Monday, 27 April 2009

Hair raising events

There are dangers in this trying to conceive business that you could never imagine. Potential pitfalls and predicaments lurk around every corner.

Disasters and embarrassments hide everywhere, disguised as innocent moments, incidental happenings, inconspicuous daily events.

They wait for your guard to be lowered, for you to be unaware, and not alert. Then they pounce, leaving you with unfertilised egg on your face. I give you exhibits A, B, C, and even D.

Two years in this game refines your skills, helps you sniff out these pitfalls before they occur, enabling you to side step embarrassment and turn and laugh unscathed in it's face.

What such tulip field of travesty have I tip-toed through this time?

From the top shelf of my bathroom cabinet, I present to you my 5 year old, only once used pot of ridiculously expensive hair styling wax:

From the second shelf, my recently acquired, as of yet unused due to IUI cancellation, semen sample pot:

Danger spotted, and neutralised. You won't get me this time, universe.

You can consider the disaster of me applying my freshly collected semen to my own fringe, or having a confused specialist attempt to inseminate ET with 'American Crew's' finest, averted.

For now.

(Upcoming adventure information on it's way, honest...)


26 comments:

Tanya said...

I feel a bit of 'There's something about Mary' coming on...(except that wasnt actual semen)

Jane G said...

You're in Ireland for a week and you're still not coming to visit me? I officially have the hump now. (Joking!!)

Have you all your answers ready for Pat the Plank?

Veronica said...

Is it possible that the hair wax factory is where sperm samples go to die?

WiseGuy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WiseGuy said...

Yeah...Tanya nailed it....just thought of Cameron Diaz and the spermies wiggling in her hair in the movie...

Gawd!!!!

Hair gel and sperm spew! Life is a jam! Yikesss!

Chronicles of Iarnia? Waiting for that!

G said...

You crack me up.

Crisis averted. Thank God.

:)

Ms. Moon said...

Container confusion. A problem which confronts us all in our daily lives.

Daisy said...

OMG thank god you're on the alert- ET could have ended up conceiving an embryonic boy band member with that wax as the father!

DiaperPin Up Girl said...

WOW I was holding my breath for a moment. I thought for sure you were going to say the disaster wasn't averted.

Nic said...

Lol, you had me laughing so much! Thankfully you spotted the potential disaster!

Russ said...

I too saw the "Mary" reference coming!

NukeDad said...

Yes, by all means, please be careful. The last thing you want is to be strutting down the street with a 2 story sparrow-catcher on your head.

iVegasFamily said...

Actually, that could have been funny.

womb for improvement said...

It's like the clashing of two epic (?) films: Something about ET

And you are a tease about the adventure story ...

Michaelynn said...

In reference to the ABCD, I too had two different shoes once. I carried them into work. They, however were both black and had a similar heel.
I bought a new pair, I must have been richer back then.

Sarah said...

Who actually stores jizz at home anyway?
Crisis? I think not.
Drama queen? Perhaps.
Funny little man? Most definitely.

Deb said...

Wow. That is just... wow.

James said...

I actually have some of that American Crew. At least I think that's what it is. I think I'll toss it. No pun intended.

River said...

Ha Ha that's funny. Just keep on tip-toeing through the tulips. and remember to read the labels before unscrewing the jars.

A Free Man said...

A near Something About Mary miss.

Tismee2 said...

Now of course you will be concentrating so much on not doing it that you will.
...but it might just triger off some rapid response from the consultant!

Dondi Tiples said...

Ewwww. I can just imagine the way your hair smells. Spunky.

Susanica said...

Forming Cream eh? I can totally understand your near confusion as you surveyed your bathroom cabinet. I mean you are trying to form a baby right? ;-) -Monica

B said...

I have to say, actually brining the hairwax into the doctors or whatever would be miles more hilarious than the (also brilliant) Farrelly Bros alternative.

bsouth said...

Thank god, not only do you give good blog but you avert disasters too - go you!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@ALL - I tried to get a 'something about mary' reference in there but my brain stopped working!