugs on tap should they be required. ET can even have some if she wants.

They spoke about the practicalities of getting there, various pain reliefs, they had a lactation specialist there to support with and advise on breastfeeding, they even show you how to install the bloody car seat.

With every convenience on hand, the focus was still on letting it be as natural an event as it can be, with a very real possibility that we will end up with a baby without having seen an actual doctor since just after the IUI.

They were confident and relaxed, and best of all, contagious.

6 weeks exactly.


61 comments:

tiff(threeringcircus) said...

You bugger! You shouldn't start the post like that. You scared the bejesus out of me!

LOL.

Six weeks will be so short a period of time but also the longest six weeks of your life.

Counting down with you, my friend.

Ginny said...

Wanker.


Keep crying wolf, and I won't even care when it happens.


(DON'T BELIEVE ME! I'LL TOTALLY CARE! OH MY GOD, I CAN'T WAIT!)

Marita said...

Oh you sneaky bastard! You had me going there for bit thinking the big day had arrived.

All the exciting preliminaries just don't compare to the actual day though.

And the drugs... the drugs are delicious. Just remind ET that drugs and Text messages do not mix, lest her friends and family tease her forever more.

Veronica said...

You've just made the entire internet explode from lack of oxygen. You know that right?

Nick Matyas said...

I liked it.
thank you for your great posting.
Well that was a nice post

http://www.webroyalty.com

child trust fund said...

Had me going then. Good friends had their daughter early this week. 4th Jan butnot that early. I was born 9 weeks early nearly 40 years ago and I am fine (if a little short!)

Anonymous said...

I'm curious as to why ET can have free lemonade but no cola ...? Something to do with caffeine in cola, perhaps?

I, too, stopped breathing as I read your post title and thought lil' Fitz had made an early arrival.

And I suspect Lil' Fitz is a 'Master' Lil' Fitz. Then again, I only have a 25% success rate on guessing the gender of pending babes.

Michelle (Melbourne, Aust)

nutsinmay said...

You utter bugger! I nearly hyperventilated!

Gah! GAH, I say!

Bless, you do make me laugh. Fingers crossed for a nice, comfortable, six more weeks.

frogpondsrock said...

You shithead. Frightening me like that oooh I ought to give you a slap.
Bloody man!

Hmmph....

Betty said...

Gah! Don't DO that! :D

Monty said...

You're a tit.

Gina said...

Ok, its been about 10 min since I read this and I can finally breathe again!

Jenni said...

You think you're so funny, don't you?

Ms. Moon said...

Pay attention during the car seat lecture. That's my advice.

Edith said...

But what about YOU?
Do they have a bed ready for when you faint??
Dry undies... things like that?

;)

6 more weeks.....
I hope the weather will be better!!!

livingrightnow said...

COUNTING DOWN!!! YIPPEE!

-Tanya

RobMonroe said...

I got more sick by the TALK about the Cesarean stuff than the video about birth or the birth itself. I still shudder about that...

AnnD said...

I can't believe you started this post like that! You had to know you were going to scare the crap out of everyone!

As I keep saying, I'm still hoping for 2-3 weeks! But, I think this kid is going to keep us all waiting!

Tara R. said...

About gave me a stinkin' heartattack. That opening was ornery.

The real deal will be here before you know it. I'll toast you both with my own lemonade.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

I wanna come over there just to see the tulips and have a baby.

Russ said...

bastard.

Gina said...

Your so clever, but be careful my first was 6 weeks early to the day!

Erika said...

Not cool, xbox!!

Geeks in Rome said...

Very mean you doing that...

But I forgive easily.

It sounds awesome!! And exactly how a birth should be: awesome and safe.

Take advantage of the VERY warm baths. They make a huge difference and ET might avoid the drug temptation.

babyattheend said...

Thank you for scaring the crap outta me... So glad it was just a class and not the real thing super early!

Kori said...

What the hell; free lemonade but cola costs? That is messed up.

areyoukiddingme said...

Good lead! Excellent plot twist!

Deb said...

You're just mean.

Christa said...

You are such an asshat.

Marissa said...

oh you ass!!! i stopped breathing!

geeez.

ass.

:)

bsouth said...

Bloody hell Xbox - don't do things like that. I nearly snorted wine out of my nose you toerag.

Mick said...

That was a good one :-)

My heart was beating very hard and I couldn't scroll down quick enough.

Good on yer

michelle said...

dammit you scared the SHIT out of me. Not that 6 weeks early is such an issue, but STILL...

Mwa said...

You bastard!

(I love it that the interweb has come to love you so much that we're all in shock. That is just very very cool.)

But seriously - don't do that again.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@tiff(threeringcircus) - Language Tiffany!

@Ginny - How very British of your indignation!

@Marita - All in hand ;-)

@Veronica - ...maybe ;-)

@Nick Matyas - I like your spam, thank you for spamming me.

