Friday was a beauty of a blow, and I wasn't quite sure how to handle it when I got home from work.
I must be living away from home for too long because it took me at least 5 minutes to come up with the good old Irish solution. Drink. Stereotypes don't come out of nowhere.
When ET arrived home we popped open a bottle of champagne and called for pizza. Then we popped open another.
You may think it a spooky coincidence that we chose to eat pizza on the evening of the biggest disappointment so far and it also was what we ate on the evening we decided to start a family, but no, there's no coincidence, we are just greedy, lazy pigs.
The days that followed have been a bit weird, not really sad, but a bit indifferent. Energy is at a premium, and laughs are few and far between.
I do wonder when will the energy return, or even if it will return.
Yet another irony of trying to conceive is, even when there seems to be no point anymore, you can't stop yourself thinking in cycle days, ovulations, luteal phases and all the rest.
ET claims she is now having trouble taking a piss without a stick in her hand.
I've read a statistic which puts the percentage of couples still trying to conceive by the time cycle 12 comes around at 1.7%.
We are into number 14. Two weeks from today we return to the reproductive specialist.
Which brings me to infertility.
I've joked a lot about it affecting us, and I even hinted at it way back in the 'early days'.
As much fun as it was to poke fun at myself about it, I don't want to anymore, I want this to be a story of snotty noses and shitty arses, or even back to the days when it was just about constant humping and jokes about wobbly bits and ice packs. I don't want this to be the story it's become, the one we just have to admit to, a story of infertility.
I wonder would the dudes at Alltop or Cre8Buzz create a section for malfunctioning man-bits or wonky woman thingys.
"My name is Xbox4NappyRash and I am an infertility blog."
To those of you who have commented on the last entry, or mailed, or made outrageously generous offers, all we can say is thank you. We are both overwhelmed and grateful. Thanks.