Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Ding ding

No rest for the nekkid.

It's already CD07, and in my head some buxom blonde is parading around my ring holding a big number 27 over her head.

Trying to conceive at this stage has turned into a cross between 'cluedo' and dining à la Carte.

Garçon! We shall have some Clomid - but hold the IUI, or it was Doctor Van Nederlander in the stirrups with the spunk-filled syringe?

This time, we've chosen the most traditional of dishes, with only organic produce, and I think we will be committing carnal crimes in the childhood bed. In other words, it's back to the old fashioned way, and we'll be back in Ireland for the pleasure.

We will be missionaries in the most literal sense of the term, spreading seed instead of the word of God, although I'm sure I'll be mentioning his name somewhere in the process.

I'll let you in on a little secret, don't tell anyone... we haven't got a hope in hell of conceiving this month. I know it, ET knows it, the guy painting the white lines on the car park spaces outside my office window knows it.

For some reason I don't really care, it's very freeing being useless, this is real 'expectation management'.

So, come who may, we'll give it our best squirt. Again.


43 comments:

Making Babies said...

Argh, I'm feeling pretty much the same ;-)

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

that buxom blonde must be tiny to be able to circle your ring.

And is it difficult to sit with her wandering around your anus?

tinman18 said...

Good idea, trying the "sneaking up on it by not appearing to be paying attention" approach.

Manuel said...

no, no a waiter will never help you conceive.......far far too selfish

M+B said...

Ooooh yes sneak up on it. Don't underestimate the fertile, magical Ireland. Best of Luck

frogpondsrock said...

No rest for the nekkid indeed..

Angel said...

Do it in your parents' bed. That'll work, I'll bet!

Ms. Moon said...

Do it for loving
Do it for fun
Do it on a mattress
Do it on the run
Do it in the church in a room in the back
Do it in a taxi, a cab or a hack
Do it on the side of a mossy green hill
Do it for the joy, for the danger, the thrill
Do it for fact that you can and you will
Do it for love
Do it for real.

womb for improvement said...

Well if nothing else you have to keep practicing. Keep your (japs)eye in.

WiseGuy said...

LOLOL...this is way beyond performance anxiety....that's for wimps!

Now that I am mentally ready to IVF/ICSI in August, I seem to be accepting it super that the couple of cycles in between are out of habit and not for hobbits!

Have fun...what did you say the buxom blonde was called?

Have real fun!

Happy Not-Expecting-Secretly Expecting-Pinging-Divinity!

Maxi Cane said...

How can you put the words "...parading around my ring..." andexpect me to carry on?

Sake.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Making Babies - Universal!

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - Filth is all that is, filth.

@tinman18 - I did that once and she elbowed me.

@Manuel - I'd definitely tip 15% if you did!

@M+B - 10 bloody times we've been home! and nowt!

@frogpondsrock - Good on a T-shirt eh?

@Angel - Eh, no. Very much no.

@Ms. Moon - Please tell me you didn't just make that up.

@womb for improvement - More filth.

@WiseGuy - Good luck for August, if not before!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Maxi - Trying to lure you out of your hole...

Maxi Cane said...

There you go again

Russ said...

Getting ET knocked up in your childhood bed, that could make for some interesting stories for the little lad/lass!

Edith said...

"So, come who may, we'll give it our best squirt."
Just remember who has to clean the bed!! ;)

I hope you guys will have a good time back home! :)

Ms. Moon said...

Of course I did. Just for you.

iVegasFamily said...

Make it a fun time.

Captain Steve said...

Mwa-ha. "Parading around your ring." Today I'm a juvenile. Hee.

ms. changes pants while driving said...

you're hilarious. like, hilarious. i'm not laughing at you, but with you, right? even though the laughter is a little maniacal and on the verge?

i don't comment often, but i wanted you to know that i'm reading you from california. because i love me like that.

-Yo

James said...

There were a few months where we just threw in the towel because we knew it wasn't going to happen.

Sarah said...

I'm with ya.

J from Ireland said...

Go for it!!!

nutsinmay said...

