Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Mind the gap

I'm getting used to laughing in the face of the relative insanity surrounding my existence.

We have the whole short arse thing, yep, I'm small, and I live in Holland, where small is 5' 10. I'm, er, less.

We have the whole chubby and pale thing, goes with the Irish territory thing I reckon, so no big deal.

We have the braces at 30 years of age thing, okay, slightly embarrassing, but we struggle on yeah?

We have the whole infertile Irish Catholic thing, which let's face it, is an absolute disgrace, even the priests back home have kids.

Nevertheless, you get on with it, handicaps in hand and expecting better times ahead.

Then what happens? Your tooth falls out.

Yes, a front tooth has fallen out of my about-to-explode head.

I am an infertile Danny Devito lookalike with braces, and missing fucking teeth.

Braces and no teeth.

I'm going back to bed.

EDIT: 26-06-2008 13:01
Explanation - The tooth was a baby/milk tooth that had never fallen out.
It wasn't attached to the brace in the expectancy that it would.
Now the braces need to kick into action to close the gap and fast.....

76 comments:

Veronica said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

*breathes*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

*breathes*

I'm a sympathetic friend, aren't I? How the hell does your tooth just FALL OUT???

Veronica said...

Oh and also, photos?

Suze said...

LOL!
Don't feel bad! I'm Irish (born in Belfast), short, and yeah probably pale, and although my front tooth didn't fall out - it broke in half not long ago.
So don't feel bad, you're not alone in your weirdness ;)

Bettina said...

My dutch father is short for his family at 6', all siblings are 6'2, 6'4, 6'3 and I'm 5'5. *blank look* go figure.

How on earth do teeth in braces just fall out?

Tismee2 said...

Too much ugly bumping makes your teeth fall out!

or is it eating crusts makes your hair curly??

Good job we only see your face on your profile.

B said...

hahahaha! well just live in the happiness that all those lanky dutch will have back problems.

How did the front tooth fall out if you've braces? wouldn't they hold it in?

Lord thats brilliant.

Lilacspecs said...

Look on the bright side, unlike Danny DeVito, you still have your hair, right?

Angel said...

OH MY! HOW did that happen, X? How on earth did you lose a tooth while wearing braces? Did the braces cause it?

You poor man. You do NOT look like Danny Devito. You're much cuter. You're goodlooking! I don't know how short you are, but I bet I'm shorter! I spent my entire life wanting to be tall and leggy. No one thinks girls my size are "glamorous" or "beautiful". I'm tiny. That makes me "cute". Like a puppy or a baby duck.

We gotta work with what we have, dude. Our lot in life!

wpat said...

Perhaps instead of bed, you should try Alabama or Arkansas. It's not all bad, but there definitely more of um, your looking kind, there.

Maggie, Dammit said...

I bet your list of positives makes you equal out to total hotness. I'm sure of it, in fact.

Dondi Tiples said...

Man, you are stressed! Its either that or your 30-year-old gums can't stand the confinement of the metal cages. Its either that or Spence is getting his revenge - for all the pressure you've been putting on him - in the only way he knows how.

Please don't wait for your willy to fall off, too.

Rachel said...

So your sperm has become so powerful that it's leaching all the nutrients from the rest of your body? Thus your gums can no longer hold your teeth.

Hmmm.

How on earth do you lose a tooth when you have braces? Yikes.

Poor Poor man.

the planet of janet said...

ok. we obviously all have one question.

how does your tooth just FALL OUT? especially when caged in with metalwork?

DD said...

....ohhh, you're making me hawtttt!

Uh, never mind. Hormones.

Momo Fali said...

I love self-deprecation and, you sir, are the master of it.

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

Oh no! How did that happen?

You poor thing. Maybe the tooth fairy will bring you something really special ;-)

Kori said...

Even the priests have kids? CLASSIC. These little blurbs that shoot coffee out my nose are one of the many reasons I keep coming back. And oh, that sucks about the tooth; did the braces hold it kind of in place until you could reach in and get it? Here where I live, we would just call you white trash. :)

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

You're just all sorts of sad stories. Pick yourself up, Champ.

And please, please post a pic of your gap so I can get a visual of what I'm laughing at.

Ryan Lawson said...

That's just a bad fucking day, brother...I'm trying to picture it, though, and isn't a tooth falling out of braces like a leg breaking whilst held in a cast?

Not impossible, of course, but kinda hard to pull off, so to speak?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Veronica - Hahaha my arse. And no, no photos.

@Suze - That would be comeforting if I didnt have to go to work like this.

@Bettina - Your Dutch father? how many do you have?

@Tismee2 - I am now the definition of Ugly bumping.

@B - They'll have arse problems if they say a word to me.

