Monday, 3 November 2008

A cold day in ET

Heat.

It's missing.

Not in me mind you, I'm all hyped up on heat. Unfortunately ET's occasional 'Oooh' and 'Ahhh' means that I don't get to 'Oooh' and 'Ahhh' at the moment.

Being the sensitive chap that I am, I'm relaxed about it, I can wait. I wait for her to nod off to sleep before rubbing off her.

I digress, that's not the heat I'm talking about, the heat that's missing is in ET.

We've been charting temperature for months now, and the rule of thumb is that the day after ovulation you get a spike in basal body temperature.

Now, the surgery was on CD14, she tested positive with an OPK on CD15. So we should be all set for ovulation by CD16 - Thursday and a temperature spike on Friday, yes?

No.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday - Nada. Absolutemente nada! (I envisage body temperature as being Spanish speaking).

So I ask all you incense burning, placenta munching, earth mothers out there, where in the name of all that is uteral is our temperature spike gone?

Swallowed by the surgery? destroyed by dye? escaped out an incision?

Has this conception effort taken on a life of it's own and started making conscious resource deployment decisions of it's own accord?

-'They're not shagging this month, no need to spike!'

Answers on a tampon box please.

Someone else that is a tad low in the body temperature stakes is the dead woman I had to walk around on the way to work Friday. Shot in the head so she was.
Normally this would be seen as a bad thing, but in the charming centre of vice and crime where my office is located, it has it's benefits.

With all those extra crime scene investigators, police, and TV reporters buzzing around the place, our friendly neighbourhood prostitutes were expecting a bumper weekend of business.

Their windows, plastic bedding, and crotches all got an extra wipe of a damp cloth in anticipation.

While I am squeezing the last drops of irrelevance out of the wet rag that is our non shagging days into this empty bucket of a post, I might as well mention that last night I experienced a 'first'.

I almost put my foot into a hedgehog.


65 comments:

B said...

Am I first?! Surely not!

B said...

I am!

...now I'll read the post

B said...

An urban hedgehog?

You work in a red light district?

jothemama said...

Ha! People are going to have great fun working out what that means. Figurative or literal??

'Hey, honey, what's a hedgegog slang for?'

Lea said...

Sometimes stress can delay ovulation. I've had months like this where everything is pointing to ovulation, but it doesn't happen. And then a week or so later it does. Could be the stress of the surgery. Hope that helps!

Penelope said...

Oh buggar, I haven't got a clue about basal temperatures, although I could make something up if that helps at all?
How is it possible to step *in* a hedgehog? *On* a hedgehog I can understand...

Mr Lady said...

I think god is fucking with you. He's a jackass like that.

Kori said...

I have spent much of my adult life trying NOT to get pregnant (and you notice I have four children, three of whom are BC babies, so clearly this has not been my most successful endeavor to date), so the whole temperature thing is nothing I can even bluff my way through advising you on. Sorry, as I know you were waiting anxiously for me to lead you in the right direction. So, I don't care about the whole hedgehog thing (Idaho-we see dead animals all the time, though we usually try not to step on them), but what's this about a woman being shot in the head? Yikes!

Jenni said...

so, is a hedgehog the same thing as a groundhog or is it the same thing as a porcupine? I've always wondered.

Tismee2 said...

" I don't beeeeleeeeive it!" Am I really the first person to quote Victor Meldrew here?

XBox you are incorrigible (is that spelt right?) You are getting worserer by the post.

And the test tube 'shape' didn't go unmissed either - tut!

Obsessed I tell you!

iVegasFamily said...

Maybe the heat has become too redundant.

Leslee said...

I'm glad it was almost and not actually put a foot in...

I was hoping to be able to help you by looking back at my temperatures during my lap, and LO AND BEHOLD, I took that month off from temping. If only there was a time machine, I'd go back and stick a thermometer in my mouth.

sky girl said...

I've always found OPKs to be notoriously unreliable. Perhaps she may be anovulatory this cycle due to all the stress and happenings and the HCG just showed a weak spike?

Trust the BBT and not the OPKs.

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

"Their windows, plastic bedding, and crotches all got an extra wipe of a damp cloth in anticipation."

You need some serious, serious help.

anja said...

You almost put your 'what' into the hedgehog? Dude, not a hedgehog.

Putz said...

you are rubbing her out...she is the only thing that makes you two anything at all...oh rubbing up against her....that's ok then...

Ms. Moon said...

