Tuesday 18 November 2008

One stepping out, one stepping in

They say the draw of excitement and danger is addictive.

I think my wee wifey is hooked.

Barely two weeks after braving surgery she once again put her head in the lion's jaws.

She came out.

This weekend she told her parents about the last year and a half, what we are trying to do, and what we've done to try and achieve it.

It can't have been easy, I know how nervous she gets, but thankfully, the reaction was positive. They are happy for us, and I believe they will be the 'right' amount of supportive.

I'm so glad she has that now, for when she needs it, for when I can't provide. More people who care for, and worry about her. She deserves it.

Funny thing, I think I'm jealous of her now. The people who I have on occasions spoken to about this, seem to either just not understand, or don't really want to hear about it.
I truly don't blame them, everyone has their own plate full, but there's only so many times you can sense someone thinking 'Oh no here he goes again' before you just stop bringing it up.

So, from now on, I think I'll be keeping the public conversation to the football, and my thoughts to myself and my two best friends.

ET, and this blank page.


Unknown said...

We're here for you, Box! All 7, 592 of us!

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

did you tell them about the blog?

Sarah said...

I'm with Laurie and the rest of the internet, WE'RE HERE FOR YA LOVE!

If I were a bit closer we could do tea....or something and you and my husband could talk about sperm and such whist ET and I compare battle wounds.

Tatiana Franey said...

I'm glad her family are being supportive, it makes all the difference. and this blank page is surrounded by people cheering for you, be assured of that!

Anonymous said...

Yes, my friend, sometimes the "right" amount of support can make all the difference.

I'm proud of you guys . . .

Anonymous said...

Is it wrong that i worry about the consequences of this blog once you guys get the cement in the mixer, proper?

I do wish you well and all that, but the selfishness is ingrained you know?

Ed (zoesdad) said...

As supportive and cathartic that the page may be---it's not quite the same, is it? That being said, take heart, for you have quite a support network here. Don't lose sight of that.

Russ said...

Sometimes coming clean helps. At least you won't have to hide everything when they visit!

Jenni said...

What a huge deal for her, and I'm so glad she feels good about telling them. And that you feel good about telling us.

IrishNYC said...

I couldn't tell anyone for a long time what was going on. I don't regret telling my mother, but for the love of all things holy, I don't know why we told the in-laws.

We're all here for you. And like Sarah said up above, if we were closer I'd have you out for tea or a pint, and you and the hub could discuss sperm and the humiliaion of he wee cup while ET and I could discuss the humiliation of numerous doctors poking around the nether-regions.

Karen MEG said...

I'm glad that ET could open up to her parents. I think it was about the same time as this that we told my family. I found when more people knew, they were a little more sensitive about certain things that were said. And sometimes not, but the majority were.
Boxy, we're here for you, don't you forget it! Next time in TO, you've GOT to let me know...

Korie said...

Gent's not too too far away if you and ET ever need to blow off some steam.

Amber said...

Also rooting for you...and counting down the days with you guys. Been there after having my first 2 kids. Although it's not really the same, as we heard "at least you have the 2" alot, we still longed for a baby, and finally got one and another after that. Infertility is kind of a distant memory for me and looking back seems so long ago and far away, but it breaks my heart to watch other people experience it. Almost the hardest thing i've done, 2nd to losing a baby. Just know when the day arrives, you'll have the whole lot of us rejoicing with you.

Anonymous said...


MissyBoo said...

((Hugs)) We're always here for you and ET, and we care about your issues!

Maggie, Dammit said...

there's nothing blank about this page.

Anonymous said...

Who needs actual real people love and support when you have complete strangers from halfway around the world? Eh? I ask you!

Jill said...

Telling my parents about our "issues" was hard... but telling my in-laws was pure hell.

I can't believe she was able to wait so long to tell them... I bawled to them after my first miscarriage - and then every subsequent one after that.

So glad she has a good support system. And you too!

Good luck... these next few months may prove y'all wrong!

Linda said...

Glad the fam is being supportive...sometimes people are stupid about IF (as well you know.) The Internet is here for you, never worry.

feijoafication said...

So pleased E told her parents. Often, the longer we keep things to ourselves,going around and around in our head, they become much bigger and scarier than they actually are.

And you...you can know that there are people like us out here who have been through what you are currently experiencing, and are happy to listen, and keep coming back for more. :)

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Good to know you don't count me as a friend. BAH.

Anonymous said...

Honey--as our license plates used to say:
"You've got a friend in Pennsylvania" and a listening ear, ALWAYS!

Misssy M said...

