By Saturday it had become just too much to handle.
Sitting, standing, scratching, pacing, waiting for Monday.
The red menace hadn't sailed into port, and the temperatures were still high. By the end of the afternoon, we finally caved in and picked up what I can only call an extortionately priced pack of pregnancy tests.
Clearblue are a shower of opportunist bastards.
Maybe the act of buying the tests served to sooth the anxiety a little, and they were put away, unused.
Come Sunday morning, my wake-her-up-so-she-can-take-her-temperature alarm woke me up at 7am. Following a gentle and loving poke to the temple, she reached over, grabbed the thermometer, and shoved it in her gob.
I'm sure she was still asleep when it beeped to indicate it was ready.
High. Still high on day 28 had never happened before.
She trotted out of the room and up the stairs to the bathroom. Still lying where I woke, I listened to the familiar house sounds. Floorboards, door handles, a flush, silence.
It could have been 5 seconds, it could have been a day and a half, I don't know, but at some point the familiar sounds changed to the unfamiliar sound of her thundering down the stairs. How she didn't fall and break her face is beyond me.
I don't know what was said, but the test was shoved in my face. Being blind as a bat and not long awake, there was no way I could read the tiny word in the test window. You would think these people know that the tests are most likely to be peered at with sleep filled eyeballs.
Clearblue are a shower of cruel bastards.
A dozen blinks later, there I was, flat on my back, which I must admit is not the optimal position for reacting to life-altering news, staring at the word 'zwanger'.
Another test later that evening said the same.
Clearblue are the best company on the planet.
We floated into Monday, floated over the tiny matter of a heart stopping negative test result using a cheap internet bought stick, and went into orbit once the hospital rang with the results of the blood test.
A very healthy 13dpo hCG score of 129.
Today they tested again and it came back at 400. Perfect. This is really going to happen.
It's been almost 6 days of grinning like a demented loon, being caught smiling to myself, and generally living in a Disney-like fuzziness where all the light bulbs have a higher wattage and nothing is unfixable.
What a difference a week can make.
Yahoooooooooooooooooo. Triple increases are good!!
When's the next bloodwork? I must obsess now.
I am so happy for you guys! Here's to ever increasing doubling & tripling numbers!!!!!!!
I started reading this blog in February after the Blog awards and got hooked, I have vicariously 'shared' your frustration and anxiety after so many months of trying. I'm still amazed at how suddenly (it would seem) all that pain just melts away and frustration turns to elation, something that you feared might have been impossible becomes reality, and your most profound wish materialises over night. Happy days :)
I'm so glad to get to hear this story. I wanted to know the little details. "Zanger." What a beautiful word.
Unbelieavable. I am so happy for you both, Martin.
I feel like I just got backstage passes to a Beatles concert. I'm so happy to have been able to witness your gift. Thank you, as always, for sharing.
Everytime I read about your positives I just catch my breathe! It happened...it really happened; we couldn't be more happy for you after such a long journey to be parents. We are certain you will be great at it...I just hope the baby gets your sense of optimism about life!
PS: We got a positive last night (3 actually), it must be in the air (cause we don't share the same water)! Shhh, it's still a secret!
Yes, what a difference a week can make! I bet the granparents are over the moon. Best wishes from Texas.
I am just sat here while my 13-month old son smears the entire kitchen with mooshed tortellini and remembering the morning I saw my own two blue lines - it was the single most exciting moment of my life up to that point, and we'd been trying for a grand total of four weeks. So I can only imagine how the pair of you felt on Monday and are still feeling after the rollercoaster you've been on! I've been thinking about you both since you posted the news and I am sending you all my best wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy. I am so excited to read as your story unfolds from here x
That's a word I haven't heard before.
Yay! So glad it's still increasing!
Indeed, I think it can be called obsessing when, dripping from the shower, blinded by the steam in the bathroom, I pick up my buzzing phone to see a message from comment #1's author: "Nappys #s tripled!!!"
And I'm so thrilled to obsess for the next eight months.
And maybe, just maybe, your obsessees aren't too far behind you.
Glad you just woke her with a poke in the temple. Get use to it, your work here is done.
(Ok, I can't carry on being so cold, it still makes me beam when I read this - here and on just about every other blog I stalk)
Oh, so good to have a little more of a personal glimpse into your experience. I am just so thrilled for the two of you. Congratulations!
nice work dude. kindly grab your bags as you exit the infertility train.
you'll be missed.