Well, don't be arsed. God knows you and ET need a break after the Epic Mind-Fuck that the last cycle was.

Best of Irish for the trip home.

jothemama said...

Ms Moon writes adult Dr Seuss!

Amy said...

I'm sure spreading seed is biblical... Parable of the sower?
Perhaps you could continue on your literal sojourn and have (messy) sex on rocky ground, among weeds, somewhere where there're loads of birds and finally on 'good soil'. If the weather's half nice you may even get away with a slight tan!

Lorza said...

Hopefully you will deliver a knock out punch this month regardless. :)
LOL Kelley. That is funny!!

Momisodes said...

Oh my! I can relate on so many levels. I'm here via Rachel (asouthernfairytale).

Monty said...

Agree with Kelley, I do. Spencer's out, Sphincter's in eh?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Maxi Cane - like clockwork

@Russ - Been there, failed.

@Edith - Hmmm, no spillages allowed.

@Ms. Moon - Awwww

@iVegasFamily - Always!

@Captain Steve - great minds think alike...

@ms. changes pants while driving - You are, you are laughing at me, I can see you nopw, sniggering at me.
Oh the cruelty of it all.

@James - This really is one, it's a funny notion I must say.

@Sarah - Here? where?

@J from Ireland - Oh ok! you've twisted my arm!

@nutsinmay - we still will though...it's a drug.

@jothemama - That's kind of creepy.

@Amy - Rocky ground? I don't know if you realise who you are talking to, we are humans, not mountain goats ;-)

@Lorza - Oh don't encourage her.

@Momisodes - Hee hee, welcome!

@Monty - whatever you're into sunshine...

River said...

You may think you don't have a hope in hell, but you've forgotten that miracles do happen. A miracle might just surprise you this time.

Veronica said...

But hey, at least you're getting laid, right?

Tanya said...

Drive out to somewhere secluded and do it in the car like teenagers, try to use a condom and 'accidentally' break it, but still carry on and sneak on home hanging your heads in shame but secretly floating on air. Then 2 weeks later get ET to take a friend into a public toilet with her to take a test...and when its positive work out how your are going to tell your parents. Thats how it usually works isnt it?

bsouth said...

I hope you're not going to be useless, I think ET deserves some pleasure out of this.

WiseGuy said...

LOLOL@bsouth's comment...Not a very polite way of putting it...grinning...

Karen MEG said...

Just have fun, 'kay?

That's what is supposed to be about, well, at least part of the time.

How easy it is to forget.

meabh said...

Enjoy quality sex this month with no expectation. But dont underestimate how obsessed you will still be in the 2ww!! Thats because TTC is a headf*ck and sucks you in everytime.
And hopefully if you do conceive, expect the "see... all you needed to do was relax"!!ARGH!

Bluestreak said...

hump n hump is better than hump n hope.

Susanica said...

I do think you're going to have to come up with some sort of a slogan or a tagline for this whole effort. You know, like the Zen Pizzaria - "Make Me One With Everything."

I'm sure you'll think of something X-box! Have a great time in Ireland! -M

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@River - You're eternal optimism is inspirational!

@Veronica - I should be whisteling monthy python shouldn't I...

@Tanya - You writing scenes for Neighbours?

@bsouth - Heh, sure, that'll happen...

@WiseGuy - heh, less of the ganging up on me now, please & thank you.

@Karen MEG - Fo' Sho'

@meabh - I know we will be countinmg days, watching for sore boobs and pissing all over the place anyway, and that's just me.

@Bluestreak - in the words of a great man, bring it on.

@Susanica - Cheers!

hotmamamia said...

You two are Irish Catholic perhaps?? (You could be Irish Jewish!)...I digress....

Location, location, location...that's what it takes...in the childhood bed, in the bathtub, on the kitchen table, in the backseat of the car, at 30,000 feet in the airplane...more than anything, let Spencer find the location that suits him (little twit with blinders that he is!)

Just enjoy each other...

B said...

Surely we'll give it our best shot would've sufficed?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@hotmamamia - Done, done and done!

@B - where would be the fun in that?