@lilacspecs - I do, and frankly, it is FABULOUS hair.

@Angel - I like me some baby ducks...explanation coming...

@wpat - Yee fucking Haw.

@Maggie, Dammit - there is no human way, under any circumstances, that my set of faults can be combined to be anything nearing hotness.
Trust me.

@Dondi Tiples - Please don't wait? You mean I should hurry and be done with it now?

@Rachel - That's one theory...explanation follows....

@the planet of janet - patience woman, patience...

@DD - Oh lord....

@Momo Fali - Er...thank you?

@Hilary - I'm owed a BIG one....

@Kori - Would be funny if it wasn't true.... I'm too pale to be white trash.

@A whole lot of nothing - your sympathy is oozing. You want to get that looked at.

@Ryan Lawson - From where I'm sitting, no strap-0on disater is impossible....

@ALL -
The tooth was a baby tooth.
YES I'm 30 and have baby teeth, fuck off.
It wasn't encassed in the brace, but rather left to the Gods as the rest of my mouth does the samba.
It had taken enough abuse so decided to move out.
It had a somewhat unfortunate location, right near the front.
The 'plan' is that now the braces can kick into action and move everything to where they should have fucking been in the first place, and all will be well with the world again.

...and if you belive that, you're a bigger sucker than I am....

People in the Sun said...

Well, you know what they say--losing a tooth is a sign that you're about the have seven years of good luck.

Oh, actually no, the sign is winning the lottery.

Jill said...

When life hands you lemon... make a big heaping pitcher of lemonade.

Just be sure not to bite the lemon less the rest of your teeth fall out.

What a bitch of a day... :)

B said...

arse problems? you're either gonna punch, headbutt or hit them with a stick presumably?

Tara R. said...

Day-um. You are seriously due an outstanding day, or two, or 100.

How did your tooth just fall out? My kid has braces, is there something I need to worry about?

(My hubs is the tallest in his family at 5'7", I'm the shortest in mine at 5'8" - our kids are now taller than both of us... )

Quickroute said...

Sounds like you and Gollum a.k.a Smiegal could be twins. Ever considered moving to Hollywood?

Immoral Matriarch said...

I am such a bitch, I am in tears I'm laughing so hard.

And the comment right above mine? Was exactly what I was thinking!

Putz said...

so our(ARE) we down to 10 days left of our fortnight WAIT? there goes 4 seconds, safin upset djorfanack, and the number one seed ivanovitz almost got upset by a pretty french girl, except for a ver lucky net dibble over on mATCH POINT, OH there goes 78 seconds...THIS WAIT IS KILLING ME... ARE YOU NERVOUS(seriously) ON THE END OF THE CYCLE???

iVegasFamily said...

I'm soooooo sorry. I actually laughed so hard when I read this that I startled my co-workers. I feel extremely bad for doing that. Can the dentist fix it? Perhaps with some glue or screws or something?

sarah said...

LOL...oh no!!! What in the hell happened? How does a tooth just call it quits and fall out? So sorry my friend...

Deborah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deborah said...

Holy crapola and I thought I was having a bad day (make that week, nope year). I hate to get pleasure out of someone else's misfortune, but low and behold...I laughed my arse off.

Ok, here's my empathetic side. I can totally relate to being an infertile Catholic of Irish descent with (semi)fair skin, but you didn't mention the freckles, of which I have abundance, but thank you God-I am not short and certainly not missing any teeth..sorry I tried. LOL Hope tomorrow is a better day!

Rikki said...

That was good (well...bad for you, but I laughed my ass off). Don't feel bad about being short, I am gargantu-girl (5'11 1/2). Can you imagine the two of us walking down the street together, we would be our own traveling freak show! Good times...

Horse Chick said...

I am so sorry you're having such a bad day!!! Although, going back to bed usually works for me. Try to look at it this way, soon you'll have a beautiful smile to use on ET and that baby I just know you two are going to conceive if you haven't already!! And about the short comments....the bigger (or taller) they are the harder they fall!! And Danny DeVito may be short and not very good looking but he's a helleva actor amd person!! If I were a short guy (instead of a short girl) I wouldn't mind being compared to him!! (not to mention he's stinkin' rich, to boot!!)
Just keep smiling, even one tooth short!!! :-)

womb for improvement said...

Teeth are over rated anyway. Ditch the rest of them, and the braces, and go for dentures. Its quick, easy, and you'll never be able to eat and apple again.

James Austin said...

Damn X! You can't catch a break, can you. Just when you think things can only get better...Damn, a tooth? Alright, what exactly are you not telling about your past? You must have pissed someone really important off at some point!

Single Parent Dad said...

He He He.

It could be worse..........

