Tuesday 9 December 2008

It walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, but...

This may give you cause to gasp and clutch at your pearls, but here goes, I'm no John Wayne.

I have many manly moments, mostly involving beer, or football, or breasts, or a glorious combination of all of the above, but I don't really ooze testosterone.

This never really bothered me, there is always someone bigger, or stronger, or faster than you, no matter who you are.

In the beginning of our attempts to conceive, I was quite accepting of the possibility that there could be a problem, and relaxed about what I thought that might mean.

It seems I hadn't thought long and hard enough. I can't get ET pregnant. Twenty one cycles negate any need to dispute that.

Mojo, virility, potency, whatever you want to call it, it's missing, or at best, knackered.

How does a thirty-one year old man like me stand among his peers and not feel, at least a little, inadequate?

This isn't a sexual issue, thank Thor for small mercies, although I wonder does that make it even worse?

Everything works, yet doesn't. Plenty bow-chika-wow-wow, but no bite.

I look at younger guys with their kids, boys that are barely half my age, but they have 'proven' their manhood for all the world to see.

I'm jealous.

Jealous of what they have done, what that makes them as men, and by contrast what that must make me.

I listen to scandalous home town gossip of how some 12 or 13 year old has become a father after a fumble that went too far, and I cringe.

Where previously, I would have been cringing for the situation from my social viewpoint, now I cringe because it reminds me yet again of where I fall fundamentally short.

What I'm not able to do, despite my experience, intent, or tactic.

Yes, there are medical ways around these obstacles, be they on the male or the female side, and ultimately, success in that regard should dissolve any of this self doubt. I can technically impregnate, by all accounts, but I still feel like a dud.

It's almost come to the point where it doesn't matter where the biological issues lie, a real man would be able to knock up any woman, right?

I know this is pithy, has no small amount of self pity, maybe even pathetic, but nevertheless it's just how it is.

Waddle, waddle. Quack, quack.

Am I nuts?


Anonymous said...

You're totally nuts. Just kidding. But I would like to say that there are two "dads" in my life that shot off sperm to create my brother and I and I consider neither one of them to be my "father". The act itself doesn't make you a man; it's what you do with whatever kids are in your charge (no matter how they became "yours") that does.

Nick McGivney said...

Frankly buddy you're perfectly allowed to feel sorry for yourself. So go ahead there for a minute. But the main thrust of your argument is just a load of cock, innit.

Keep your pecker up, private. (Yells loudly in Sergeant De Tumescence voice) I SAID KEEP IT UP, SOLDIER!

Rob said...

..your "manhood" is not determined by your ability to sire.

It will be determined by how you raise the children you will have.

Keep on keeping on....

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Nothing to do w/ your manliness. How you raise the kids is how you measure your manhood. And you will have your chance.

Claire said...

I refer you to the poem 'If' by Rudyard Kipling:

"If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;"

Look it up mate; you're more than a man by most standards, you're a bloody hero and so is ET :)

Marissa said...

Oh boy, where do I start? Manhood has zero, absolutely zero, to do with creating children. Manhood is connected to how you man up to the responsibilities in life you create, whether those are you own biological children, adopted children, step children....however you should obtain one.

First hand experience speaking here - that sperm you shoot has nothing to do with your manhood. Super Sperm does not make a father, nor a man.

Hang in there, big guy - your manhood is still very much intact.

Mr Lady said...

Yeah, you're crazy. You write a blog dedicated SOLELY to trying to become a father. That's about the manliest thing I've ever heard of.

Jason Roth said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes a real man to confront these issues with such an open and honest manner.

Anonymous said...

Definitely nuts! But we all knew that a long time ago, right? :D

Most people would have given up by now. Only a manly man like yourself (that sounded real homo coming from me, didn't it?) would keep on truckin' through all of what you have experienced.

Keep on truckin' man!

Hockeyman said...

