Tuesday 8 June 2010

No kissing on the lips

There’s always someone shaking their box in your face, looking for cash.

With so much good shaking action it’s terribly hard to decide when you should slip a few quid into a thong, and when you should wave her on in the hope that the next one along will be curvier with awful English, and a poor grasp of exchange rates.

I’ve shaken my box at you lot a few times now in the name of raising funds for the Joseph Salmon trust, and many of you have been wonderful and slipped crispy bills inside my g-string.

As with all whores, I’m hungry for more. I want more of your sweat stained bills grazing my thigh, I want to have more of your coppers lodge themselves in uncomfortable places.

The problem is though, why should you bother? How can I make my collection tin a more attractive place for your hard earned, pilfered, outright stolen, or alimonied cash?

I can’t really, other than give you a list of reasons.

The man who has organised the fundraising walk also arranged this:

That has got to be worth a few cents or pence surely.

I’m five and a half feet tall, if I walk 84 miles there is a good chance I will lose 15% of my pathetic height, my stubby legs will be worn and eroded to just above the ankles. My last miles will be mapped out with a bloody wet trail of oozing slime. Like a snail. Or a 55 year old midget prostitute.

It’s costing more to go on the walk than I’ve raised. That’s depressing. I could have stayed at home and donated the airfare instead and everyone would be happier. I could have continued to live out my life until I have that inevitable heart attack instead of probably reaching my demise at the bottom of some ravine in the North of England. But that would make the world a dreadfully sad place and you don’t want that to happen, do you?

You should be convinced by now as to the merits of throwing a few quid our way, but if you’re still not ready to dig behind the sofa cushions for the walk then I’ve only one reason left.

You can make a difference to a stranger who needs help. Someone like you, a family like yours, or your friends, or your neighbours. An everyday someone who has had their world turned upside down by the loss of a child. Someone who will be at their lowest, needing all their energy to look after themselves and other family members, and who can simply do without worrying about the electricity being cut off, or not being able to afford basic funeral costs, or having to go back to work too soon when they are needed at home.

Your fifty pence, or 1, 2, or 50 pounds donation helps that person.

If you would like to donate, you can do so here. If you would like to know more about why I think you should, you can do so here.

Neil and Rachael's story.
The official Joseph Salmon trust site.
The Hadrian’s Walk blog.
The Hadrian’s walkers donation site.
My personal donation site for the trust.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to donate, but now I have! You can stop shaking your box in my face now. :-P

Anonymous said...

It isn't much...

Unknown said...

Eeewwww, if I'd known I was paying to have your box in my face I'd have given it to Dan.

Come to think of it, I DID give it to Dan......phew, what a relief!!!

unmitigated me said...

What's the time limit, XBox? I'm a little low until Friday, at which point I will be wading in dollar bills just waiting to be donated before I waste them on hookers and heroin.

Veronica Foale said...

A trail of slime? That sounds bad. Since when did you start getting slime flowing through your veins instead of blood like a regular person.

You really *are* living up to your alien status aren't you.

Martin said...

@showmeyourcookies - Everytime we get an email notification that tells us a donation has been made we are delighted, regardless of when or how much it is.
So there's no such thing as late.

@Anonymous - Anything that's more than nothing is appreciated.

@Irritatingly Optimistic - Lucky Dan...

@unmitigated me - there is no hurry, no one should get themselves into sticky situations because of it. The page will be active until 3 months after the walk I believe, which is 4 months total. And the trust itself will accept donations all year round.

@Veronica - There's slime around here alright...

River said...

I can't donate, sorry.

Martin said...

@River - that's absolutely not a problem, most people can not. Thanks.

Barbara said...

You see, even though I've already sponsored you, I feel guilty about not sponsoring you again.

Kim (frogpondsrock) said...

Thanks for putting that video up again Martin. xox I want photos of the blisters you know.