@child trust fund - I'm all for the short arses too, being one!

@Michelle - No idea, but they made it specifically VERY clear! (Welcome)

@nutsinmay - It's a service I provide :-)

@frogpondsrock - Go on, try.

@Betty - :-)

@Monty - Moi?

@Gina - brown paper bags help...

@Jenni - Hmmm, I prefer rogueish...

@Ms. Moon - of course!

@Edith - they left us in no doubt that SHE is the only one being catered for!
I can go swing.

@livingrightnow - yep!

@RobMonroe - a good old slice and dice...

@AnnD - I just told you what happened is all

@Tara R. - 'ornery' ... I love it..

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - you do know that the flowers have nothing to do with the reproduction, right?

@Russ - Now now...

@Gina - that give us 2 hours or so!

@Erika - you know, I beg to differ ;-)

@Geeks in Rome - sounds good!

@babyattheend - it's good for your heart!

@Kori - seriously!

@areyoukiddingme - what twist?!?!

@Deb - Yes, and?

@Christa - aww thanks.

@Marissa - 911...

@bsouth - wine eh? this early...

@Mick - admit it, you skipped...

@michelle - it can stay there and bake for a few weeks longer hopefully!

@Mwa - I do like the occasional social experiment.

Carmen said...

Oohhhhhhh, you are a DORK. That was just plain cruel. My heart is still racing. Haven't you ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf?

James (SeattleDad) said...

You expect us to believe you when it really happens??

WhatAboutNovember said...

I. Hate. You.

I think my heart stopped.

And ditto Ginny.

Marylin said...

Oh! My! God! You got me all excited there!! Git.

Happy New Year btw... :P

Sadia said...

Oh you bugger.

It's too cruel. I was there, 7 weeks early, except my (now healthy) daughters were ripped out of me. Three-pounders.

We took our birthing classes 2 months early, just in case. As it turns out, there's no Lamaze in an emergency C-section.

Bonnie B. said...

I picture you smiling like an idiot when all of these comments start coming in saying that you scared the crap out of us.

What Russ said.....bastard! (no, YOU are the bastard, not Russ)

Ed said...

You are not right, man!

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

fucker.

That is all.

Hockeymandad said...

Wow, I think I was the only one who knew you were not talking about actual birth. Your other comments are angry with you for a joke. Duh. I knew it was fake all along!

Nice one though.

NukeDad said...

6 weeks will fly by-are you ready? Looks like I've got some catch-up reading to do...

River said...

oh you tease!!

Jo said...

You fucker!!

I'm still all anxious!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Carmen - hahaha ;-)

@James (SeattleDad) - up to you!

@WhatAboutNovember - it's good for you, keeps you on your toes

@Marylin - many happy returns ;-)

@Sadia - 7 weeks... ooooh

@Bonnie B. - now now, language!

@Ed - :-)

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - that's articulate, for you

@Hockeymandad - Suuuuuure....

@NukeDad - ready as is possible!

@River - :-)

@Jo - awwwww. Hahaha.

IrishNYC said...

You tease!

It will be the longest, fastest six weeks ever.

steph said...

Hilarious!

Just checking we were paying attention, weren't ya?

Anonymous said...

Ye fecker! I just happened to check in after weeks and thought I had some sort of esp.
Deno :(

Susanica said...

Familiar trick there you pulled Xbox. I didn't fall for it. Well, maybe for the first sentence, but definitely not after that. ;-) Monica

showmeyourcookies said...

I just have to say: thank you, Xbox! Due to the increased heart rate induced by the first couple sentences, I believe I do not have to go to the gym today. My cardio is taken care of.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@IrishNYC -that's what it feels like actually!

@steph - yep!

@Deno - esp my arse, nosey more like ;-)

@Susanica - of COURSE you didnt.

@showmeyourcookies - I'm here to serve...

B. said...

I didn't fall for it. You sounded too calm, too non-frenzied.

Six weeks- woohoo!

Rikki said...

Shithead!

You had me there for a sec. You are too damn close to joke like that!

Enjoy these last 6 weeks!

suzannanana said...

You certainly woke me up! Got my heart going, do not need my caffeine!

mammydiaries said...

YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MAN!!!!!!!!! My heart was in my throat when I started reading that! Glad all is well though and look forward to the real event in at least 6 more weeks :)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@B. Suuuuuure.... :-)

@Rikki - Awwwww that's sweet...

@suzannanana - AND I'm cheaper.

@mammydiaries - I quite like the force you gave that ;-)

Keith Wilcox said...

I'm not a religious person, but if I were I'd be thanking god for modern medicine every day. While the mortality rate for women giving birth used to be measured x per 1,000, it is now x per 100,000. Yes, they run things with precision for a reason, and we can all be thankful for that.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Keith Wilcox - Yep indeed