The cycle didn't end today, I'm resigned to the fact it will sooner rather than later, but if it doesn't end within the next 9 minutes (regardless of blogger's dodgy timestamp) as I write this then I'm relatively happy.
So, credit where it's due, fate gave me a break, and allowed me not to associate today with that.
Today was the 4th June, 2008.
Today was 20 years to the day that my mother died.
Nothing special was said or done today, I've never asked for it I suppose.
I was never sentimental about it very much, but I miss her, or at least 'the idea' of her, now more than ever.
10 years old is too young for a parent and child to be parted by a parent's death.
I don't think I ever realised I was missing anything as I was growing up, but when I think of her, I know she would have missed being there. That make me feel a bit guilty for not reciprocating.
I wonder how different would things be if she were here, how different would I be?
I think we would be friends.
What would she make of all of this madness?
She'd probably chase me around the kitchen with a tea towel as her weapon of choice, but after her initial faked shock and horror, I think she'd laugh.
She was fond of cheekines, the 'rogue' type, not the 'will you buy me beer mister?' type.
She'd laugh and shake until she'd start to cough, she always did thanks to the twenty a day habit.
Twenty a day that cost twenty years.