I think you are watching the pot too closely there. It can't possibly come to a boil with all the attention it's getting.
And if exploratory surgery won't throw things off, what would?

Ms. Moon said...

P.S. I have NEVER eaten a placenta. Planted a few under trees, though.

People in the Sun said...

"I almost put my foot into a hedgehog." -- This sentence is the reason God invented the word WTF.

Unless you're speaking metaphorically, in which case I've just put my foot into a hedgehog with this comment.

Mike said...

I hope you're not being a noob and using just one, or one type of, thermometer.

I too am thrown off by the hedgehog.

prayingtodarwin said...

Foot in a hedgehog: is that a euphemism for something? A quirky bit of Irish-ness I've never heard? I need closure on this anecdote!

Russ said...

Nice non-sequitur at the end there. Would you believe that those things are pets here? I could trap a squirrel for you to keep as a pet. They are about on the same vermin level.

The Scarlet Tree said...

You need to take the temp the second she wakes! Otherwise it isn't right. It worked for us with our first child, if you conceive on the day of ovulation you are more likely to have a boy, if you conceive a day or two prior you are more likely to have a girl. (That isn't a myth by the way) Also, flaxseed oil helps, you take it as tablets of oil on your toast, and nuts like walnuts. A high estrogen diet. My Spelling is all over the place I know) But, otherwise, try 'The Billings Method' There is a good book on it. Good luck!

James Austin said...

Hmmm....hedgehog huh? You keep us on our toes, so to speak X. You talk like walking around a dead body is a casual thing. You must live in a real nifty place. lol.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hope the heat comes back soon. And I once trod in a dead seagull. I win.

Hockeyman said...

Hedgehog huh? I've heard of humping sheep but never a hedgehog. You crazy Europeans!

Veronica said...

A hedgehog? Sounds extreme!

And I have no idea about temps. Consult Google. Google knows.

Vacant Uterus said...

I got here late so I'm just going to echo what everyone else said and blame it on the surgery. They did a fair bit of messing around in there; I'd say the ovaries are a bit pissed.

Nick McGivney said...

I got the point of the hedgehog straight away.
Sorry. That was unfunny with a silent p.

Missives From Suburbia said...

Stress. Emotional and physical stress. It might be delayed this month or not come at all.

Rikki said...

I am confused. You have dead hookers and woodland animals on the same street? My brain hurts...

Here till the end.

Rikki

Quickroute said...

as long as it was only your foot in the hedgehog and nothing more delicate

amy said...

Ummm...
Dunno. About any of the above.

Anonymous said...

Almost stood on a hedgehog! Well that is OK then.

You could have stood on a rat LMAO. That would be ......

A Free Man said...

Do you have hedgehogs in the Netherregions?

wandermom said...

CLOMID
Just go to your doctor and ask for clomid (or whatever it's called in the Netherlands). You'll be pregnant within a month or two.
At least that's what happened to me - after one 'accidental' pregnancy and then 3 years of waiting and incessantly measuring temperatures.
Not kidding.

womb for improvement said...

No idea about the temperature thing but Lea's theory sounds plausible.

Forget policemen and rubber neckers I heard bumper business time was when the general synod came to town.

My Gran once stepped on a mole. We took it into school for the nature table. Until it smelt, and we were asked to take it home.

Krista said...

Lea pretty much has it in my opinion. You can get to the day of ovulation and if something is uber-stressful (like maybe a surgery) then ovulation can be set back by a week or more. Happened to me this summer on the family vacation. I was in charge. Talk about stressful!
So check again in another week and if she still doesn't then just expect a later than normal period and I would guess this is an anovulatory cycle like someone else said.

River said...

Just write this one off and start again next month.

Jane G said...

I think I remember being told that it's common enough not to ovulate in the month after you've (or she's!)had a lap.

How in God's name did you manage to step on a hedgehog? Ouch!

tiff said...

Wouldn't it hurt if you stood on a hedgehog?

Kelley said...

You getting that desperate that you are sampling the wildlife?

Weirdo.

And where are the pics of the dead woman? Or at least the freshly cleaned prostitutes. I am beginning to wonder if you actually are my freaky neighbour.

Kathryn said...

A real dead woman? Are you sure they just weren't filming for one of these popular crime shows on tv? Eeek!

And what's this about a hedgehog? Poor little bugger - must have gotten lost. I had a co-worker keep one in her apt over the wintertime. Pet project in the true sense.

