Friday 12 December 2008

Subfertile sarcastic Christmas donkeys

Wednesday we were back at the specialist for a post operation check up.

Everything is just dandy! isn't that fantastic?

(Give me a few moments to scrub the oozing sarcasm from my useless torso.)

Apparently, we are subfertile, not infertile, which was positively delightful to learn.

I've started to notice the difference already.

What?...don't tell me you can't see the family simply sprouting up around us as I type these very words!

The previously dangled carrot of an IUI in January or February has been ushered further along ahead of us, the pair of fine subfertile donkeys that we are.

We go back in March now, when we can discuss it. Ironically, the appointment which falls on March 11th, will take place just after the end of cycle 24.

This is of course, the magic two year mark when Dutch medical professionals emerge from their cocoons made from pushed paper and recited statistics, and bloom into magic weaving and baby-dust sprinkling butterflies.

Moving along from one donkey display to another, tell me, what do sensible people do?

What do they do if they've had a lousy week, and are facing into Christmas and the end of another year fruitless and weary, and recoiling from the thought of seasonal festivities?

They stay home, rest and relax, shut the world out, and take refuge as much as is possible, don't they?

Now tell me what do stupid people do?

Stupid people forget that they have a long standing arrangement to go and visit with friends in Dusseldorf this weekend, home to the huge Christmas bloody market.

This evening we will drive with some friends to Dusseldorf, Germany to engage in 'festivities'.

Fake snow, fake Santas, fake chestnuts roasting on fake fires, fake trees, and fake elves.

Fake smiles.

Real alcohol though.


Anonymous said...

You know, I've been reading your blog for a while now and you need to kick some Dutch doctor ass. If they must believe they are gods, these people should know that no self-respecting god would wear Crocs.

Could you perhaps think of a funky construction in which your Dutch insurance could pay for some of your care just across the border in Belgium? All the doctors I know around here think the magic date is more around the one year mark.

Making Babies said...

Thank goodness for real alcohol!!!

Sorry you are being messed around like this. It sucks...... But I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. ;-)

River said...

Small consolation I know, but subfertile is more hopeful than in fertile. There are treatments to improve sperm production and motility, also to increase ET's egg production. Now, if only those doctors would get off their arses and DO something.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe it will be two years in March. I am sure for you it will have felt a lot longer than that, but at least now they can't keep on giving you bullshit reasons for not doing anything...or can they??

Sorry you wont get to chill out like you would like this weekend. Are you still staying in Holland for Xmas?

Anonymous said...

German lager rocks, dude.

Have a good weekend, get some of em fake elfs to maybe sprinkle some fairy dust on Spencer. Tis being the season for miracles, you may as well call for some magic.

Oh wait, the Wizard's in Oz, isn't he?

Goddamn Germans.

Anonymous said...

Grrrr, arrrrrgg!!! (Sounds of frustration at ironically 'impotent' medical system.)
Well, be thankful for the alcohol at least.

Jane G said...

It sucks that they are making you wait until March, but at least (if there's nothing happening by then) then you are past the magic two year mark, so they should run out of excuses for not being more proactive.

Grab yourself some good strong German beer this weekend!

Anonymous said...

Doesn't German beer come in gigantic huge steins?? similar in capacity to a largish bucket??

Anonymous said...

Dude, you better buy me a damn present from those markets for putting up with your whiney arse all year.

You know what I like.

Let ET pick it out.


Ed (zoesdad) said...

Imbibe, my friend. Imbibe.

'Murgdan' said...

Wow. If you hadn't have mentioned the alcohol I'd have said all that fake snow and santa really sounds like a lousy time.

...and WTH? Waiting 2 years before offering treatment?! That's just ridiculous.

I hate when they tell you their 'good' news. They cheerfully told me about my 'great' HSG about 10 minutes after I got the call that my husband didn't have enough sperm to make it to those beautiful tubes anyway. When I didn't shout out with glee they then pressed me with "Hey, this is good news, you should be happy!"


Congrats on the subfertility. (though the whole 'not getting pregnant' thing points slightly more in the infertile direction). Donkeys.

Sarah said...

The alcohol is the most important part!!

Drink up friend.

Hugs for you and ET, my FAVORITE "sub fertile" couple!

Ms. Moon said...

What could it hurt? I thought you Dutch loved the Caribbean?
Worship the fertility goddess and let the warmth of the ocean and the soft, soft air relax all the muscles and the womb and the tubes and forget about the goal and remember the love and believe in magic.
Or else shut your doors, turn up the heat, and turn off the phone and do the same.
I think this is at least as sensible as medical science at this point in time.

