Tuesday, 10 June 2008

It's definitely number four officer

I have a funny habit of getting a moment of wonderment-stroke-clarity where my head just spins when I stop, take everything in, and wonder to myself 'how in the name of a randy badger did I end up here?'

It usually happens when I find myself in a strange place with strange company, or when I'm doing a job far removed from what I'm supposed to, or just in any bizarre situation that crops up.

What insane chain of events in my life has come to pass and put me in this spot, in this situation, at this very moment in time.

I had my very first one of these moments in respect to 'trying to conceive', today.

As a result I stopped and thought, and came to the decision that I need to soak my brain in bleach for a week.

It wasn't the fact I know more acronyms, thanks to TTC, than an Olympic texter.

It wasn't the fact I have a far too vivid understanding of things like luteal phases, and progesterone levels, and morphology.

It wasn't the fact I talk to my own baby gravy or christen ET's eggs.

It wasn't even the fact that I could probably identify ET's funny bits in a police identity parade at this stage.

This moment of 'how in the name of Jehova did I get to this' came today when I handed my timesheet to my boss and informed him that this was "my timesheet for the 'cycle' of May"

I might as well request that I get my salary paid per menstrual cycle.

48 comments:

B said...

well outta all those options the 'how in the name of Jehova did I get to this' moment would be most likely to happen with the timesheet one.

yeah it's eh... slightly odd.

carolyn said...

Oh now you can be in on the scam that women have used since the beginning of time... blame any and all bad moods, poor work, missed deadlines on your "cycle." Brilliant.

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

I know I shouldn't laugh but this post was too funny.

Hang in there Xbox.

Jenni said...

paid per menstrual cycle, I love it!

Putz said...

maybe you need to have an exorcist come in to take the curse off et's eggs....

samcrea said...

Dom jolly, thats who you look like..
It took me a while...

Kori said...

I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I totally am. That is priceless.

Ryan Lawson said...

Whatever you do, don't buy a bicycle on a monthy-payment plan...

zoeyjane said...

if you did get paid per hell-cycle, you'd get an extra payperiod (hehe) out of the year. how kick ass would THAT be?

Captain Steve said...

HA! Oh, you poor guy. It's kind of like checking your masculinity at the door, isn't it? Don't worry, you'll muddle through, though Spencer might need a couple extra pep talks this month.

Sully Sullivan said...

Wow. You know you've really got something on the forefront of your mind when it creeps into situations it has no business being in. What did the boss have to say? Knowing bosses, he wasn't listening anyway.

Dirty Laundry Diva said...

Ah, a good ole slip of the tongue. At least you aren't marking days of intercourse on that time sheet, that would really be quite weird!

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

That would make sense if the menstrual cycles are shorter than a month. You may end up getting an extra paycheck by the end of the year that way.

Karen said...

Baby gravy.

Funny bits.

*hee*

womb for improvement said...

Yeah but when it does happen that would be a whole 9 cycles without any cash, and just when you'll be wanting to save up for the latest designer baby toenail clippers or whatever the next must have item is.

Lilacspecs said...

I had no idea they offered "cyclic" pay schedules over here! I'm in!

kittyconcerto.com said...

I need to soak my brain in bleach for a week.---Oh that's too funny.

Maybe you need to clean your boss's brain too, just so he won't remember what you said.....

Tara R. said...

Really I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing across from you. That is perfect!

Baby gravy? Where DO you come up with this terminology?

Maggie, Dammit said...

*snort*

It's like when you stare at a word too long and suddenly you're wondering if it's a real word. Except it's not words, it's acronyms and girlie bits. Or what have you.

Going now.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Oh, man! Did he just look at you with his head kind of cocked to the side and say, "Uhm, thanks."? And probably walked away making a mental note to himself--XBox needs a va-cay!

Sam said...

Oh the "cycle" of May - that's too funny! i want to say something witty here, but it's not happening!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@B - The line between odd and normal is very blurred of late I'll tell ya...

@Carolyn - I should call in sick with 'women's problems' (as opposed to 'women problems')

@Hilary - I'm hanging, just about ;0)

@Jenni - that's REAL blood money...

@Putz - er.. can I call that plan B?

@Samcrea - You know, I would pretend to be insulted, but it's not the first time it's been said...

@Kori - There's always a price!

@Ryan Lawson - would that be a fortnightly bike?

@Zoeyjane - always look on the bright side eh!

@Captain Steve - My Masculinity cowers under the bed as I get up in the morning. He needs to get is arse in serious gear actually.

@Sully Sullivan - "luckily" he is Dutch, and probably didn't understand what I was muttering at him anyway.

@Dirty Laundry Diva - Saddo moment here - I actually have a calendar print out in my notebooks that I use to keep track of days etc, and they have ended up in view of colleague from time to time.
I'm hoping they just can't make sence of my handwriting or notations.

@Big Mama Pimplishness - I DO like it!

@Karen - When you say it like that I chuckled...

@Womb for improvement - Another good point, this needs more serious thouhgt.

@Lilaspecs - See, I'm running an expat service here!

@kittyconcerto - He didn't bat an eyelid, too busy totting up the zeros on that time sheet. Greedy guts.