Totally nuts. Creating a baby does not make you a man at all. It's about what you do in life and how you go about doing it. The fact that you have not given up yet? That makes you more of a man than most, including myself.

AnnD said...

No, you're not crazy. I would probably feel the same way if the situation was reversed and I knew I couldn't have a baby. It's certainly not true, and it's certainly not logical but I can see why you feel that way. But I think we both know deep down inside is that what kind of man you are is based off of more than an inability to ejaculate and get someone pregnant. You're more of a man to me than most men I know because you aren't afraid of being honest and genuine. And that's the truth!

Ms. Moon said...

Yep. I agree with everything said in these comments.
Being a man has nothing to do with impregnating a woman beyond the obvious biological mechanism.
I could write volumes on this subject from my own personal experience. But I won't. I'll just say that one day you are going to be a fine father, one way or another, and that you are already most certainly, a man.

Anonymous said...

Let's think outside the box for a second, shall we?

Does the thought of Charlize Theron prancing in nothing cause your breathing to slow down?

If it does, you're manhood's fine.

If it doesn't, well, at least you didn't waste money on finding out from a doctor :)

Either which way, you're welcome :)

(P.S maybe it's time you took a relook at the lamb, JD and pot combination)

Ed (zoesdad) said...

"The true measure of a man is the degree to which he has managed to subjugate his ego."
Albert Einstein(As if you needed another catchy quote.)

I think you're doing fine!

Anonymous said...

"If it does, you're manhood's fine."

Thanks for pointing it out: I meant 'your', not 'you're'.

If I'm man enough to admit a grammatical error of biblical proportions, imagine what this confession of yours could mean. Not that I'm nitpicking, of course, but olive branches are for trees. Even if olives are delicious. Ok, my mini-ramble lost itself in there for a bit. But you understand what I'm trying to divert your attention away from, right?

Liz said...

I thought being a man related to how many roads you walked down. Or sommat.

And yup definitely nuts. Or at least you have nuts, which again is pretty conclusive that you are a man.

Rob Monroe said...

I know your feelings completely. I think it's harder to hear that a friend that "just kind of happened into it" got pregnant, when I had been using doctors and home remedies for 18 months already.

You are not less of a man, nor are they more of a man. No fancy quotes from me, sometimes it's just shitty.

Susanica said...

Hi X-box. My mom once told me that feelings aren't right or wrong. They just are. So to me the way you're feeling is completely valid. But so are the many other wonderful words of wisdom already posted here. -Monica

Anonymous said...

Nope your not nuts. We're using a donor (BTW, my husband and NO issues in the manly department) and I didn't get pregnant. Oops, it seems I an unexplained and it does make me feel inadequate. Especially with so many family member shooting our kids left and right.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you're nuts. (I'm here to help, man)

Anonymous said...

You're not nuts. Anyone in your situation would be climbing the walls by now. It's okay to feel a little bit crap, just don't make a habit of it, yeah? ;o)

Kori said...

I don't think any of this could be termed slef-pity; frankly, I am surprised at how many people here are simply telling you to man up and get over it. Regardless how long this takes, you ARE going to feel like this at times, and think this is a wonderful, heartfelt post. And hey, women who can't have children have often expressed the same sort of feeling without being called self-pitying. It is, quite simply, LIFE.

Bluestreak said...

I think it's time to pull out that leopard g-string and admire your manliness in the mirror. Or, better yet, stand in the window and see if you can still beckon the random lady-gaze.

No seriously, I can't imagine what it must be like to feel inadequate in ones manhood. I pretty much shun things related manliness/femininity (you know, feminism, an' all that). But that shit goes out the window with something like this. It sucks. And I can totally understand how you would feel that way (even though, for the record I agree with all the others that say it's not a measure of your manliness at all. Come on, everyone knows manliness is measured by penis size. Kidding. I'm a bit giddy today.)

Anonymous said...

