Monday 26 May 2008

The good news

The good news is that my semen is 'perfect'.

The good news is that I don't have HIV.

The good news is that I don't have hepatitis.

The good news is that ET doesn't have HIV.

The good news is she doesn't have hepatitis.

The good news is that she doesn't have, nor has ever had, Chlamydia.

The good news is her hormone levels seem acceptable.

The good news is that they can't see anything wrong with us.

Great news isn't it?

Then why won't anyone help us for 11 more months?
Or why won't they investigate further for a cause?
Or why won't they offer any help at all now, in our 14th cycle.

I've always hated that fucking painting, I 'get' it a bit more now though.


Anonymous said...

Shit. Have you thought about seeing a different doctor? The first doctor I was seeing here in Austin was just "sitting" on my case, waiting to see what would happen. I ended up with severe depression at the loss of pregnancies, and failed cycles. Finally, I got my head out of my ass and marched to a different doctor. He fixed me in 3 months time. It's just a thought... Sometimes it helps to have a different person looking at your medical history and results.

Jill said...

Have they checked her thyroid levels?

My fertility specialist didn't even think about it - but I'd heard through a friend to check it out. So glad I did - my levels were out of this world. Once they were fixed I got prego... though now we can't figure out why I keep miscarrying. But that's a whole different post. :) Just an idea...

Sully Sullivan said...

Try going to prom. That worked for a bunch of girls in my high school.

In all seriousness, get a second, third, and fourth opinion. Hell, get a fifth. Seems like the doctor you go to now is giving you a little bit of a run around. Best of luck.

If you need some cheering up, check out my pop culture comedy blog. I will donate a 2L jug of my sperm if it doesn't cheer you up at least a little. I've bookmarked this page. I hope to come back soon and see some good news. The URL to my page is

Putz said...

well meaning people with all kinds of ideas

Anonymous said...

Can't think of anything to say other than "keep your dander up"

Marylin said...

I think you need to find someone else for a 2nd opinion now. There's no WAY you should be left with nothing else for 11 months - that's just not FAIR, and in no way will it help your stress levels :(

Backpacking Dad said...

Nice one on the perfect semen. I'd make you a blog badge for that if I could make blog badges.

11 months? That's just a doctor who is hoping he doesn't have to do anything.

Krista said...

That's just lame on so many levels. I'd have to agree with the others who said to get a second opinion... cheering you on!

Rachel said...

Perfect Semen, huh.
Well that's just special.
Glad y'all are all clean and spiffy.... not that it's any consolation or anything.
Good luck.

Jenni said...

I agree - you should get a second opinion, even though I know it will be a giant pain in the ass. And, for the record, it totally sucks that you two had to go through so many tests and so much waiting for such a shitty answer. You guys must be horribly disappointed and pissed.

Nelson's cousin had trouble concieving and they could find nothing wrong w/her or her spouse - they still ended up needing IVF for their first three (a singleton and then twins.) My point being sometimes there's just no obvious reason, although I guess you're kind of living that reality.

Anonymous said...

It does suck for sure. We went through the same thing, but you know what ticks me off is that they always came up with more tests AFTER the waiting period.

Like first they said try for a year. Then they said ok you tried for a year, lets do this and this and this test. After those tests are done and they find nothing wrong they say ok, nothing is wrong, so you just have to keep trying. Come back in 6 months if nothing has happened.

6 months later nothing happened, they suddenly have loads more tests to do, then I'm wondering why they didn't do them before.

It goes on and on. Tests, wait and try, tests, wait and try. Makes no sense at all.

It's seriously lacking over here in NL when it comes to dealing with infertility. It's as though they think if it isn't happening naturally that it's just not meant to happen or something.

jnifferjuniper said...

that is a damn shame.

I really don't get it, 11 months seems like forever! You should have more options- find a new doctor!!

Lyssa said...

Definitely time to say, "bite me" to that group and take Spencer elsewhere. I hope you have that ability there.

B said...

Isn't ET immune to HIV anyway? I think I remember that being said in the film.

AnnD said...

I would have to go with everyone else and suggest maybe getting a second opinion or seeing another specialist. You and perfect sperm deserve the best after all!

Anonymous said...

That is so stuffed. I just cannot begin to rant and rave enough to give an adequate picture of how that makes me feel. I'm glad you are both considered acceptable. I am but how is it accetable to leave thirty year olds to fend for themselves for another year? How is that right? It isn't. It isn't because of the statistics. It isn't because you have both done all the right things to give fertility it's best shot and now you are turning to these people for help and they are refusing to do that for you? That is wrong.

