We would like you to be on the look out for a missing period.
Answers to the names "Aunt Flo", "Red", and "Yokes".
The missing period was expected back home sometime early this week, but as of yet has not turned up.
The last reported sighting was early April 2008.
The uncertainty as to the whereabouts of the missing period is causing great distress to it's owner.
Described as moody and bitchy, with an affinity for chocolate and doritos, the period is similar in appearance to a gaping head wound.
Should you encounter this missing period, do not approach it. It is considered highly dangerous and volatile.
Do not attempt to converse with it, do not attempt to apprehend it, and most certainly do not attempt to send it home, or you'll have me to deal with.
Should you see this missing period please go directly to the appropriate authorities, even though my mind hasn't quite worked out who they should be in this little verbalised meltdown.
As a result, feel free to use your own imagination, as mine, it appears, has broken it's leash.