Oh sweety, Self pity is allowed. I was thinking (deep thoughts) about you the other morning aftet Et had gotten her period and I was sad that you guys weren't preggers.
So my thoughts were, "If a mad woman from tassie was sad about your inabilty to concieve this month. How the hell were you guys coping?" My thoughts then went on "well at least ET has her mum." But you my friend, who do you have?
It's not exactly something you talk about down the pub is it? "Great game on saturday eh? and by the way I think my sperm are broken.."

At least XB you have us.. for what we are worth.and in my heart I know that you will be a great Dad
xxx Kim

Anonymous said...

I think that the idea that masculinity is tied to the ability to conceive is pretty much outdated in most people's mind. Obviously it will be playing on your mind given the circumstances, but I doubt society as a whole will be judging you.

Which is a pretty bland thing to say, but I realized the other day I hardly ever comment on your blog. I read it voraciously obviously, and as you know I think you're one of the best writers out there, but you have so many bloody readers (damn you) that what I was going to say has always been taken.

Anonymous said...

I think at the end of the day it doesn't matter how you end up fathering a child, what is going to count is how you parent that child.

Martin said...

@Erika - I know what you mean, and I agree, but this isn't always about logic.
Sometimes the gut leads.

@Nick McGivney - That's about it actually. A wee sulk, but we'll get on then again.

@Rob - Logically, normally I know this. It's just...

@Angie - Please don't say things like 'measure' and 'manhood'.
You'll cause unwanted shrinkage.

@Claire - That is one of the (very few) poems I really really like.
Thank you.

@Marissa - 'big guy', if only you knew how funny that is....

@Mr Lady - ah but admit it, you'd never shag anyone doing this would you?

@iVegasFamily - It's not so much being hard, just a reflection. Getting out something that bugs me.
I'm already better for it.

@Jared - I could do with some extra truckin'...

@Hockeyman - I know this, that's the thing, I know this is true, but stil when you can't do it, it starts to play on your mind.
Don't be selling yourself short either, you are not one give up either I imagine.

@AnnD - I love when you do your psychologist bits ;0)
Literally makes me feel less nuts!

@Ms Moon - Thank you, you mad hippy.

@Joe - Have you seen 'Monster'? Might ruin your theory.
Don't worry about your Grammer, I'm not that
fussy as it's not yoru first langauge...

@Ed - Hmm, Al was a brain, but was he well adjusted?

@Womb4improvement - I KNEW there was one check I had missed! yep, testes, sorted then, cheers.

@RobMonroe - Nice, you DO get it. No more to day there. Thanks.

@Susanica - Yes, she's correct, valid indeed, but still crap!

@Merlot - That's it, inadequate gut feelings. Illogical, but there.
Good luck to you.
(I hope they are shoot 'out' kids and not 'our' kids left and right :-)) )

@Bonnie B - Thank you dude.

@Penelope - Yes I don't wanna be dragging down the good feeling vibe around here ;0)

@Kori - Well, It is a bit, I know that. Just getting it out.
Probably the most therapeutic entry in a long long time.

@Bluestreak - Thanks, nutter. What has you giddy?

@Frogpondsrock - If I could only squeeze you!

@Dan - I agree totally, and I would hold the same convictions, but the point is, this goes beyond logic, and it does play on the mind despite all better judgment.
I'm long passed worrying about society's opinion of me, such as it is.

As for comments, don't worry a bit about it. I'm chuffed you read at all.

(read the blog, that is, not read in general)

@Veronica - Doesn't matter how? that conjures up so many odd mental pictures!
But, yes you are correct, but still, doesn't change anything...

Jenni said...

This is a bunch of bullshit. I'm not trying to minimize your situation or your feelings of inadequacy, but potent sperm is not what makes a man a man. Being a thoughtful, loving, caring companion to your parter; showing him or her and yourself respect; being a kind and caring friend - these are the things that make men, men and you absolutely measure up.

Give yourself a little more credit, okay? You deserve it.

Jo said...

Well, I'd love to say there's no sense in what you're saying, but I know it wouldn't stop you feeling what you do. I felt useless after ONE month.

