Saturday 31 May 2008

Guys n' dolls n' dollars

By now, you know how things work here, if not, it goes something like this:
I huff and puff and fail to get the wife knocked up, then I come on here and moan like a big gin soaked tart about it.

Repeat over and over, I get more desperate and idiotic, I fail some more, and moan some more and miraculously, some of you stay interested enough to come back for my next moan.

Anyway, some time ago, a reader, Lyssa mentioned that her work colleagues swore on the effectiveness of a fertility doll they had purchased. Being the open minded free spirit that I am (or desperate internet saddo, whichever you prefer) I decided to buy one.
Order placed and off I trotted happily, that was until a couple of days later when I received an email saying the sellers wouldn't ship outside the US.

'Boo on them' I thought, but never mind, no great loss.

A few weeks back we hit what was probably our lowest point to date.

Then came some pleasant surprises.

The day afterwards I received an email from Lyssa, and out of nowhere she offered to order and ship the fertility doll to us.
If this wasn't enough of a gesture of kindness, she refused to accept repayment of any kind.

Mulling over the offer, we decided we wanted the doll, (any and all help is welcome here, trust me) but we couldn't accept it freely.

We asked Lyssa to nominate a worthy cause of interest to her and we would make the a donation to them on her behalf.

Lyssa wisely chose Wolfson's Children's Hospital in Jacksonville, Florida.

We shook cyber hands on the deal, Lyssa ordered the doll and I set about attempting to donate.

Of course, as with everything else I attempt, it didn't go according to plan, the hospital didn't have an online or credit card donation facility, and cheques haven't existed in this part of the world since Henry VIII paid his last executioner's fee.

So we had an issue. We had the 'will', but no 'way'.

Then I had me a wee idea. Angie of A whole lot of nothing fame, is of course the owner of the Good For The Kids online store. I contacted her, and sounded out the possibility of choosing some of their toy selection that we could have delivered to the hospital.

The uber goodness didn't stop there though, no sir-ee. Angie, probably due to the various medications she was on, decided she would offer a 20% discount on what we ordered for the hospital.

This meant we could order more toys for the amount of the donation.

So thanks to the unsolicited generosity of Lyssa & Angie , the babies at Wolfson's Children's Hospital have already received a really sweet set of 5 WubbNub Soothie pacifiers, ( in Blue & pink ponies, a dog, a penguin & of course, a frog) and ALSO 3 Ty beenie babies (in cat, hamster, and of course, frog!) as seen here on Angie's dirty carpet.

So I can honestly say that these two ladies are very much deserving of a visit and a 'Hello'.
Lyssa writes wonderfully well over at Fusemoms, thoughtful and funny, a delight to read. Angie makes no sense over at A whole lot of nothing (one of the few blogs listed under 'funny' in my blogroll), and flogs her goodies on her recently relaunched online store Good For The Kids.

Lyssa, we both thank you very much for your kind act and generosity, it's worth so much more than dollars. Thank you for choosing the cause you did.

Angie, thank you for adding to Lyssa's generosity and making her donation go further.

Now folks, for the moment you've all been waiting for. I present to you our new Ashanti fertility doll, hand carved in Ghana. Said to induce pregnancy and safe delivery.

Spencer had his chance to shine, but now it's the turn of Ms Ashanti. (Stop sniggering you down the back or you'll get a clip round the ear)

Work your magic, mama, work it. It's threesomes from here on out.


Rachel said...

What wonderful people! The power of the blog connection is undeniable.
Good luck and have fun with your Threesome :-)

Tara R. said...

That is fabulous! What two wonderful ladies. Hope Ashanti can work her love magic on you so we can send you some WubbNub Soothie pacifiers.

Anonymous said...

Good for the kids also gave me a generous donation to my sponsored walk. She's a good egg.

That figure kinda looks a bit like you. Just saying is all.

John Braine said...

