Monday 25 August 2008

Dos & don'ts

I don't know lots of things.

I don't know a lot more than I do know, that's for sure.

I don't know why we've been doing this for 17, no, scratch that, 18 cycles now and are no closer to a starting point.

I do know I'm fucking sick of it.

I don't know why when we think we have patterns figured out that a cycle ends two days early giving us one of the shortest yet.

I do know that there is no real pattern anymore anyway, just what we want to see when we want to see it.

I don't know what the specialist will suggest as follow up treatment on September 1st.

I do know I'm terrified that she will tell us that she 'can see nothing wrong, go home, and keep trying, your chances are better that way'.

I don't know if gut feelings are entirely trustworthy.

I do know that this one wasn't.

I don't know how scrawny kids can have a quick one off squirt in the back of a car or in the bushes and get someone knocked up, and I have fucked and fucked and fucked, and can't.

I do know that is humiliating. Very humiliating.


Anonymous said...

I am so so sorry.


Cindy said...

I'm so sorry. My husband and I used to say the same thing about asshole kids sneaking around and getting pregnant so easily while we were trying and failing over and over and over...and going through so many effing hoops and losing all of our dignity in the process.
I do believe in happy endings and I am really hoping for one for you.
I am feeling exasperated for you. I am really sorry.

Myst_72 said...

I'm sorry too,
not much I can add to that...


Bluestreak said...

Shit. I´m sooooooooorrrrrrry, Xbox.

I know that if I hadn´t been so impeccably careful from the first day I ever had sex, that the first tiny sperm would have made it´s way to being a baby. But I´ve dotted every "i" and crossed every "t". I also have a hunch that when I do want to get pregnant, it probably won´t happen as easily as if I hadn´t wanted it to (I know cause we did try getting pregnant for, oh, 6 months, and then I decided I didn´t want to have a kid yet anymore anyway: avoidance mechanism). That´s just how things work out for me.

Anonymous said...

I don't even know you, but I can feel every word of that. Like so many others who read you, I do understand what you mean because I've thought the same thing myself.

But every person and situation is different. Please don't let this destroy you. "Nothing wrong" means there's still hope. Even though I can only imagine how sick of hearing that you are right now.

Just remember, it's the absence of hope that's the worst thing on earth. I gave up on a baby a long time ago.

How hard would it be on your sanity to just take a break if they tell you to go home and keep trying come September 1? Would it be too much for you and ET to just walk away from it for a couple months?

Trust me, I know I'm not saying anything you haven't heard a million times already. And I realize that you probably want to punch anyone who offers advice at this point.

Those are normal emotions, too. Besides, I have a few ex-boyfriends I'll volunteer to be your whipping boys. Yep.


Anonymous said...

I cant think of anything to say.. xxx

Liz said...

Ouch, I had a gut feeling for you guys this month too. So sorry.

Hope you get offered some kind of help on the 1st - even if its a big bright pill that is nothing more than a placebo.

Anonymous said...

Sorry that you have now moved onto cycle 18. It must be so very frustrating and saddening.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry.

Praying that on September 1st the docs start to do something helpful.

Liz said...

Sorry just thought about my last comment and hope it isn't misinterpreted. I hope they give you proper, real, hard-core help, but if they deem it not appropriate I hope they do something that doesn't leave you coming out feeling as dejected and abandoned by medical science as last time.

Anonymous said...

ugggggh. I had a sinking feeling that you were heading for some major disappointment when you were taking about your gut feeling, but I didn't want to ruin it on you. I've been there so many times. I think it's easier for a woman to think she feels something going on as we trick ourselves into thinking every twinge is a pregnancy in the making.

I'm so so so so sorry that it didn't go well for you guys this month. I suspect you probably will get the 'keep trying' speech from the doctor, especially since they have tracked ET's cycle and have their proof that she is ovulating. I think that is what they will use against you when you try to get something more out of them at this point, but I may be wrong. I HOPE I am wrong.