I mean, you know everyone's right, right?

At the end of the day, something's not working, you don't know what it is, the doctors don't know what it is, you have the choice to decide it's about your virility... or not.

Maybe you should go to the homoeopath.

Anonymous said...

Too dam honest to be a non-man. Typically, they’re horrible liars. But here’s a thing from my humbling visits over here, you do the science thing well and these things are measurable. And you being a scientist can figure this out or have already figured it out. Which you will do or have already done but Jesus H Xbox, cut yourself some slack.

Tara R. said...

Being a successful 'donor' no more makes you a man than it makes you a 'FATHER.' There is so much more involved. That you are sensitive and supportive to what ET is going through and so honest and open about what you're going through takes a lot more manly man-ness.

Anonymous said...

Oh, you are sooooooooo normal. You are such a hugely wonderful man and it has nothing to do with penises and their workings..as everyone said...and also remember that ET is likely feeling pretty darn bad about not being able to get pregnant herself.

I had a miscarriage at exactly 12 weeks after it took me years and meds to conceive and I felt EXACTLY the way you are feeling. What is wrong with my fucking body? Every other frickin teenage girl can get pregnant and have a baby and be a lousy mother, but oh, no, not me......it took me a bit of time and I allowed myself to feel bad about it....cried alot (BTW, you can do that too...it is quite manly as far as I am concerned) and I got through it and then got pregnant (with meds again...two more times) and have two wonderful children.

Your time WILL come 'X'...it will. Love yourself a bit for the really truly wonderful person you are and it is OK to feel shitty for awhile too.

Anonymous said...

Everyone has already said what I was going to say.

Yeah, I read the damn comments.

I bet ET is feeling the exact same way.

IrishNYC said...

If you're nuts, then so am I. I felt broken all the while. Like I was broken, like maybe the boy and I weren't a good match. I'm sure ET feels the same way.

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

you are nuts!
but we love you all the same and respect your stamina- knob of steel!

Anonymous said...

Gees, this makes my chest ache a little. I'm sorry such thoughts enter your head. Wish it were as easy as saying they are not true, but what difference does that make once the bastard thoughts have already been and gone and done their damage?
I'm just going to say what I've already said before, that you're going to make a brilliant father. And I hope that thought sticks around for a while.

Leslie Laine said...

I don't think you're nuts at all - I was saying the same thing to L. just the other day. This IF shit makes me feel like a failure in so many ways. I know it's not rational, but it's the way I feel. I feel particularly jealous and insignificant when I look around at all the other women I know who make the pregnancy thing look so easy. To me, pregnancy has become a myth, something mystical. I can't even believe it's possible.

So, long story short, I really identify with your post today. I'm not sure I'm really a duck after all....

Putz said...

this is uch to close to me so i just won't commet

Anonymous said...

Totally nucking futs. Aren't we all?

Agree with everyone else, Manhood is not marked by the number of times you hit the target.

Another person here with 2 fathers, one a sperm donor and one who let me sh!t all over him with runny poos when I was 2.

Which one is the man?

MarĂ­a said...


G said...

Well, I'm glad that you got that off your chest, and feel better about it. It's always good to vent :)

Of course, not getting the missus knocked up doesn't make you less of a man! My hubby hasn't managed it either, even tho all our parts supposedly work properly also!! So I totally understand where you're coming from. As fellow "sufferers" of "Unexplained Infertility", it's very frustrating, I know!!!!!!

Cindy said...

You are not nuts, you're normal. Or at least your feelings are. I have struggled with the feelings of biological inadequacy because the reality of it all is that although my husband may have olympic swimmers, I have pomegranates for ovaries and would be completely childless if it were not for fertility treatments. Yes, I am grateful that we finally were able to conceive, but it will never leave me that if it were just up to nature I would be a barren bitch.
My rational side tells me that I am no less a woman just because I've got shoddy plumbing.
And you are a man regardless of whether or not you can make babies. I know I don't need to tell you this.
But I know that its hard because there's always that voice that tells you otherwise.
Hang in there.

