Monday 1 February 2010

The klossen

They were bloody heavy.

I carefully picked my step across the car park, sadistically enjoying each fresh crunch of snow under my feet while fearing the inevitable slip that would send me arse over tit. Any comfort that the close proximity of the hospital brought was overshadowed by the public nature any fall would now take, not to mention the severe battering I would undoubtedly suffer under the weight of my cargo.

They really were bloody heavy.

As the fall never came, I bundled the contents of my embarrassingly aching arms into the back of the car, and just 14 hours later I’d completed the 15 minute drive home through the snow.

Upstairs, I pulled them apart and arranged them out on the floor.

The 'klossen'.

There were 6 of them. 10 inches tall, grey rod iron, like miniature Eiffel towers.

One by one I slid them into position, and corner by corner I lifted our bed a foot off the ground and aligned the klossen underneath the legs.

Ironically, the act of installing them so that the kraamzorg doesn't damage her back while looking after ET has probably ensured another 18 months at our friendly neighbourhood chiropractor for me. Beds are heavy.

So now the silly turns to absurd, and the 5 foot tall incubator living with me has to use a plastic step to get in and out of bed. I’m just waiting to be awoken by the sound of her smashing her face off the radiator on the way to the bathroom at 4am.

Not one to be bogged down by minor negatives like nocturnal head injuries, there are upsides. I finally have the top bunk that I always wanted, and my bedroom is home to the coolest fort ever.

2 weeks, 2 days.

Wednesday next we have a midwife visit where she might reveal great mysteries, or maybe not, so until then you can get your guesses in here.


frogpondsrock said...

Yay, top bunks are the best and nothing beats a good fort.heh

Veronica Foale said...

Everyone needs a top bunk.

mammydiaries said...

Sigh... I love forts.

Tara R. said...

A top bunk and a fort... suh-weet! Sounds like you're nesting now.

Corkmum said...

I'm a bit confused as to what you have done? Please explain

Sarah said...

Dont lie, you have to use a plastic stool to climb in and out of bed too, dont you? ;)

I know I would.

Ms. Moon said...

Think of all the things you can tuck under that bed now. A tiny kitchen, a very small desk, etc.

Sadia said...

Tee hee.

I'm 5 foot, flat, too. I cursed my husband every time I had to lean over the crib side to retrieve one of the babies. He had insisted on cribs with immovable sides.

Then hundreds of thousands of cribs with drop sides got recalled because of horrible injuries, and I stopped cursing him, and started cursing my height.

Russ said...

Oh to be young again!

Maybe you should install a slide for ET to use to get out of bed?

Erika said...

2 weeks 2 days? How did this happen?! I had the top bunk when I was little and we built forts all the time. It's an awesome life.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

When you do eventually fall arse over tits, can you please make sure you have video of that?

Jill said...

2 WEEKS 2 DAYS??? That's it? Where did ET's pregnancy go?

So looking forward to your news... I do hope you break your streak and post a photo or two... maybe?

AnnB said...

Fort Klossen sounds like the set for the remake of that old favourite: 'The Princess and the Pea'; the sequel The Princess, needing a pee, breaks her neck in fall from great height! We're still working on the title, but you get the picture!

Barbara said...

I can't think of anything vaguely intelligent or amusing to say - I'm still laughing too hard not only at your post but at the comments for it. I particularly like the princess and the pea one!

Geeks in Rome said...

and kraamzorg sounds like some character from Avatar.

Hope you can keep them stilts so Fitz will have fun playing fort with Daddy!

Daniel said...


Daniel said...


Anonymous said...

Do the Dutch realize how ridiculous their language sounds? Because... it does. Also, I'm with Angie. We need video of any accidents. Perhaps a permanent bedroom cam? Woah, that sounded way creepier than I intended it. You have my permission (and sincere request) to edit out anything unrelated to falling arse over tits.

Momo Fali said...

You and all your fancy words.

Anonymous said...

I want a fort too!

AND a bunk bed!

No fair :-(

2 weeks, 2 days...Fitz could appear at any moment now!


River said...

Does the bed have to be raised immediately? Can't it wait until the midwife's imminent arrival? I worry about ET climbing in and out of bed while so heavily pregnant.

Martin said...

@frogpondsrock - and so say all of us

@Veronica - is that a euphamism?

@mammydiaries - ;-)

@Tara R. - all mandatory unfortunately!

@Corkmum - The nurse that comes after the birth needs the bed at a certain height, like a hospital bed, the 'klossen' are what the Dutch use to raise the bed.

@Sarah - I like jumping down...

@Ms. Moon - ...a truck!

@Sadia - close call!

@Russ - that would be the coolest thing!

@Erika - I have NO idea. None.

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - Tit, singular.

@Jill - I'll google someone else baby pics, you'll never know!

@AnnB - you are not the first to mention the princess and the pea!

@Barbara - smartarses all of them...

@Geeks in Rome - I kind of like the height!

@Putz - Yes!, nearly 2 months now, longest I've ever known here.

@showmeyourcookies - It's a 'challenging' language!

@Momo Fali - Oooh Momo!

@livingrightnow - or, in a month...

@River - it 'could' wait, but in theory she will come straight home from the hospital, and if its a long-ish labour, I don't know when I would be likely to have the wherewithall to go lifting beds!

Deb said...


Martin said...

@Deb - I must get one yeah