Couldn't it? ;-)

zoeyjane said...

i'm thinking...teeth just get in the way anyways.

anja said...

You're 30, still getting visits from the tooth fairy, vertically challenged and wear braces.

Bahahahaha... dude... *sniggers*

nola said...

"The priests back home have children." You DID NOT say that. I laughed out loud. Ah, I love you, Danny.

Sorry 'bout the tooth. Do you know what caused it? I mean, save the others!! And is it stuck in the braces?? Is it wrong that I laugh at your misery?

Jenni said...

bawhahahahahaha!

ohmygod, seriously? SERIOUSLY?

I so needed a laugh right now.

but my honest to god second reaction is "awww, poor guy!" you just can't catch a break.

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

I'm sorry, but the lack of height, braces, losing teeth - it's nature's way of getting you ready for a kid. You'll really understand how your baby feels - shart-arsed and toothless. And maybe you'll get your braces off in time for your kid to get his/hers put on. How many parents can say that?

irish diapsora said...

Aw, you're not alone. I'm vertically, melatonin challenged and of Irish descent too. Does that help?

Ever thought of joining the priesthood? Worth a shot?

Amanda said...

Yikes, a tooth just up and falling out? That just sounds so, umm, how do I say this, like a movie I want to watch because it will bring me tears of laughter.

Will you have to go back and amend the post where you count having all your own teeth as one of your better qualities?

You know what, forget it, gaps are sexy...Letterman, Hutton...

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Youhad me at even the priests have children and then your tooth. I laughed louder than the claps of thunder outside and woke up my kids!

Karen MEG said...

OMG, I am laughing so hard I'm almost crying... sorry Xbox.

WTF? Have you been over-exerting yourself THAT much in the exercise of babymaking???!

Or perhaps your orthodontist tightened the braces a bit too much last visit.

Whatever, it's a hilarious story, and I'm apologizing for still killing myself over here. I'm just glad I wasn't drinking anything while I was reading this. My computer would have drowned.

And no, you actually don't look like Danny Devito at all. You're actually, sorta, kinda cute, for a short guy ;)

Deb said...

Laughing. Crying. Can barely type. OMG!!!

Kelley said...

Veronica stole my line... biatch...

Man, that sucks. Kinda like you will be with all your food through a straw. Good thing you are loving that sauce eh?

Seriously, WTF? It is because of the braces and the dentists fault or what?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@People in the sun - Well I found a 1 euro coin under my pillow this morning, if that counts.

@Jill - I've had better!

@B - Torpedo the lanky gits.

@Tara R - Nothing to worry about for the kids I reckon, just me. Oh so special me.

@Quickroute - No-one touches my ring...

@Immorah Matriarch - Yes, I agree, you are a bitch.

@Putz - By the time Federer raises the trophy you should have an answer!

@iVegasFamily - Sorry my ass.... and dude, screws?

@Sarah - Explanation to be added...

@Deborah - You lucky full mouthed wench!

@Rikki - I know several 6 feet plus women here...you are about a foot taller than ET...

@Horse Chick - Thanks for the reassurance!

@Womb for improvement - I've been told by my dentist to stop eating so much fruit, and by my doctor to eat more...!

@James Austin - I was once told I was hung for stealing a horse in a former life... punishment enough I would have thought.

@Single Parent Dad - I'm trying REALLY hard to think how...

@Zoeyjane - of what? dirty minx...!

@Anja - I would say 'bite me', but the irony would be lost...

@Nola - Er...Danny? who the bejaysus is Danny?

@Jenni - I could probably catch a disease...

@Lyssa - Maybe I'm reverting to childhood...

@Irish Diaspora - Theres an idea...

@Amanda - Compared to Letterman, my miserable week is now complete...

@Ed - ...Your thunder laughs?

@Karen MEG - I'll take the faint compliment out of that and run with it...

@Deb - Well I'm just delighted I can entertain you so!

@Kelley - Explanation to come, I shall say ziz only once...

conortje said...

You are right - they don't make it easy for us here - I refuse to stand anywhere near a tall handsome Dutch man for fear of looking extra ugly. Which is why I find myself alone in the corner sulking with a pint...

frogpondsrock said...

Veronica stole my comment... Twice..

Horse Chick said...

Another comment about tall handsome Dutch men.....Damn...another good point for Holland...I know I should just be happy with my short good looking in a Marlboro Man kind of way Welsh husband...but I can dream ;-{

Dondi Tiples said...

No, no, no xbox, not what I meant at all! Give poor Spence a paid vacation. He deserves it for all you've been working him too hard.

*proceeds to play theme from "Free Willy"*

Sully Sullivan said...

I'm Irish, but only halfsies. Most people think I'm Polish.

