The Waiting Game

Strange times at the moment.

We've come and gone through the optimum time of the month, making the most of every opportunity, and while we will continue to do so as long as we can, we both know that if we are to be successful this month, that it already would have begin.

This I find entirely bizarre, the possibility that we 'could' be pregnant and yet we are over a week from even being able to speculate.

Right now I envy those guys who's partners just blind sight them with a declaration of 8 week pregnancy.

I am not a patient person by any stretch of the imagination, so needless to say, waiting for something that may not even happen is spinning my little brain around my head like a lone thong in a tumble drier.

At least we have a distraction coming in the next few days, we get the keys to our new home on Monday, followed by a week of taking furniture deliveries, packing & preparing before we move lock stock on Saturday.

Then it's just a matter of waiting until the following Tuesday....

EDIT: P.S. My God this post is mind numbingly boring, I do apologise, but all I've been up to is trying to make the bloody thing and we'll, I think that's an image that's better left to all our imaginations....

Your missionary, should you choose to accept it...

D-Day minus 4.

This is where the serious stuff starts. Not an opportunity will be lost over the coming days to set the wheels in motion.

We have been doing what I expect most couples do when they are try to conceive, and reading up on any tips or tricks that could bump up our chances of success.

Selection of foods, drinks, clothes, smells, Barry White albums, and 'positions' are all potential make or break points.

In fact, I don't think we've been 'having sex', or 'making love', or even 'shagging' of late, but rather performing minor medical procedures.

BUT....here comes a dilema, of sorts. There is one widely accepted position which should be utilised for conception.

The problem arises after repeated attempts, this position does get somewhat dull.

Fear not, the bowels of the internet informed me that there is an alternative to this position, which should prove just as effective, but there's a catch....It's only just as effective if the woman's cervix is tilted'.

How in the name of all that is holy can she, let alone I, tell if her flaming cervix is tilted or not ! ? !

I'm contemplating showing my swimmers pictures illustrating the difference between a tilted and non-titled cervix and training them to send back someone with a sign, just so we know.

There are two plus points on the upside of all this, One - I believe I am now a qualified gynacologist in 6 Eastern European countries and 4 US states, and TWO - I've learned that you should NEVER mention a woman's cervix when you're trying to get them into bed.

Back in the saddle, lousy odds, and buttock visualisation

Well, month 2 has kicked off where month 1 left off…. Going for it.

In fact I have 20 minutes according to my laptop clock before Little Mama shall return and we will keep up our daily routine.

It’s quite fun to be honest, especially attempting to get a few minutes away from our visitors to give it a shot.

They leave tomorrow and it will be full steam ahead then.

We were both looking at some articles this evening about getting pregnant, some (pink and blue coloured and therefore legitimate)source claimed that we should be trying to conceive every 2 days for the 8 days in and around the ‘special time’.

It went on to say that then a normal couple would have a 25% of conceiving.

Frankly, those odds scare me. Are they normal?

If we double the recommended activity over this period to EVERY day, does this make it a 50% chance?

If we stay in the saddle TWICE a day EVERY day during this period does this make it then 100%?

Now I’m not a mathematician (or obviously a biologist) but those odds I DO like.

My scrambled egg brain is already creating stressful situations, like what if we are not successful this month?

How much would that dent our hope and confidence?

I’m not old, technically still in my 20’s so why would nature let me down like this? or Little Mama?

Are these wonderings part and parcel of this process? Or, am I in fact not an idiot but mentally deranged? I’m already convinced that I have an hormonal imbalance that has started me down this road.

I’ve been reading some other blogs, notably ‘Doodaddy’ and ‘papasdiary’. I genuinely enjoy them but I’ve found myself feeling 2 quite strong emotions in doing so.

1- I feel like a fraud for reading and enjoying their stories when I’m not a dad, nor even a pleb expectant dad.

2- I feel as jealous as hell for what they have.

Anyway, I have 6 minutes left before hammer time and I refuse to let this sink any further into the emotional blurb that it seems to be.

This was meant to be humorous damnit!

Although, to leave with a chuckle inspiring thought, as you read this, I’ve probably got my pale buttocks in the air in an attempt to bring about the goal which is the inspiration behind this blog in the first place….