Most beautiful of lines, next to my own, of course! :)
Still beaming for you!
Way to go Spencer. I knew you had it in you. We all need a little help now and then.
I'm literally beaming for you-- absolutely blindingly grinning!!! How amazingly fantastic!! I can't use enough exclamation points to express my joy!!!!!
SO happy for you :D
Those are great numbers! I am so happy for you guys!
"Zanger" is great! I'm ecstatic for you both.
::crying my eyes out::
so flippin' thrilled for you guys!!
Until you two come up with possible baby names, and maybe even learn the sex of the baby before it's born, I am DEMANDING that you two refer to that little peanut growing inside the beautiful ET as "Zwanger." That's a damn good nickname (if you don't know it means 'pregnant' in Dutch, that is).
Grinning from ear to ear here in Northern California.....
I admit I don't get the numbers stuff, but I get the blue line. Still grinning . . .
Have been seriously chuffed to bits about your fabulous news!
I also nearly crippled myself once by lurching down our stairs at high speed in order to intercept an In-Car-And-Reversing-Off-Drive hubby with my pregnancy stick that was INEXPLICABLY showing two lines.
Zwanger, hmm? Sonorous!
OMG!!! I've been lurking here for months and just wanted to come out of hiding to say CONGRATULATIONS!! I'm so happy for you and will be sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
I enjoy the blog and hope you keep your posts up during the exciting days ahead. Congrats again!
Too exciting! I'm glad there was finally a follow-up, because I have frantically been stalking this blog ever since the last post, and reading beaming comments and replies-to-comments just wasn't cutting it for me any more. If the combined hearts of the internet are racing, I can only imagine what's going on at your end. Yippie! Zwanger!
Those numbers are just Gorgeous! So very happy for you!!
I never knew I could be so thrilled looking at someone else's pregnancy tests :D
Still getting all weepy for you guys.
So. What's the little blastocyst's name for the purposes of the next 40 weeks? Zwanger? :)
I'm so happy for you guys!!! Those are great numbers!!!!
OMG I am so so so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Favorite words you have posted so far. Can't tell you how excited I am for you both, but ya'll are well over the clouds above me. Congrats!
That's fantastic, it really is. Love those positive pregnancy tests!
The time should start flying right about now... It'll pass in the blink of an eye. We have barely a month left and sometimes I don't know where it went :-)
hip, hip - horray! So excited for the two of you!
I'm with Claire...except my two blue lines were over 13 years ago and came after a seven year wait. Thank you for sharing your story...and refreshing my memories. I am so happy for you and ET, and I wish you both the same joy we've had with our son for the past 12+ years.
this time next year you'll be up to your eyeballs in shitty diapers. you're gonna love it.
YEEEAHHHHH! Muchos Congratulations! Wonderous cheers and glasses tipped your way, and dare I hope it's twins?
Very good numbers, very good indeed. It'll be a while before that shock and disbelief wear off.
It's Kori's friend, April. I read the news at KarenMeg's place and just had to come by and tell you how incredibly happy I am for you!!
Yay! Clearblue can sometimes make you happy!
I still have my positive test - after 4 years TTC I felt it was worth keeping. I put it in our baby book and I'm sure our son will find it appropriately disgusting when he is a teenager.
Of course you will keep us updated!
There is nothing better than getting that positive pregnancy test! I was queen of the hCG tests, they brought me much comfort too! I love it!!!
What a ride you've been on my friend. And the fun is just beginning. Here's to a fabulously easy pregnancy and a beautiful delivery. When's the due date? Let's see... beginning of March?
I am so very excited for you!!!!!
"...grinning like a demented loon,"
That describes me perfectly. ((hugs)) to you both my friend, Big heartfelt hugs.
May you continue to grin for years to come! Wheeeee!!!!
Another lurker thrilled silly for you. This child will never ever doubt that it is both wanted and loved.
What a great story! Congrats again...
Holy shit, those are some great numbers! Still just so very happy for you guys. Keep growing big and strong little one!
OMG I'm just a stupid American. I didn't realize that zwanger meant pregnant, nor did I see, until I enlarged the photo, that the stick actually says zwanger.
If I ever end up zwanger, I sort of want you to ship me a Dutch stick so I can pee it and have it say zwanger.
Is that weird?
*Stepping out from behind the plants*
Wishing you and the wife the heartiest of congratulations!!! I thoroughly enjoy your blog. Love your sense of humor!
