Monday 30 June 2008

Bring a friend

Tomorrow we trot off to our 'specialist number 2'.

While I love the idea of that sounding like a turd with a purpose, it's not, it's just our second reproductive specialist.

With cycle 15 due to come to an end (or not) at some stage this week, we were hoping for one of those funny stories folk tell where we could say we went to a fertility expert only for him to announce we were up the duff.

Kind of an 'oh we've just adopted a bucketful of Chinese babies and now she's preggers' type thing.

Well, guess what? That's not happening.

Cycle 15 has left the building in such a hurry she forgot her purse. And shoes. And underwear.

The slut.

It's so many days early I can't even compute, but whatever the story, we will be bringing Auntie Flo to the clinic with us tomorrow, the bloody wench.

That should make any physical examination all the more, ahem, interesting.

So spare us a thought tomorrow, eh ?

I believe there is a real possibility that we may get treated for free, just on the basis of us being so pathetic.

The midget couple where the husband has missing teeth & braces and the wife is bleeding profusely from stirrups.

We will get to answer the same intimate questions about our sex life again, whether I had both my testicles upon birth again, and whether she ever had any sexually transmitted diseases again.

The only new answer we can give will be to how long have we been trying.

'16 cycles now doctor'.

16 you fucker.


Rikki said...


I hope the doctor tomorrow gives you some good insight/advice. You (but mostly ET) will be in my thoughts tomorrow.

Here till the end,

Joy said...

I am sorry to hear about another cycle down the drain. I don't envy you this agony. Since I've gotten a no way in hell am I going to get pregnant with sex diagnosis, it does make the comings of AF less traumatic(unless of course it is following an IVF cycle.) I hope doc #2 has the answers you are looking for-good luck!

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Ah man. I'm sorry to hear that. I really hope this new fertility specialist can shed some new hope.

You guys are always in my thoughts.

Hang in there.

Russ said...

They asked you if you had both testicles at birth? I can see you answering, "No doc, I sprouted the second one when I was 15."

Anonymous said...

Damn. The fairy-tale ending would have been nice.

Don't worry about the bleeding-in-the-stirrups thing. I've done it loads of times, and it's never phased anyone except me. They just give you lots and lots of extra tissues to clean up with, and act all blase and cool about it.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Auntie Flo is a wretched wench, has always been a wretched wench, will always be a wretched wench. You just need to beat her down and show her who's boss. Take her to the mat! Good luck with #2.

DD said...

Suckage and waste for that. Ugh.

Word to the wise, though, in your pursuit of baby, your wife may have to go through several exams during this time of the month as that is when they always like to draw blood and perform ultrasounds to verify the all clea. Ironic, no?

Liz said...

She couldn't even give you 'the have we, haven't we' mandatory two weeks? The bitch. Oh, and with out being too gross think of it as lubricant for the inevitable internal ET will undergo.

Kandi said...

*slams palm into forehead* Having aunt flo as a guest of honor in your dr visit is about as cool as having a colon exam right after a rotten bout of Indian food.

good luck.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

That's Dr. Fucker to you!

Oh, and isn't there something about a Sweet 16? You've got that going for you, right?

Anonymous said...

Well, fuck.

Anonymous said...

That just sucks. Sorry man.

Anonymous said...

Well, damn! My thoughts are with you tomorrow. Aunt Flo is just a total bitch.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Damn. Start a Brangelina colony.

Ian Newbold said...

May the force be with you, always.

Anonymous said...

Is it bad form to call "slander" on the doctors who keep asking about your nuts and your wife's sexual-history?

Anonymous said...

Pretty mucy what they said above. With a few more fuckers.

Anonymous said...

Oooh, look who can't spell after a glass of wine - obviously I meant pretty MUCH what they said, not pretty mucky what they said - of course.

People in the Sun said...

Man... That sucks.

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry that you're a toothless midget, too.

That didn't come up as well as I intended. I tried to be nice.

AnnD said...

I am so very sorry. There are no words for your pain...wishing I was there give you and ET hugs. Please don't lose hope. Aunt Flo is a heartless bitch!

Martin said...

@Rikki - especially ET? what about me, the tooth, the brace, the trauma?

Till the end...? ho ho, bless you....