It's sad, isn't it.. how much time we spend avoiding pregnancy when we are younger, just to turn around and have it not happen when we really want it to. Life sucks that way.

If you haven't already, you should contact your insurance company and find out what you are insured for when it comes to fertility treatments, then go prepared on Sept 1 when you go see your doctor. Tell them you are tired of screwing around (pardon the pun) and you want proper help. Tell them what you are insured for and ask how to get it (whether it's artificial insemination or IVF etc). If they can't tell you, I say move on and keep moving on until you find someone who can.

Feebee said...

Please don't take no for an answer next week. Cry, beg, threaten (I have done all of these) - it is not as demoralising as leaving with nothing. Good luck and I'm sorry you need to keep the appt :(

River said...

Damn..I was so hopeful.

Jenni said...

Goddammit. This really, really sucks. Not that it helps, but I'm really frustrated for you.

Anonymous said...

It's like doing everything the coach tells you: practice, run, take vitamins, go to the batting cages, etc. and then, when the team list is posted, every one else's name is on it but yours, even the guys who didn't take their vitamins, etc. Except the list is posted every damn month.

You will make the team. And you will be the best ball player, Olympic quality, when it happens.

Jill said...

I'm heartbroken. I finally got internet back today and immediately came over to check in.

The "early cycle" was the tell tale fertility sign of my thyroid issue.

I know I'm not the first to mention this - thyroid issues can show no symptoms but can inhibit fertility. The doctor will not see anything wrong and your pee sticks will show that ET's ovulating.

I'm grasping at straws here. Just want this to happen for you.

Anita said...

I am so sorry xbox. It's times like this that you just want to curl up in a ball and well, you know.

I hope that deflated (and all the rest) feeling turns around somewhat on the 1st Sept and that you get some answers or at least a plan of where to from here.

Anonymous said...

So so sorry. I was thinking about you guys yesterday (from all the way in the MN) and hoping for great news this week.

I think the same thing about the turds that get pregnant when (forgive me for saying so) they don't deserve it (e.g. recent news story - pregnant woman in a car crash, EVERYONE, yes even the woman, in the car drinking, WTF).

Don't lose hope...

AnnD said...

Oh no. [shaking my head] I clicked on your link with extreme anticipation. I had remembered yesterday (in spite of 6 people visiting us and our car dying in the Target parking lot) that today was the day ET was supposed to get her period, that I must check Xbox's blog tomorrow....I am just so very, very sorry honey. I'm actually very sorry....

Korie said...

I'm sorry that you're feeling so frustrated hun. Really though, see it as angering, frustrating, unfair. But not as humiliating. There is nothing humiliating about this. This does not mean that you or ET are somehow "not good enough". And that kid that knocks the girl up in the car? He sees that pregnancy probably the same as you see the lack of pregnancy: a curse. But try not to blame yourself.

Sarah said...

So so sorry...just sucks.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Well, bummer!

I do know it's going to happen for you.

I don't know when.

Anonymous said...

Oh dammit xbox. I'm so sorry. The world is infuriatingly unfair, and sometimes that's all there is to it. I can tell you it's not your fault and nothing to be humiliated about, but I think you know that, and I think me telling you that won't help the bare facts anyways. Another empty month, another pushing back of the dream, another crushing of the hopes and bruising of the heart. I am just so so sorry.

Chaos said...

Damn! I'm sorry. It looked like things were on the upswing. Here's hoping the doc can give you some ideas.

Anonymous said...

Oh buggar buggar bollocks! I am totally gutted for you both.
Like everyone else who has commented, I am so desperately sorry that this month wasn't the one and wish there was an easier way for you to acheive what really should be so bloody easy.
Hang in there!!

MarĂ­a said...

I'm sorry X. I'm frustrated for you both, and hurting for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. It seems like torture to look at it as failure..and accidental pregnancy as success. I know this is wringing you dry emotionally, I'm so sorry about this month..