It's nice that they think it will all happen naturally but nice is not what you need right now.

For you, for ET.

GoaldeeBug said...


That's NOT what you want to hear. The news is great, obviously, but they are offering you NO solution to your dilemma? Seriously, that's fucked up! Oh, can I say fuck here? Feel free to edit this comment if needed :)

Did they give you anything close to a good reason for not doing anything for another 11 months?

Honey, I would seriously consider a second opinion.

I have a gun if you would like to borrow it for 'persuasive' purposes.

Anonymous said...


A double edged sword really isn't it? Nothing wrong GREAT, but then why isn't it happening ???

Miss Awesome said...

You know what you should do? STOP trying to have a baby. Seriously, start using protection religiously and then get drunk one night and 'forget' it. Boom, guaranteed two weeks later that stick'll have a plus sign. Works every time.

Anonymous said...

I had charted my BBT for 4 cycles and taken it to a previous OB/GYN and she said to me, "it appears as if you're ovulating..." I didn't even getting that impression looking at my chart. so I left her behind and sought someone else.

Getting the second opinion from an infertility and high-risk pregnancy doctor was the best decision we ever made. We plodded along before that for 2 years worth of trying before we thought something might be wrong.

Good to know you're 'normal', but I don't think they're being that wise making both of you wait so long considering you've turned the corner into 30-dom. I'm there myself, well and truly planted.

Ask for a copy of your results and see who else is out there.

Anonymous said...

Back to the bedroom, kids. :)

Tara R. said...

You have to WAIT for 11 months? That's all messed up! Can you go to another doctor? That's craziness.

MommyHeadache said...

At the risk of spouting clichees, I've known several people who had nothing 'wrong' with them and couldn't conceive for love nor money for years. Some adopted kids. As soon as the kid was adopted they conceived. I really would consider taking a few months off and just forgetting about it - I mean what is the huge hurry anyway? And not doing ovulation tests etc etc. The high tech route is hell for everyone I know who's tried it - IVF etc and if I were you I'd try to go natural a while longer.

Anonymous said...

11 months?!?! Geeeeeez man. Try showing off Spencer to a few Dr. buddies. Hell if he's doing so great then maybe someone else can give you a gold medal. If not, then maybe they can help. Win win if you ask me.

*btw-been lurking for a few weeks. think your great and wishing nothing but the best for you guys*

Deb said...

11 months? Are they high? I'm with the other voters who said it's time for another opinion if that's possible. Congrats on the Olympic quality sperm!

Anonymous said...


I don't get it.

Wait, what??

Why do I feel like punching some doctors right now?

Anonymous said...

That is shit, why have the 12 month rule if 12 months actually means 24 months?


I would love to see you get a second opinion, but I'm not sure that is possible there. Correct me if I'm wrong though.

Captain Steve said...

No! Well, congrats on being disease free. And your pep talks to Spencer seem to have upped his game, but dammit! 11 more months? Fuckers!

Myst_72 said...

It all sounds good - aside from lazy doctors that are obviously assuming you won't need to see them in 11 months - as are we!

But a second opinion could be good if possible....

Were your results/days different with the LPK test thingys this month? Maybe the sarcastic ones weren't right?


♥.Trish.♥ Drumboys said...

Good news that sucks eggs ... our infertility was unexplained.

I agree 2nd opinion time.I wish I had something else more earnest and comforting to say.

I wanted to share this with you & ET

Anonymous said...

How did you get a screen shot from "Home Alone: The LSD Version"? I love that Macaulay Culkin!

Anonymous said...

My friends dog is in season and she is getting an ovulation test every day at the moment to make sure when she goes to see her mate she is in peak condition. When she mentioned it I thought of you!

Sorry, not much help but hey it means you are creeping into my real life now.

Just thought you might like to know.

Anonymous said...

I have commenter's block

Martin said...

@Andria & Co - I've thought about it, I believe it's necessary, but if it's possible I just don't know.

@Jill - No. Also no check for blocked tubes or a posible hostile environment.

@Sully Sullivan - Way to whore your blog!
Yes, more opinions required, we know that much.

@Putz - Indeed. If only any of them worked.

@Dan - Thank you.

@Marylin - I agree.

@Backpacking Dad - You've hit the nail on the head with the doctor.
That seems to be the overwhelming feature of this here, keep people moving along, delaying action as long as possible.
Rarely actually treating.

@Krista - Thank you.

@Rachel - Again, thanks.

