Bed - 7:02am
Dear Ellie,We've left several messages, could you please get back to us as soon as is possible.
Please note that you have previously been warned that you are supposed to inform us if you are going to be away for any extended period.
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Train to work - 8:58am
Hang in there guys.
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My desk - 11:14am
It's come to my attention that the recent enforced suspension of trying to conceive activity on our part makes it somewhat difficult to write anything worthwhile for a trying to conceive blog.
"Never stopped you before" you say? - bite me.
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Staring out the window - 1:09pm
Due to unforeseen circumstances this month, we would like to request your attendance at your earliest convenience.
Your arrival and subsequent departure would be met with gratitude and greatly appreciated
No, it's not a trick.
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Basement level gents bathroom - 3:42pm
Don't go towards the light.
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Bus home - 5:31pm
I can read the message you are typing, you really should be more discreet.
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Bus home - 5:32pm
Change the sheets, you're going to score.
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Bus home - 5:33pm
Your son's skin colour is probably not a throwback, she's not working late, and you may have an STD.
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Couch - 7:19pm
You look positively ravishing in that torn tracksuit pants and top with fresh lasagna stains.
Care to...?
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Bathroom - 9:01pm
Don't you dare.
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Bed - 11:20pm
Help me.
54 comments:
"Dear Erectus Nonclimaxicus, Greek god of enforced abstinence,
Help me."
I think you'd be better off instead worshipping Boxus Kleenex along with a DVD of Sextus Vixen fecit Sextet Novum.
I know way too much about your thought process for a healthy, non-committed, intercontinental platonic relationship.
Please stop the mental imagery.
Love,
Your Whore
why not try having one of those new fangled interior orgasms, tantric ones, Sting style...a rush of pleasure that flows through the body like heroin...??
then thou wilt not spilleth thy seed? Or too much like hard work?
Hilarious post. And if, as a nearly nine months pregnant mother of a 17-month-old, I could even remember sex, I'm sure I'd sympathize. I mean, seriously, are people still doing it?
I don't know geeksinrome, Tubus Soxus is very popular among the teens here.
Xbox, you make me laugh. When you all get pregnant, you will have to publish your memoirs and then retire early.
Poor Texter's husband.
Lucky Textee.
Poor, poor Spencer.
Good lord you are hilarious
I wish I could have teh chance to go home and change MY sheets! Just in case! I really can't top your own words, therefore will stop trying.
It's gonna seem like a long cycle, poor thing. How are those temps coming along?
I'm so amused. How many more days til the Red Menace is supposed to reappear?
Funny post Xbox-
But in the Gents bathroom? You surely could have waited...
Perhaps not.
Hope no-one was looking over your shoulder while YOU were typing. They would be rather concerned for your mental welfare I would think.
So was it the lasagne stains or torn clothing that stirred your loins?
weirdo!
i like your thought process.
let me send you some porn.
texters husband is probably knocking it with the nanny anyway...
@geeksinrome - you kind of scare me with your knowledge of latin based porn.
@A whole lot of nothing - Carpets. Go. Now.
@EmmaK - Can't I just lie back?
@Jenni - show off....
@Russ - retire early, like, before letterman starts?
@gnomespeak - a martyr that boy is.
@Hilary - Oh it's ok for you to laugh over there!
@Kori - you never know!
@Lea - the temps are the same, no spike.
About half a degree (celcius) lower than they should be at this stage of the cycle.
A long cycle indeed.
@Marie - today is CD23, so typically by next Tuesday at the latest.
@James Austin - He didnt go to the light!
@Tismee2 - that would be telling!
@Marissa - homemade?
Um, so it's fine to limit the habits of righty, but lefty has free reign? Separtist!
a textual voyeur now? what next xbox?
Busy day. I'm beginning to become concerned. Lower Gents bathroom? Welcoming the red menace?
Dear Xbox,
Surely it doesn't mean complete cessation of marital relations? I believe they produce very effective one-use forms of contraception nowadays.
Or as our French doctor helpfully informed us "use a sheeeefff"
I had read that the laparoscopy could delay the period. Great. Juuust great.
Hope ETs shows up soon.
You are a worry!
i guess it would be easier to not do your duty and let the hand do the talking..you ought to read justmylife blog she talks about her little missy coming home from school and one of her 13 year old classmates explained the deed this way...holding her hand with the thumb and the first finger making a big 0 and then the first finger of the other hand entering the o...
Computer screen, USA, mouth agape:
Dear Xbox,
I. love. you.
Do you guys use the word "horny" over there in your land?
You define the term. In such a charming way.
You are priceless.
To be able to write pieces like this with such irony/humour etc. on such an important topic for you.
"Dear Erectus Nonclimaxicus, Greek god of enforced abstinence,
Help me."