Martin said...

@Jenni - Well I don't know how you can say it's bulshit, I'm not imagining it!
I'm fully aware of logic, but that doesn't always mean that leads the way.

@jothemama - I have to say, I find it quite amusing to suggest a homeopath to help me feel more like a man!

@Sniffle&Cry - It's not about slack though, I'm not 'being hard', I know the facts, I know whats possible and what the probabilities are, but the swagger is missing.

@Tara R. - I know, all logical, but still...

@hotmamamia - I wish I fully agreed with you ;0)

@Kelley - The one right before yours you mean...oldest trick in the book...

@IrishNYC - You've made the first step futher anyway, and that's what counts.

@Quickroute - Steel? Oh how ET will laugh...

@amy - That is so very true, the idea has already done the damage, valid or not. Thank you.

@Leslie Laine - Oh god you hit it bang on also, it IS like a myth, some Harry Potter type phenomenon that only other 'special' people get.
Almost to where you wouldn't believe it was real if it happened, and that's sad.

@Putz - I know, which is why I think I'm right.

@Widdle Shamrock - I hear what your saying, which with hindsight is correct, but I can't exactly hope that I fall across some random family I can join in on!

@Immoral Matriarch - my thoughts exactly.

@G - I know it doesn't make him less of a one, but have you asked him? ;0)
Nuts, all of it.

@Cindy (and Brian) - All so very familiar. Thank you,

Ian Newbold said...

Not being in your situation, I probably don't relate as well as I could. But I don't think it makes you any less of a man, any more than it makes me more of a man for fathering a child.

A real man is one that knows he wants to be a dad, whether that can actually be achieved is irrelevant for that purpose.

Anonymous said...

oh gosh... I feel a bit the same... well not the manly part of course! ;)

Besides my miscariages, I also can't have a natural miscariage for some reason. And that fact makes me really feel bad, okay so I can't stay pregnant, but I'm even not woman enough to actually have a miscariage.... nooo I need to go to the hospital for that...

Are you nuts for feeling the way you feel? No!
But don't let it get you down though. Soon the world will seem a little bit better again :)

Jane G said...

I can totally identify with your post from a female perspective. The inability to carry a pregnancy to term so far has also left me feeling like a failure, particularly when there are babies all sides in both our families.

But as everyone says, it's how you parent that matters, so I'm going to keep telling myself that.

I know it's really hard, but don't give up hope, you will get there.

Chaos said...

If you have nuts aren't you nuts already? Just wondering. Making a kid is not the manly part, its the raising of the kid that makes you a man.

WhatAboutNovember said...

My stepkids' mother is insane, irresponsible, and all-around no-good. And yet she lectures me all the time about "what it means to be a parent." I long to tell her someday that being a parent is not about being the one who happens to have fertilized or had an egg fertilized. It's about caring about the children's good once they arrive. It's about sacrificing for them, and caring more about THEM then your own convenience. Attila the f-ing Hun had children for Pete's sake. So did Nero. Henry VIII. Thousands of rotten sub-humans have been able to procreate while thousands of really decent people have struggled. You're not in the sub-human category, man. You're top notch, and everything, eventually, will be OK.

Anonymous said...

You have 'Stephen and the twins' so you are a man. If you didn't you would be a woman.

Men aren't useful for just one thing you know! they are usually very good at cutting lawns and changing tyres - AND they are better at setting up TV's and DVD players properly!

Now if you are useless at all of the above then I would question your usefulness as a man.

Awww, you know you're a big hairy real man to me and the rest of blogland.

Anonymous said...


Hah! Eat some humble egg, Spence.

Maggie, Dammit said...

Heh. You said "nuts."

Lots of things make a man, my friend.

Ms. Moon said...

XBox- that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever called me. I completely stole it for my blog.
You mad, mad man.

JenPB said...