Liz said...

Well the good thing about these Christmas markets is that they aren't family friendly. At least you won't be surrounded by beautiful, over-excited wide-eyed children to remind you just what you are missing.

Oh, wait a minute, I think I'm confusing Christmas Markets with porn conventions.

It sucks.

Anonymous said...

I hope you have a nice time traipsing around tasting bratzelwuurten and glubelfroodle and then get stotted off your face with beerundortmundschnitzel before collapsing semi concious into bed with ET for some rumpynookiepumping.

Well you never know - there is obviously ONE decent sperm and egg in there, it's just all a matter of timing!

Chaos said...

Well that totally sucks. Real alcohol is a wonderful thing and you won't even be the only one participating.

WhatAboutNovember said...

Well at least there's that alcohol.

Russ said...

And the real alcohol is all that matters! Maybe you'll run into my parents, they are doing a tour of Christmas markets around Germany. They will be in a tour group of gray hairs (even though he has none).

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Chin up, buttercup! The sun is shining somewhere!

At least enjoy the alcohol...

Momo Fali said...

Well, before I got to the end of the post I was going to suggest vodka. I see there is no need for my idea.

Nick McGivney said...

Ja, what Angie said. Getten Sie bitte total gepisst. Und riden Sie unter das Christmasbaum. Und bringen Sie back ein present fur mich too.

nh said...

Why are you not more excited? being sub-fertile is so much better than been infertile. Oh no, wait - the result is the same. STUPID Doctor!

Hope you have a good weekend, enjoy the alcohol! I shall have that sensible person weekend, and stay in at home and relax - but enjoy!

Seriously - take care. Hope it's not too hard.

Anonymous said...

Your final sentence is all the inspiration you need.

Anonymous said...

MARCH!!?? Um. That's......insane. I'm so sorry. And I'm sure you're just dancing with glee at being named "subfertile" instead of just plain "infertile". How kind of your doc (ass) to point that out, because that of course makes everything better.

I'm sorry your doc's acting like a jerk.

D'ya know the difference between a doctor and God? God doesn't think he's a doctor.....

Y'all enjoy the real-live alcohol!

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

God - you had me worried you'd be drinking fake beer - Happy Fake Xmas!

Tara R. said...

I will raise a glass of un-fake alcohol to you and ET tonight and make my Christmas wish.

Veronica Foale said...

You can drink my share of real alcohol, okay?

Also, is it weird that I thought of a garden full of weeds (the horrid kind) when you mentioned a family sprouting up around you?

Anonymous said...

Forgive this clueless American, but what's a Christmas Market? And do they sell little fertility god idols there that you can use to shove up the doctor's arse in March?

(as always, just trying to help)

Anonymous said...

Oh pet, I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Fucking right real alcohol. Have an Alt beer or ten for me. For some reason, I though you were living the states.

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Drink up my friend. Cheers to looking back and laughing at this whole thing a year from now.

If I haven't said this before, you are the strongest and most deserving person I know.

Have a great trip.

IrishNYC said...

That calls for LOTS of alcohol. That's an extraordinary amount of time to wait.

BABY STEPS said...

You had me at 'real alcohol', I blanked the time could you just put key words at the top of entry to save me scanning through the dribble?.....And you thought you had the gold in sarcasm!

V said...

Dusseldorf??? There's where you went wrong. Get your ass over to Berlin and see me! Plenty of real trees and real alcohol over here!

And I say you sneak back into your docs office, rip out the pages for Jan and Feb in his/her calendar and then say voilá's March!!! Time to rumble!

I Am Emily... said...

Real Alcohol!!!

That is one thing I will not be having this year due to the tiny tenant residing in me.

Both you and ET have some drinks and be as merry as you can while you realize that this time next year she will either look like Mrs Clause, or you will be showing off the new addition to your family.

Heres some Christmas magic for you in hoping that baby Xbox is a reality in the new year.

P.S a friend of mine just found out that she is expecting after 5 years of using NO contraception as she believed she was infertile. (Just some positive thinking, but hopefully it will not take 5 years!)

Anonymous said...

Take lots of drunken photos for us! Oh and try to have a little fun mocking all the fake festivities instead of your gonads this weekend. ;)

Putz said...

don't you think a hot toddy would be sufficient for the task at hand and not straight alcohol????

Anonymous said...

Have a lovely beer and do the lovely deed...MULTIPLE times....I've already sent the fairy dust on its way ...I'm thinking March will find your hotel room is already full.... so no need for those clearly loosely wired 'doctors' (I think you called them?!)

