Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Books in her belly

Pregnancy books are full of rubbish.

We have half a dozen of them and check them nine times a day, but they are full of rubbish none the less.

By all accounts, and I would dearly love to know how they know this, if you were to touch the kidlets palms right now, it would close its fingers.

Likewise, a tickle to the soles of its feet would make its toes curl.

Has someone, somewhere found a way to tickle the palms and soles of 13 week old foetuses?

Basically, its all made up to make fools like me buy books. It works a treat mind you.

More irritating than being conned into dropping 20 quid a time to be fed a load of unfounded nonsense, is the fruit comparison of the week. Little Fitz is the size of a peach.

Peaches give me the creeps. Fruit should not be furry. Humans should not be likened to furry fruit. Not to mention that Roald Dahl wrote a book about a boy called James having adventures in a giant peach. That's just creepy.

The idea that my son or daughter is being compared to something furry, supposedly edible, yet large enough to host a mischievous boy is far too psychedelic for me to handle on a Tuesday morning.

Shudder. And breathe.

In better news from the land of useless information, the kids face is looking more human, and its ears are in the 'right place'. I'm not sure where they were hanging out before now, but either way, there'll be no Lord of the Rings cameos for this bundle of joy.

Its kidneys are secreting urine. I'm not even remotely ashamed to say that I find it very amusing to think of the baby piddling all over its mother.

Also, kidlets neck is now strong enough to support head movements. This is very reassuring, because if there is one thing this kid of ours is going to need, it's a tough neck.

Oh, and, thirteen weeks tomorrow. Yikes.


43 comments:

Mick said...

13 weeks!

It says in my book that when you are 13 weeks pregnant (if it's a girl), she already has 2 million eggs in her ovaries. This freaked me out no end.

And it made me think of caviar :-)

Continues good luck...

River said...

Mmmm, home grown peaches..

steph said...

Brill! Brill! Brill!

I dare you to let a week pass without referring to those books once... not even a peep! :-)

Mwa said...

These books are a very useful thing - they keep you from going out of your mind with anticipation. Something about idle hands...

battynurse said...

Think nectarine instead of peach. No fur.

Claire said...

Before long, those books will be telling you that Little Fitz actually IS furry, just like a peach! I'm guessing you've not got to the part about lanugo yet, so I just thought I'd warn you!

Tanya said...

This has been going so quickly!

womb for improvement said...

I'm sure the piddling over Mum will continue for long after it is out of the womb, and you won't escape either.

Jenni said...

nelson feels similarly about peaches. i, however, love them. and i think it is a great comparison - there is something fuzzy and edible about a baby.

michelle said...

You know, Little Fitz is a little fuzzy too, just like that peach.

Ms. Moon said...

As I read this, I was eating my cereal with a nectarine on it. I can't stand peach skin, which reminds me of...baby skin. I cannot bite through anything that reminds me of baby skin.
So there.

Rachel said...

Fuzzy or not, you're going to get peed on at some point. Especially if Little Fitz turns out to be a boy. That fountain goes off without warning, and the aim is astounding.

Erin said...

I'm sure you already know this (what with your hundreds of books) but the baby's piddle is what makes the amniotic fluid that lovely golden color.

Russ said...

TAKE IT BACK! Peaches are great! Not to mention, in season right now.

Nevermind that the MIL likens eating a peach to eating a kitten (both small and furry).

Sarah said...

It always killed me, the food comparisons. I felt guilty eating whichever fruit it was they they used.

Sadia said...

You know that he WILL be furry in utero for a while, right? The fur is actually remarkably like peach fuzz. My daughters were premature and hadn't quite unfurred by the time they were born. They were very peach-fuzzy - the ears especially. :)

Kori said...

Yes, well, Owen is THREE adn he is still a little furry. Considerably larger than a peach, and much more tasty to nibble on
(because the fur on peaches? Makes my teeth hurt), but furry nonetheless.

Misssy M said...

I remember a pregnant friend of mine on having a (small) glass of wine with her dinner and getting a hard time from her mum saying "It's Ok, it's only developing eyelashes today"

That friend was not me.

Penelope said...

Ugh! Put the books down!! They all contradict each other and leave poor parents feeling so bloody terrified!
Look at the little pictures that show Kidlet every week and make the rest up - trust me; that's what works ;o)

Kristin said...

Granted this is 21 weeks, but... http://www.physiciansforlife.org/content/view/258/43/

Glad to hear the pregnancy is going well!

mammydiaries said...

Note to Mick: Ovarian caviar... YUCK!!! I thought that too and after years of therapy forgot about it until you brought it up just now.

13 weeks!!!!! Woo hoo! Way to go. If my book is ever published, I'll send you a copy. I promise you there are no fruit/foetus comparisons:)

AnnB said...

The rule with those books is; buy only one, and only read what's relevant to your current state - most importantly; under no circumstances do you read the labour chapter before you really have to!

Just think though, once kidlet pops out, you've got a whole library of those useless "how to rear a child and still talk to each other" tomes to look forward to!!

RRP said...

Do you think if you birth a kid with an ear on his ass, you can sure the authors of the book?

You know, "you said the ears would be in the right place and they weren't" get them for misrepresentation, fraud etc.