My sister, the OB/GYN, said it's a pure miracle that people get pregnant at all, given all the variables that go into it. Still, why IS it some people get knocked up at the mere scent of a man while others never do? And why is it those who DON'T want to conceive do while others who would be fantastic parents, who WANT children struggle?

Dammit, Thor, what are you THINKIN'?

Anonymous said...

I don't think you're nuts. I think you're in a fairly rough place right now and I think you're well within your rights to be completely irrational and talk bollocks. I'm not going to repeat what everyone else has said about where manliness comes from, but they're all correct (ok, I didn't read EVERY comment so I hope no-one said anything mean!).

I'm a bit gutted that someone else got in there first with "If" though, I thought I was going to finally look vaguely intelligent here!

James (SeattleDad) said...

Your nutty, nut, nuts! Fact is that you do not know what is causing the wait so shouldn't be making those assumptions. We went 4 freakin years and I felt a lot of the same things, but then viola it just happened and I realized I was completely able, the stars just took time to align. And they will for you as well. Hopefully sooner than later.

Anita said...

A duck? No, not in the slightest. I applaude you and your attitude and on being able to talk (albeit type) about lifes issues in the way that you do.

Sure you may feel ever so jealous of ones accomplishments when it comes to having children, but stay strong, you will get there - although that may seem so far away.

My other half, felt the same way. His approach to IVF was stand-off-ish because me falling pregnant was not in the 'normal' means. But when he held our little boy for the first time, he fell in love instantly.

You are in my thoughts. xo

I Am Emily... said...

You're not nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please dont blame yourself or your lovely ET, or the world.

Did you think that every single one of those men who have created new life have nurtured and cared for the child from the minute they're born?

Sadly, not all of them have and the child has ended up in a single parent home as Dad was too young to handle the responsibility.

That is what makes you a man, facing up to the situation you have created and handling it in the best way.

The only reason I wanted to have a baby with my partner rather than anyone else was because I saw from his first child his loyalty and how much he really cared. His child is his whole world and he has fulfilled his requirements as man.

Anonymous said...

I always seem to show up late for the party at X's house. So what all the others said? About how being a father isn't about sperm or eggs or spending nine months watching the woman you love swell up and eat buckets of ice cream?


I also concede that all this is easy to say from my chair . . . so your pain is completely permitted and appropriate.

Anonymous said...

This is the first post you have written where I just feel so heartbroken for you.

But please realize that this isn't the only "manhood" test. There's always shooting a gun, Alaska crab fishing, or bull riding. Just a thought.

Martin said...

@Single Parent dad - I really just don't know!

@Edith - I can imagine, these are things that you NEVER consider, and now one would ever consider them as being 'normal' at all, until you discover you can't seem to do them.

@Jane G - Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, it's logical. But of course its not logic that wakes you at 4 in the morning with worry.

@Chaos - Sensible words indeed.

@WhatAboutNovember - I wish I had your confidence!

@Tismee2 - I have to shoot down that theory, I am very much not hairy. Despite my fabulous hair.

@Joe - Eat ME, Joseph.

@Maggie, Dammit - True, but...

@Ms. Moon - A term of endearment!

@JenPB - I often sit and think the same. there is SO much working against it ever happening, how does it ever!

@bsouth - it is a great poem.

@James Austin - You almost prove my point there! you said you had the same issues, that went away when it happened for ye... therefore...

@Anita - nice story, thank you.

@Tanya - There no 'blame'. It's just the way it is!

@tysdaddy - Never late around here... not like I've much else to do!

@kittyconcerto.com - The first? Gosh you must have a heart of stone!
Thing is, I KNOW I could do those other things if I wanted to...

Irish Mammy said...

You could go out a buy yourself a big red sports car...seems to work for other men when in doubt ;-)
Only joking of course. You are just feeling a wee bit vunerable, it will all sort itself out soon.

Dondi Tiples said...

