Tuesday 7 July 2009

Misery and milestones

Clichés are dull. No one wants to see 'predictable' or 'routine' really, do they?

Unless you're talking pregnancy.

Up to the start of this week, ET was flying along on the side-effect scale. A few bouts of tiredness and a bit more cleavage were the most she had to deal with.

Then along comes this week.

The woman is pissing like a racehorse. Not in the middle of a field, or with a nosebag tied around her head, or anything like that, but frequently.

Four times a night frequently.

I'm wholeheartedly in favour of this outward indication of her blossoming condition, I'd just prefer less nocturnal manifestations. I really can't afford to be losing beauty sleep.

That aside, I hit the jackpot yesterday. The lotto of pregnancy symptoms.

I received a phone call from my walking talking incubator to inform me she was on the verge of puking her guts up.


It seems empty stomachs, mutating foetuses, and 45 minute bus rides in the morning do not mix very well. The result is one very pale, clammy and nauseous wife, and one sadistically happy husband.

I just wonder how much longer she'll allow me to be outwardly delighted when she says she's on the verge of vomiting up a kidney.

That centimetre long urine generating, puke prompting, exhaustion creating creature growing happily inside her, is a whole (recalculated) 8 weeks old tomorrow.

Some cake petal?


Veronica said...

YAY! Nausea!

And I can say that without getting smacked because I have been there, thrilled to be so sick, but not enjoying it at all.

Mwa said...

Nausea! I remember it well. I lost a full seven kilos with my first. I think you should stop showing quite as much glee, or you may well be beaten to death by your clammy? pale? wife. Just a thought.

GeekByMarriage said...

I think you have until the end of this post to be happy about her puking. After that, no jury in the world would convict her of castrating you! LMAO! Love that you're so excited!

Making Babies said...

I agree, with previous comment. You have a few hours of being happy before getting beaten to death! I cringe (carefully) at your happiness, because I feel so sorry for ET puking. Shame... hope it eases up soon, like another 6 weeks or so. :)

Elfinamsterdam said...

LOL I too am a very happy sadist reading this!

Was telling my cousin about you three at the weekend (was helping her move house) and she was suddenly crying, she said she could think of nothing better than two people wanting a little munchkin so much!

Ps.. tell the lovely ET you wont be smiling if she aims the LodgerVom in your direction! :)

Liz said...

And I quote:
"A chance to see a positive test, to hear the delightful sound of my wife vomiting her guts up daily, to feel the excitement of a pregnancy"

Sometimes you get what you wish for.

River said...

I very much hope that the morning sickness stage doesn't last too long for ET. The frequent peeing is another thing altogether. That won't stop until the womb lifts up a little and is no longer resting on the bladder. Then it comes back again in the final month when the womb drops down again.

MissyBoo said...

Poor ET... Better not tell her I avoided that nasty side effect.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I told you, cheese and vegemite sandwiches.

IrishNYC said...

I bet it's the happiest she's ever been to be so miserable. Coke and sour anything (candy, ice pops, lemonade) were the only things that helped my nausea.

..al said...

Peeing more is a definite sign of pregnancy! And believe me, her day rounds are also about to rise!

Nausea....hmm...if you keep smiling at that, you would have a shiner soon!

Anonymous said...

I remember the peeing 4 times a night thing. Not so good. I always made sure I gave my husband a gentle nudge so he woke up as well. Ok, it was a hard kick but he deserved it for not stopping drinking out of support when I was pregnant.

As for the vomiting - you might want to keep it quiet on the glee front of she'll probably throw up in your shoes and not tell you.

I Am Emily... said...

It's yucky but exciting at the same time!!! Nausea is a sign of a healthy baby apparently?!

Something that helped me with morning sickness was breath mints, if I sucked on them the mint would stop that taste you get in your mouth before needing to vomit.

Worth a try?

Mellie said...

Ugh, the dreaded morning sickness. For me it was all day, all the time sickness. Puking 3-5 times a day until about week 20. Such "FUN." One thing that helped (but not much) were sea bands. Those acupressure wrist bands for motion sickness.

Anonymous said...

apparently ginger nut biscuits before getting out of bed helps morning sickness, and having an empty stomach definitely makes you feel worse.

Really hope she doesn't get the heartburn, I was really bad and of course it's always worse at night. I must've drunk gallons of gaviscon.

Minze said...

My husband and I have a deal: I gestate the kid and get it out, he mops up each and every bodily fluid it emits after it's born. Meconium, vomit, diarrhoea, potty training accidents, that kind of thing. We've got two kids, so...

Think about it. In years to come, it'll cheer up your wife AND it'll give you blog fodder, so everyone wins!