Congratulations!!!!! Wonderful news!
Congratulations!!! =D I know it's been a long, hard road for you. So happy it's finally happened for you guys!!
Love the increasing HCG numbers! I was so crazy when I finally got pregnant last year after all my issues that I had bloodwork done every 3 days for about 2 weeks.
Here's to some sanity now in your world!
Remember when I commented on one of your posts that life can be cruel? Well life can also be beautiful and perfect and amazing, and now is the time.
Now you join that exclusive parents-to-be club, where you will be overloaded with stories and advice and comments, its an amazing time in your life :-)
I remember both our positive results. they were very happy days indeed.
Good on you xbox.
Been waiting all week in anticipation for the details.
I was going to say something smartarse, but got all freaking nostalgic when I saw you used the same test we did, all those years ago.
Stock up on the guyliner and tissues, girlyman.
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
I'm so looking forward to reading as you and ET go on this wonderful journey.
Woooooobloodyhooo!! Bout time too. :) SOOO happy for you both!
Any one for sliced pan and a box of bananas then? Enjoy the journey you two!
I bet you are no longer attempting to reply back to individual commenters....
Congratulations!!! I could not say it in a better way or a less ill-equipped way - 'U gaat om een vader' and 'Ze gaat als een moeder.'
Enjoy this feeling....atleast you won't have to wake up for the temping now!
And all the very best for the ultrasound...
Fantastic. Congratulations !!
Cant wait to hear more about this !. x
Just wait until the ultra sound in a few weeks!
I'm so happy for you!
@Christa - No more bloods planned, tehy are happy with what we have, next step a scan.
@Heather - Thanks ;-)
@Ruth - Yes, it's the ultimate all or nothing scenario. You are never 99% successful. And then, one day, one change, and everything changes. 180 degrees,
@Ms. Moon - I'm starting to like it ;-)
@Karen - Thank you.
@Momma - Wow, congratulations!
@suzannanana - Very very happy yes, thanks!
@Claire - wow 4 weeks, hard to imagine! thanks.
@Sue - Thank you.
@RRP - wonderfully creepy!
@womb for improvement - I'm a slut.
@Alyssa - Thanks!
@Kori - :-)
@Joe - Wont be going far sir!
@expatswede - Thanks!
@James (SeattleDad) - he certainly got 'a hand'
@morninglight mama - 10 is plenty ;-)
@Yo is Me - Cheers!
@The Anovulatory Avenger - yeah, delighted with them.
@iVegasFamily - Thanks sir!
@darcie - :-)
@Bonnie B. - I've been teetering with Bruno!
@The Social Frog - Yes!
@thecheekofgod - They are just good healthy signs!
@hairyfarmerfamily - musical almost!
@Connie - Thank you! I'll do my best.
@Mwa - haha. I havent been able to focus on anything for more than 30 seconds for most of the week.
@Sue - They are, thank you.
@Miss Awesome - me neither ;-P
@Mrs4444 - :-)
@Deb - I'll have to have a think....
@Foster Mama - they are, we're delighted.
@amy turn sharp of doobleh-vay - Thanks!
@Tara R. - Thank you Tara.
@Mick - Already 5 weeks tomorrow technically!
@designHER Momma - Thank you!
@wildhare - Welcome, and thanks!
@Jenni - I am!
@WhatAboutNovember - ;-)
@JT - heh...easy now!
@tiff - about 30 years I think
@April - Thank you!
@Mrs. LIAYF - I think 'wee' will be keeping this.
@AnnD - It's done the job for me anyway, thats for sure.
@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - Earlier...! EDD Valentines day according to the various sites.
@frogpondsrock - Ta Kim.
@Shannon - Thanks!
@Anonymous - No doubt about that!
@Robin - Thanks.
@Veronica - ;-)
@Kim - not bad at all!
@RRP - I could start an overseas Dutch infertility experience company? complete with grumpy nurses.
@Poppy - Thank you, and welcome!
@itsazooaroundhere - Cheers!
@Megan - Finally ;-)
@Jill - sanity? hahahahahah
@Tanya - bring em on.
@Dan - Cant imagine forgetting them.
@Making Babies - Voila!
@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - You had Dutch tests?
@River - hold on tight
@Marylin - Thanks!
@AnnB - Vomit!
@WiseGuy - Every single one! common courtesy ;-)
@Bubba - Thanks, stay tuned!
