Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Copy/Paste times 26

Nope.

ET's temperature shot from the highest ever, to the lowest ever, and the inevitable followed, the end of cycle 26.

Sad? Nope.
Angry? Nope.
Frustrated? Nope.
Hopeful? Nope.

Nope, not today.

Considering there is 'nothing wrong' with us, it is laughable.

Considering we were advised not to not even try this month because of the high chance of multiples, what does that say about our ability at all?

Considering how miserable we made ourselves deciding whether we should or not, I want to break someone's face.

Considering the Lucifer pills that ET was munching, how can it be worth pumping your body full of shit for nothing?

Considering people fall pregnant at the drop of a damp pair of knickers, every minute, in every corner of the planet, why can't we?

Seriously, it's not that hard is it? Both our next door neighbours have done it, both our bosses have done it, both our families have done it.

People have 2, 4, or maybe 6. I'm even one of 8. Some people have 2 or 3 at a time.

Twenty six attempts, and nothing, we are no better off than when it started, no closer, no wiser, no happier.

We have nothing, and I just don't know why. I don't know anything.

Sick of it.



85 comments:

jothemama said...

It's mystifying. And it's a bitch.

I'm sorry, especially for all the shit surrounding this time.

So hard to know. Maybe the actual IUI is the answer, maybe the clomid's not worth the attendent difficulty.

I wish it was all clearer for you, there's such stabbing in the dark.

Foster Mama said...

I am so so sorry. I do know how you feel, tomorrow will start cycle 26 for us. Its so hard and there is nothing to be said that would make you guys feel better.

Best of luck next month.

~*~Bodhi~*~ said...

Yeah it gets like that, you think you're going fine and then whammo it hits you like a tonne of bricks and you're over the whole feckin thing.

We're into triple figures for cycles, I wish I could say it gets easier and over time you develop a numbness but...you don't!

Ms Avery said...

I'm so very sorry.

battynurse said...

I'm so sorry.

Marcelle said...

Fluck fluck fluck!!! I'm so very sorry!!

Making Babies said...

I guess my internet wants me to say fluck again... (see I posted in my private name not my blog name).. but again I'm so sorry....

nh said...

I know you don't do them... but I'm still sending you and ET lots of (((hugs))).

I'm so sorry... and I wish I could say something which would actually help. Chocolate, alcohol, and swearing are all good answers!

Ali said...

I'm so sorry. It just sucks arse. I wish it were different for you guys.

Ms. Moon said...

As anyone who knows me can attest- I am rarely at a loss for words. And yet- I am.
I agree with Ms. Jo. The IUI is perhaps the answer.
Sorry, sorry, so very sorry.

maggie, dammit said...

I am so sorry.

Your pain hurts me.

Sarah said...

Ah shit.

This whole thing is shit. I'm so sorry X, really and truly.

areyoukiddingme said...

Sigh. My sympathies.

Rikki said...

Sorry Xbox and ET. :(

Feebee said...

So sorry, once again.

Susanica said...

Damnit.

CableGirl said...

I'm sorry. Infertility sucks worse than anyone who has never experienced it can ever know. Next month marks 2 years for us. Hopefully next cycle ET won't have as many follies and you will be able to trigger and do the IUI.

Reg said...

fuck... what else can I say:(

A Decade of BFNs said...

Sugar Honey Iced Tea! Come on! I really thought this was going to be the one. Am so so sorry.

xx

WhatAboutNovember said...

Oh DAMMIT.

Lucifer pills indeed. Promises big returns, gives nothing back.

Crysbena said...

::sigh:: It sucks... I'm sorry. It just doesn't seem to get easier either.

Jenni said...

that's shit. I'm sorry.

Shanny said...

These stupid infertility struggles are so darn frustrating. I hate them for you& ET and everyone who has to go through it.

I'm very sorry =(

iVegasFamily said...

It's so incredibly unfair.

Bonnie B. said...

Crap.

anymommy said...

Sorry, truly. I wish I could wave something and make it happen for you.

M+B said...

Bugger, bugger, bugger... and lots of hugs

serenity said...

Aw, shite. I'm so sorry.

Not much I can say to make it better, is there?