It's going to happen for y'all, one of these days, it's going to happen..Hate that it's not happening this month though.

Sadia said...

I am so very very sorry.

Anonymous said...

Jaysus I am really sorry Xbox. This is one of those blows I talked about. Don't let it consume you. This WILL happen for you.
You and ET are the only priority right now, hold on to her and give each other all the support you can give. It was always so comforting for me to hear my husband tell me, that all that mattered was me and anything else was a bonus.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now but I would imagine that pretty fucked off doesn't even come close. I can't think of anything to say that doesn't sound really trite or thoughtless so I'm going to shut up before I put my foot in my mouth and go and feel bad for you.

Susanica said...

Damn! I am THIS close to deciding to invent some sort of intravenous (ok intrauterine) drip that will make it impossible for those perfect little eggs to avoid partying heartily with, well, your "Michael Phelps--like" swimmers 24/7 - 365.

Xbox and ET, I’m so sorry and sad for you both. More words of encouragement being created in my head but not yet ready to spit out. Cross Atlantic hugs. -Monica

Tara R. said...

I have no words... I'm sorry is so very inadequate.

Captain Steve said...

Oh, XBox, dude, I was hoping for you. I am sorry, man, I thought this was the one.

Maggie, Dammit said...

Oh, my sweet, sweet, man.


Gurgled, bumbled platitudes and apologies from across the pond.

Martin said...

@Widdle Shamrock - Thank you.

@Cindy & Brian - Thanks.

@myst_72 - No problem, thanks.

@Bluestreak - Funny world we live in indeed. thanks.

@angel - Hmmm, how do you stop trying?

@frogpondsrock - No problem, thanks.

@womb4improvement - I know exactly what you mean, even if they were to do nothing practically, just having some 'boost' or incentive to keep at it for another round is so important.
monitoring last time etc

@PlanningQueen - That is is, thanks.

@leechbabe - Pray good n'hard!

@Breigh - We have a picture of whats covered actually, that aside, we could pay for it if needed. It's GETTING it that's the struggle.
We'll see come 1 sep.

@FeeBee - Us too, thanks. I'd really love to see your take on the Dutch system, having read yours on the Irish one. I reckon you'd split someone open ;0)

@River - Long may it last!

@Jenni - Thank you.

@Laurie - Perfect analogy. There was literally and physically no more we could have done this time around.

@Jill - Funny you say that. ET has been adament all along that they check her thyroid this time. Even with no symptoms that anything is amiss, it's been included in the bloods for last month.
We'll know more on Sep 1. Thanks.

@Anita - Oh yes, the desire to pull the curtains and shut the world off for a day or two is very strong at the moment, but this time we don't have that 'luxury'.

@RRP - That's insane to think that people thousands of miles away are thinking of all this. really weird to imagine.
I'm not going to ever get into a who deserves and who doesn't discussion, because you just never, ever, know.

@AnnD - Take it easy! thanks.

@Lilacspecs - I know, my logical side says all the right things, but sometimes it's hard not to take it as a blow to your masculinity (or femininty I suspect).

@Sarah - Indeed, thank you.

@Ed - You're gonna have to be more specific dude... thanks.

@Marie - Yes, yes, yes. Thank you.

@Chaos - Absolutely, lets hope so.

@Penelope - We will, regardless. Thank you penelope.

@Immoral Matriarch - No worries, thanks.

@That Girl - Me too! but thank you anyway.

@Sadia - Thank you.

@Deno - One of them yes, one of the 17 so far lol
It's just nuts, it really is.
Good luck you this week!

@Bsouth - Cheers, thanks.

@Susanica - Thanks a million.

@Tara R - It's more than enough for now, thanks.

@Captain Steve - you and me both!, thanks.

@Maggie, dammit - I dunno why, but that made me chuckle. I'll take it! Thanks.

Jason Roth said...