@IrishNYC - just a couple of weeks away !
Thrilled, thrilled, thrilled for you!
Congrats!! Nothing more exciting than finding out you are having a baby esp after a long infertility battle. Can't wait to hear more.
A springtime baby a springtime baby tralalalalala!!! They are the best...springtime...renewal, birth, beauty...how frickin poetic and appropriate is that, good sir?
I anxiously await all the preggers stories as you await your nappyrashes!
the correct response should be ZINGER not ZANGER...where are you from?????the netherlands????you aren't irish are you????hope the growing comes right along as the days go by
AWESOME!!! I have been following on my crackberry while I was in Hawaii...but I couldn't post a comment. I am so excited for you guys- that is a great way to find out. I hope ET is feeling okay. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
I found you through Ms. Moon, and I've been lurking and rooting for you. 11 years ago when I had my daughter with no trouble conceiving, I never expected to have 3 miscarriages and have to go through infertility treatment! But, I will never forget the joy (and disbelief!)of that positive pregnancy test and the even bigger joy of bringing my son into the world!
best of luck, I'll be following along here in Wisconsin!
Now that it's less salt in the wound, here's how we found out we were headed to parenthood:
Big fight over gender-roles and rearing of boys, followed by a furious declaration of "We're clearly not ready for kids. Lemme go back on birth control. I should take a pregnancy test first to prove I'm a responsible adult." Peed on stick, left it in the bathroom, forgot about it.
15 minutes later, hubby tells me I'm pregnant. The fight doesn't seem as big a deal, although I still hope we'll have a girl to avoid recurrences of The Fight. 16 weeks later, we find out our twins are both girls.
We're had a few child-rearing tiffs, but none on gender-related stuff. The twins are three. Serious girly girls.
greatttttttttttt numbersssssssssss......i love bfps :) i have mine hidden away... still love to look at them (yuck, i know).... so when is the nest BT?
Perfect beta increase!!! SOOOOOOOOO freaking excited!
Have been reading your blog for months while TTC my first and just HAD to delurk to say I'm soooo unbelievably happy for you that I'm bawling my eyes out! I know how much this means to you and ET because the very same thing happened to me and my boyfriend a few weeks ago after 18 months of trying and an IVF cycle. Here's to a happy, healthy pregnancy! Sob...
Ha! I knew you would have peed on sticks and I knew you wouldn't have let ET go to the clinic on her own unless you already knew! So great to hear that all is going to plan.
fantastic news! Amazing how the world suddenly seems so different.
I have put 'xbox' and 'nappyrash' in my google search engine so many times this week, i feel like i havent actually done much else!
So lovely to hear everything is progressing as it should ;)
Great news the beta! I'm cheering team Xbox on.
Congrats again, and thanks for sharing such joyous details and information! All the best for the rest of the journey x
There's something about the image of a used pregnancy test that makes me a bit ill.
Once it's an image it's great, mind. Just don't wave it at strangers.
BIG congratulations from a total stranger!! I've been keeping up for a long while - and even commented once or twice before - and am ecstatic for you both. Here's to an uneventful, happy pregnancy.
I wish they could capture that feeling and condense it and sell it in 'instant' form on the shelves of Tesco. That would be brilliant.
So many congratulations to you dude... your xbox must be bricking it!
@Deno - :-)
@mom2nji - There isn't. there really isnt!
@hotmamamia - The timing is pretty good alright.
@Putz - Thanks Putz.
@Lorza - So far, so good!
@rachelbk - Thanks a million!
@Sadia - Funny story, just stop saying twins so loud! ;-)
@Chhandita - No more tests planned, the numbers are good enough that they leave us alone for a couple of weeks before a scan.
@Cindy (and Brian) - :- )
@guff - Ah congratulations, thats great news! thanks & welcome!
@Feebee - you're half right! we couldnt hold off on the testing, but she would havehad the blood draw on her own anyway, it's a 2 minute job.
@lynseyj - I've been so useless I could be fired!
@Jane G - Thanks Jane :-)
@naughty - Thank you!
@B - keep yer hands out of my coat pocket then...!
@Louise - Thank you very much, appreciated.
@K8 the Gr8 - not at all, I'm lapping it up!
I haven't been blogging recently but I've been lurking on here and I'm so delighted for you both!!
Really, really, REALLY thrilled for both of you. Awesome. Great numbers, good rise, even better confirmation on the tests.