Seriously, just go, let things go, and enjoy each other.

Karen MEG said...

The irony of it all, eh? Well, as someone else said "Sub" is better than "In" fertile. Sorta like when my doctor said to me "too bad you don't have complete obstruction of both of your tubes or IVF would be completely paid for.

The rules just astound.

Go drink your faces off. It'll be good for you. I wish I could join you for the grog.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Getting smashed finally did it for us, but I guess the timing won't be right for you this go around, will it? Just enjoy the spirits.

Dto3 said...

Just got home from some Christmas "festivities" myself. My wife and I are on the wagon until Christmas, trying to lose the pounds we packed on at Thanksgiving. Drunk people are funny when you're sober. And annoying, too.

Maggie, Dammit said...

Thank God for real alcohol.

Jill said...

Next time you decide to drop a few Euros on a trip... come to India where Medical Tourism is big business. You certainly won't have to wait until March...

Martin said...

@Mwa - We 'could' go abroad, but the cost would probably leave us jobless and homeless!
Thanks, and welcome!

@Making Babies - It had come to my attention ;0)

@River - Thing is River, there's nothing that needs improving in that regard. It's just the next step we must wait for.

@sinead - Nothing would really surprise me.
Funny though, in one way the last 2 weeks have seemed like a year but the last 2 years have seem like a few seconds.

@Joe - Dusseldorf's local stuff was not that great, the gluwijn was interesting though.

@amy - It was a small consolation!

@Jane G - True, I suppose.

@frogpondsrock - it certainly can do!

@Kelley - an old boot do ya?

@Ed (zoesdad) - Done. done.

@Murgdan - Yeah a subfertile par-tay!

@Sarah - We are so special...

@Ms. Moon - *cough*...We're. Not. Dutch.....*cough*

@womb for improvement - Was fine until Sunday, then the kids appeared en mass. Fuck Christmas.

@Tismee2 - Ah yes, timing. That old peach.

@Chaos - Much needed indeed.

@WhatAboutNovember - 'at least'...

@Russ - can't say I bumped into them!

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - Oh lord, you're all 'happy'.

@Momo Fali - Great minds....

@Nick McGivney - I'm impressed, I'm fine with Dutch but the German leaves me dumbstruck.
A present? I brought you back my winning smile!

@nh - I can't even be bothered to look up what the official difference is!

@NukeDad - Just about made it manageable.

@jodie38 - March indeed, magic 24 cycles...

@Quickroute - And a happy faux new year to you too!

@Tara R. - plenty of those have been made!

@Veronica - Weeds? you are mocking my family?

@Bonnie B. - A christmas market is, well, a market that sells Christmas stuff! handy crafts, toys, ornaments, food & drinks.

@bsouth - thanks.

@Holemaster - The local stuff was quite poor actually I have to sat.
Was it my accent?

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - Thank you.

@IrishNYC - It seem longer!

@Paint it Black - Cheeky mare.

@Kathryn - Must visit Berlin sometime.

@Tanya - not much of a complaint!

@Monique - What happens in Vegas...

@Putz - nothing has been sufficient Putz...

@hotmamamia - easier said than done.

@Karen MEG - thanks.

@James Austin - a bit too early to matter indeed, but, hey, it's not like we are experts at getting it right.

@Dto3 - Bad time of year to be on the dry!

@Maggie, Dammit - I think it was the Chinese? or was it the Egyptians?

@Jill - Nice idea, but slightly unrealistic.

Anonymous said...

You know we've been going to the hospital for a few years now and the thing that completely annoys me is that they never seem to be clear on when to do something. One day they say this, the next day something else. I think it's because the doctors want to help asap, but when they talk with the management, the rules apply.

I take it that's the price we have to pay for not having to pay for the procedures....
Maybe we can offer them some cash.... ;)

Martin said...

@Edith - You are absolutely correct.

If I wasn't "involved" in this I would think it's a good way to run things, it really is.

It is just going to be hard to accept any decision they make until it results in kids!

I often come out feeling like we've just had to re-tell them our story every time, almost like they totally forgot our previous conversations.

But it IS well run, from an operational point of view

Ms. Moon said...

I am terribly embarrassed. So sorry. My apologies.
Not that there's anything wrong with being Dutch, right?

Martin said...

@Ms. Moon - Dont worry lol
Nothing at all wrong with it!

Anonymous said...

As long as the liquor's real.

Jenni said...

aw, thats a shit diagnosis. thank god for the cathartic effects of alcohol.