I'm sorry you continue having to go through this. It's completely unfair, especially given all the work you've put into it. If there was something I could do to help I would drop everything and just do it. But there probably isn't. So I'll just sit here on the sidelines and lend my moral support. It's all I have.

Anonymous said...

I do know you feel.
I don't understand any of it.

CD2 for me.

Heartbreak sucks ass.

I hope things go well for you on 09/01. I do.

Anonymous said...

Please, please don't regret that bit of hope you were able to enjoy. I feel like you have to keep leaving a space for that hope to get in, as gut-wrenching as it is.

I am so sorry. And I will attempt to put out even more positive energy into the univers on your behalf. (Really, I don't understand how a guy I've never met, in a country I've never been to, can make me cry in my own living room, but here we are.)

Putz said...

i am in denial....i was going to say that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but no NO i am not NOT going to say that dumb come i think you are so close???got to be a problem with my screwed up feeling, i waz expecting a great big kiss,KISS

Kori said...

Well shit. Nothing else to say, really, other than shit.

Anonymous said...

Randomly ran into your site... Just wanted to offer up a suggestion if it was not thought of before. It took me a long time to conceive also. We were finally successful when I started taking my OPK tests in the morning instead of at night. I believe I was missing the window of actual ovulation time before. Just a thought if she's only taken them at one time of the day every month. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

Ah, crap. So sorry for the letdown. Here's hoping your docs glean something from this cycle to tweak for the next one. Remember, marathon not sprint.


Anonymous said...

Ah, crap. So sorry for the letdown. Here's hoping your docs glean something from this cycle to tweak for the next one. Remember, marathon not sprint.


Dondi Tiples said...

From this post, it somehow seems that it's better not knowing. Because sometimes having your eyes wide-aware open just gets so frustrating.

Hockeyman said...

Dammit bro, I'm sorry. Really I am.

Anonymous said...

I am really sorry. But may I share some tips on what I think might have helped us (it took us a flat year to get pregnant, and I really think these two thigs helped). First, I switched from low fat to high fat yogurt and ate more ice cream . There is scientific evidence for why this is helpful - ovulation is sometimes suppressed if you eat low fat dairy. Now, I don't know what your wife is eating, but at the off chance she is eating low fat cheese, there you go. Second, after sex I lay on my STOMACH - this is because my uterus is tipped and I read that this helps get the sperm to the right place because of the cervical position.
I was sceptical myself, I have a PhD in biology and wasn't really convinced the "ice cream magic" was worth a second thought, but upon more research I can see why it would work.
Good luck, like other people here I can really feel your pain and I am sending you lots of good thoughts from accross the pond.

Mr Lady said...

It shouldn't be humiliating! Kids in the back of cars get knocked up because the are SIXTEEN. We're grown ups. It's different.

That said, this shit sucks, yo. I am really really sorry for you.

morninglight mama said...

I am so sorry for you and ET. I've read through everyone's comments, and I have nothing original or witty to say. My heart goes out to you two, and I will keep you in my thoughts.

Gypsy said...

Damn, I'm sorry. {hugs}

nh said...

My heart broke when I read your comment on my blog. I can deal with AF arriving for me - but for ET and you, that's simply not on. I'm so sorry but please don't lose hope!

Anonymous said...

XBox, I'm so sorry to hear that this month didn't work out like it was supposed to. I suppose it didn't for us either, but we can't lose hope or faith. This will happen, you will have success; when I'm not sure. Have you resorted to sex in the car or the bushes, I mean if it works for high school kids, it's gotta work for adults too! Plus it might take some of the work out of it and put more of the fun back in! Just don't get caught....sending love to you both! Thanks so much for the recent comment on our blog too! We aren't giving up, it will happen in time.....for all of us!

I know that Jared can't wait to give you your "Breeders Club" membership card; that's what we called all of our fertile friends before Ace!

Anonymous said...

