I was recently asked to write a guest post for someone, someone whose blog is full of fun, swearing, sweet potatoes and genital shaped hair-bands.
I couldn't do it.
I wanted to, but I couldn't get the part of my brain that controls my fingers to combine in unison and even begin to lay down anything worth writing.
How can I not do that, and yet this is the eighteenth cycle I'm writing about?
That's a lot of cycles. Cycle is the perfect word for it, as it simply goes and comes around and around and around and around.
Since I've written everything about that has occurred, my words are also very much on repeat.
Let's be honest, it's not exactly a fascinating story, cycle starts, we wait for the right time, you get a few humping gags, we wait, we bomb out.
Then we start over again.
I simply couldn't keep this up if it were about any other topic, I'd have lost interest, lost enthusiasm, lost the desire.
I haven't. It means too much. That's why it continues.
Every entry is multiple times harder to carve out than those back in the first months. 18 times harder, but I'm still doing it, with greater difficulty, consuming more energy, drawing on resources I didn't know I possessed.
Exactly mirroring what we are doing.
Every word here is so intertwined , so tangled up with what we are try to achieve in reality.
I'm so very proud of this blog now, the effort it's taken, the posts that lie in archive, the silliness, the seriousness, and the entries still to be written.
I'm a million more times prouder of us and what we have achieved, albeit not yet the end result we so badly want, but the effort we have put in, the laughter at flaccid members begging to be let rest, the strain we've come through, and the events we are yet to experience.
Just as we will keep going until we get a different result, I'll keep going until I have a different story to tell.
So, here we go, cycle 18, armed with a monitored cycle behind us, extra charting, and a chat with the specialist to come.
Tired, weary, and older, but not beaten, onwards we go, finding new energy and optimism where we thought there was none.
The words, as hard as they may also be to come by, will follow.