Wednesday 17 September 2008

Is it normal...

To travel to another country for a day's shopping and only buy underwear?

To take an hotel recommendation from someone in a bar at 7pm on a Monday?

To arrive at that hotel, and find that there is a dirty fold out bed-couch behind reception?

To have both of you get the once over by the receptionist before she asks 'Do you want the room for the whole evening?'

To have her follow up with, 'Do you want one with a shower?'

To realise when you get to the room you should have specified 'with a toilet also'.

To have your wife lie on the acupuncturist's table for her first session, and while she is having her 'energy checked' the doctor burps?

Cycle day 25. The last one only lasted 25 days.


Dan said...


Anonymous said...

Yep, it all sounds weird. Very weird.

Jo said...

That's what you get for going to Belguim. Told ya!

My heart is in my mouth here. bumpabumpbumpa.

The burping is all par for the course, don't worry. Nerves, whatever. My acupuncturist said he'd put needles in one guy - a retired garda, big man, when you stimulate certai points it can cause a big electrical charge feeling - your man's leg shot out and kicked him in the nuts. Ha!

Fe said...


So normal, in fact, that you're almost boring me. (har!!)

Keep going, kiddo. It will SO be worth it (this from a previously infertile woman approaching the totally random world of "Mother of a Teenager")

Never question the burping of an acupuncturist. The person who brought me into my currently interesting life from the savannah of infertility was a cigarette-smoking, capitalistic, right-winged, 11-year-training-with-a-Chinese-Master, Alfa-Rome driving Acupuncturist.

Viva la difference! *hic*

Bluestreak said...

The bed bug is worth a thousand words.

No, none of it is normal, I don´t care what country you went to. A shower and no toilet? Oh man, I love Europe. This place is full of surprises.

"Do you want the room for the whole evening?". Did you tell the receptionist you were TTC??? Or did you show up clad in leather? Then and only then would it make sense, but I would probably still find it slightly offensive anyway.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Maybe it's the new' normal. Buuuuurp. Oh I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

O I'm gonna need this whole story. It sounds way too much like something that would happen to me!

Anonymous said...

Oh that made me laugh so hard I burped.

And I would have bought some flea powder and bug spray in that country too, dude. Check your hairy bits for immigrants.

unmitigated me said...

Normal...and great blogging fodder.

Chaos said...

Normal, not so nice, but definitely normal. Here's to positive energy.

Jenni said...

Okay, apologies for laughing at your pain, but I bet the looks on your faces when you realized that your room didn't have a toilet was priceless.

And why is it that a woman's cycle is never so irregular as when she's TTC?

Martin said...

@Dan - Classy till the end!

@Veronica - Try being there...

@jothemama - Belgium is fine, just book your accomodation in advance.

@Fe - I've heard lots of good things about acupuncture so we are happy to stick with it.

@Bluestreak - The real joy is paying €70 for the joy!
Gotta love Europe!

@Jo Beaufoix - at least you excused yourself!

@Angel - Oh it was just a whole drunken checking into so flea ridden whore house hotel for the night story.

@Kelley - A Moroccan up my arse?

@Middle Aged woman - always a benefit!

@Chaos - positive 'blocked' energy accoring to Dr Burp.

@Jenni - It was skanky. Shower, no toilet. skanky.

Anonymous said...

All scratchy now.

Fingers crossed hard.

Anonymous said...

Imagine your daughter's horror when she is 20 years old and learns that her namesake is a burping oddball accupuncturist and that her wedding will be held in this special non-showering/toileting hotel to celebrate her conception.

Leslee said...

No to all of the above.

Happy to hear today's CD 25 and this cycle's still in the running... oooooooo I hope! I hope! I hope!

Captain Dumbass said...

Were they nice underwear?

Rikki said...

Are you sure you said "hotel" and not "hostel"? ;)

I like toilets with my hotel room. I guess I am a snob that way.

Anonymous said...


CD 25 for me too. Last one went 28 though. How long is ET's normal LP ?

Crossing my fingers.

Russ said...

I had a similar situation when the Wife and I were in Germany (pre-marriage). We arrived after normal arrival hours and the "clerk" was sleeping on a fold out couch. I got us a room (the wife and me, not the clerk and me). It was one of the more unusual rooms I have ever stayed in. The decor was mid-1970's eclectic and the German Porn was free. If blogging only existed back then, that would have been an entry for the ages.

Anonymous said...

Well. No. I don't think much of that is normal. :-/

I'm OK. CD9 today. We'll see over the weekend if the new meds worked. I know they made me a loopy, hot, dizzy, tired insomniac. Hopefully they got an egg going too!

I have decided, however, to lose at least 5 pounds by the time this cycle is over (I'm assuming it'll end and not drag on FOREVER again). The necessary self-inflicted agony of exercise should make the next 2-3 weeks just fly by.

Maybe September is our month!! Post daily. I'm dying to know how it turns out for you. :)

Kori said...