Timing- throw it out the window. Between her poked at ovaries and being shy and your wild and crazy Spencer-ites...well, I don't think normal timing applies to you two. It didn't apply to me either. I got pg the first time around when I thought it just wasn't possible according to the calendars, etc.

I've also heard good things about Clomid...another poster mentioned it too. Can you guys get ahold of some of that stuff?

AnnD said...

Man...I have no idea about why her BBT wouldn't go up. But, I can only imagine that it must have to do with her recent surgery (quite a blow to the body and it's bound to mess somethin up) and maybe her stress level...have you Googled it?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@B - You are!
More a SUB-urban hedgehog.
Literally, about 50 metres from a 'designated red light area'

@jothemama - Quite literal.

@Lea - That does seem to be the most logical.
We got the OPK positive, but no spike.
Never ever before.
Thanks, thats helpful.

@Penelope - picture a fella in flip flops taking out the wheely bins...shuffling his feet, right up to the arse of a rapidly snuffling retreating hedgehog.

@Mr Lady - I'm begining to think this God fella would be great fun on a night out, but a fucker to work for.

@Kori - It wasn't dead! the hedgehog.
The woman was. Unfortunately.

@Jenni - closer to a porcupine I believe, smaller than a groundhog, & with spikes.

@Tismee2 - I never noticed the THERMOMETER shape...
dirty mind you have.

@iVegasFamily - It's looking like it!

@Leslee - Damn, thats a shame, would have been interesting to see.
We decided to temp anyway, having more info can only help.

@Sky Girl - I'm not 100% confident in them either to be honest.
Problem with the BBT, for any given cycle, you get teh info too late.
Thanks.

@A whole lot of nothing - This coming from a woman who sent her children out trick or treatng with Obama's head on a spike.

@Anja - my 'foot', not my 'footlong'

@Putz - You know it makes sense ;0)

@Ms Moon - The scary thing, I believe you.

@people in the sun - No, quite literally, Darkness, flip flops, and a lost hedgehog combining.

@Mike - Noob eh? what a cheek!
We have two thermometers, just in case.
We use the same make and model to keep results as consistent as possible.
On the days we expected the spike, we tested with the other one, same result, to 2 decimal places!

@Praying to darwin - it really is quite literal. I nealy slid my foot into on.

@Russ - I would believe it for sure. Great pest controllers, eat 200 grams of insects a day!

@The scarlet tree - yes, thats what we have been doing for months.
Boy/Girl? we'd take half and half at this stage.

@James Austin - my current assignment is located in one of the less savoury parts of town.

@Jo Beaufoix - er...charming...

@Hockeyman - All ahead of you guys...socialism!

@Veronica - Google Sux!

@Vacant Uterus - Yes, that does sound like it. Thanks.

@Nick McGivney - Boom Boom. I enjoyed it.

@Missives from suburbia - Oh the irony, we had this month 'off' and now we get a deviation!

@Rikki - not on the same street, dead women & hookers at work, hedgehogs at home.

@Quickroute - and not even that!

@Amy - er..ok!

@Anonymous - Indeed.

@A free man - If we don't, the rats around here are big sex pistols fans.

@Wandermom - er...ok. deep breath.
Firstly - no suggestion to someone TTC should start with the word 'Just...'
Doctors tend to not give out medication here just because you ask for it.
Something to do with them having had the 8 years of qualifications and the patient tending to be desperate.

Thanks.

@womb for improvement - Simply, gross.

@krista - yes that does sound like it. We check daily anyway.

@River - oh, another 'Just...' ;0)
We already have done, but the information is always useful.

@Jane G - It's looking that way alright, would have been handy to know before though. Not on, In, and it was just a close call.

@Tiff - yes!

@Kelley - on a fresh white baguette....yum.

@Kathryn - it's not uncommon to look after a hurt one for the winter. the European Hedgehog is endangered.
Yes I'm sure clomid is great, but the idea isnt to have ET spitting out eggs like grape seeds.
And, it's not like picking up paracetemol.

@AnnD - Google gives too many answers!
But that's looking likely. Disrupted due to the surgery.

bsouth said...

Well, I'm mildly bemused by both your post and the comments. although I'm glad that I now know that stepping in a hedgehog isn't a euphimism (sp?) for something else. So, I can't really think of anything witty or erudite to say, just wanted to comment so you know I'm still here, still hoping for you.

nh said...

I'd go with the stress factor delaying ov - but what do I know, I'm not known for ovulating. But I hope ET is recovering well.

Don't know if I am more worried about the dead women or the hedgehog but it's more amusing than my life at the mo; so keep on feeding us the stories!