Grinning like a madwoman over here, too. And it ain't even ME that's pregnant.
So happy for you guys. So happy.
Congratulations to you and ET!!!!!!!!!!!! She is schwanger as they say here in Germany. How cool is that?!?!?! I always knew it was not of question of "if" but "when" she would become pg. I'm so excited for you guys!!!! Many happy days ahead I wish and hope for you both!!!
sounds familiar! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YA'LL! (see, I even slipped into my Texas dialect)
CONGRATS! Can't wait until your first ultrasound.
OMG congrats. I'm only a new reader but this is fantastic news!!!
Good numbers. Continued best wishes.
I'm so glad you shared that story. I was wondering how the news came to you.
Best. Story. Ever. Your adoring public couldn't be happier for you!!
That's awesome... GO team!
I just love you. I just do. I'm in tears over here, I hope you know that. I know you don't like the mushy gush but I can't help it. I'm just so.... so so so so everything.
Martin, I remember those first perilous, fragile days of foggy disbelief oh so well.
This, my friend, is really, really happening.
And I am so very, very ecstatic for you!!
May the levels keep going in the right direction, and hope that ET is feeling well...
Well, well, well... this is incredible. Finally, Spence gets his redemption.
Oh, and congrats you two. A job delayed is a job well done.
@Elfinamsterdam - :-)
@serenity - Thanks!~
@Gypsy - hehe, cheers, appreciate that.
@DCUrbanDad - Blur - song 2!
@Kathryn - Close enough!
@Chelsea Lietz - who shot JR?
@amandablogandkiss - Certainly is! and welcome.
@Magpie - great numbers ;-)
@Blues - like I could keep my mouth shut... ;-)
@Katy - Its certainly my favourite!
@raptureponies - How delightfully American!
@maggie, dammit - and breathe... ;-)
@Karen MEG - Thanks Karen.
@Monty - better laid than never, or something like that....
Congratulations. I have been visiting and mostly lurking for the better part of a year and I am just so happy for you two!
Wait? What? You're pregnant? You really are?!
Tell me I'm not reading this wrong (cultural differences in expression, and all).
OMG, you two! I mean, you three?!
OH MY BOB! SO I'm late to this party but, waheeeeeeeeey.
So so pleased for you both. SO excited so hopeful so miling right now. Big hugs to you and the lovely ET. And now your next journey begins. Blimey. xxxx
Holy shit!!! I had no idea! You MUST tell me these things!
Big, deep sigh. Again. I am beyond thrilled. I know how you feel about this, but screw it...I'm praying anyway.
@Kat - Thank you :-)
@Dondi Tiples - No I'm not! but SHE is :-)
@Jo Beaufoix - Blimey indeed!
@Momo Fali - I waited until you weren't looking...
I'm literally crying I'm so happy for you two! And I'm pretty sure its not the hormones. Congrats to you both! And this really IS a testament of your faith and persistence. Can't wait to read the rest of the journey.
My delight is yours.
AW HELLS YEAH! Those are some damn good pictures!
Sorry about all of the yelling, I am REALLY excited! :)
I'm here reading after a hiatus taken after having my son four months ago. We had difficulty conceiving as well so reading your blog felt so... personal. I felt the guilt that you speak of in the next post when we learned we are pregnant and you and ET were still trying.
But I am so happy to read that you are pregnant. I hope you enjoy every minute of the 9 months!
@kittyconcerto - It's hormones... ;-)
@Single Parent Dad - Thank you sir!
@Rikki - and breathe...
@Anonymous - Thank you, welcome back!
OH wow Congrats!! That is so wonderful.
Oh X, I have been MIA sorry... HUGE congratulations to you & ET!!! Fantastic news!
@The Scarlet Tree - Thank you!
@Amy - You've had a good reason ;-)
Wow. Congratu-fuckin-lations. See what happens when I go on holiday? Wow.
@People in the Sun - You weren't the only one in the promised land...
OMG, I can't believe how long it has been since I have checked in with you...and now this!!! Hooray! Congrats! Mazel Tov! Yippee! Now obviously I stared with your most recent post which started saying things like "12 weeks pregnant" and I had to go back and find the post, the big post sharing the news. This definitely was a Zwanger!
Nice- I'm happy for you- Expect the unexpected. But I guess, how great it is, when you get the thing you were trying to get for a long time, and the time that you're losing hope, then suddenly you'll get at all surprise! Congratz!
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