Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Pond porn

If we go down in flames this month, even with four hundred eggs rattling around inside ET making her the world's biggest maraca, I think we will have to return to nature.

We can't do it, they can.

We must not be doing it right, they are doing it right. Right now, right outside the window.

There are a few problems to overcome if we follow the amphibious example though.

Will the neighbours object to us coming over all 'Adam n'Eve' in the front garden?

How do we stop the door from slamming shut and locking us out?

How do you get those tiny green leaves out of pubic hair?

Where do we find a third person and how does that work, exactly?



Is that froggy style?

Does that mean frogs have tilted cervices?

Why, if this is technically the shortest two week wait thanks to a whole one hour spared due to daylight saving, is it actually the longest two weeks ever?

Why am I fascinated with frog sex?

Beats 'just relaxing' anyway, I guess.



38 comments:

suzannanana said...

You, are a crazy man, but we are still pulling for you! Babies, or baby is in your future I predict. Close the windows and make your own sweet music..screw the frogs. Best wishes,
Lori in the Tx

River said...

Ummm.........I'd say forget the frogs and stay inside. Do it your way.

frogpondsrock said...

I don't think that I need to say anything at all... :)

Ms. Moon said...

I would sum up the frog's joy with spring mating by saying this: Obviously, they have a different religion.
Take notes, Xbox. Learn their hymns.

WiseGuy said...

Inspiration lies everywhere....If only you could learn to hop XBox...If only!

Sarah said...

Will the neighbors object? Well, I guess that depends on what kind of neighbors you have.

How do we stop the door from slamming shut and locking us out?
You could either take your key with you. Or, you could use something to prop it open. A book maybe?

How do you get those tiny green leaves out of pubic hair?
Ohhhh, you have that? I'd say a little Manscaping is in order then.

Where do we find a third person and how does that work, exactly?
Maybe the third person goes along with your blond wig theory?

Yes its froggy style. And I dont know what their bits look like, but I'm sure you'll find out and share it with us.

I dont know why you're so stuck on frog sex. Its a bit odd. But hey, it takes all kinds right?

And just relaxing is a myth. People that have been TTC for more than 6 months dont remember how to relax.

Fingers crossed that this is the month, and you can stop watching frog porn.

Daisy said...

Frog's porn, whatever next X-Box? Lots of luck with the waiting.

Middle Aged Woman said...

I'd be willing to bet that if you were to Google "pubic hair and duck weed" you would find that somebody has already solved that problem.

geeksinrome said...

I like Top Frog's glazed over eyes. looks a bit like he's had enough shagging every she-frog in the puddle. (feel any kind of kinship, there, mate?)

Kim said...

Pond porn.
I have heard it all now.

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest post yet.

Good luck xbox and ET!

Pond porn indeed!

WhatAboutNovember said...

How many more days?

Christa said...

Yeah, how many more days? I'll be on vacay next week and need to schedule you into my week :)

Maxi Cane said...

Menage a toad.

Nice.

Captain Steve said...

I suggest shaving. Those little leaves seem like the tiny Spaghetti-O o's. I bet they stick to everything.

Bonnie B. said...

If this turns out to be THE month and time, etc. and it's all due to the frogs and the pond porn, you realize you MUST name the kid Kermit, don't you????

Lea said...

Froggy style, hee hee! :) Hey, whatever works!

Kori said...

I think I need to be concerned about the fact htat the forggy threesome was entirely too arousing for me. Excuse me, need to go, um, smoke.

bsouth said...

I think Sarah's comment just about sums up everything that I was going to say except that if you think for a minute we believe that you live in Holland and can't find a third person for sex then you must think we're very silly indeed.

Dora said...

Funny! Hoping hard for you!

Mo and Will said...

Love it! As you know, we've been listening to frog fornification too here stateside. wishing the best for you and ET. hoping that this cycle is IT for you.

Mo

James said...

Wow a frog threesome. This may be an internet first. Nice!

womb for improvement said...

Frog spawn, frog's porn.

Would you adam and eve it, they are simply teasing you.

Love the photos though.

A Free Man said...