Chaos said...

I'm pretty sure I'm confused, it wouldn't be the first time, but you sure do go on some major tangents!

Maggie, Dammit said...

Um... hedgehog??

Christa said...

I have to agree with Lea as well and the one that talked about anovulatory cycle.

My last cycle went 7 days longer then 'normal'. I read somewhere that most woman will have one 1-2 times a year.

Try not to focus to much on where the heat is. Focus on where that Red Headed Slut is so that you can get your next cycle underway.

Momo Fali said...

So, the prostitutes clean up when theirs a murder scene? You paint such a quaint picture. It's like Norman Rockwell over there.

Tismee2 said...

You DID get the joke about Victor Meldrew didn't you? You MUST have seen the episode where he goes out to switch off his car alarm and steps in a dead hedgehog and then says "I don't beeeleeeeive it".

or was it a tumbleweed moment?

Claire said...

Jeez...never a dull moment around your way huh? At least you won't get bored waiting for the next spike! I'm sure it will happen, bound to be just a side effect of them tinkering with her innards. Could work out quite nicely if ov is delayed this month, maybe ET will be up for some humping by then.

April said...

I wish I could say I knew why but as this is only my first (going onto my second) month of temping, I have no idea. I'm still trying to understand all the dips and highs of my chart!

But I agree with some of the PP's that most likely STRESS is the culprit. Good luck!

Dondi Tiples said...

Into a hedgehog? A real one? Not "on a hedgehog" but "into a hedgehog"?!

You're not that desperate are you? Your foot? That's pretty sick.

@;p

amy said...

Tee hee. That's funny. I totally didn't get you, then you totally didn't get me! How symetrical.
Dude, I applaud your response to the clomid comments (no offence to commenters) - it's not something to just go and grab. Some serious risks in taking that stuff.

K8 the Gr8 said...

So did you feel a bit of a prick when you stood on the hedgehog?

Plenty of gore in this here post, I like it. I hope it's only loosely based on reality?!?!

Oh yes, and will you join my army? I appreciate that you're somewhat distracted but you have the makings of a great soldier.

AnnD said...

I'm reminded of a client of mine who had surgery to fix her endometriosis and she was pregnant with a healthy girl less than a month later. She truly believes that the surgery HELPED her in some way....who knows what could happen...

joe said...

don't hedgehogs have quills?

Karen MEG said...

Your randomness is brillers. Poor dead woman, though, that's pretty awful.

Yeah, I'd say it's stress too. Plays havoc with the body. Hope she gets the hots soon...

Sniffle&Cry said...

Would flashing a picture of Obama help at all? If not ET, then the dead women, he can raise the dead I hear. There’s a medical explanation for the not hot thing, you just haven’t bugged them enough to get the answers. I like the beautiful uterus from recent days, makes for interesting introductions “ have you met my beautiful uterus” Good luck to the pair of you and bring on the heat.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@bsouth - Cheers!

@nh - No point in worrying about the dead one, really.

@Chaos - It all fits together!

@Maggie, Dammit - yes, hedgehog, dammit.

@Christa - Oh god yes, bring it on.

@momo fali - it makes the world go round momo!

@Tismee2 - I did, and I did!

@Claire - I was thinking a delay would be handy, but I think it's passed quietly instead.

@April - Stick with it, along with the other info, OPKs and CM etc, you DO build up a good picture after a few months.

@Dondi Tiples - Sick yes, desperate no. ;0)

@Amy - Yes, they are not m&ms. More importantly it wouldn't necessarily address our issues.

@K8 - Boom boom.

Funny thing, there is not exaggeration whatsoever in this post. Bird shot in the head.

Army? Im there!

@AnnD - Thats exactly what we're hoping for, it's relatively common.

@Joe - Just the old fashioned ones, the more modern guys use ballpoints.

@Karen MEG - 'Brillers'! Cheers.

@Sniffle&Cry - Thanks sir, bring it on indeed.

Malky B. said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I agree with everyone - probably stress is delaying ovulation. The hedgehog thing caught my interest. I goggled it - they look like a cross between a mouse and a porcupine. They are not found in the USA either. Learned something new today!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Malky - Oh Okay! that answers a lot, I was wondering what the surprise about the hedgehog was, but if you don't get them in many places that makes sense!

Like a really big mouse, but their spikes are hair, as opposed to the porcupine having quills.

Bluestreak said...

I think you´re right about body temperature speaking Spanish. ¡Ay..QuĂ© frio!!!