The people commenting here are absolutely right. Making babies doesn't make the man. There are a number of men I know who have more than 3 a-piece, and not all of them with their wives.
A majority of them have no steady jobs. Two have the nasty habit of hitting their spouses. One lost the family fortune in a casino. Oh, and they get together regularly for metamphetamine sessions.

Are you trying to tell they're more of ducks...I mean men, than you are?

Anonymous said...

You take the fact that we get along decently, a little too literally.

Thanks, but I'll pass. Especially now, when there's an embargo on Irish beef.

Momo Fali said...

Well, you're nuts...but, it's not due to infertility.

Bluestreak said...

giddy cause last day on the jobby job. :)

Anonymous said...

I think it's very normal for anyone involved with this IF crap to feel completely and utterly broken on every level at times. You're not broken - neither one of you, though that perspective is way hard to maintain throughout this mess. It just is what it is, the cards we were dealt. Ultimately, I think this makes us better people, though this sure is a suck-ass way to achieve that....

You and ET hang in there....

Lirun said...

wow potent post

Sarah said...

Cheer up friend.

nh said...

Of course you're jealous - you would not be human if you weren't. You are allowed to wallow in self pity (at least for a bit). But remember - and I quote a wise man here 'You are not a failure', you are you, whatever and being able to 'knock up a women' is no measure of manhood. I see the results every day of that measure of manhood, and the problems it brings.

Martin said...

@Irish Mammy - your last line really made you live up to your name ;0)

@Dondi Tiples - this depends on where you are looking from, these wife beaters, drug addicts, and gamblers have all fathered children. That doesn't help!

@Joe - It was pork, and it's been lifted.

@Momo Fali - Why thanks!

@Bluestreak - Ah! nice one!

@jodie38 - Thanks jodie, you have a point. Welcome btw(I think).

@Lirun - 'Potent'- off all word choices eh? thanks, I think... and welcome Sir.

@Sarah - Gah!

@nh - Oh but for the taste of our own medicine! thanks ;0)

Anonymous said...

I have only cyber hugs for you, which are not helpful but heartfelt none the less.

Foster Mama said...

Big hugs to you guys!!!! I'm so sorry about what you guys are going through. You really give me some insight on possibly what my hubby is thinking. He's also 31 and we are on cycle 20... "With no problems we can see". He isn't vocal about how he feels so reading your blog really helps me. Thank you.

Karen MEG said...

No you're not nuts, just frustrated and naturally down in the dumps.

This isn't just you, not just ET, it has nothing to do with you being a man...it's just a lot of rotten luck and things not aligning the way they should.

And don't compare yourself to those 12/13 year olds (although I used to, and still occasionally do, just get so PISSED off that these young things get pregnant at the drop of a hat time and again)...you're in a lot better place to have a baby than those poor kids.

And you will have that baby; I hope soon, but it will happen.

Martin said...

@tiff - Thank you.

@mrsmiller2007 - That is dreadful. I'm glad you think you can get something from this.
Best of luck to you two.

@Karen MEG - All this I know, but it just doesn't change the gut feelinfg. Unfortunately.

Stella said...

Maybe you aught to consider role playing more often eh?

I bet ET would go wild if you dressed up like a duck.

Or better yet, a duck dressed up like a sheriff.

Now if THAT isn't a formula for inspirational breeding grounds, I give up.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Yes you're nuts, but you're lovely and honest and no less of a man than any other bloke out there, it's just taking a bit longer. I am slightly worried about the duck comparisons, what with reading backwards etc. Are you hoping ET will lay an egg? Because if that's the case maybe you're doing it ll wrong. ;D

Missives From Suburbia said...

I think most of the teenage pregnancies in the world are proof positive that the sole indicator of manhood is NOT the ability to impregnate a woman.

I think Nick's right. Keep your pecker up, Private.

Martin said...

@Stella - theres a joke there about a rusty sheriffs badge, but this ain't the place!

@Jo Beaufoix - boom boom!

@Missives From Suburbia - Thanks.