@Deborah - Cheers!

@Hilary - Us too, thanks.

@Russ - literally 'were both your testicles there when you were born?' was the question.

-'Nah, I added them later'

@May - Poor ET better not read that until it's over with...
thanks May.

@ifmommysaysok - thanks!

@DD - yikes, I didn't know that. she will NOT be pleased.

@womb for improvement - menstrual blood and lubricant in the same sentence....YIKES.

@Kandi - thanks Kandi.

@Ed - I'm going to have to concentrate very hard not to call her Dr Fucker tomorrow now...

@Deb - Is that a suggestion or an expletive?

@Carolyn - it certainly does, thanks.

@Meghan - a thundering bitch at that!

@A whole lot of nothing - I'd be willing to have her as a surrogate...I'd give it a bash anyway.

@Single parent dad - thank you sir.

@Ryan Lawson - well, it actually saves us having to question each other...

@bsouth - lush...

@People in the sun - I sense compassion in there SOMEWHERE....

@AnnD - Oh but there ARE words, most of them beginning with 'fucking...'

Anonymous said...

Crossing ever body bit that can possibly be crossed for a positive outcome for you two.

ACG said...

whether I had both my testicles upon birth

is it possible to leave one behind to collect at a later time?

Anonymous said...

How early is she? Are you sure it's not implantation bleeding? If she's a couple days early and it's not too heavy, do a test anyway. I have heard, and have known people, who bled a little early, assumed it was a period, and then found out they were pregnant when "the flu" just wouldn't go away. Not to get your hopes up, but just thought I'd raise the point.

Anonymous said...

I was going to write a truly fanfreakingtastic comment. Then I noticed your new comment form and pfffft the comment of the century has just vanished...So this one will have to do instead.

Anonymous said...

I will be thinking of you both, all day and then some.

Aunt Flo is a cow, a rotten old cow.

Anonymous said...

Aww that sucks, I wouldn't like to be in ET's shoes with the whole period-examination thing going on :S

((hugs)) to you both. I really hope this one helps you more than the last eejit!

Anonymous said...

No harm in a second opinion. You need a sense of confidence in the people who are poking and prodding you which ain't always easy.

Anonymous said...

Fuckety fuck fuck fuck. Fuck you you fucking fuck. Maybe that helps? Toasting an Amber Bock to you my friend.

Alyssa said...

I'm so sorry to hear "she" (Aunt Flo) has reared her ugly head. I know there is nothing more devastating than noticing "she" is on her way and for ET's sake, really nothing worse than having to come out of the bathroom and tell your hubby that you're moving on to cycle #???.

Still thinking about you and praying for you. Best of luck at tomorrow's appointment.

Anonymous said...

I like the idea of a turd with a purpose.

Anonymous said...

Bloody Aunt Flo. The worlds most unloved relative.
Hope Specialist no.2 has a solution for you guys. Seriously. Fingers and all other available appendages crossed.

Sarah said...

Oh I was so hoping this was it for you all...just sucks all around. At least you have your appoitment so you are moving forward. That is always better than just being in the same fucking place all the time...

hope the doc gives you good news or at least lots of options!!

James (SeattleDad) said...

Yeah, those fucks shouldn't charge for something of this nature. Like they are going to tell you anything new at this point? Knock a few back for me tonight while you are at it!!

Anonymous said...

Glad you are getting a second opinion. If they ran all the tests and found nothing, it should be a matter of tweaking. You need a better tweaker. All the best!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. We've been on that particular roller-coaster and it is no fun, no fun at all.

Commiserations to ET having to go through such an unpleasant exam tomorrow. But, you know, a fresh pair of eyes on your situation and your test results might make the world of difference. We went through 7 rounds of IUI with one doctor before a second doctor told us there was no way my husband's sperm was going to make it without IVF using ICSI. That was a lot of time - not to mention money wasted.

I really hope you guys have a turn around in your luck. It can all get fraught though, so take some time out to relax with each other and remember why it is you wanted to have a baby with this person. We make it so much about the result tat we sometimes forget that the most important thing is our relationships.

The best of luck to you!

Anonymous said...