Hey you've got to pass the time somehow. If you're into the whole amphibian thing, who am I to judge?

Tismee2 said...

XBox, you may be lacking in some areas but you never cease to amaze me with your wit and humour and knack of posting the craziest of posts.

Now where did that one come from?

Were you meandering your way through some rough wasteland, 'pondering' your situation, when you came across a pond, with tadpoles?? (like I did when out with the dogs the other day?)

Monty's Python said...

At least your photography skills ain't half as bad.

tiff said...

Perhaps you were a frog in a former life?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@suzannanana - Hee hee hee, not so crazy.

@River - That is probably most likely!

@frogpondsrock - That'd be a first.

@Ms. Moon - They have a few creak croaking numbers!

@WiseGuy - Inspiration everywhere indeed!

@Sarah - Simply put, you have too much free time.

@Daisy - heh, cheers.

@Middle Aged Woman - You've noe ensure that those google searches end up here!

@geeksinrome - blood brothers!

@Kim - ;-)

@Anonymous - Surely not! I hope not!

@WhatAboutNovember - In life? lots.

@Christa - i'll be here when you get back.

@Maxi Cane - heh.

@Captain Steve - Hard to shave a frog...oh you mean me...

@Bonnie B. - Gladly!

@Lea - made me chuckle ;-)

@Kori - that, is disgusting.

@bsouth - I think you brits are more inclined for a bit of swinging!

@Dora - Thanks!

@Mo and Will - It's that time of year alright.Thank you.

@James - Frog porn rules!

@womb for improvement - I could send you the other 200 I've taken!

@A Free Man - Free love et al, exactly.

@Tismee2 - Er, no, they are literally outside our window, no meandering needed.

@Monty's Python - Point and shoot. I'm good at that.

@tiff - Apparently, I was a horse thief.

jothemama said...

Heheheheh, frog'sporn. Funny.

I'm hearing the Beatles 'Why don't we do it in the road', but instead, 'Why don't we do it in the pond?'.

Hahahah. Funny.

Healthy froggies (oops, wrote 'friggies') means healthy environment though, right? - they're like the miner's canary, so at least you can rest assured your it's not your surroundings that are causing you trouble.

Right?

nutsinmay said...

There were three in the bed and the little one said, roll over...

It's the being up to your belly-button in mud that does it. That's why so many children are conceived at music festivals.

*Waves fists, one with crossed fingers, the other with thumb up, vaguely in the air*

Ms. Moon said...

I like what Ms. Jo "almost" said. May I suggest an alternative title to your post with that inspiration?
"Friggin' Frogs"
Has a ring to it, doesn't it?

Ave said...

Xbox you and my final exams have my nerves shot! Best of luck to ye this month, I'm checking the site daily in between study breaks and wishing ye all the best.

Widdle Shamrock said...

Go jump in the front pond I say, Frogs are green, you are from the Isle of green, gotta be something in that. 3rd person can take a video and put it on You Tube. Am sure it will be better than Tommy Lee and Pam.

Shanny said...

LMAO at "froggy style"
Thanks for that, I needed a good laugh =)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@jothemama - The miner's canary aspect to frogs is news to me.... should I be worried about the one floating belly-up being feated on by flies?

@nutsinmay - That fist waving thing is hard to do, I tried.

@Ms. Moon - A frigging frog. If I could get a photo of that I'd be in National Geographic.

@Ave - Jaysus, stick to the study! I'll be here long after the exams are done!
Best of luck.

@Widdle Shamrock - You know, somehow, I can't see that happenning

@Shanny - We all do now and again!

jothemama said...

Re dead frog,Xbox, I don't think so. Only if there's lots of them. Maybe he just got shagged to death?

Ms Moon, would you call it 'froggin''?

Though that probably has some other, horrible meaning I am too innocent to be aware of.

Ms. Moon said...

Ms. Jo- did you know that turkeys can shag so much that the female DIES? I live next door to such a male turkey. His name is Mr. Peep and I do not like his big fat killer ass.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Jothemama - Innocent....

@Mrs Moon - Once in a blue moon I get a comment that makes me shake my head. Mr Peep the Turkey lover killer is one of them