@Jenni - Oh we are living it alright. I just can't believe it's for real.

@Breigh - This is whats getting me, WE know there are test that can be done in the meantime, even if they don't want to offer drugs or IUI right now.
These tests could save months of further heart ache if they were carried out now, and either pinpointed or eliminated certain problems.

The treatment available here is as good as anywhere on the planet, but as with everything else, the Dutch have zero ability to deal with the human aspect of things.

@Jnifferjuniper - It is. I agree.

@Lyssa Ireland Thomas - I hope so too.

@B - Boom fucking boom. I'm actually surprised it's taken a year for an ET joke. Congratulations you win the prize.

@AnneD - Indeed.

@Tiff - You're reading my mind. Thank you.

@Goaldeebug - I'll be editing nothing.
Thank you.

@Widdle Shamrock - Yes, double edged.

@Big Mamma Pimplishness - Don't make me swear at you.

@abritdifferent - We need to gather ourselves and see what our options are realistically. Thanks.

@Anja - So it seems.

@Tara R - I don't know right now.

@EmmaK - With the utmost respect telling someone to 'forget about it' is fucking insulting at this point.
We 'didn't try' for 9 and half years, now is the time to try. We are not asking for any high tech magic assistance, just not to stop the investigation into what the issue might be.
We deserve that much in a civilised society.

As for adoption as a means to get pregnant, I'm just going to take that as tongue in cheek.

@Kittyoncerto - thanks for piping up from lurkdom, It's very much appreciated.
Maybe, maybe indeed.

@Deb - We have to see what the options are now.

@Maggie, dammit - That makes two of us. I just don't know. Honestly, not a clue.

@Veronica - I would if I could.

@Captain Steve - Fuckers indeed.

@Myst_72 - The OPKs gave a surge 4-5 days earlier than expected, but also at the expected time.
Second opinion yes, if possible.

@Baby~amore -Thanks, that's enough. I'll have to wait until later to check that link.

@NukeDad - Macauley is a cool dude now. A shit of a kid, but a cool dude now.

@Tismee2 - Ironically I have no doubt the dog will receive more humane care.

@Frogpondsrock - I don't blame you. This is nothing more than repitition at this stage. Fuck it all.

ladyshanae said...

Gah, that really sucks a lot. I second everyone's who mentioned getting a second opinion. I've had sooooo many doctors. One doctor told me my eggs were bad - that my supply was depleted and the only way we'd be able to have kids was with donor eggs through IVF. I cried for days about this. And then decided to get a second opinion. The second opinion doctor looked at my results and was like - dude, Dr. #1 was totally wrong.

Enter IUI procedure and then.... BOOM - baby is on the way.

I'm a firm believer in second opinions.

Momo Fali said...

At least it's mostly good news...right? Cause that whole HIV thing would really suck.

B said...

What's the prize?

Jason Roth said...

That's all very good news, but really doesn't make up for 11 months with no positive results. That sucks.

Are you able to get a second opinion?

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Did the same tests recently and also got the all clear - back to the bedroom for some more shagadelic action I guess!

Martin said...

@Ladyshanae - Thats sounds good to me. We can't leave things as they stand. Glad things worked out for you.

@Momo Fali - Indeed, it surely would.

@B - 4 used and negative midstream pregnancy tests. Just leave your address and I'll have them sent on.

@Roth Family Adventures - I really do hope so.

@Quickroute - How long are we talking for you?

Anonymous said...

Hang in there man! Good news is good news.

Anonymous said...

Find a doctor that will help you now. I just can't believe doctors that think they are saving you from the stress of fertility treatment when all they're doing is putting you through the potential trauma of another year of TTC.

Kori said...

As usual, no right words. For about three hours I have debated whether or not to come here and SAY, "No words," yet here I am. BTW, your little flag thingy that shows where everyone lives? Totally and completly fucked up. Like your fertility dude-waaaay off in left field. Just saying.

Martin said...

@Jeremy - I could beg to differ, but thanks.

@Fiona - We are trying, believe me. Lets just say I won't be so quick to criticise the Irish system again. You couldn't knock out a book for people here in Holland could ya?

and you must be REALLY close now?

@Kori - I feel the same way about writing the entries, I don't know why I'm bothering. But thanks.

Those flags things are working off the service provider so it's not necessarily gonna pick up your town.

MarĂ­a said...

I love that painting, just FYI.

I hope it happens soon. I can't imagine the stress.

Our Crooked Tree said...

echo, echo, echo...
Get more opionions (you should not have to wait another year)
Keep humpin

Sending hugs to you both ♥

Anonymous said...