And who says blogging is pointless, eh?

Cheering you both on, as always. Misssy.

nh said...

Glad to hear that ET's parents are supportive. As for you - you've got us... all of us... reading your blank page.

Martin said...

@Laurie - Thanks, Hadn't really thought of it like that.

@Quickroute - I don't mind if anyone sees it now, not that that bit is done. But no, they had a lot to take in in one go as it was.

@Sarah - lol thanks, that wasn't my intention, but thanks.

@Tatty Franey - I think it will make a difference, for the better,. And thanks, truly.

@tysdaddy - Like Goldilocks eh? not too much, not too little, just the right amount. Thanks you sir.

@Joe - Are you comparing my wife's innards to a cement mixer?
Heartless bastard.

@Ed - Yes, that's what I was getting at, doing this is an absolute life saver, but sometimes a a friend who says 'sorry man, that's shit' would be good too.
Thank you.

@Russ - That IS a benefit, hoping theres only a bump to hide next time.

@Jenni - It's the right thing now.

@IrishNYC - I wonder how happy would your hubby be at your volunteering of him ;0)

@Karen MEG - There does come a point, somewhere between 'trying long enough' and 'spread em'
This was it.

@Lilacspecs - stranger things have happened! Thanks. (Enjoy your visitors!)

@Amber - I've said it before that dealing with this when you already have a child can be harder, because you do get the 'you should be happy with your lot' comments.
There are no rules for this.
Thank you very much.

@Nola - CHeers ;0)

@M+B - Sorry to laugh but that sounded very like a politician looking for votes ;0)

@Maggie, Dammit - Sometimes, it's blindingly blank.

@Gnomespeak - Yay for creepy folk the world over ;0)

@Jill - Thank you. It was just the right time.

@Vacant Uterus - I'm familiar with the concept yes ;0)

@kma - thank you.

@Angie - Me, me, me, me, me.

@hotmamamia - I've been to intercourse!

@Missy M - Would you believe I used to?
Thank you.

@nh - I dont think there was ever any fear they wouldnt be, just nerves get the better of us sometimes.
Thank you.

Jo said...

joe, I think you can rest assured that the adventures of Xbox will continue on one blank page or another.

He couldn't go back now, he can't live without the adulation.

Glad ET (what's the T?) is feeling good about her visit. Secrets are too hard, they're not good for you.

Lea said...

Well, that's what we're here for! Hopefully you won't need us much longer. :)

Tara R. said...

I'm glad that ET told her parents. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom. And anytime you need to vent, rage, or only a shoulder, we're all here for both of you.

WhatAboutNovember said...

I'm glad she has that support too. Support is everything. You know you have ours, of course. But sometimes you need flesh and blood, eh? :)

What's the CD count?

James (SeattleDad) said...

You have more friends than you could have ever imagined. Just wait til the day we all get together and throw a few back. Until then we are reading and supporting.

Kori said...

I am glad she told them. When are you going to tell yours?

Anonymous said...

Not at all, im implying that your cement being of the quick drying variety, might lead to stoppages in contruction of this website.

See what you've done now? You've forced me to resort to corny puns and innuendos.

Shame on you. Again.

Thanks for the compliment though, being called a heartless bastard, especially coming from you, is almost cathartic.

Anonymous said...

That was the cleanest post I've ever read on your blog!

Some things need to be shared - but Perleeeze save the football talk for someone who gives a damn about big red poofy teams.

Anonymous said...

Know what you do? Pick a subject that's really boring to everybody and go on about that for ages, then they'll love it when you bring this up.

Anonymous said...

There is a real perception of being a burden to someone when you have worries and fears and you want to talk about them. You feel guilty and reserved because of it.
What Laurie said is true.
We are all here for you.

Mike said...

One less thing to worry about with the family. Support is important with something you and your wife are going through. Good luck to both of you...

Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

You have your blog buddies who really do care. Hopefully you are going to be blogging about expecting real soon. You wouldn't drop us after all this time.

Glad ET was able to open up. Good support will be nice for her. Does she blog?

Anonymous said...

So what was the first chat with her Dad like after this opening of ye book o relentless boinking?

I think it's always odd to confirm with her Dad that you are most certainly violating his little girl.

Still though...Good Luck!

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Just like everyone before me has said-- you've got the entire blogosphere supporting and cheering you on.

When you finally get that positive HPT, I think the internet might very well blow up!


C said...

Whether you like it or not..you have a huge support system here on the Internet. I actually derive solace from my online community.. the real world out there just dont get this IF stuff....

Anonymous said...

I was expecting ME to be the other best friend dammit.


