Monday 9 March 2009

Entertain me

Hi honey, I'm home.

I'll tell you something, all this 'just relaxing' really takes it out of you.

We just relaxed up and down Oxford street and along the South bank. We just relaxed around Soho and all it's bookshops. We just relaxed through some finger nibbling fish & chips with mushy peas and we just relaxed big time through a truly poor West end show.

In between all the just relaxing we did manage to put our feet up. Well, okay, ET had her feet up.

Incidentally, is it too much to ring down to reception to ask for an extra pillow for buttock elevation?

You could just use one of the ones provided but you run the risk of them getting mixed up when the room is cleaned the next day, and no chap likes wake up with his pillow sticking to his face.

Anyway, should wonders truly exist and she's miraculously gotten knocked up this weekend, we have decided to shun the recent celebrity trend to name children after where they were conceived.

Baby 'Room 387' does have a ring to it though, I must admit.

Have I mentioned we have the small matter of an appointment with the specialist on Wednesday?

Oh I have? Oh well, tough luck.

We're ready for her, every detail double checked, every eventuality accounted for, right down to the bail money should one of us be overcome with the urge to assault her with her dildo-cam.

Wednesday seems like an awfully long way away right now.

I could do with a wee distraction.


Sarah said...


Yay Wednesday!

But listen, if you're going to bludgeon her, dont use the dildo cam. Use something much heavier. That little wand is only going to sting a bit, I'm assuming you're going for damage?

Jenni said...

okay, how's this for entertaining: we had to waterboard Oscar this weekend after he sprayed laundry remover IN HIS EYE. A constant stream of water for 15 minutes. Felt like 15 years.

And, GOOD LUCK on Wednesday.

Anonymous said...

Dude, your Wednesday is my Thursday which is my birthday and on my birthday all my dreams come true.

One of my friends is going in to have a c-section (twins) and another friend is going to have a fucking awesome specialist appointment, and this one will not be wearing Crocs.

I have decreed it. Or 'it is written' or whatever.

Putz said...

i was in room 5813 for a week at park city....what a bummer $389 for a room per night....what a bummer....i am a sadist....the only thing that would please me is to be home hot no my week nappy andsmile

WhatAboutNovember said...

No need for bail money. I'll post it.

Glad you just relaxed so well. :)

James (SeattleDad) said...

Room 389 surprisingly tops the baby name list for Canada and also Swaziland. As long as you don't move there you should be golden.

Anonymous said...

Wow, our kids would be Riviera (the hotel in Vegas, not the waterway in France) and Surrey Gardens, the name of the condo we lived in. "Hey, Riviera, Surrey Gardens! Get your butts in here for dinner!" Nope, wouldn't have worked.

I will be thinking about you on Wednesday.

Jill said...

As always - thinking of you and ET on Wednesday. Can't wait to hear about your appointment... Finally F'ingly, eh???!!!

Heading back to the States in 3 weeks - SO looking forward to getting out of dodge for the next 4 months.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you did enough 'just relaxing' to get a platoon of women pregnant.

Wait, how many women are in a platoon?

Bring on Wed!

Anonymous said...

I'm telling you right now, if you get there Wednesday and she dances around you putting you off again, and you let her get away with it, I'm flying over to kick the shit out of you both! So you can tell this woman for me, she either lays out a plan to put into action, or the smart-ass southern chick from the USA is coming to kick her arse.

That's it.

Anonymous said...

This amused me this week:
So Wednesday, eh? I propose alcohol and mindless TV in the meantime.

Elf in Amsterdam said...

Sounds like the relaxing was .... eh..... active! :)

While you are waiting for Wednesday's good news or bludgeon fest have a grin at this...


G said...

oooh yay for Wednesday!! And good luck, hope you get what you want :)

Martin said...

@Sarah - Whatever comes to hand!

@Jenni - Er, OUCH...

@Kelley - Ah, the big 4-Oh?

@Putz - Was that a prison?

@WhatAboutNovember - It's a deal.

@James - Aww, I fancied Canada too...

@prayingtodarwin - You've just ruined the Beckham's next big announcement.

@Jill - Getting close then! safe trip home.

@Veronica - a platitude, in a platoon I'd imagine.

@Angel - Aww, so sweet...

@Anonymous - I'll check that out when I get home, to be safe ;-)

@Elf in Amsterdam - I'll have a look at home, cheers!