Ugh. That sucks. I don't know if I'll have that much fight in me if it ever gets to be that time. So frustrating, especially people who get there not even trying and not even necessarily wanting a baby. Hope better luck is around the corner.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry man.

James (SeattleDad) said...

That sucks Xbox. Sorry to hear.

Jane G said...

And what's more, those asshole kids seem to carry those babies to term.

I'm really sorry to hear the outcome of this cycle.

It's just beyond shitty.

Hugs to you both xx

Stella said...

I do know that you're not alone.
I do know that it sucks.

and now...most recently...

I don't know why I worry so much about things I cannot control.

I don't know why I worry about days that may never be granted to me.

I don't know why innocent people suffer.

and I do KNOW - that I have much more to be thankful for than I am near-sighted enough to acknowledge, MOST DAYS. And thats unfortunate.

Try not to miss out on the time you do have to enjoy what you can control.


??? Maybe?

I don't know. I'm working my own issues out here...;-)

merinz said...

So sorry for you both. It sucks.

I have been following your blog for a while, have nothing constructive to add, but had to comment anyway!

Kind regards and all the very best for the next cycle.

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Sorry dude :-(( x 100

Anonymous said...

At least you know that as soon as your "fucked" works everything will be A-OK. For those stupid kids, when they get knocked up, their world's are now "fucked up".

It will be you who gets the happy ending. And lord knows, I pray it comes soon.

Anonymous said...

There's been so many brilliant comments and everything I wanted to say has been said.

Damn, life sucks.

Rob said...

I am not going to commiserate with you. I am just gonna keep thinking positive thoughts.

And when you have children (and I mean "when" and I mean "children")you will remember fondly all that fucking and think

"chance would be a fine thing"

Karen MEG said...

Oh Xbox, I am beyond sorry ... when I read your comment on my post today, my heart sank :(.

I know exactly why you're doing it for 17 going on 18 cycles now. Because we did it for 48 cycles (holy shit!) but it finally worked.... and because we're such gluttons for punishment we went for another 34 (holy shits and then some - I still cannot fackin' believe it !) cycles ... and success again. Some cycles unassisted, but the successful ones with help.

I don't even want to total the number of cycles, and please do NOT let my numbers scare you. I honestly doubt that you will need that many cycles. I put them out here to let you know that you should indeed be hopeful; if a chickenshit wimp like myself can hack it, you and ET, brave and determined souls that you are, certainly can handle it.

You DO get sooooo, just oh so sick of it. To this day we still don't know what the heck was up with us. But now, pretty much at some point everyday (not when the kids are bickering and screaming at each other mind you), I have to pinch myself to believe that this is my life and that they are here. And I would do it ALL OVER AGAIN. Knowing what I know. In a heartbeat.

Try not to be terrified or pessimistic going in on September 1. Just think of it as the next concrete step toward success.


Leslie Laine said...

I'm thinking about you today. For what it's worth, I share your frustration and anger. I'm just trying to believe that all of these negative emotions we're going through right now will make it so much sweeter in the end.

Zoeyjane said...

I do not mean this an any form of patronization but I was told a year and a half before I had Isobel that I couldn't have children. That it was pretty much guaranteed. So I stopped trying and then I got single. And then I got knocked up.

My point is that maybe those 16 year olds in the backs of the hatchbacks, listening to NIN while humping? Totally get knocked up because it's the last thing they're looking for.

Mrs4444 said...

It blows my mind every day how many kids come into the world to parents who don't appreciate them or shouldn't have them, or who mess them up straightaway because of their selfish stupidity. And then there are parents like you; those who deserve the privilege and who appreciate it. You'll be a dad one day; I'm certain of it. Sorry it wasn't today.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear of yet another disappointment for you two. :(

I really don't know what to say anymore. Having been through the whole infertility thing ourselves I can only say what we did to get through it:

Take it as a lesson in patience (you will need it for those children of yours when they do arrive, boy will you what!) and be grateful for everyone/everything you do have already in your life. Especially for each other.