You should have just told them you'd do her on the gross couch and they could pay you. Just sayin'.

Martin said...

@Hairyfarmerfamily - I'm still scratching, honestly.

@RRP - Oh how you would choke laughing if you knew Dr. Burp's real name.

@Leslee - yep, still going, ticky tock.

@Captain Dumbass - You know, they were!
But that's another post I imagine.

@Rikki - Oh yes, hotel. I've stayed in nicer hostels in my time.

@Christa - we are normally looking at 27 days with 28 being the re menace.
So the LP is 11-13 days or so.

Good luck!

@Russ - Aren't they really weird with the whole porn thing over here, it's on all the bloody time.
you SHOULD post about that....

@Marie - Hopefully the next week should give you something to look forward to!
We'll be out of action for a while I would imagine as we SHOULD find a holiday somewhere next week.

@Kori - Dude...

Sarah said...

Ewwwww...I feel all sorts of itchy now!

The underwear thing...I'd have to say its a bit weird to travel to buy them. Then that may just be because I dont wear them.

Sarah said...

um, this is hillarious. Hoping you make it WAY past 25 days this like 40 weeks!

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Did you at least get some lovin from a lady of the night?

Lyssa said...

Sounds like the one time my grandparents took my mother to a hotel on vacation (instead of camping). It turned out to be a house of ill repute.

Jo said...

I don't know why, but whn I read it, I was sure it was your wife who'd burped. Hence the crotch kicking story.

The burping doctor? Well, I suppose as long as he doesn't start farting.

Elfie33 said...

My favorite quote ever is:

Normal is a setting on a washing machine, nothing else.

Liz said...

Get out, get out, get out.

James (SeattleDad) said...

That is creepy. I once stayed at a hotel where we pulled back the covers and the sheets were all hairy! We called the front desk to have them changed, came back a few hours later to find the bed made but the same hairy sheets underneath!

Needless to say, I got a new room and a couple of free nights.

Korie said...

Where the hell were you in Belgium??? Seriously, if you were in Flanders you should've called the health department.

Anonymous said...

Thanks... Normal AF signs are happening, so I don't see this being our month. Oh well. What else is new. I guess it's time to just get a stupid dog instead!

Anonymous said...

No not normal and like womb for improvement said.

But you're gone now, I repsume
(That's so much better then presume - heh).

And she laughed, she did, didn't she. Saw the funny side and laughed out loud with you and that approximation to a human being of receptionist.

Robust, that's what ye are. Fucking robust. ( I'm allowed to swear here, am I ?)

Martin said...

@Sarah #1 - YOU do? I'm still bloody scratching!

@Sarah #2 - who knows eh?

@A whole lot of nothing - even better, from THE lady of EVERY night!

@Lyssa Ireland Thomas - hahahaha...has that been blogged about yet?

@jothemama - 'She'...our classy Dr Burp was a she.

@Elfie33 - I don't think this hotel has seen a washing machine in a LONG time.

@womb for improvement - Oh we got out, quick smart.

@James Austin - short & curly?

@Lilacspecs - Antwerp!

@Christa - Damn, you never know, but sorry if it is. Take your day or two to be pissed and you'll be right as rain for the next round.

@Sniffle&Cry - Gone we are, back on 'home' soil, temporarily anyway.

We laughed alright, between intense scratching

All words are welcome here in the right context!

fluffyunicorn702 said...

Do you want it for the whole evening? Hahaha. Nice place. That's the kind of question I ask people checking into the hotel I work at.

Um...I see nothing unusual in the slightest about any of that other than the fact that you EXPECTED a toilet. Geez man. When will you learn?

Anonymous said...

I honestly think that you notice things are weird when you monitor them.

I think most women have strange cycles here and there but are too busy to notice them, only when it really matters.

It still bothers me that it can take so long to procreate when thats what us humans were made to do. Thats why the world is overpopulated. thats why you can only have a room with either a shower or toilet.

Maggie, Dammit said...


There's nothing I can say after that.

(Oh, except that the last line made me catch my breath.)

B said...

picked the best hotel money could buy eh?

5 euro a night per person?

Mrs4444 said...

Hmmm. I don't know, but I've missed your blog, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.. :)

Leslie Laine said...

Uhhh...Hmmmm...a burping acupuncturist...maybe that means she's satisfied in some way. I suppose that's a good thing.

The Day 25 thing is definitely a good thing.

Keep us posted.

Anonymous said...

LOL. I'd rather go camping. (And that's saying something.) At least you know what you're getting if you get bitten by a spider, know what I'm saying?
As for the burping episode: dude, better out than in. Did she do it with her mouth closed at least?
Fingers crossed that AF stays far, far away.

Kelly said...

....hmmm...sounds like quite the adventure! YUCK!