Time for new opinions. Look in neighboring countries if you have to...just don't pull out yet. ;)

B said...

I'd nearly just give you my address for the cost of the stamps(they're technically currency y'know, any shop should accept them)

K8spade said...

I'd put in my two cents, but most everyone has done that for me already: get a second opinion. My sister and brother-in-law went through hell to get pregnant. Now they are the proud parents of a 2-year-old toddler and 1-month old twins.

So yea, keep your head up, and keep getting it up.

Karen MEG said...

11 months, Xbox, that's insane. Different specialists have different protocols of treatment... I echo everyone's sentiments and suggest you shop around if you can.

Did I tell you that apparently we were all normal too? I don't know if this is encouraging or discouraging. Don't know if ET had a cycle followed (ie. temps, daily blood draws during her cycle, ultrasounds on folicles?) I had the tubes checked too(lovely procedure - but then the procedure itself can sometimes boost the chance as it may flush tubes open... TMI, sorry) and the hostile environment test, yup, we were ok there too. , but there was always another set of options/ tests just around the corner.

Good luck to you and ET. I think any medical system these days requires people to push the envelope. I just feel so badly that this is adding to your already frustrated situation grrrrr!!!

Anonymous said...

you need a vacation away from life and your home and everything else that pertains to this. and i'm not talking about the recent "euro 'oliday" you just had. you need to come down to austin and sweat your ass off for a few days. that's what i think. we need to plan a man-blog convention with you and roth and whit and pg and bryan and morgan here in the atx.

Martin said...

@Immoral Matriarch - It always reminded me of an old Irish move called 'lamb' with Liam Neeson. Disturbing.

As for the stress, I'm only starting to realise how stressful it is, and that's scary.

@Our Crooked Tree - Yes indeed, hopefully.

@Wpat - I don't trust those Belgians...

@B - I don't fancy your chances with a Dutch shopkeeper and Irish stamps.

@K8spade - I know, thanks. Hopefully.

@Keren MEG - We have had everything you mentioned except the blocked tubes test and post coital. The fact these were not an option baffle me.

@Struglas - Sounds like heaven. There is an outside chance we'd be there in September, but we need to know what's happening first.

Marianne said...

Oh no, I'm sorry to read this. They really don't anything these people do they? Thoughts are with you both. M

Martin said...

@Marianne - Thanks, I find it hard to understand their logic to be honest.
Thanks for commenting and solving my long standing 'who is the french lurker' question ;0)

Anonymous said...

How many bloody comments??

Popular bastard.

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Been ´praticising´for about 18 months now. No sign of any probs in the tests both of us have done so just have to keep the mojo going I guess!

Martin said...

@Dan - Misery Dan, people LOVE misery. Ok, and sex.

@Quickroute - how have ye approached it? if that's a sensible question, was it an "ok lets stop 'not' getting up the duff and see what happens" or were there charts and graphs and thermometers and sticks and theme tunes and the rest?
18 months, how are you still fucking sane.

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Interesting question! I´m more of a "it´ll happen when it happens" person - herself on the other hand is a bit more of a "hurry up God damn it - and any apparatus that helps will be used!!" person! - just have to try and find a middle ground :-))

Martin said...

2 questions Quickroute -

1 - can I have your brain, cuz mine is shagged because of the stress of this .


2 - Which apparatus?

B said...

They're all euro currency.

As odd as attempting to pay with stamps would be, it'd never beat the hundreds of 1cent coins method of paying.

Anonymous said...

We had that picture in our bathroom. As you sat on the loo you got to look at The Scream.

I thought it was hilarious. Constipated people, not so much.

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Trust me, you don´t want what´s left of my brain! but seriously so many couples I know practically gave up and when they weren`t stressed and trying that`s when the preganancy happened.

No special apparatus bar the thermometer and that kit to work out her indoors exact cycle - that one was also confirmed by a specialist.

Interesting post by Jill as our specialist said thyroid levels are a possible factor and my missus takes medicine for a deficiency. You also need to make sure once you get preggers that it is adjusted again.

I`ll keep you posted on developments and will continue to enjoy your hilarious updates!

Whiney Momma said...

Well that is lots of good news and you should be darned grateful for it. It sounds like you are really wishing for a child and I bet this is so hard to deal with but time will tell. I say, take a few months off from trying and just enjoy life. There is more to life than just babies.

Dondi Tiples said...