Maybe you are sticking your fingers down your throat having read this, lol?

It's not written as a platitude, I assure you. (We would have gone nuts if we hadn't done the above.)

B said...

really don't know what to say apart from sorry.

Alyssa said...

I am so sorry.

We used to think the same thing when we were TTC with no luck. Why did we spend so much money back in our college days to make sure we DIDN'T end up pregnant when it apparently wasn't going to happen?

I'm anxious to hear what the "specialists" say in September...

Anonymous said...

Fuck it!

And an extra short cycle, now that isn't bloody fair for either of you. September 1st is only 6 days away now. Fingers crossed that they have a plan that doesn't involve waiting.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say I'm sorry too - so very very sorry.
Take Care of you and ET - I imagine it's hard not to be discouraged but hang in there -
xoxo - darcie

Dto3 said...

When my wife and I were going through this, we thought the same thing. If a cycle is only a short period and sperm don't live that long anyway and the timing just has to be perfect, how is it that these kids always pick the right time? What we decided is that they were little liars. They weren't picking the right time, they were just getting it on like Donkey Kong every time they turned around. Their story was that it was "just once. Seriously, Mom and Dad, I only did it once." Lying little ingrates.

loveyh said...

Poor Spencer. I am so sorry this wasn't the one.

I'll send you good thoughts from across the pond. Here's hoping 18 is your lucky number!!

Anonymous said...

human beings get so used to having everything when they want it, then and there and how much they want.

this is one of the things you cant control. you cant control living or dying or exactly when that baby will come into your lives.

its so hard to wait for things we want so badly, and things we knew we cant pay any amount of money for or do anything to make it happen any quicker. (well you can...but i mean the natural conceiving)

my dog had a boy dog visitor and she was knocked up the next day.

sometimes I wish I could look into the future and see if I really got the things that I want right now. I'd like to see if everyone else got what they wanted in the end as well. But then I realize that if I could do that then life wouldn't be worth living, every surprise (good or bad) wouldn't be a surprise anymore.

Life would be worthless without the trying, the struggle and the let down. All these things make the good experiences even better and the relief even stronger.

The odds arent against you and all you need to do is keep trying, keep fighting and keep trying everything you and your doctor can think of. You will both get there somehow if you want it bad enough.

Martin said...

@iVegasFamily - Top man J, you're a top man.

@Christa - aw sorry, at least 'our' cycles are synchronising!

@Prayingtodarwin - I don't, not in the slightest.
Today is better thab yesterday and tomorrow will be better still, that's the way it goes.

I have that affect on women... ;0)

@Putz - keep it up putz, this next one will be the one!

@Kori - Exactly. Shit.

@Angela - Thanks Angela and welcome.
We 'normally' use the kits in the evening, as the surge builds up over a couple of days.
When we get closer, we test a few times a day to be sure.
So all bases covered!

@Nola - Thanks!

@Dondi Tiples - Yep, ignorance CAN be bliss.

@Hockeyman - Cheers, thanks, it's appreciated.

@Anonymous - thanks for the tips.
ET doesn't specifically go for any low fat stuff as far as I can recall.
Ice cream is interesting though!

The cervix isn't tilted either so it's on her back with arse in the air for us!

@Mr Lady - Oh it shouldnt be, I know. But it is.

@Morninglight mam - thank you.

@Gypsy - cheers, thanks.

@nh - there's sacrifice for you! but no seriously, thanks.

@Momma - Thanks a million for taking the time, I know you must be quite preoccupied at the moment.
All the very best to you guys.

@Maggies Mind - thanks, me too.

@Dan - Cheers Daniel.

@James Austin - it does that! thanks.

@Jane G - It is. Thanks.
How are you after your thingy Friday?

@Stella - its a nice idea alright, we need something like that.
Take care you.

@mrinz - Thanks, it's very much appreciated. And Welcome!

@Quickroute - Cheers, just a rant!

@Kittyconcerto - thank you, look after yourself.