You are a legend and your children are going to have fantastic parents.
nothing witty to say back.
you are too funny. nearly fell out of my chair laughing.
and you better watch out asking marissa if it'll be homemade ;)
:D You're funny.
This non-shaggy month is good practice for when she's preggers. ;)
I hear that socks are good... no, seriously, this guy I know told me they were ideal for...you know, that kind of self pleasuring.
You will be so glad you have all this written down. One day you'll wrap it up, put a pretty picture on the front and be an other night best seller.
Dude, grab the lube and love it before you go politely insane. It can't hurt.
Hi. I'm leaving you another comment with my snazzy new blog link. *smirk*
-the commenter formerly known as "Marie"
I have to say... I NEED some sex...
happily for me... we have now decided it is time to have another baby!!!
score!!!!
Wanker! ;-)
Dear ET,
You have my sympathies. How you haven't killed him yet is beyond me.
Dear BoxBoy,
Don't tell people to bite you. They will see it as a come on. Trust me. I know this.
Funny man.....you should really think about writing a book. It will be a best seller (in the infertility best seller list)
I'm getting funny looks in my office for sniggering out loud.
Brilliant post!
Snort. Ok, erm think of Margaret Thatcher naked? Or Gordon Brown, or Keuth Chegwin. You know who they are right?
Now that was a funny post. Still is.....
I've come to love the city bus for its voyeuristic potential.
Try to hold in in man! Let all of your soldiers build in their number. All of that humpin' and hopin' has made you an addict I believe! ;O)
Good thing we aren't planning on anymore kids, because I lost one of my "creation orbs" from laughing. Guess you can call me Lefty from now on.
So not only are you all about YOUR meeting in the sheets or suspension of, now your all about OTHERS romps in the unclean sheets. Nice.
@Zoeyjane - It's like my very own proposition 8
@Joe - a channel 5 show about it
@Chaos - You're not the only one!
@Womb4Improvement
- It does when the wife is knackered
@Sarah - It will bugger up our calendar!
@TW - How very British of you!
@Putz - I read that, scary.
@Maggie, Dammit - Mouth Agape? you lot have some funny town names over there.
@Ms Moon - I think it's in our national anthem.
@Widdle Shamrock - A legend eh? must get myself a golden fleece.
@Alicat413 - Why do you think I asked her specifically!
@Amy - Don't say things like that!
@Tiff - Whoever told you that was a damn fool!
@Tara R - "How NOT to start a family"
?
@Anja - The pope would frown.
@WhataboutNovember - Yay!
@UrbanVox - You ARE actually allowed try it other times too!
@Quickroute - If only...
@Kelley - Bite Me.
@Chhandita - That's not a very long list I reckon!
@Jane G - I wish I could understand you people more, I'd be rich.
@Jo Beaufoix - Mmmmm, Maggie in Fishnets...
@River - and now, still?
@A Free Man - The one I get at the moment is horribly suburban, but there is occasionally the odd gem of a creature to observe on it.
@AnnD - That is very true, you become used to the frequency I think.
@NukeDad - It's my plan to sterilise every male reader by Christmas...
@Kittyconcerto - Nice indeed!
Bwuah-ha-ha-ha .... lasagna and a track suit, eh? Hell, whatever works for ya ;)
Wishing for the Red Menace? Wow. I don't think I've EVER done that. Well, not since I was about 20 anyway.
eh... get one of those ball and cup yokes, they'll distract you from anything!
Damn! All the good comments are taken...
So I will just have to leave a mediocre one *sigh*
teehee
xxx
Oh, to just spend a day, hell, an hour in that mind.
The crazy things we'd see.
You take wit, charm and a wee bit of snark to a whole new level.
Man, you are still killing me. Enforced abstinence? Damn, you've got some will power!
Use your left hand. It'll feel like someone else. Especially if you runit under the cold tap first.
I'm sorry. I can't believe I just wrote that.
@Karen MEG - Don't knock it until you've tried it...
@Missives from suburbia - the universe is upside down...
@B - Is that what yer gran used to day?
@Frogpondsrock - you'd think being in Australia you'd get here before everyone else?
@Laskigal - I'd let you in, but I'm afraid the Austrian midgets I have in there would try to escape.
@Melinda Zook - Hi stranger!
@Nutsinmay - you know what, I actually can't believe you've said that either.
Do you kiss your mother with those, er, fingers...no , wait...
E.T. is already wearing Mom outfits, complete with stains. Come on Spencer, get with the program.
Jeez, you are inspiring...I'm not quite solid on all the things you are inspiring me to do, but inspiring, nonetheless...
@Momo Fali - Spencer is a deaf sonofagonad.
@Hotmamamia - Do I dare even venture as to how you were inspired...
hilarious, xbox.
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