@G - Thanks, me too!

Jane G said...

Good luck on Wednesday.

Bluestreak said...

Make sure you are fully armed when you go. You must prepare for the unpredictable! You must anticipate their every move! Considering assaulting them with their own equipment is wise, but I suggest bringing your own paraphernelia in case you have trouble dislodging the camera.

If that fails, you should resort to what that woman does on the bus everyday asking for the discount rate. Wear 'em down, Xbox.

Karen MEG said...

Wednesday is just around the corner, and you never know, all that relaxing may just result in something. Keeping my fingers crossed that they'll actually do something for you this time. BTW, I don't think I'll ever look at hotel pillow sham the same way again.

And yes, please do not jump on that baby naming trend. My kids would have been Montreal and
Scarborough ((shudder)); and there's a boy in the girlie's kindergarten class who had the misfortune of being conceived in a touristy town in the Canadian Rockies. Everytime I see his Mom the first thing that pops into my mind is that she shagged there and 5 years later here he is. TMI.

Anonymous said...


hmmm is that feather or synthetic?

Liz said...

Well, I don't know if it can be classed as entertainment but I have just written a post inspired by one of yours.

Good luck on Wednesday - just hope you get a plan.

nh said...

In my experience whatever they throw at you on Wednesday will not be what you've prepared for. Go fully armed and ready to do serious damage (or cause serious problems).

Nothing to entertain you with sadly!

Chelsea Lietz said...

I hope the "relaxing" worked. Dildo-cam is hilarious...

Stacy said...

wee distraction ha

Robin said...

Good luck on Wednesday!

River said...

If you exchanged 389 with corresponding letters of the alphabet you'd get CHI. How does Baby Chi sound to you?

Martin said...

@Jane G - Cheers.

@Bluestreak - A flick-knife in the pocket it is then.

@Karen MEG - those people shoudl be arrested.

@Tismee2 - Only the finest.

@womb for improvement - and hugely entertaining it is too I must admit.

@nh - This is quite true. We have never come away happy from one of these, I hardly expect it to change.

@Chelsea Lietz - That actually came via Tiff of Three Ring Circus.


@Robin (a.k.a. Toasty) - Thank you.

@River - Sounds like a Jolie/Pitt adoptee.

Susanica said...

Hi Xbox. It's now Wednesday and six hours or so later where you are than where I am. So I'm writing to wish you both good luck with your appointment. If you haven't had it already which you probably have. Hope you are feeling the positive energy! -Monica

Susanica said...

Doh! Me again. Apparently it's only Tuesday so you definitely haven't had your appointment yet. So hopefully my positive (yet forgetful) energy might do you some good. TOMORROW! Have a great day! -Monica

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the pillow visual; it was sheet laundry day anyway. Maybe I'll throw the pillows in today too.

I Am Emily... said...

No, don't name your baby after where it was conceived!!! There was a report in the news about a child named 'Number 16 Bus Shelter' Now that's just cruel...

Anonymous said...

Oops, too late to entertain you. Sorry. Good luck for tomorrow though.

I think you could call for an extra pillow and not tell them why. Then you could hide that pillow in the wardrobe so as to avoid any scary pillow shuffling incidences.

Did I say good luck for tomorrow? Oh, ok, well more good luck then.

Momo Fali said...

How about "Seven" for short? Nothing wrong with naming your baby a number, is there?

Anonymous said...

Sitting here tyring to think of something clever and it just ain't coming to, I 'll be sincere. Good luck with the appointment; Spencer needs his comeupance; I'm sure I can find a 'hitman' for you if the doctor doesn't measure up this time.

No, really....fingers and toes crossed that you will have a plan and answers tomorrow (um, your today!)

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

"I could do with a wee distraction."

haha not touching that with a ten foot pole! =)

good luck with the specialist, its a good move in the right direction.

Martin said...

@Susanica - that gave me a great laugh, you wally!

@NukeDad - whiter than white!

@Tanya - 'Burger King Toilets'

@bsouth - That sounds like a very complicated plan

@Momo Fali - unless its 666 or 911 I'd imagine not!

@hotmamamia - Read one! good news.

@tiff - Thanks tiff.

@S - Would you believe me if I said I meant that innocently?
No? oh well.

Malky B. said...

A towel underneath usually does the trick.