@Anja - lazy bitch...

@Robert Hogan - Thats another aspect that keeps popping back into my mind.
We are having a right bastard time trying for 1, the ideal 8 or 9 is looking unlikely!
Cheers man, appreciated.

@Karen MEG - I think my brain just exploded with those numbers.

@Leslie laine - Hopefully! good luck to you.

@Zoeyjane - As much as I appreciate the sentiment, no, getting single and not trying to conceive will not get us pregnant.
semen and eggs fusing will.

@Mrs 4444 - Thanks, that's the kind of thing I like to hear on days like this!

@TW - Indeed, but as far as I'm concerned, we've learned enough about patience already.

@B - No problem, that's more than enough, considering you must be wondering 'what the fuck is he on about' half the time ;0)

@Alyssa - you and me BOTH! thanks.

@Veronica - I would wager that 'waiting' will be a given!

@Darcie - Thanks, we'll do our best.

@Dto3 - I know a few who claim they never even did it the once!

@Lovelyh - Yes! 18 is a nice round juicy number, coming of age and all that! heres hoping.

@Country Girl - I'd agree, but how much trying is enough, or too much?

River said...

Im wondering, would it help if you did what friends of ours did years ago. No sex at all for a month or so, then every day from the day after L's period ended. It worked for them, maybe give it a try?

V said...

I get to use my favorite expression now- "Bloody Hell!?!?"
And now I will go scream out all the other obscenities in as many languages as I can think of for you.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. Damn damn damn.

HAs anyone mentioned to you, or have you mentioned to anyone, the possibility of a too-short luteal phase? I say this because ET seems to have short cycles. It could be that the too-short bit is between ovulation and period, which would interfere with conception.

Not that you want advice, I'm sure, so Lord knows why I am giving it to you anyway (please ignore if unwanted) but a lot of doctors don't think of it if you seem to be ovulating normally and producing reasonable progesterone levels. Most short luteal phases are due to low progesterone, but some are due to, well, stopping producing progesterone too soon. Get them to tell you WHY they don't think it's that, if they say that that's not it.

This is why I'm such an advocate for charting you basal body temperature. It is of NO use whatsoever for predicting ovulation. It however can let you know quite accurately in retrospect when you ovulated that cycle, so you can see if you have at least 13 days between ovulation and period. OPKs can sometimes go positive several days before an ovulation, and sometimes never quite go positive at all, so a combination of OPKs and a chart should be really accurate. And then you'll know for certain if the luteal phase is a problem.

Meanwhile, B vitamins for both of you.

Here endeth the lesson.

DO you hug? I'd hug if you cared to be hugged.

Anonymous said...

I really need to learn to shut my fucking mouth and read your blog before I speak to you.

Give me the heads up next time BoxBoy.

I don't care if you have a fucking cold, I wanna hug you both.

Fuck it.

(nah, it didn't make me feel any better this time)

Anonymous said...

Sorry, M. I've never been too good at saying shit like "Hang in there" or "Things'll work out". It all sounds like BS to me.

But I can say, with sincerity, that you and yours are in my thoughts today . . .

Anonymous said...

Bugger - that really bites.

So sorry. :(

ps: there's a little something for you on my page today. :)

Sarah said...

Oh no! I'm so, so sorry X.

Anonymous said...

I understand the frustration with the young ones getting knocked up so easily. It seems so easy when you aren't ready and so difficult when you are. Seriously something wrong with that.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Momo Fali said...

Know that I'm sorry and that I will pray.

Anonymous said...

perhaps the docs will tell you go do a quickie in the car in the bushes? works for the 16 year olds!
It's esp. awful when you felt that THIS was the one.

BTW, dearest XBox, I have tagged you so you need to go to my site and found out what to do next.

Missives From Suburbia said...

I'm sorry, hon. I really had hoped your gut feeling was right. I hope those Croc-wearing assholes get their act together this month and give you real help.