I was going to get Fiona an Ashanti fertility penchant at one stage. I think I had trouble finding or ordering them. Was purely for the gesture though. 100% don't believe in anything like that.

Jenni said...

That's so great - you get to help children in need and hopefully get a kid of your own in the process. What could be better?

I find this particularly interesting because I was going to email you this week and offer to ship you MY fertility goddess, which has worked (almost too) well for us. But's it is waaay ugly - gold and pink and looks like Kuato from Total Recall. The one you got makes for much better decoration.

Anonymous said...

What a lovely history for getting the doll. May it continue to bring good things, one in particular, your way!

Anonymous said...

Dude! If that thing works can I borrow it? :P

Anonymous said...

So is this doll going to be watching you all do the nasty now, or what? And congrats on giving to the children.

Putz said...

ug a uggaa bom ba shot, bunk a bunk a longa shot, ofee boffee tofee crid, that chant with the doll is also worth a sho

Anonymous said...

A timely reminder that there are a few good people left in the world. Amazing story.

Good luck with the doll . . .


María said...

That's awesome - good for you guys!

And I'm virtually rubbing the Ashanti for good luck for you guys.

María said...

That's awesome - good for you guys!

And I'm virtually rubbing the Ashanti for good luck for you guys.

Stacy said...

hey it couldn't hurt

Lee said...

Rubbing the virtual Ashanti....heheh.

Good luck!

B said...

All I can think of now is that Cuban fertility statue on Father Ted.

Kori said...

And people say that more bad than good happens in the world...nope, this is proof. And oyu know what? I think I am glad tonight that I am not getting any, because man, I can feel how powerful that is from here. No stopping old spence now!

♥.Trish.♥ Drumboys said...

another astounding story of the bloggy goodness in the world.
Awesome creative thinking outside the square.
Good karma to you all.

Anonymous said...

Yay for the blogosphere..

*waves hello* to Lyssa and Angie

*gives the fertility doll a virtual rub*

xxxx Kim

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Fingers crossed for you guys, as always

Anonymous said...

Is it strange that I rubbed the doll through my computer screen?

People are awesome, Angie and Lyssa especially.

Anonymous said...

Love the doll - hope it works. I fancy one myself now!
Good job donating to the hospital too.
You are a total softy - who knew?

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Well... I've never felt so grateful, yet so, uh, insulted?

DIRTY FLOOR? I wouldn't EAT off it, but DIRTY?

Medications? OK, you got me there.

Make no sense? Yeah, got me there again.

Finally, you give me props and I'm out for the whole day and don't check my feed reader until 18 hours later.

Anyhoo, thanks for the props. (In America, that means 'shout-out' or 'recognition.')

My fold-out couch is ready for you to come visit.

GO VISIT dammit!

Anonymous said...

Nice, very nice, all three of you have done good.
This maybe baby of yours is already someone very special because she is already doing much good in the world.

Anonymous said...

Rubbing the Ashanti. *sniggers*

I think you should leave the rubbing alone and try some old fashioned fu... *sniggers*

Boxboy, just try getting it in the right place. Can't hurt.

Anonymous said...

I'm rubbing for you too!

How about a worldwide rubbing at a specific time (as selected by you and ET and your stick) so that everyone is rubbing at the same time?

Er, by stick I mean the ovulation stick thing.

Martin said...

@Rachel - Yep, two good 'uns. Thanks.

@Tara R - Fingers crossed!

@Dan - Identical, right down to the fat round head and pointy breasts.
Do you mean the Sponsored walk in aid of the Joseph Salmon Trust that people can still read about and donate to HERE!!! ?

@John Braine - I'd be 99.99% not believing in any of it, but it's the possibility, the chance, however small that keeps it open.
Shoving VERY close for you guys now!

@Jenni - Too kind Jenni. Like I said, my old granny always said 'Never give away your luck!'.

@Nola - Yes, a nice story. Not enough of them around these days.