And glad to hear the deed is finally done. I know how hard it was.

Jane G said...

Good on ET for coming out. As everyone else has already said, you have a huge amount of friends on here and don't forget that. I find I get far more support from my online buddies than I do from my family.

And don't forget, if you're ever passing our neck of the woods, you're always welcome to visit.

Martin said...

@jothemama - Adulation my arse, but I won't be gotten rid of that easily.
The T will just have to be bad for you, and remain a secret!

@Lea - Awww. thank you.

@Tara R - You're just biased ;0)

@WhataboutNovember - Flesh anyway, we could do with less blood ;0)
Today, Wednesday is CD09. Ding Ding.

@James Austin - Thank you sir, appreciated.

@Kori - Just waiting on the exhumation to complete the set...

@Joe - You kiss arse.

@Tismee2 - That is NOT true. This is a very wholesome place.

@Maxi Cane - That's what I'm doing here,isn't it?

@Tiff - I know what you mean, but that's not my issue.
People just bored of the conversation as it doesn't affect them.

@Mike - It will prove beneficial in tle longer run I'm sure. Thanks, its appreciated.

@Elaine - She doesn't (as far as I know), she should post here...hmmm...

@Hockeyman - "Violating"...good lord. I havent spoken to them yet myself.

@Hilary - Thanks ;0)

@Chhandita - Some do, you just gotta find them ;0)

@Kelley - Now why doesn't that surprise me.

@Jane G - You could get an awful shock some day... "who the f*** is that at the door Jane.."

tina said...

I only just found your blog (I don't know howcome i've never read it before because I've seen you around the blogosphere a lot). Just wanted to say that it's nice to see that you have so much support here and I wish you and your wife all the best.

Putz said...

it is amazing to this bloke that you can write a column about infertility and have her parents so in the dark...all your fault i suppose

Sue said...

People are so stupid. Except us. We will be here for you, and we won't roll our eyes. Usually.

WhatAboutNovember said...

heh heh heh. you are a clever one, you are.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad she told her parents! That had to be such a huge relief for her.
And don't worry, we've got your back, dude.

Arjun Sharma said...

I have nothing smart or touching to add on this issue.

Does your wife also blog? She doesn't believe in online communities?

Anonymous said...

That must have been such a weight off of her shoulders. Keeping secrets isn't much fun. Glad she has other forms of support.

But aren't you glad that you have all of us to commiserate with? Well, we are.

Martin said...

@tina - I'm a blog whore ;0)
Thanks a million for popping up.

@Putz - It's always my fault!

@Sue - Except us. Hahahahahaha...thanks.

@WhatAboutNovember - Phd in smartarse, me.

@Angel - It's good not to have to watch our step so much.

@Arjun Sharma - Believe in them?
Unlike the tooth fairy or Santa Claus or gravity she believes in their existence!
But no, she doesn't blog.

@Kittyconcerto - Very true, on both counts.

A Free Man said...

Well done, ET.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad ET has her parents on her side. Very glad. Support and understanding from family is wonderful.

It's an arse, being a bloke, sometimes. Or so I gather, not having been a bloke myself much. Nobody expects you to care about family/wives/babies and everyone looks at yu in baffled wonderment when you do. It SUCKS. H is quite good at compartmentalising, but he has told me that sometimes he feels like he's in a glass box when talking to friends and colleagues. He only SEEMS to be in the same room as them. Poor H.

Poor you.

Martin said...

@A Free Man - Absolutely. Not easy, but worth it.

@NutsinMay - That's a very good description he has, I absolutely get it.
It's hard for a fella in that he has to handle the polar opposite extremes.
Hard man and softie.

Bluestreak said...

I know exactly how you feel...people´s eyes glazing over.

Not here they don´t though. We´ll be your best friend any day.

Elle Charlie said...

I'm glad ET got a positive response. We're here for you, blank page for all of life's insanities.

B said...

I bet Dutch football talk is about nothing asides from who's gonna be taking all the good players from you next year and what old ones are returning for a retirement season.

Mo said...

So glad your wife reached out, and super glad the response was positive. as for you, thankfully you have all of us out here in the blogosphere. I hope we can be a good support to you.


Martin said...

@Bluestreak - Yep, that pretend listening look.

@Elle Charlie - Absolutely.

@B - They get very academical about it actually. Commentators are MILES better than the UK or Ireland.

@Mo and Will - Yes, it's for the best. Thanks.

B said...

Not as good of a pre/post match analysis as you get from O'Herlihy/Giles/Dunphy/Brady(RIP)/Souness