@Tara R - A lot of folkj seem to laugh accross from me then!
If I'm honest, and if I remember correctly, 'Baby Gravy' was a term allegedy used by the one and only Bill Clinton during his thingy with Monica Lewinsky.
If he didn't then I'm totally claiming it as my own.

@Maggie, Dammit - get off my poarch, go on, shoo!

@Ed - Looking at me oddly is commonplace, I'd find it hard to decipher which ood look was habit or which was newly earned.

@Sam - No pressure, I'll wait...(welcome, by the way)

tysdaddy said...

Dude,

Did you get the blank stare?

Been there, done that.

Tismee2 said...

Sorry but I'm still laughing at 'bumping uglies' and that was ions ago.

hee, hee, hee

justmylife said...

I can't help but laugh! I have always said women should be paid for their cycle, but I guess some men think in those terms too!

AnnD said...

I love it! Sorry but I love it!! You are so meant to be a daddy! [hugs]

Irish Diaspora said...

LMAO - and are you getting any of usual bonuses in your pay "cycle" like CRAMPS, and PMT and ....?

Felicity said...

Wow, found your blog via Sarah Nielson, and Maggie is also one of my blog favorites. Small bloggin world I tell ya. Good stuff!!

Deb said...

Everyone should get paid by the menstrual cycle with bonuses for cramps and pregnancy.

Veronica said...

Getting paid per cycle sounds like a great idea.

baby~amore' said...

LOL - *snort* what colour was your face - I'm sorry Xbox it was probably very embarrassing but funny.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@tysdaddy - I get that more often than I care to admit!

@Tismee2 - bless your wee cotton socks.

@justmylife - show me the money...

@AnnD - Say more stuff like that please! ;0)

@Irish Diaspora - You managed to get in! No, no extra 'perks' for me.

@Felicity - Small it is indeed! (er...the blog world, that is...)

@Deb - We'd be missing out on the big pregnancy pay offs.

@Veronica - You'ld be broke!

@Baby~amore - Funny eh? Can't say I laughed too heartily... ;-)

GoaldeeBug said...

Oh, verbal auto-memory, I know it well..... every so often when I answer the phone at work I use the company name of a place that I worked for 15 years ago! The worst thing about it? It is the name of a major competitor of my current employer! *snort*

Always happens at the most embarrassing moment.

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

This is just preparing you to become the talking monkey known as Daddy. :)

Karen MEG said...

Spit out my coffee, I did!

If only you could be paid overtime for all your troubles, or at least time and a half for the extra effort on weekends and stat holidays.

Please don't dump your head in bleach... wouldn't that corrode the braces?

Too funny, Xbox. Thinking about you and ET lots lately, as I'm sure you've gathered. Good thoughts.

Elle Charlie said...

The only problem with getting per menstrual cycle is that once you get pregnant you'll hit a real financial dry spell.

And no, those weren't the actual puppies we'll be choosing from, just an example of the cuteness that lies ahead :)

Quickroute said...

well technically it is time "on the job" so to speak!

sltbee69 said...

I couldn't help but chuckle about that. Thankfully your boss isn't a woman because "she" probably would have did a double take at the word cycle.

James Austin said...

That's great X! You have cycles on the brain. Hang in there.

Jo Beaufoix said...

I have never used this phrase, 'how in the name of a randy badger did I end up here?' but I see many randy badgers in my future. Hee hee.

And 'baby gravy' is funny too.

Jason said...

I hate laughing at the situation, but I can't help it. That was certainly funny. Did the boss laugh too?

Momo Fali said...

Spencer deserves overtime pay.

Huckdoll said...

It's baby batter, not gravy.

Get it right :)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Goaldeebug - Yes, a tad embarassing.

@Lyssa - A talking monkey! how cool would that be?

@Keren MEG - THey shoudl at least be covereing the extra expenses, these OPKs dont come cheap...
Your posts are very good, opening a lot of people's eyes.

@Elle Charlie - That's a recession I'd gladly face!
They were still gorgeous dogs though, really.

@Quickroute - An endless supply of 'carry on' comments eh? keep it up. (ha...there's another)

@Stlbee69 - I hadn't thought of that, that would have been a tad nastier alright...

@James Austin - Oh I'm hanging, by a thread, but hanging!

@Jo Beaufoix - you've never had a randy badger? a sheltered life you've lead!

@Jason - ADmit it, you don't hate laughing at it at all... I wouldn't.
Boss did't have a clue what I was nattering about.

@Momo Fali - I'm making a call to the Union...

@Huckdoll - Did Clinton say baby batter? does that mean baby gravy is original and it's all mine??? woo hoo.

Kelley said...

*snort* like when Boo's only form of communication was sign and I was out for dinner with my GF's and signed for the waiter to 'wait'. Ingrained.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Kelley - I can imagine the sign he gave you in return....

kspin said...

I've been reading up on your past posts so long I don't remember who I found you through...just thrilled that I did. I haven't been this entertained for a long time!

I'm sure that's frustrating to hear given the circumstances, but I think I'll set up camp and move in now. Love it here. Great writing.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Kspin - I'm glad you can enjoy it.
That still sounds weird to me, but anyway, enjoy!