Russ said...

The Wife laughs in your general direction!

Ms. Moon said...

It takes some major chemical changes to CREATE LIFE!
I'm sorry for ET. It is the best of times, it is the worst of times.
Be sweet as you can to that dear woman, creating life in her very own body.
I know you are.

AnnD said...

Yup!! That's about the time it hits too!!!

Congrats! If you can recall from my blogs, I ALWAYS wanted the nausea...it's such a good sign, ask any damn doctor and they'll tell you that!!

It is such a gift and a curse at the same time. Tell her to just start trying different things...hopefully she'll find something that works so she can at least work.

Kim said...

Puke and Pee...sounds like things are just as they should be.

I hope you are still this excited about symptoms when the mood swings kick in.

WhatAboutNovember said...

LOL. I can honestly say that this is the one time in my life I'd rather be puking out a kidney than be as healthy as a horse. We're all delighted at her misery. Or, rather, the cause of it. :)

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

you should drive her to work and hold her puke bucket for her. and every night when she gets up, you should roll her toilet paper for her.


designHER Momma said...

8 weeks along? Yep, that's when the real fun typically starts rolling for me.

it will pass - it must pass.

Sarah said...

Yay "morning sickness"!!

Tigger said...

Assvice alert: every pregnant woman I have ever known (and there have been a lot of them) have found that eating something as simple as a piece of toast or some crackers before getting out of bed has helped tremendously with the nausea. Green apples are also on the list - something in the peels helps. They've also had to eat something (anything) about every two hours to keep the nausea at bay. I tell you these things, so you don't get killed by your wife if she decides to go homicidal. :)

Ginny said...

E.T., honey, I feel for you. I lived on ice chips for many weeks, with the occasional saltine thrown in. My only advice? If E.T. thinks of ANYTHING she might be able to stomach, go get it. Post haste. And don't complain.

Kori said...

: ) I have nothing witty or clever to add.

Chelsea Lietz said...

excellent news! But I doubt she will be so forgiving of your cheer in a few weeks...

Jason Roth said...

Oh, the peeing thing is only going to get worse. I'm sure you're more than happy to trade your sleep for her pregnancy symptoms than having none at all. Enjoy!

Bonnie B. said...

She's gonna shove that cake up your ass, dude. And I won't blame her a bit. (but on the inside, I'm smiling for the both of you!)

Angel said...

Reading her symptoms make me sooo happy! (Sorry, ET)
8 weeks... what a cute little tadpole, I'm sure!

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Eight weeks is perfect timing for morning sickness. Sounds like you've got a textbook pregnancy going there...

Congrats on the 8-week mark! Now go buy some ice lollies for ET.


hey- have you guys come up with a name for the little one yet? Sorry to say, "foetus" is just not cutting it for me. You can do better than that!

Mo said...

Glad your wife is feeling terrible! Geesh, what a funny thing to say! But seriously. Glad that all signs point to a healthy pregnancy. Congrats on eight weeks!!


AnnB said...

All that peeing in the night? Nature's way of preparing you for 2,3,and 4 am feeds, teething, nocturnal nappies and the puking; that's just mother nature's way of testing your resolve. 'Fraid you're just going to have to suck it up and pander to lodger and landlady's every whim! Enjoy.

darcie said...

SOOOOO Freakin' happy!
I hated being on the verge of puking too - but oddly, it gave me a goofy sense that things were as they should be!
(Hang in there ET ~ it's ALL worth it!)

Blues said...

I'm loving where you're going with all this. Hilare.

Anonymous said...

Yay for nausea! :)
"talking incubator" *snicker*

James (SeattleDad) said...

Mrs. LIAYF was seriously nauseous for 5 months. That was fun. Anyway, it was all good because it meant things were progressing well.

Be there to offer a glass of water and a washcloth and lots of sympathy and it will eventually pass.

Anonymous said...

Totally happy here, because if I suffered, then so should everybody else, goddamit! :)

The only thing that helped a little for me was tea made with fresh ginger. Completely and utterly disgusting, but it did help. A little.

Now, I just hope ET doesn't get heartburn, because that, my friend, was so not fun.

Anonymous said...

You'll earn many bonus points if you send her out the door each morning with a bag of crackers tucked into her pocketbook!! And an extra pair of under britches for when she vomits AND pees herself at the same time.

Ain't this fun?

Anonymous said...

You TURD!!!! Being happy about her puking up a kidney! I can't wait for the time that the wee one gives her a good strong kick in the bladder when she least expects it and (can do NOTHING about it)and covers you with tinkling golden showers of fun! Oh, ho...time for you to share the pain, my man! T - 32 weeks!

