Nurse Janneke meant business.
I clearly wasn't going to get any knock-knock jokes from this member of the Dutch medical profession.
"You get undressed in there madam, and the chair over there is for you sir."
Now, ET is shorter than the average Irish woman, and the Dutch are a very tall race. Everything caters for that, including examination chairs. Having to take a wee hop and jump while naked from the waist down, in order to clamber up into the chair, is quite hard to do gracefully.
I sat back and waited for the main event to start. Like a cross between COPS and some night vision badger watch show, the dildo-cam tunneled it's way though the grainy black-and-whiteness towards a blob that Janneke announced was ET's left ovary.
She measured and pointed out a couple of other blobs, which from here on out we'll call follicle number one, and two. Well done left Goldilock!
Off she went, twisting and turning and burrowing in the direction of the right Goldilock in search of a much desired third follicle.
There it was, our third follicle, fat and round. Party time.
We were somewhat less amused to see a fourth. Not to mention a fifth, and a sixth, and oh why the fuck not, a seventh.
With one measuring 12mm, two at 10mm, two at 11mm, and two at 14mm, it was like Noah's ovarian ark.
Janneke and her clip-board refused to be influenced into saying whether this was normal, or how likely it was there would be further growth in all of them or not.
All would be revealed to us by phone later in the afternoon.
So, none the wiser, I gathered myself. My walking follicle farm for a spouse put her pants back on and we left.
Seven hours later, one for every double crossing follicle, the hospital called. Basically, seven are way too many, and also, being suspiciously close in size the probability is that most of them would mature.
Tomorrow morning we go back for another ultrasound to measure their growth again.
Unless there is a real sign that at least 4 of them are not growing at the same rate as the others, the IUI will be canceled.
Do you think there is anything else they could say that would make it any worse right now?
Oh yes there is.
Not that we have to listen, but due to the number, and subsequent risk of multiples, they recommend we use contraception for the rest of the month.
We started today looking forward to an IUI, a real life shot at getting real life pregnant.
We finish today needing condoms.
The best laid plans.