BTW, I am here via Jill's blog.
I’m here as part of a meme challenge to find new blogs from your favorite blogs’ rolls. Yours is one of the blogs I chose! Come check out my post if you want to know what I’m talking about:

The Tall Red Head said...

Meh, my feckin daughter just put Pink Computer Ink all over my bedroom carpet. Nothing to do with this post, I just want to whinge.

But seriously, what the hell was going on with that Hotel??

And my old acuPUNCHerist (called that because he used to be a professional fighter and could beat the shit out of anyone) used to sing Black Sabbath songs while poking me with needles. Very relaxing.

Good Luck for this month xx

Anonymous said...

Sheesh, you didn't actually stay there did you?

Fingers and such like crossed.

River said...

What Kelley said. Check for immigrants. {{shudder}}

Note to self: avoid Europe.

Nick McGivney said...

Aah. I am new here. Must adjust headset for this very different position.

Ok. Done.

Apparently you can trap the bed bugs with a bar of soap if you throw the bedsheet back and move really quickly. Saw it in a western once. No, not a Best western. Good luck with all this. Nice writing, although it has given me the itch on this occasion...

Anonymous said...

I once drove from San Diego to Las Vegas on a whim with a friend and the only hotel room we could find (in the city of hotel rooms!) was one with mirrors on the ceiling and walls, which I am sure they normally rented by the hour. It was NASTY!!

Unfortunately for us it was Nascar weekend in Vegas, so no other option.
I still look back and laugh at the disgustingness of the whole situation. Hopefully you will too.

ET is a brave lady subjecting herself to needles!

Martin said...

@Ashlee - sounds like you have a nice job there...
DO you get many requests for flea powder?

@Tanya - I'd gladly swap a toiletless hotel room for a sprog around now!

@Maggie, Dammit - Oh please, don't be encouraging that sort of thing from these people.

@B - We're not talking student rates here man...

@Mrs 4444 - Keep em crossed! please!

@Leslie Lane - I like to look at it as a channeling and release of that blocked energy.
Will do.

@Amy - I think there were more bugs in that room than any forest!
Me too thanks.

@Kelly - hi & welcome! I've seen that idea over Missy Martin's!

@the tall red head - black sabbath? I'll have to make her up a sound track for her next session.

@Tismee2 - we did, it was last minute.

@River - Ah come on,
visit! we need more barmaids ;0)

@Nick McGivney - Very welcome sir.

All I'll say is, the place had no toilet, not much chance of a bar of soap!

Thanks, hope you enjoy.

(I've only just put 2+2 together between the name and the blog btw, yes, I'm slow.)

@Sinead - Sounds like our bedroom, whats wrong with that?

Only 3 needles funnily enough, which I thought was odd.
And a bit 'hippier' than she expected.

Insert joke about having to endure a far bigger prick here...

Jo said...

Re three needles, yeah, that sounds like me, if they were in the tummy and pelvis area - I think they do stuff in stages, not all at once.

Susanica said...

So I take it you won't be taking recommendations from anyone at a bar in the future? You should go find that guy and make some recommendations to him. -M
P.S Why did I assume it was a him?

Stella said...


i had my first acupuncture yesterday!!!

it was friggin brilliant. only i didn't get any belching with my invoice.

thank god.

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

You went all the way to Bangladesh for underwear?!!
You're a trusting soul - my friend

Anonymous said...

This post gave me a lot of heebie jeebies. Thanks a lot.

Sarah said...

So I dont suppose ET is one for testing early?

Anonymous said...

ummm....and what were you thinking? Dudes...ya gotta at least be comfortable in your efforts..OY! I think it is better for her to be 'pricked' by you and not acupuncture needles from a burping doc!!! FIngers crossed still for ya! And thanks for the tip on Antwerp..we DEFINITELY will not go there in November when we visit Specs.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Now that sounds like a Conde Naste Hot Spot!

Nice picture--I'm going to go shower now!

BusyDad said...

It's probably better than the place that same guy would have suggested at 1am?

Martin said...

@Jothemama - no actually, one on the upper arm, one on the hand and one between the toes, if I remember correctly.

@Susanica - oh you women blame us for everything!
it was indeed a woman.

@Stella - good you enjoyed it, interesting to see how it progresses.

@Quickroute - I don't do anything by halves young man!

@Kittyconcerto - most welcome! ;0)

@Sarah - No, no point.

@Hotmamamia - that aside, Antwerp is wonderful, honestly.
Beautiful town.

@Ed - I'm.Still.Scratching.

@Busydad - I shudder to think where we would have ended up.
The hull of a ship or something.

Karen MEG said...

Just lovely.

At least it wasn't a fart ?!

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Sure weren't you a grand looking lad all the same - what happened?

Anonymous said...

Eeeeeww. No, not normal.

Missives From Suburbia said...

Acupuncturists are never what you expect. I say that from the vast experience of three acupuncturists sticking needles in my body in the last 10 years. That's a solid sample size, right?