Jill said...

hip, hip hooray for nausea. so glad to hear she's feeling shitty... in a non-sadistic kind of way. :)

it's real my friend. it's really, really real.


Sinead said...

Sorry to hear that she has hit the puking stage. It is not fun. For me, it was 24/7 nausea. But on the brightside it is the sign of a healthy pregnancy. I never found anything that made me feel any better apart from constantly eating, which doesn't do much for the waistline. I hope the next 6 weeks pass quickly and tell her not to eat fruit or drink juice within a couple of hours of consuming dairy. That was a puke-inducer for me, although it took me a while to figure it out!

And you should definitely stop smiling about it!

Light said...

I don't know whether to be joyful or not, but I'm glad she has the symptoms!! The joys of pregnancy!!

jodieodie said...

I went to a (sensible) naturopath when morning sick. She told me my liver was causing the trouble - coping with the hormones. And that a liver tonic - she recommended St Mary's Thistle - would be a good treatment. She also said drink ginger beer and eat milk arrowroot biscuits.
Regardless of the medical validity of this diagnosis, and with a quick nod in the direction of possible placebo effect, I felt much much better after taking this.

G said...


And what a gorgeous picture of your little 'bugger' in your last post!!! So happy for you guys, hope it all continues to roll along well xx

Jo said...

Um, I think pissing like a racehorse refers to quantity per session rather than frequency. Though who am I to inquire to closely for details!

Martin said...

@Veronica - hehe

@Mwa - 7kilos?????

@GeekByMarriage - hehe thanks, and welcome

@Making Babies - :-)

@Elfinamsterdam - Aw, that's nice. True though.

@womb for improvement - Jeez, you say one thing in the national press...
Thats exactly why Im happy.

@River - especially at night!

@M+B - shes done well, only one bad day of it

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - revolting

@IrishNYC - Absolutely!

@WiseGuy - she hits like a girl anyway

@bsouth - how very mean of you

@Tanya - nice tip

@Melanie - ouch, sounds severe.

@welshpurpletree - Yep, thats a common tip.

@Minze - That deal is a bit lobsided methinks.

@Russ - Well helloooooo wife...

@Ms. Moon - Mais oui!

@AnnD - all according to plan!

@Kim - they've existed fro 12 years ;-)

@WhatAboutNovember - are horses that healthy?

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - I can honestly say, I didn't lay a finger on her.

@designHER Momma - bring it on!

@Sarah - psycho

@Tigger - yep sounds about right!

@Ginny - after the football, maybe.

@Kori - gee, thanks.

@Chelsea Lietz - risk I gotta take :-)

@iVegasFamily - Absolutely!

@Bonnie B. - mmmm Ass cake.

@Angel - incredibly handsome!

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - nothing is sticking!

@Mo and Will - Thanks!

@AnnB - you mean I need to learn how to snore through the noturnal peeing in preparation!

@darcie - Thats exactly it!

@Blues - Im curious where you thought it might otherwise go?!

@iamstacey - that's her!

@James (SeattleDad) - yep, happy to see it.

@expatswede - the ginger keeps popping up alright.

@Hyphen Mama - already stuffing her handbag!

@hotmamamia - I doubt shes looking forward to that!

@Jill - yep, really is!!!!

@Sinead - so far it's an empty stomach that triggers it. 24/7 does not sound good.

@Light - Joyful, definitely joyful.

@jodieodie - there's that ginger again!

@G - Thanks!

@jothemama - It also refers to standing legs spread and flodding the floor, but we're not quite there either.

Unknown said...


since this blog is concerned with all things reproductive, thought this was interesting, and scary.

Captain Steve said...

Happy 8 weeks! and when she kicks you in the kidney and screams, "How do ya like that, ya bastard!?" and you fight over the bathroom, I'm just going to giggle.

Erin said...

By the end of the pregnancy, just wait. At the end of mine, I peed all the time. I couldn't get through a movie without leaving to go to the loo at least twice—and that's not because I only needed to go twice. I basically could have peed on command, the need was so constant. (Too much for a first-time commenter?)

suzannanana said...

All sounds just perfect to me.

Martin said...

@Ruth - I saw that, it is a bit out there.
But in a way, it's next steps isn't it.
Lines are being pushed back all the time.

@Captain Steve - Sounds like an average morning round here.

@Erin - Never too much ;-)
And welcome!

@suzannanana - Signed, sealed, delivered.

blissfully caffeinated said...

Yeah, the whole peeing thing? Will only get worse.

Glad things are going well!

Martin said...

@blissfully caffeinated - Cheers, thanks.