My friend, was told it was highly unlikely she would ever conceive after years of severe endometriosis and some other stuff, although she wasn't in a relationship in which she would want to , but 'dabbled regularly' if you like. Anyway, she had to go in for some minor rummage around (sorry I'm not into technical terms)a couple of times and then had a one night stand with an ex and WAMMO! there she was pregnant. After the rummage they had actually told her she was going through the menopause!

So my somewhat lengthy point is to say that maybe these stirrup rummages poor ET has to endure (while you just stand and fiddle with loose change in your pockets) might just get things moving?

But hell, what do I know.

BusyDad said...

Dammit, you should have asked me for a Chinese baby. I would have gladly brought you one, just to fool karma into getting your wife pregs. Don't ask me what I'd do with it if that plan were successful. I don't think that far ahead.

Dondi Tiples said...

Auntie Flo, maybe you can, you know, galvanize Spence to act on a more qualitative (and not a mere quantitative) basis?

Anonymous said...

Ah fuck it. So fucking early, how rude of it.

Hey! Did blogger change their commenting system? I like it alot.

River said...

Auntie Flo needs to pack her bags and move to Jamaica for an extended holiday. On the bright side maybe specialist #2 will have some ideas or answers.

Anonymous said...

Bummer that AF arrived. She is one evil beeatch!! I really hope this specialist gives you some answers.

Anonymous said...

I hope you find a specialist that makes you feel you're all on the same team (Team "Make Some Babies." rah rah).

After dealing with such bored, lackluster technicians for so long, I finally ended up a gyny who slapped me out of my depression and said (I'll never forget) "Do you want to have a baby or not!" ummm yes. "Well, buck up because you're going to have to do X, Y, Z etc... if you want this baby."

She made me realize I should quit moping because I was being pro-active and doing (albeit awful) things to fix the bits, plus she was so dedicated to getting me knocked up...

If she hadn't been so self-assured and genuinely committed to getting me prego, I don't know if I would have been able to keep going as the tests/procedures got more and more invasive. She put the fight back into me after being so battered and down (K.O. style) from 4 years of failure.

Good luck you two! and those docs have seen worse than aunt flo on their tables.

Myst_72 said...

What to say mate - shit.....

At least you are going to the specialist with a whole, clear cycle ahead ready for success at the end...I sincerely hope for you this time.


Martin said...

@Irish Diaspora - Thanks

@ACG - I feel like I've left both behind on occasion.

@Marie - Very. CD23. Are we sure?- no. Are we hopeful? nope.

@frongpondsrock - great isn't it?

@Tiff - Thanks, as always.

@Marylin - That would be the plan.

@Quickroute - I've no confidence in any one I've met so far.

@Hockeyman - I'll join you in that.

@Alyssa - Thanks.

@Chris in happy valley - I'm a bit gutted no one else picked up on that.
I was proud of that turd.

@Suze - Thanks very much.

@Sarah - what's forward?

@James Austin - I think I just might do that you know.

@Nola - I need a better 'something' thats for sure !

@problemchildbride - that sounds like neglegence to me.
7 rounds, holy shit, and THEN come to a male factor problem?
that is shocking.

@Gail - er, ok! thanks.

@BusyDad - you fed a duck to a liger, dude...

@Dondi Tiples - Blah, Dondi, just Blah!

@Veronica - a new option available in draft. much better.

@River - You would hope so!

@Jane G - she's arrived, and left, and arrived. playing silly buggers now.

@geeksinrome - I really wish we could find SOMEONE who seems to take it seriously, and not act like it's just a numbers game.

@Myst_72 - Shit, indeed!

B said...

"whether I had both my testicles upon birth" huh?

I thought this was about a fortnight away?

Kori said...

Well hell, that pretty much blows.

Martin said...

@B - Oh lord, I wish it was kid, I wish it was.

@Kori - It certainly does

Anonymous said...

Ok I came back to re-read your comment back and realized that the commenting game has changed. So I'm Kandi (aka Mrs. Kitty at kittyconcerto).

Mrs4444 said...

Well, on the bright side, your wife didn't have to humiliate herself in the stirrups this time. I HATE when they ask questions that could be answered by a simple glance at the paper in their hands; so insensitive. I'm with you--Fuckers!

Martin said...

@Mrs Kitty - the commenter with a thousand names!

@Mrs4444 - Hahaha, thanks.