Hugs to both of you.

xxx

Heather said...

Cripes. I'm sorry.

Penelope said...

Bollocks!!
I am so sorry! You have every right to want to punch someone, again and again and then run them over and reverse too!
Bugger!

RiotGrrlCynic said...

I'm so sorry.

I hope that next cycle the IUI will be possible...

WiseGuy said...

Don't you feel all wound up and nowhre to go..A spring that has been pressed long enough and not getting released?

"Considering people fall pregnant at the drop of a damp pair of knickers, every minute, in every corner of the planet, why can't we?"

Oh, nice question there! Next question please? By this count, I am possibly in the midst of my 55th cycle - and what do I show for it? Bloating...and yeah, no baby!

....If this is hell, then it is better to wade through than just stand here.

Jill said...

Un-f'ing-believable. I don't even know what to say except I'm so sorry for your pain.

zakary said...

Crap. I'm really sorry.

Sarah said...

we're there too (cycle 27 and nothing wrong with either of us) shit, i was really rooting for you this month.

Robin said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I was truly convinced that the red menace wouldn't come this time. Just a thought, but when I got pregnant with my second, I didn't know I was pregnant for 7 weeks, because I had a FULL-blown period right on schedule 28 days or so after the previous one. It CAN happen, my Tori is testament to that. I'm just saying. You hear about people all the time who are pregnant and don't know it, and think, how could they be so stupid?! Well, as someone who's been there, maybe, just maybe, the period is a false one.

Gypsy said...

Shit. I'm sorry.

meabh said...

So so sorry, take care of each other today & the next few days.
You have a right to be angry at the fertile world.How can they do this, half of them by mistake (imagine!!) I'm thinking of doing the heroin addicts diet of coke, crisps, fags & maybe I'll wake up with a bump one day & not know how it got there!
Did you see "the great sperm race" on channel 4 few weeks ago. You can watch on the C4 website I think.
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-great-sperm-race/catch-up
To me it explains why IUI works with unexplained infertility.Less than a handful of your best swimmers reach the tubes "normally". In IUI millions get there.Never mind the notion of lots of eggs, we need lots of swimmers there all fighting for the egg! Good luck....there is hope. This was your best shot in 2 years, but there is an even better shot coming very soon.
Keep the faith

Sadia said...

I'm so sorry.

Claire said...

I cannot believe this has happened to you guys again; I really thought this had to be the one. It's so fucking shitty and unfair. All I can think of to say is that every attempt that fails brings you one attempt closer to success. But I don't suppose after 26 attempts that really helps at all...hugs x

Mick said...

That's shite man. It really is...

Crap :-(

James said...

Terrible news X. Sorry to hear. Seems like each time there is a new reason to be let down. I know how it feels man, I know how it feels. Sorry.

merinz said...

If only everyones good wishes could make it better. Sorry to hear your news.

Paint it Black said...

Sorry. Thats all I have. I wish I had more.

Angry Infertile said...

I'm so sorry. My husband and I are going through the same thing. Unexplained infertility. It sucks donkey balls.

tiff said...

Hugs.
There are no words, really.
Infertility sucks.

S said...

You could have been writing this post with me in mind.
Were you?

It fucking sucks. It's a crock of shit.

Here's what to do - get fired from your job, develop a pretty severe ice habit, get ET to gain 30kg, move into a skanky housing estate. You'll be up the duff in no time.

Now, I'm off to get myself fired.

frogpondsrock said...

shit,shit,shit..

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

fucking universe.

Dan said...

Oh shit man. I'm sorry.

Deb said...

I thought about the two of you today, and hoped this cycle would be different. I'm so sorry.

Widdle Shamrock said...

So freakin' wrong.

I wish I had words.

Amy said...

Oh X, I am so sorry.

Tara R. said...

Damn. I am so sorry.

IrishNYC said...

I am so, so sorry.

Veronica said...

It's crap. It's all crap.

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

As a mother of 4 and grandmother of 10, I have nothing to say except..this is fucked up. You two deserve the happiness you are seeking and I truly believe you will find it. I am heartbroken for this cycle.
Lori in the Tx

Amber said...

I really have no words, just that I am really, very sorry.