Sue said...

I'm so sorry. We are going on three years, now, and it sucks.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Martin said...

@River - I'm no expert, but no sex definitely won't help.

@Kathryn - Godverdomme!

@nutsinmay - Yeah a possible luteal defect which we had to push on the RS the last time, is why we are monitoring this time.
Normally the cycle is 27 daysish with Ovulation on CD15/16. So sometimes its down to 10 days.

It's a bit of a 6 of one and a half dozen of the other type situation, is it the progesterone level causing the defect or the defect causing the low levels.

Either way, previous progesterone tests were fine, very good in fact, and we've tested again this cycle.
Luteal phase is around the 10/11 day mark this time again.

Starting thgis month we are charting and OPKing, so we should have a better picture.


@Kelley - Wally.

@tysdaddy - Thank you sir, it's appreciated.

@justjuli - Thanks, and thanks!

@Sarah - thank you.

@Fertility challenged - one of life's ironies yes! thanks.

@Momo Fali - wow. Thank you.

@geeksinrome - In a way I feel everyone is THE one, so same old.

And Thanks!

@Missives from suburbia - we'll find out in 5 days! thanks.

@STE - Thank you, everyone's situation is different, but very similar all the same.
All the best to you.

SciFi Dad said...

Never give up. We tried for around the same number of cycles (we didn't keep count - too frustrating - but we went from July/August 2006 until January 2008) and finally succeeded.

We tried acupuncture, did the whole bloodwork thing on her, and were almost at the semen sample stage when we scored.

It can be stressful and difficult, that's for sure, but the key (at least for us) was the stress. Once we removed it (by removing the frequent inlaw visits, ahem), we saw progress.

Good luck, sir.

Anonymous said...

Shit. >:-( I hoped for you. I'm sorry!

It IS tough to see these bratty little teenagers get knocked up and not want that baby and yet here are so many people out there that are ACHING for a baby.

And those damn cycles that end or start days early? DAMN THEM I tell you. DAMN THEM!!! We had a doozy last month. Ugh.

Robin said...


I am so sorry...

Jo Beaufoix said...

Bugger. So sorry.

K8spade said...

I'm sure this isn't all that helpful, but then again, maybe you can say "well at least it's not THAT bad". My parents tried for 4 years to have me. This was back when "fertility treatment" was the doctor telling you to go home and hump more. Now there are 4 of us, including an "OhMyGod!" child there at the end. It will happen.

Stacy said...

i think that is a normal reaction.

swilek said...

A friend of mine and her husband (now ex) had trouble conceiving...they did have one but were trying for another. This was unknown to my mother. When my friend found out they were moving to another city, my mom piped up and said, "you know what they say, new house, new baby." Sure enough, they conceived at the new house- 10 years after their first! I think the point of that cliche is about relaxing and a change of scenery. I don't say that lighty nor do I pretend to know your situation ...I say it to encourage you and your wife. ALl the best in this process.

Anonymous said...

Like everyone else. I'm so sorry and i wish it were different and I wish I could change things and i wish that I could take away your pain.

Martin said...

@Sci-Fi Dad - wow, that's quite a long time to carry on without getting into the serious end of things.
Well done for keeping patient, I know how hard that is.

@April - They really sideswipe you don't they? Insane.

@Robin - Thanks.

@K8Spade - You know, I hear these stories all the time.
The problem is, we KNOW better now, we KNOW the possibilities and where the problems can lie, it's failed to get the attention to these areas is driving us bananas.

@Snowmanpoop - Hopefully it is, thank you.

@swile67 - I thought moving house was the second most stressful event in people's lives?
We've moved house during this process, and lemme, no kid.
So that's another one off the list!
Thanks for the good wishes.

@Tiff - I know. me too. Thanks.

Malky B. said...

I'm sorry this wasn't it. Don't feel bad about having had hope. What more can we do but hope. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Martin said...

@Malky B - Not a whole lot I guess.