Roll with the punches. The next post better about all the things that make you great, because I'm sure there's a lot of them.

I look forward to it.

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I vote for a picture. My tooth is totally going to fall out now, because I laughed my ass off when i read that.

Putz said...

how could your catholic priests be having kids??

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

Wow you still had a baby tooth?!!!

I have nightmares about losing my teeth sometimes. it's one of my biggest fears.

bsouth said...

So sorry, but what Veronica said. Both times.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Conortje - that's two corners we have covered then. Himbos, the lot of 'em.

@frogpondsrock - so how many teeth have YOU lost this past few days, eh? eh?

@Horse Chick - Welsh? Oh, sorry about that...

@Dondi Tiples - I'm pulling your leg DT, just in jest.

@Sully Sullivan - ah yes, one of the famous Sullivans of Warsaw clan...

@Shamelessly Sassy - I hope it bloody does! and no, no pics.

@Putz - Come on bud, you are a man of the world...

@Big Momma Pimplishness - Yep :0)
ACTUALLY, I used to always have nightmares about my teeth getting tighter and tighter and snapping off!

@Bsouth - now why don't I believe you...

tiff said...

Sorry to hear about your tooth. Glad it was just a milky.

Danny Devito, could be cute...couldn't he?

Doodaddy said...

Are you sure you're not 10? It would explain a lot...

Huckdoll said...

Wow, you are a popular kid :)

Well, I didn't laugh at you BoxBoy...did I do it wrong?

River said...

Did the tooth fairy visit?
in my family dad was 5'4", mum was 5'2", older sister 4'10", me 5'0", then came three brothers, 5'11", 5'9", 5'9". Turns out mummy had been naughty. 3 times.
Sending GPS wishes to Spencer......

Geeks In Rome said...

Repent!!

....or drink yerself silly.
Choose one.

Jill said...

I'm sorry, but if you buck up, I am so not reading your blog anymore.

Have you thought about sticking a mini marshmallow between your teeth? Unless they're yellow, then I'd go with a kernel of corn.

Captain Steve said...

Awwwww! heeheehee! But seriously, awwwwww.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Tiff - have you seen his wife?....

@Doodaddy - Am I sure? - no.

@Huckdoll - you're just becoming sensitive, maternal...

@River - Mummy had been naughty? brilliant.

@Geeks in Rome - I'll try the drinking first, if that's ok...

@jill - I've sellotaped the tooth back in.

@Captain Steve - Your sympathy is touching....

;0)

AnnD said...

[hugs] I still have a blogging crush on you. Tooth or no tooth!

Christine said...

I know all too well that feeling short and dumpy feeling.

Glad the tooth was supposed to fall out!

Jo Beaufoix said...

'even the priests back home have kids' so this line? It killed me. I am dead. ;)

Putz said...

NAPPY, YOU NEED TO GET A NEW READERSHIP, HONESTLY WE ARE SO STUPID(NOT ME)..BECAUSE I READ THE SMALL PRINT IN YOUR POST and you fairly good explanation in the comment section, peanut gallery about your baby tooth no encased in the brace but left there to on cue fall out, BUT EVERYBODY ELSE SEEMS TO hav3e jumped on the bandwagon feeling sorry for your poor DAMED tooth....now once again the question"how did it fall out/?" comment 69 0r 70....it was supposed to fall out so the big teeth could get strong....comment 54 0r 57 should i worry about this with my kid's braces...your post did not give me the chuckle but your readers sure did....you need a new readershi

moosh in indy. said...

bad things come in threes. Or in your case, dozens.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@AnnD - Say more stuff like that!

@Christine - AMEN!

@Jo Beaufoix - The truth is stranger than fiction...

@Putz - I was thinking exactly that! You are all fired. Except for you.

@Moosh in indy - 3 dozens more like, (welcome! & hello!)

Erika said...

Oh, dear God. (That's all I got.)

Our Crooked Tree said...

Now 32 and braceless, I had my braces put on when I was about 27. I had to have four teeth pulled (I guess I don't, in fact, have a big mouth like my husband claims :) Anyway I was putting laundry away one day and as usual, placed the plastic hanger in my mouth while I buttoned a shirt. I felt like a walrus when the hanger fit perfectly in the holes where my teeth once were and the braces had not taken action yet! ☺

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Erika - Sometimes that's more than enough!

@Our Crooked Tree - Actually, my braces have stopped me from being able to open package and wrapper with my teeth, the upper and lower teeth no longer meet at the same point, making the right grip impossible!

tysdaddy said...

Dude,

Just playing some catch up this morning and this post got me started on the right foot. I hope you got that gap bridged to your satisfaction. And best of luck with the specialists . . .