Putz said...

did you know that right now in the sage of fitzzzz's life he is absorbing 67& of heaven's information and 23% of satin's information and that by the 23rd week 99% of heaven's information will be in hers , hisses brain and all ....100% of satan's knowledge...i got that from a pregnacy book when kaen {our premie} was doing her thing in krama's body

Sheila said...

Wow - to be giving out about pregnancy books and thinking of tickling kidlet's furry feet and hands... What a fantastic place for you and ET to be! Imagine the kidlet grabbing your finger for the first time - you will so cry like a girl!

Ash said...

Yeah, just you wait, little Fitz will do more than their fair share of weeing all over you, especially if it's a boy ! This is the voice of "lots of being wee'd on" experience talking - we have 2 boys. They save pooing on you for special occassions, like in the bath.

IrishNYC said...

My new baby girl wee'd all over the hubby and me yesterday. Amusing.

Ave said...

Worse, it's peeing in your wife but it's also drinking the amniotic fluid it pees in! Arggh, recursive! Congratulations on your pee in the pod!

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

you are buying BOOKS?

What is wrong with Dr Google?

memart said...

Oh Buck up! You only have yourself to blame for spending money on useless things especially with internet and libraries (maybe they don't have them there?). I think they must use food because everyone can relate to that somehow. And Ave is right, it's just like the sake drinking eels in japan. The baby drinks and pees, all the same stuff.

hotmamamia said...

Oh, it is going to be really fun when little Fitz gives mummy a great big kick and belts her bladder so she can pee uncontrollably on you! Lilac did that too many times to count on her daddy! ET will need to think about carry some pads with her...it really does happen at times you or she won't believe!

And what about baby NAME books or is Little Fitz it?? SMILE!

Ed said...

Word or warning--the piddling becomes less amusing--unless of course he or she continues to do it all over mom. Then that's funny!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Mick - Oh vomit...

@River - Noooo, furry.

@steph - not a chance!

@Mwa - trust me, my hands aren't idle...sigh.

@battynurse - That i could handle.

@Claire - Gonna have to google....

@Tanya - not fast enough!

@womb for improvement - I can but try...

@Jenni - that's vile.

@michelle - I refuse to accept that.

@Ms. Moon - EXACTLY!

@Rachel - That's probably as good as the aim gets.

@Erin - Charming!

@Russ - MIL needs help...

@Sarah - They should compare with junk food, save the planet.

@Sadia - fuzzy ears?

@Kori - borderline canibalism.

@Misssy M - I believe you. . .

@Penelope - make it up eh?

@Kristin - Thank you!

@mammydiaries - caviar... please stop...

@RRP - sounds fair enough to me!

@Putz - I don't think I've found that book here...

@Sheila - heh, wanna bet?
;-)

@Ash - Charming!

@IrishNYC - Congratulations!!.

@Ave - My stomach is turning....

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - Bite me.

@memart - I could relate to golf ball or tennis ball easier than a kumquat or a mandarin.

@hotmamamia - Name are being a challenge...

@Ed - as long as it stays off me, I'll laugh all day long.

Veronica said...

If it makes you feel better, you could compare it to a nectarine. But you do know that babies are furry? Not that you're going to be eating the baby. Nibbling maybe (definitely) but not eating.

areyoukiddingme said...

Welcome to the 2nd trimester! You should read ahead in your pregnancy books, so you aren't surprised if Little Fitz comes out fuzzy. And you'll know that he/she practices swallowing a bit by drinking amniotic fluid, into which he/she has been piddling. Throw away the books now. Or read them through, so you have 27 weeks to get over the shock.

expatswede said...

Congrats on reaching 13 weeks! My boy was born a little fuzzy and I thought he looked like a hobbit. Still, I totally wanted to nibble him.

Doodaddy said...

I have a friend whose husband burned every single parenting book (no, seriously, midnight bonfire in the fire pit) after coming home to find his pregnant wife sobbing over all the scary things they put in them.

Here's your book: Eat well, sleep well, take prenatal vitamins, keep in close touch with your OB and a couple of sane women who've been pregnant in the not-too-distant past. Period.

Oh, and congratulations!

iamstacey said...

James and the Giant Peach always kinda wierded me out.

Congrats on the 13 weeks!

bsouth said...

I notice lots of people have told you about babies peeing in amniotic fluid and then drinking it. It doesn't stop in the womb. My boy still does it. He pees in the bath then drinks the bath water. Shudder.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Veronica - I dont like the idea of furry.
Can you order a shaved baby?

@areyoukiddingme - Oh wow. Vomit.

@expatswede - a hobbit? Hubby must be a real looker... ;-)

@Doodaddy - I can believe that!
Nice to see you're still around by the way, thanks!

@iamstacey - The whole concept freaks me out.

@bsouth - There goes my dinner...

Tismee2 said...

Now I'm so looking forward to the nappy changing stories - I'm secretly hoping it's a boy because nappy changing a boy is kind of 'special'in a wet kind of way!

A Free Man said...

Yep, they're crap. I started to read one during my partner's first pregnancy and realized quickly that what is going to happen is that in 40 weeks a baby is coming out one way or another. Promptly went back to pleasure reading.

Blues said...

I told you before, but when I get pregnant, I'm not buying any baby books, just referring to your blog to know how things are moving along. And this is the week I'll mark as the creepy fuzzy peach week.