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

I'm so sorry. I was hoping so hard that this one was it for you guys.

Damn.

Jane G said...

Sorry X. As Meabh said though, I think IUI will be your answer. Hang in there x

River said...

I can't think of a single thing to say right now, except don't lose hope, and I know you don't want to hear that right now, so I won't say anything.

Elfinamsterdam said...

60 comments in 24 hours... with all these people... and many more wishing you both on how come the universe is ignoring this?

I can do naught but say, it will happen, it *has* to happen

Like everyone here, I am sorry and I know the day will come when you'll go quiet for a month or so... and we'll know... and we'll all do a little chair dance for you both!!

*hugs*

Elf

Louise said...

I was afraid to open your blog today - and then I did. I am so sorry and so disappointed for you.

geeksinrome said...

I clicked on your blog today with such excitement and fell crushed to hear your news. I am so sorry. It's so awful.

I am giving you my virtual arm to grab to pull you both up and help you stagger to the next step. Plod along detached from all, that was my method.

I'm so sorry this injustice hits the undeserving.

bsouth said...

Shit damn bugger fuck wank and any other swearwords that I haven't thought of. Chuck 'em all in.

That is so wrong and I'm so very, very sorry for you both.

Lorna said...

Shit. I am so sorry. Words seem so helpless. Take care of yourselves.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Xbox4NappyRash said...

@EVERYONE - Thanks, I'm bemused why you even bother still checking, but thanks for doing so.

Just a couple of individual ones I wanted to address:
@~*~Bodhi~*~ -
I have no idea how you can carry on after 100 bloody cycles!

@WiseGuy - It's dreadful, 55 cycles is just ridiculous. Best of luck.

@Sarah - We are synchronised! into 27 here too.

@meabh - I saw that alright, interesting, makes you wonder how anyone ever gets born.

@Angry Infertile - Good luck.

@Angie - Come back!

bsouth said...

We keep checking because you've made us care with your witty, pithy and heartwrenching telling of yours and ETs story. Damn you.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry.

Boliath xx

tinman18 said...

Of course we keep checking, we're all on your side.

I'm really sorry, I had great hopes this time.

I know you're sick of it, but don't give up.

Sinead said...

ah shit! that truly sucks.

Let the fertility doctors know you went at it like rabbits against their advice and still nothing and maybe they will start giving you better options??

Tanya said...

I hope those people who have many children read this blog and realise how lucky they really are.

I believe in love at first sight, miracles, fate and karma. I have faith that you both will get what you want, even if it takes awhile.

Ms. Moon said...

I agree with Sinead.

John Braine said...

We're gutted for you. Thought / hoped this might be it. Had my money on Clomid.

Anonymous said...

Stunned and sorry...really bloody sorry!
Deno

B said...

em...

hm...

um...

:(

J from Ireland said...

I am so sorry. Sometimes life is just so unfair. Thoughts and prayers to you both.

Karen MEG said...

Shit. That's all I have to say Xbox.

And a big fat sorry.

You know how many cycles we went through... not that you want to go through that many ... but indeed, a couple were successful.

Please don't lose hope, 'kay?

S said...

This sucks. I'm sorry. Its fucking annoying to have "no reason". I like reasons, things to control. Unexplained is just like...paying $10,000 for some hoodoo ritual that has no guarantees.

I couldn't remember if you were considering a hop over to IVF. Is that feasible?

Whatever you decide, all the best.

hotmamamia said...

I have no words.

Ashling said...

So sorry it didn't work unexplained infertility seems to have no answers. I remember all of our iui cycles my doctor warning us of 'multiples' no such luck we can't even get one.
hope you will have success very soon.

Gwen said...

I haven't been there personally, but I know people that have had the same difficulties, done the fertility drugs, and the IVF. Some couples it worked for, others had to go the adoption route. I really hope you and your partner get the baby you're wanting so badly. It makes me mad to think of all the people who have babies so easily and then don't appreciate them at all, while there are people like you out there who would do anything to have one.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Everyone - Thanks again. Appreciated.

Bluestreak said...

Take a deep breath. I'll scream "FUUUUCK" at the top of my lungs. You know, so you can take a break.