Yet again inspired by DooDaddy, (you're on a roll!) I started to wonder about stuff that might happen further down the line. That is if I don't dismember myself through frustration first.
Now, bear in mind I'm not being unsympathetic or anything, I know that the ladies get poked and prodded something fierce, but MY concern lies elsewhere.
....Namely, filling the plastic cup.....
A few things would bother me.
-What if I saw someone coming out of the room they usher me into?
Thats just gross, I'd be afraid to sit anywhere, I'd have to stand, and that's just impractical. Honest, try it, it's difficult not to fall over, and a nurse running in upon hearing the thump and fining you on the floor with your pants around your ankles is not great for the moment.
-How would I know they're not watching?
Perversions aside, surely they'd need to verify where the sample 'came' from?
-Do they provide reading material?
If so, is it of sufficient quality. You see I live in Holland, and the Dutch are, let's say "forward"about these things.
Not a day goes by when I don't catch a glimpse of someone or other's wobbly bits on terrestrial television, therefore my 'titilation' levels are higher than you're average fat white man
-What if I were to miss the target?
How big are these things? I know from days long passed that my aim with most firearms is inconsistent to say the least. Would they come and scrape up samples from the door handle, or TV remote, or carpet? What if they scraped up the previous guy's wandering sample by mistake?
I mean, as over dramatic as I may be, I don't fancy living in a Whoopie Goldberg movie.
-What size is it?
What if it were really small and started to to overflow? or worse still, what if it's really big and they needed a microscope to even see the sample, never mind analyse it?
-How much is enough?
A teaspoon full?, a shot glass full?, enough to drown a mouse?, tell me damnit!
-How long should you stay in there?
If you "exit" too quickly they're bound to think you're a bit freaky and perverted and snigger at you.
If you stay too long they're going to be mumbling under their breath that it's no surprise one of the blighters hasn't taken hold if it takes you that that long.
Whats the right length of time in order to maintain your dignity?
Is that even possible as you're standing there in a queue at reception, all puffy and red faced, with the product of your teenage shame in one hand and papercuts from 'Bridget Does Boston' on the other.
-Would I even remember how to do it?
Would they allow partners in to assist?
-Would they accept a tube sock for analysis?
-How would I explain it all to Granny?
She always told me if I kept touching it, it would fall off.
And for all the great comments last time around, thanks very much. In summary, women think I need to relax and most of the guys think I need to get drunk and partake in some homosexual activity, or steal children. I'll think about it guys, honest.
And for when I start moaning, take plenty of no notice, after all, I'm a bit of a wanker.