@Tammy - Not that I'm not generous or anything, but you'd have to pry it from my fingers if it worked!
Ah ok, you could give it a rub!

@Shamelessly Sassy - Watching? it's gonna be participating!

@Putz - I tried that, but it just started lashing rain? wrong chant buddy I think.

@tysdaddy - Absolutely. Nice to see now and again. Thanks.

@Immoral Matriarch - mental image of you 'virtually rubbing'...

@Snowmanpoop - Depends how big it is ;0)

@Lee - that gave me a chuckle too...

@B - I'm pulling out the DVDs tonight, long time since I saw that!

@Kori - Cross your legs!

@baby~Amore - Yes. I'm chuffed with the 'goodness'!

@frogpondsrock - That wasn't the doll you just rubbed...

@Hilary - Thank you Missus!

@Veronica - it is NOT a vibrator...

@Suze - That's slander!

@A whole lot of nothing - Seriously, you wanna have a word with that maid...

@Tiff - I love the way you keep saying 'she'.

@Anja - Oh it can hurt, trust me.

@Tismee2 - You're rubbing for us too... there's a thought.
The stick, whichever way you take that, makes most of our decisions these days!

B said...

Graham might still have that statue, ask him in his blog( for it!

Anonymous said...

I'm about as cynical as they come but even my frosty old heart was warmed by your story. Hats off to those two lovely ladies.

Good luck with the doll - I hope it helps.

AnnD said...

I believe that it is this kind of goodness that keeps the world in existence. These kinds of people are the only reason God hasn't said: "Well, this whole earth thing with humans was a BAD idea." I hope to goodness the fertility statue works!! I actually thought about telling you this story but dimissed it because I wasn't sure how kooky you would think it sounded. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law tried for years to have a baby; two failed in-vitros and a miscarriage. Then, my other sister-in-law came across a fertility bracelet and bought it for her on a whim. She got her positive pregnancy test less than a month later, my niece was born in 2003. They are getting ready to have the 4th this month!

Anonymous said...

I love these little random acts of kindness from internet friends. People that I've met through blogging have been kind enough to send us gifts that range from baby clothers to the temporary use of a car.

And I thought the net was populated by phishermen and pedophiles.

Deb said...

Aww... one more reason to love Lyssa. Cracking up at the dirty carpet comment, and that's going to drive me to Angie's blog for sure.

If the fertility doll doesn't work, I have a friend who has proven effective. If you make plans to visit her and go out drinking, it's nearly certain that you'll get knocked up before your trip and be unable to party with her. Her name is Jasmin, and we always say, "Make a date with Jazz and make a date with L&D".

Anonymous said...

There are some generous people out there. :)

Here's hoping your threesome works for you. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh, you have got to love the internet! This is an incredible, frustrating, soul-destroying yet eerily uplifting journey you are on. I'm so glad you're keeping a record of the whole thing. I can't think of one single sarcastic remark!

GoaldeeBug said...

You can't have too much good luck around the place, and you don;t want to be left wondering 'what if'!

If looks are anything to go by, she should work, that's one FREAKY doll! She gives you a little more hope than you had last week, so that's a good thing too, right?

What wonderful ladies! Bless 'em!

Martin said...

@B - wow I can't believe that's his blog! I think I should wait a while before asking him if he still has a prop from the best Irish comedy ever made.

@Bsouth - I'm a cynic too, but maybe, just maybe...

@AnneD - Depending on my mood on any given day, I would dismiss or embrace a story like that. Good for them!

@Chris in happy valley - Yes indeed, it never ceases to surprise me.

@Deb - Send Jasmin our way... and yep, those two are worth visiting.

@Bettina - Cheers!

@Tracey - Try harder, or drink more.

@goaldeebug - too true, you can't have enough luck.

Anonymous said...

Both of these ladies are great people. What a wonderful way to work things out!

