It has obviously come to my attention that today is Thanksgiving.
You may scoff, snort and/or snigger, but it would normally be a real possibility that it would escape my attention.
So as a way of making up for all the previous and future times that I have and will forget the occasion, here's my take on the 3 things that I'm really thankful for...
1 - That I'm a man.
No offence to all you chicketees in the house but in the last 7 months or more I've learned a hell of a lot about what happens to you lot in the name of procreation. We get to play porno king
games and in the worst case scenario all we have to do is knock one out into a piece of tupperware.
On the other hand, those 45 seconds of ecstacy are just the beginning for you ladies. 9 months of physical distortion and hormonal pinball leading to a climax of having your innards vacuumed out of you, all just in time for the depression, sleep depravation and big ears to kick in. I made up the big ears bit, scared some of you didn't I....
So yes, I'm thankful that I'm a man, armed with external reproductive organs and an outstanding ability to do nothing.
2 - That there are women.
On the flip side, I'm not just thankful that I'm a man, but I'm more thankful that there are people out there willing to be women.
Brave, strong, compassionate, and loving in ways, and to lengths I can never fathom. My own mother for example, having had 7 kids ripped out of her, and well into her forties she still managed to look at me in the same way she did with her first child, even when I was at my worst.
Incidentally, 5 of those 8 kids were born at home, and not in the 'ooh I fancy a birthing pool, a decaf late, and a video up on youtube within the hour' way, more in the 'oh shit, the child is coming and I haven't finished milking the cows or even started on that thatched roof way'. Respect.
Then there's my wife, who is braver than she realises, prettier than she realises, more compassionate than I ever imagined and last but by no means least, she lets me do it.
3- That I'm not this person.
Or, to be precise, the person whom this was removed from.
A 4.5kg HAIRBALL. An 18 year old had been eating their own hair for 5 years. It was removed, they were sent to a shrink, and 1 year on no longer eat their own hair but weighs 9kg more.
I think thats reason enough for us all to be thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving to all folk over there.