Hey, so much stress. Not good for procreative output. My sister-in-law is 41, her husband is 48. They've tried and tried so hard for so damn long. And they're overachievers in their own fields (doctor & architect, respectively), so you can imagine how they've nearly died trying to "reach for the stars". I was thinking maybe they should've been less uptight and more relaxed? And I didn't want to sound like I'm lecturing because they're older than I am and have more degrees after their names? And that I shouldn't sound so smug because I didn't so much as have to spread my legs apart to have two of my own, just like that?
But you're not them, and you don't have moral ascendancy over me, and you're way younger than I relax man!

Also, when I really find the time to sit down and pour over your blog? You're one great read! Shouldn't you be compiling all these for a book maybe? Most of them are written by frustrated females. Never heard of one by a male author yet. You could make history!

Solid fan, man *thumps chest with fist*, solid fan!

Martin said...

@B - I'd love to see you try it here.

@Kelley - That, is beyond eerie.

@Quickroute - I don't know how anyone is supposed to 'give up' if they want it. Seems too odd to me.

Thyroid not specificially checked but there has never been an issue anyway.

Do keep us updated, I check your blog from time to time but you are always too busy travelled around the planet to mention humping.

Glad you enjoy the 'hilarious' stuff, hope you read the whiney, moany stuff too..

Cheers man.

@Whiney Momma - Let me guess, you have kids, and had little or no problems conceiving them?
There is more to life, but is any of it as important?

@Dondi Tiples - My point is that it's impossible to relax on command, the uncertainty is always there, never gone, and hangs over you until you succeed.
Only then can you relax.
As for time being on our side, it may well be from the outside, but every cycle that passes is one closer to time running out.
I would prefer to be told now that it could never happen for sure, than have 'all the time in the world' to try and fail and despair.

Hope, after a while, becomes very double edged.

Your other words, they are very flattering.
You know I've been reading you since I started myself, and I'm always delighted to see another (all too rare) update in my reader.
You have a wonderful tone and a philosophical outlook which makes for delightful reading regardless of subject.

As for a book, books need endings.

Thanks, very much appreciated.

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Xbox - I do empathise with the whiney moaney stuff too! - you bring a fresh entertaining slant to a serious subject for a lot of peeps - jeez your Statcounter traffic told you that already! - If my lads aren't strong enough swimmers (doc tells me there cool!) we'll consider alternatives e.g. adoption etc - have you read the map or open to considering this? - just curious?

Martin said...

@Quickroute - Cheers, because I expect to be moaning a lot in the future.

As for your swimmers, a LOT of male factor issues can be tackled and improved or totally reversed.
So, with a good sample, like yous eem to have, there is no reason why you can't father a child.

Depending on the other circumstances, it's just a question of via what method.
Obviously in some places money plays a big part in this too.

This is what aggravates me, 1 in 6 couples have problems TTC, that's a lot of couple and a lot of problems, if these are just examined and treated in the right way, a HUGE proportion of them can be solved.

Adoption, yikes, it's not really come up to be honest, not since we started trying at least.
We had mentioned before that we would be open to adoption as part of our family but personally, at this moment in time, I would be afraid that it would be a 'replacement' and maybe done for the wrong reasons.

But, in all honesty, it's not being discussed at the moment, we want to get to the bottom of this and won't stop until we hear it's not going to happen. After that, who knows.

Unknown said...

HA! That painting explains many aspects of my life at times!!

Anonymous said...

11 months. That should give you time to let the friction burns heal.

In the meantime- use boxers, not briefs, slacks not jeans, absolutely no hot tubs, cooler showers, have intercourse in the early morning hours rather than in the evenings.

After all the findings you've mentioned, I am 103% convinced that stress is "THE" problem. All this timed intercourse, and donating samples business wreaks havoc on a man's (and woman's) libido. Performance and quantity suffers. Lay low, take a break, make love when it feels right, but get off this mechanical "we gotta do it in this window of time" business.

We're all cheering for you.

Anonymous said...

I can't think of anything to say...

I'm still reading, I'm still 'rooting' for you (sorry!), but unlike you, my sense of humour fails me.

FUCK! Oh, wait, that's what you've been doing.

Martin said...

@Darrin - it's EVERY aspect of mine!

@Mike - I respect you very much, you are thoughtful, clear and concise in everything you write, but I do not agree with you here.

Stress is not the cause, it doesn't help, but it's not the cause.

Infertility causes stress, not vice versa.

The fact is, either we have just been very very unlucky, which I never discount, or we do have a medical stumbling block to overcome.

Thanks Mike.

@Tracey - Thank you.