"Work your magic, Mama..." I can't stop laughing! You have such a way with words.

Miss Awesome said...

Oh this is so going to work. If for no other reason than the kind hearts of everyone involved (and that includes you mister!).

B said...

best English comedy ever made in Ireland you mean?

Anonymous said...

Hello Xbox4NappyRash,
I've diverted here from Grandad's 'Friend' post (getting hot in there..!)Hope you don't mind but I'd like to er..add my 2 cents worth to you and the Mrs. becoming a threesome. Well I read somewhere once that placing a red light at the foot of the (marital) bed will do the deed a treat! Worth a try? Good Luck!

Captain Steve said...

Good on you for finagling a way around the non-check/debit card issue, but poor Spencer. I still think you need to keep up the pep talks, you wouldn't want to undermine the confidence he's gained by tossing him aside.

Martin said...

@Angel - Pretty impressive yes! as for the words, I gotta wing it!

@Big Momma Pimplishness - I hope you're right & wish I had your certainty.

@B - ah now, the money was English but the writers and actors were Irish, just because RTE were too stupid to know a good thing.

@Geri Atric - Ah good old grandad, he's started a bit of a fuss over there alright.
Living here in Holland I'd be a bit wary about putting a red light anywhere near our bedroom door, you never know who might come in...!

@Captain Steve - 'toss him aside' trust me, Spencer ain't getting 'tossed aside' ;0)

Karen said...

This journal is going to be such a lovely gift for baby Xbox. It has already been one for me, as I am reminded to remain ever grateful for my kids, even when they shit on my floor, which one did just yesterday.

Your family remains in my thoughts and prayers.

Karen MEG said...

A heartwarming post? Here? What? The?

Seriously, these ladies are wonderful, as are you and ET for making that fine donation to the hospital.

Go Ashanti, do your magic.

B said...

It was never offered to RTE!

Dondi Tiples said...

Threesome...whooo! Sounds kinky! Might just work, though.

Martin said...

@Karen - Oh dear, just say it wasn't carpet?


@Karen MEG - I know, I must have been drinking or something.
They are pretty bloody cool, yes.

@B - You sure about that?
That was the common 'story' at the time.
Either way, Irish writers, Irish actors, Irish Location...

@Dondi Tiples - That just it, you NEVER know!

B said...


Actally the indoor scenes were all done in London too.

Lyssa said...

Hey Xbox,
I was away in MA for my Grandma's 94th, so this is the first chance I've had to comment. Thank you for the kind words - I feel like a good-hearted pimp. It warms my heart to know that your donation is making a difference here in Jacksonville (thanks Angie for your generosity). It makes the world seem much smaller and nicer! Like a better place to welcome a wee baby!

Here's to productive boinking!

Martin said...

@B - Don't ruin it for me!

@Lyssa - It's basically all down to you to begin with. So thanks again.

You're a wee diamond.

Momo Fali said...

See that? All that goodness came out of your suffering! You make this Catholic so proud!

justmylife said...

Wonderful friends you have! I came here by way of Angie, so I already know about her and I will go check out Lyssa. Good Luck.

Martin said...

@Momo Fali - 10/10 for that one. Very good.

@justmylife - Indeed, good folk.
Do check out Lyssa. Always a delightful read.

BusyDad said...

They are both awesome people and hilarious to boot. I'm lucky to call them my blog friends as well. I didn't expect a fertility doll to look like that. I had pictured a stuffed happy sperm until I scrolled down.

Jo Beaufoix said...

O love that they did that, and that you did that. And I hope your Ashanti works. And I wasn't laughing at the back, it was a burp ok?

Anonymous said...

That's an amazing story.

Good luck to you!

Martin said...

@BusyDad - I can safely say I had no expectation as to how it would look! a furry sperm hmm?
Must call Disney again.

@Jo - All down to the ladiez....

@Tanya25m - A nice story, yeah. thanks very much.